Love & Sex Answers

Today's #1 Love & Sex Resource

You are here: Home / Archives for Sex & Intimacy

Sex Tips & Advice

Extreme Bondage – 7 Tools That Advanced Players Should Have On Hand

By

Extreme bondage can be fun if you’re really into hardcore sex and kink. For serious fans of kink, chintzy blindfolds and Velcro cuffs just aren’t going to give you the same thrill as something with leather and metal. If you dig the BDSM scene, here are seven must haves for your sultry lair.

A Whip Or Wooden Paddle

Submissive personalities enjoy receiving pain, while dominant personalities enjoy giving it. While couples who dabble in light bondage play rarely go farther than a feather tickler or a light smack on the rear with their hands. However, men and women who enjoy extreme bondage need something with a little more “kick.”

A whip or wooden paddle is a excellent item to have on hand if for more intense pain. A padded paddle will be softer against the skin and is less likely to leave a deep red mark or bruising, while a wooden paddle can easily break the blood vessels in the skin when used for spanking.

Japanese Silk Rope

Restraint is the core of extreme bondage, and serious BDSM fans will have no shortage of cuffs or ties around. However, Japanese silk rope is one of the best forms of restraint around. It is smoother against the skin than traditional rope, and allows people to get into some incredibly artistic positions. While beginners can use Japanese silk rope and have a lot of fun with it, those who enjoy extreme bondage will get a lot more out of it.

A Leash & Collar Set

Domination is a common activity in extreme bondage situations, and nothing makes you feel as dominant – or your partner as submissive – as a leash and collar set. You can have tons of sexy fun leading your partner around on the leash or letting them lead you around. The leash can also come in handy in more kinky domination scenarios.

When purchasing a leash and collar set, choose a collar that both looks good and feels good on, because you may want to wear it awhile. Keep safety factors in mind and never wear a collar that hurts or is made from cheap materials. Your leash should be similar.

A Spreader Bar

Nothing provides the dom a view as good as a spreader bar does, while still keeping the sub restrained. Spreader bars come in many shapes and sizes, and can restrain anything from just the feet to the whole body. Typically, the bar is used to spread the legs wide to expose the penis or vagina, and can definitely add extra excitement to an extreme bondage scenario.

A Hood

Forget blindfolds! Serious BDSM fans will appreciate a hood instead. A hood typically covers the entire face, but may leave the eyes and mouth exposed. In some hoods, only the eyes are exposed and in others, only the mouth is exposed. Your partner will truly feel submissive when you slip the hood over their heads and have them obey your commands.

A hood that covers the mouth should be made from a material that is breathable, or be constructed in a way that allows for easy and comfortable breathing. An extreme bondage scenario can go from fun to bad in a hurry if your partner can’t breathe through their hood.

Nipple Clamps Or Vibrators

Nipple play is a lot of fun during kinky sex, although many beginners don’t use clamps or vibrators much due to the intense pain factor. However, if you’re really into feeling pain mixed with pleasure, nipple clamps or vibrators will definitely do the trick. Some BDSM fans are tempted to use good old fashioned clothespins as clamps, and while the look can definitely be appealing, they’re more dangerous.

Clothespins will easily bruise the nipples and may cause such intense pain that the sub wants to stop. You can have a lot more fun with adjustable clamps, because they allow you to dial up the intensity gradually!

A Suspension Kit

For a dom, there are few things sexier than seeing his or her sub suspended in the air while being restrained. If you’re really into the BDSM scene, a suspension kit is an absolute must have. If you’re short on funds or don’t have the space for a heavy duty suspension kit, you can have just as much fun with a love swing or an over the door model.

Make sure that your suspension kit is built to hold you and your partner’s weight combined, and that it’s made from quality materials that will hold up over time.

Q&A: Her Vagina Smells Bad – What Do I Do?

By

A vagina has a natural scent which some men enjoy and others don’t. Just like male genitals have a scent, so do female genitals. There are many things that could change the natural smell of the vagina and make the odor much stronger or even foul, so what do you do when the smell of her downstairs area becomes too much to handle?

Question: What do I do when her vagina smells really bad? I noticed, but I did not want to say anything. How do I kill that smell in my room, on my bed and on me?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DovZn_FeAo&feature=channel_video_title[/youtube]

Take A Shower Together Before Sex

As part of your foreplay routine, take a shower before sex. Sex in the shower can be super hot, and you can make washing your lover’s vagina part of turning her on. She’ll love the feel of your hands on her clitoris and labia as you soap her up, and she very well may want to do the same to you!

A shower before sex accomplishes two things – you get to wash your partner’s vagina without her really knowing that you’re washing it to get rid of odor (as long as you act like you’re trying to turn her on rather than scrub her clean) and you’re getting her aroused in the process. It’s a win-win situation!

Both Male And Female Genitals Have An Odor

Men may act like going down on a woman that has vaginal odor is the worst thing in the world, but many men forget that their genitals also have an odor. A man’s genitals smell a certain way, even when he is clean. His scent, however, will get stronger and more pungent in between showers and especially if he’s worked outside or engaged in physical activity such as jogging or aerobics.

A woman’s vagina is the same way – her natural smell is going to be less noticeable right after a shower, but it’s still there. It will get stronger as the day goes on, but this doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with her. Women who have more pubic hair will also have a stronger odor, simply because body fluids stick to the hair. Some people find that the scent of their partner’s genitals is arousing, while other people don’t like it at all.

Also, be aware that if you and your partner have sex often without a condom, your seminal fluid is going to be hanging out in her vagina. It’s not going to hurt anything to leave it in there and your partner’s vagina will eventually clean itself out, however, many people find it easier to simply rinse the semen out by douching.

It Could Be An Infection

Women are prone to vaginal infections such as bacterial or yeast infections. A bacterial or yeast infection can cause a woman’s odor to change and become stronger, even with proper genital hygiene. If she washes regularly, or you take a shower before sex and you still notice that your partner’s vagina has a strong odor, she may have an infection.

In this case, you may want to suggest going to the doctor. This can be an awkward conversation, but if you’re genuinely concerned about her and her health and offer to go with her without criticism, she’s not going to be as offended. Do NOT make it about you and how you can’t stand your partner’s vaginal odor. She will likely never have sex with you again!

Not A Chemistry Match

Both men and women release pheromones through their genitals, and different people are attracted to different pheromones. It all has to do with body chemistry – if you find that your partner almost always smells really good down there to you, her body chemistry is likely a great match for you. Alternatively, if you find that she almost always smells really bad to you – even if she has impeccable genital hygiene – she may not be a good chemistry match for you.

Foods That She Eats

You may have heard that eating certain foods will affect the taste of your semen, and the same applies to women. The food she eats will have an impact on her vaginal odor. If she eats a lot of cabbage, garlic, broccoli and onions, her vaginal odor is going to be very pungent. On the other hand, if she’s eating a lot of sweet foods like pineapple and strawberries, her vagina is going to smell sweeter as well.

When To See A Doctor

If you’ve gone through every possible cause of her vaginal odor and you still aren’t able to eliminate it, it may be time to get checked out by the doctor. Other reasons to bring a doctor on board are:

  • Pain while urinating (you or her)
  • Discharge coming from your penis
  • If odor doesn’t go away with hygiene or gets worse
  • Sexual intercourse is painful for her

There’s nothing embarrassing about going to see the doctor – if you’re not comfortable talking with the doctor you currently have about sex or the health of your genitals, find a new one. If your partner isn’t comfortable enough with her doctor to do so, encourage her to find a doctor she is comfortable with.

How To Talk To Her About It

Having to talk to her about her vaginal odor might seem impossible, but if you do it very carefully, it will end well. Some things to keep in mind are:

Don’t Joke About It

Never make jokes about her vaginal odor or make fun of her in any way. Never allow her to overhear you joking about it with your friends, never put it in a text, etc. etc. Guys can often be insensitive, but make sure you’re aware of her feelings the entire time.

Come Off As Concerned

Don’t approach her in a critical way – she’ll instantly get defensive. Instead, make sure she knows you’re concerned about her and her health, not about yourself. If she truly feels as though you care, she’ll be more willing to investigate the problem with you. Offer to go to the doctor with her and be supportive of her as you both try to figure out the root of the problem.

Be Honest With Her

Honesty is important here. While you want to be careful about what you’re saying, lying to her or trying to “sugar coat” the issue isn’t going to get you anywhere. Just be truthful with her in a courteous way.

Why Foreplay Is Critical!

By

Foreplay is a critical first step for women, and men often overlook it. Men tend to approach sex in the wrong way. They think that the harder they penetrate, the harder she’ll orgasm. Unfortunately for women, this doesn’t work. Did you know the best way to make a woman orgasm is to not even put your penis inside her?

That’s right, good old third base is a home run for the ladies. The vagina has very few nerve endings past the opening, and hitting the g-spot through penetration is more about lucking out than mastering technique.

Fingering Her To A Frenzy

The male species often thinks that third base is a means to prepare her for his throbbing member, which is why the women they’re with tend not to respond with the screaming orgasm of which they are capable. If you re-program yourself to thinking about fingering as part of “having sex,” then you’ll be able to satisfy her on new levels. She will certainly thank you for it!

Mental Foreplay First

Before you make the journey into the bush, you have to start with foreplay first. Women don’t have the ability to dive right into sex the way men do. She needs a bit of a build up. This starts from the moment you hope to have sex with her later. Every small touch, glance, and kiss throughout the night draws her closer to you. It will be very difficult to get her started if you’ve been acting like she’s a stranger for the past several hours. She doesn’t have to feel completely in love with you, but she does need to feel some sort of connection.

Making Out

When you’re finally alone, never underestimate the power of a good make out session. Remember when you were a teenager and making out was so much fun? It’s because you didn’t really know what was going to come next. You hadn’t gotten to home base yet, or even third base, so the excitement of possibly getting to see her breasts or touch her vagina was almost too much to bear. Re-create that feeling all over again by not rushing a great make out session. Take your time and make her feel like you’ve got nothing else better to do than kiss her all night long.

Eventually, the make out session will lead to more than just kissing – but don’t try to force it.  Start with gentle kisses that escalate into tongue tangling passion, and her nether regions will be begging for some attention once you get there. Do to her mouth what you plan on doing to her clitoris during oral sex – she’ll get the hint and it will turn her on even more to get a “preview” of what your tongue can do for her.

Fondling Her

In the midst of your good old fashioned make-out, put your hands other places, and I don’t mean breasts alone. You should stroke her back, her sides, her hair, and her breasts. Touch her softly and don’t rush it. Don’t manhandle her or grab her! You should be using your fingers to stroke her in sensitive places like her neck or the crease of her elbow, and you shouldn’t be touching any harder than you would touch the track pad on your laptop.

Once you’ve gotten her turned on enough, play with her nipples for a while, and then move elsewhere. Go back, move away, and repeat. Once you feel her breath quicken and her grip tighten, and you’re sure that she’s ready for you to make the next move, don’t leave her hanging! Get down there and touch away.

Don’t Assault Her

It is best to not go into full on assault mode. If you start fingering her right away before she’s really good and wet, it will hurt. Some women may get wet just from the kissing and touching, but some won’t. Don’t be afraid to have a good lube on hand. A dab of lube or more can make all the difference between pleasure and pain!

Start by massaging the outer parts of her vulva, and her inner thighs. If you just graze the clitoris now and again, it will send shock waves through her body. When it’s time, zero in on the sweet spot, and don’t move until she has had at least one mind-blowing climax. You can also give her oral sex – it’s probably a woman’s favorite way to get off and makes her more prone to having multiple orgasms!

Q&A: Fingering – What To Do When It Hurts

By

Fingering should be pleasurable, not painful! There are lots of things that can cause a woman to feel pain when she’s being fingered, either during masturbation or as part of foreplay with her partner. Here’s what to do when fingering hurts!

Question: Hi Dan and Jennifer – I have a problem! Each time I put my finger into my girlfriend’s vagina, she says that it hurts – but it is only one finger and I want to give her a vaginal orgasm! All along I have been giving her a clitoral orgasm. I have my fingernails cut properly and I think one time I accidentally cut her vaginal wall to a point where it bled a little…does that affect anything? I really need help because I want her to feel good!

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Olk5aB33P0&feature=relmfu[/youtube]

Common Reasons Fingering Can Hurt

There are many reasons that fingering can hurt – and it may be just one reason, or it may be many factors that contribute to pain during this activity.

Lack Of Proper Lubrication

The most common reason that fingering is uncomfortable or painful for a woman is if she’s not lubricated enough down there. Many people assume that if she’s turned on, she’ll be wet enough down there, while other people assume that spit is a good enough lube. If you really want to avoid pain during this activity, you’re going to want to use a good, water based lubricant and plenty of it. The more, the better!

If she’s not lubed up enough before you insert your finger into her vagina, it can be difficult for it to go in, and it can cause a lot of friction against the walls of her vagina. The vaginal tissues are very delicate and can tear or bleed if there’s too much friction without enough lubrication. Lube is inexpensive and can be purchased almost anywhere. There’s no reason not to use it!

Fingernails

If your fingernails aren’t cut or trimmed down well enough, or if you have hangnails, these can cut or tear the vaginal tissues inside. This is painful and may even cause bleeding! Take the time to trim your fingernails and cuticles, or if you don’t know how to do it yourself, man up and go get a manicure! Another option, especially for men who work with their hands and have rough calluses on their fingers, try wearing a condom or latex or vinyl glove when you finger your partner. This makes it go in and out smoothly, and you’re guaranteed not to hurt her.

Yeast Or Bacterial Infections

A lot of people don’t want to think about it, but a woman who experiences pain during fingering or intercourse may have a bacterial or yeast infection. Yeast and bacterial infections are common, and it simply happens when either the pH level in the vagina is out of whack or bacteria is introduced. In fact, you may have given her a bacterial infection if there was dirt and bacteria under your nails the last time you put your fingers in her vagina!

Chemicals On The Skin

It is so, so, so important to wash your hands before touching your partner’s vagina! Even if you’re only touching the clitoris or the labia – make sure your hands are clean first! Chemicals or substances on the hands can cause pain during fingering, especially if you’ve just dug into a basket of hot wings. Don’t assume that just because your hands look clean that they are – wash up with soap and hot water and your lady will thank you tremendously!

She May Not Be Aroused Enough

A woman has to be fully aroused before any down-there action can feel good. If you try fingering before she’s ready, she’s going to tighten her muscles and she’s not going to be relaxed enough for you to get your finger all the way inside. Coupled with not being lubed up enough, this scenario can be disastrous! Spend some time kissing her and engaging in foreplay before you actually make the move to start fingering her. Making sure that she’s aroused and practically begging you to do it will keep it from hurting her as much.

Using Too Many Fingers Too Fast

A lot of guys think that they can start fingering their partner with three fingers – and this is not the case! Starting with too many fingers or pushing too hard or too fast before she’s really ready for that level of action can cause extreme discomfort and pain. Start with one finger and work your way up as she gets more and more aroused.

How To Make Fingering More Pleasurable For Her

There are many ways to make sure that fingering is pleasurable for her. In fact, before you start trying to learn specific techniques to give her an orgasm, check out these basic tips to make sure you’re not hurting her.

  • Go slow and use lots of lube.
  • Start with one finger at a time and slowly work your way up to more if she seems into it.
  • Pay attention to her cues – she will let you know if it’s uncomfortable or not with her body language.
  • Can she finger herself without pain? If not, the issue may be bigger than you.
  • Try fingering in combination with oral sex. Start by licking her clitoris and when she’s aroused, slowly begin to use your finger.

When To Get Her Checked Out

If fingering always hurts, lube stings and she’s not even able to finger herself, there may be something going on down there that needs a doctor’s diagnosis. Infections will cause almost anything to be painful down there, even urination. Communicate with her about what hurts and why it hurts, and if she needs to go to the doctor, offer to go with her without passing judgement. Eliminating all the possible causes of pain during fingering is the best way to get to the root of the problem – and get rid of it!

My Ex Wants A Booty Call! Should I Accept?

By

Sex advice often turns out to be wrong – especially when dealing with an ex. What should you do if your old significant other wants a booty call?

My ex I broke up recently, but he wants to keep hooking up NSA style, until one or both of us lands a new beau. Do you think that’s a good idea?

What She Said:

It depends. Are you still in love with your ex? Are you hoping sex will bring the two of you back together? Or are you surfing familiar terrains until someone new comes along? This is different from a “no strings attached/ just for sex” scenario because you two have a history and emotions are most likely lingering.

Finding Your True Motives

Sex with an ex can be a comforting thing. It can also be a very fun thing! It’s important to be honest with yourself as to why you’re really there (other than the obvious). If you’re hoping to win back your former partner, you need to ask yourself why. The two of you broke up for a reason, so you need to question why you’re going back now. If it’s your lover who’s initiated the physical contact, you need to clarify his or her intentions.

Finding HIS True Motives

Sorry to sound like a stick in the mud – I’m all for sex, whether it be a casual fling or a long lasting connection. The concern, in this instance, is the motivations on both sides. If you’re both clear as to why you’ve decided to hop back in bed, then sex with the ex is a “Yay!” If the lines are blurred and there’s the possibility of more heartbreak on the horizon, I’d advise you to skip it. There are plenty of other people out there, which means there’s no need to live in the past – even if that past involves a booty call.

What He Said:

You two broke up. There was probably a reason, right? What? You didn’t break up with this person because it was the most amazing, positive and life affirming experience of your life? Really? You’re trying to tell me you didn’t break up because it was amazing in and out of the sheets? Wow. Shocker. Please let me pause while I recover from the shock of that infinitely profound and unexpected response.

Wow. So that happened. As I recover the pieces of my freshly blown mind, I’m left with a thought: that relationship probably ended for a reason. Usually, a reason that’s perfectly reasonable, correct and valid (unless of course, you have relationship issues. Whole other column).

Do You Really Want To Get Burned Again?

If it ended for a reason, why would you go back? That’s like burning your hand on an open flame and then getting burned again because you wanted to see if you could put your hand on the flame in a different way without getting burned. It’s a flame. That’s your hand. You will get burned every time. Maybe not in the same way, maybe not to the same degree, but yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus and your ass will get burned every time you put in contact with an open flame.

So should you continue to hook up with someone you broke up with? I’m not sure what Miss Cleo or the Magic 8 ball will say, but I can’t see anything wrong with it, right? I mean what could possibly go wrong when you light a match on a gasoline tanker? Nothing wrong with that scenario!