Oral sex is an incredible gift to give to a woman, but if she has some reservations about it, it’s not going to be enjoyable. Here’s how to get over those obstacles.

Sixty-Nine Is Uncomfortable And Awkward

You aren’t alone. Depending on the angle that you two choose to 69 in, it can be pleasurable or a pain. The easiest way to get around this dilemma is to lie down next to each other on your sides, which will help to minimize any issues with height differences or who holds the other person’s weight. But sixty-nine really isn’t the optimal position for oral sex for either partner. Use it as an introduction or during foreplay, but not the main event. It’s just too hard for most women to focus on giving you pleasure and having enough in-their-head time to get to orgasm themselves.

She Says She’s Not in the Mood

It’s pretty common for a woman to feel like she’s being held back from really enjoying herself, especially if she’s being given oral sex by a guy for the first time. To reduce some of the pressure, try turning off the lights or using really low lights (such as candles) to help her feel more sexy and able to let go.

It Takes Her a Long Time To Orgasm So She Chafes

If you know that you’re going to be down there for a long while, avoid the chafing issues (both of her bits and yours) by using some lube. Make it even more pleasurable by trying out different kinds of flavored lubes, but make sure to ask her a few days after if she liked it, because some flavored lubes use so much sugar in them for flavoring that it can affect the delicate balance of her nether regions negatively (meaning: they can give her a yeast infection).

She Won’t Let Me Make Her Orgasm and I’m Getting Frustrated

You want to see this as your partner’s problem, but really, it’s not. This is a communication issue, not one of her not wanting to orgasm under your tender loving care. Think back to what she’s said regarding her orgasms in the past. Does she prefer a certain position, or does she have problems getting to climax with just your tongue? Does she use a vibrator while masturbating on her own? Has anyone ever made her orgasm?

Think about the answers to those questions. If you don’t know, it’s time to ask. Then, it’s time to invest some serious energy into figuring out what the issue is, without pressuring her so much that she’s not interested in being with you anymore.

She Says She’s Never Had an Orgasm With Oral Sex

This is entirely possible. Either she hasn’t been comfortable enough with her other partner(s) to really let go and feel the pleasure they’ve given her, or maybe they just didn’t have the necessary skills to make her climax. Either way, there’s nothing wrong with her. If anything, you want to take her admission as a challenge! Plus, after reading through this entire series and working through all of the steps one by one with your partner, if you really listen to her and her body language, it’s unlikely she’ll ever be able to say again that oral sex doesn’t make her orgasm.

She Doesn’t Want To Wake the Neighbors

There are some women who definitely get loud when they have an orgasm, especially one with g-spot stimulation. If she’s louder than your average gal, or if the walls are especially thin, you have a couple of options:

• Put some music on. Not only will it create a bit of ambiance, but it’ll mask some of the louder sounds your gal might make
• If your bed is the culprit (i.e. squeaky bedsprings) try another position or location to see if it helps with the sound issue;
• Soundproof your room a bit, by either covering the walls with heavy blankets (think of them as mood enhancers), or using old egg cartons covered up by fabric. Both will trap another layer of air and thus, sound leaving you to be louder than normal without too many worries.
• Give your partner something to put her in mouth to muffle her screaming, although make sure that you do this when her arms are free so she can remove it if it happens to cover her nose or mouth in the throes of passion.
• Change locations. Sometimes, there’s no other way than to find somewhere secluded and out of the way to avoid any issues with noise. Just make sure that you won’t be interrupted, and won’t be upsetting anyone nearby before going for it.

She’s Worried She Doesn’t Taste or Smell Right

There are women who normally have a unique smell or taste to them perhaps because of their diet or medications and then there are women who smell, er, not quite right because they have some sort of infection. If your partner is worried that something’s off about her nether regions, take note. She’s aware of her sexual health more than anyone, so she may be telling you that there’s something wrong without actually coming out and saying it.

Then again, many women are worried about how they smell or taste because someone has put it into their head that there’s something wrong with their body, when really they were merely seeing the normal fluctuations in their body chemistry throughout the month. Or, the person giving them oral sex wasn’t familiar with their natural aroma, and made a not-so-positive comment that stuck with her. As an aside, if you remember from earlier in today’s reading, I fell into the latter category because of my first sexual experience, and it took me many years to get over it. Eventually, I learned that how I smelled was normal great even! – but I was self-conscious about oral sex because of that comment for way too long.

So your first task is to find out, gently, which category your gal falls into. Is she worried about infection, had a bad experience, or is merely cautious? The easiest way to find out is to ask, but if that’s too difficult, then try starting your oral sex escapades with a bath or shower. If she’s still smelling or tasting ‘off’, it may be that her cycle is near, or she may have an infection. If you suspect an infection, suggest the two of you go in, together, to get tested for STD’s. That way, if the doctor finds out it’s just a yeast infection, you can both get treated so that you don’t pass it back and forth without killing it altogether.

If she smells amazing to you however, then you can safely assume she’s being self-conscious. So what can you do in this situation?

Tell your partner how much you love the way they smell, taste, feel even when you aren’t in the bedroom. If it makes her feel better, start oral sex off with a bath or shower, or use a flavored or scented dental dam to alleviate her fears. Slowly, she’ll learn that her body is amazing, self-cleaning, and will regulate itself on its own. And hopefully, she’ll learn to love her taste and smell as much as you do so much so that she doesn’t mind kissing you after you’ve gone down on her. If however after a few months of regular input, and trying out some of the suggestions made in the next section, if she’s still worried about her freshness and you aren’t noticing any issues, there may be deeper seated issues that might be better served by the help of a therapist or doctor to work through.

She’s Lonely When I’m Going Down On Her

There’s an inherent disconnect when giving someone oral sex; it’s challenging to make eye contact while buried deep between her legs, and you really need to concentrate on what you’re doing and how she’s reacting to make it all come together. So although it’s intense by definition, some women find that cunnilingus creates an emotional wedge.

When this is a concern, the easiest way to rectify it is to touch her more. Instead of placing yourself right in between her legs, straddle one instead and use it to rub your penis on she’ll quickly feel just how aroused you going down on her makes you. Touch her with your free hand whenever you can. Make eye contact every few licks to see how she’s doing, or take a tiny breather to tell her how amazing she looks.