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Low Sex Drive – How Can A Woman Get Her Libido Back?

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The libido changes in lots of ways throughout life, for both men and women. A low sex drive can mean a lot of things for a woman, especially after giving birth. Here’s how to figure out why she has a low libido and how to revv up your partner’s libido again after the baby is born.

Question: My question is, since my wife gave birth 18 months ago she is never in the mood, EVER. Now I work midnights and take care of the baby during the day to save on daycare costs. During that time at home, I cook, I clean, I do laundry and of course take care of the baby. I do this because I know her job is stressful and she works hard and the last thing she wants to do when she comes home is cook and clean. I thought all of that might help, but it didn’t. How can I help her get her get her libido back??? Thanks for the help!

–YouTube Viewer

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Why A Woman’s Libido Might Change

There are a million different reasons a girl might experience a change in your lover’s libido, whether it’s a decrease or an increase. Usually it boils down to hormones. Throughout a female’s life, the levels of hormones in the body, such as estrogen, differs greatly. She may have a rampant sex drive at a younger age, only to experience a drastic decrease in libido during the aging process and the levels of hormones in the body begin to change. This is especially true right after giving birth. The good majority of the time a female experiences a change in libido, a change in hormones is what is responsible.

Communication Is Key

Make sure that you actually have an open line of communication with your partner about what is going on in your relationship, especially when it comes to sex – or the lack of it. Your partner may have no clue how you feel about the situation if you’re not talking to her – so make sure you’re actually communicating about what is happening.

Physical Reasons A Female’s Sex Drive Can Decrease

If your partner just isn’t feeling good and isn’t feeling like having sex, it may be time to make an appointment with her doctor. There are several purely physical reasons that a girl might experience a decrease in libido, such as:

  • Changes in hormones
  • Having a baby, especially if it was a difficult birth
  • Significant weight gain
  • Taking certain medications, especially anti-depressants and anti-psychotics

Emotional Causes For A Reduced Libido

Aside from physical factors, there are also lots of emotional factors that you need to consider when trying to find the root of a female’s lack of libido.

  • Being tired or exhausted from work or taking care of kids
  • Lack of time together as a couple
  • Lack of emotional connection
  • Lack of confidence and feeling unattractive, especially after having a baby or gaining weight
  • Depression or anxiety

A Word On Postpartum Depression

Postpartum depression is a serious issue that can happen after a girl has a baby, but it can be difficult to spot, since it’s normal for women to feel a little down after giving birth – this is most commonly referred to as the “baby blues.” However, when it becomes serious, it can be dangerous to leave it untreated. If you suspect that your partner may have postpartum depression, don’t judge or criticize. Show your partner love and support, but make sure to see a doctor immediately. Serious postpartum depression can cause a woman to harm herself or the baby, which never ends well. Symptoms of postpartum depression can include:

  • Lower libido than before the baby
  • Loss of appetite
  • Insomnia
  • Intense irritability and anger
  • Overwhelming fatigue
  • Lack of joy in life
  • Feelings of shame, guilt or inadequacy
  • Severe mood swings
  • Difficulty bonding with the baby
  • Withdrawal from family and friends
  • Thoughts of harming herself or the baby

What You Can Do To Fire Up The Libido

If you’ve ruled out some of the more serious reasons that your partner might be experiencing a decrease in libido there are a few things you can do to try to get that spark back into your sex life.

Plan A Date Night

Often, after having a baby, everything becomes all about taking care of the baby. There’s very little time left for you and your partner to actually spend time together away from the baby and reconnect. You need to remember why you’re a couple in the first place! The baby will be just fine with a babysitter or grandma and grandpa while you and your partner go on a date. Stay in touch, but remember that you need to take some time for the two of you.

One of the most important aspects of planning a date night is that a girl doesn’t usually have the opportunity to dress up, do her hair, put on makeup and go somewhere when she’s a full time mother – especially if there’s a full time job involved. Giving your partner the opportunity to feel like a woman again can work wonders!

Romance Your Partner

You may just be missing that element of romance that used to exist in your relationship but doesn’t anymore. Most of a female’s arousal is actually mental, and for a girl to feel sexual, she must be completely relaxed. Draw a nice bubble bath and pour your partner a glass of wine (if the baby isn’t nursing). Give your partner a massage, or buy a gift certificate so she can go get one.

Focus Your Attention On Your Partner

Remember that for a woman to feel important to you and valued by you (which is necessary for a lady to want to be come sexual with you), she has to feel like you’re paying attention to her and value what she has to say. Talk to your partner one on one, with the television off. Ask questions about how she feels and what she thinks, and then actually listen to the answers!

When You Do Have Sex

When you and your partner actually do have sex, it’s very important that you focus on her pleasure – and make sure your lover has an orgasm too! Worship your lover’s body and make her feel sexy in the way you touch and look at her. Give your partner oral sex and let her have an orgasm first, and even more than once if you can!

If She’s Having Trouble Reaching Orgasm

Many women have trouble reaching orgasm, especially after having a baby. After giving birth, things may be a little sore, or may just feel a little different down there. Don’t be afraid to bring in some props like arousal gel or warming lube. Of course, lube is especially crucial for sex after having a baby, because you can really hurt the sensitive tissues down there if the vagina is dry – which is more likely after giving birth.

3 Sex Tips For Men With A Big Penis

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A big penis doesn’t guarantee you’re a sex master. In fact, without good planning and techniques, you can actually hurt your partner with your big penis. Don’t assume that because you’ve got it going on down there that you’re going to be able to rock every woman’s world. Check out these great sex tips for guys who are exceptionally well endowed.

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Focus On Foreplay

Foreplay is probably the number one thing that guys with a big penis forget about. A lot of well endowed men think that just because they are…well, well endowed that they can please their female partners with their penises alone. This couldn’t be farther from the truth! In fact, without enough foreplay to get a woman really wet and aroused, a big penis could definitely hurt her.

To accommodate a large penis, a woman has to be aroused and well lubricated. If she’s not aroused, she’s not only going to be somewhat dry down there, it’s also going to be more difficult for her to stretch to take in every inch of you. A woman’s vagina doubles in length when she is aroused, so it’s extremely important to use foreplay before intercourse to make sure she is ready to take you in.

Take Your Time Teasing Her

Don’t rush through foreplay. Take your time and go slow. Play with her – lick her clitoris or rub it gently with your thumb while kissing her deeply. Then back off and just kiss her neck or breasts. Have fun with it! The point is to get her really turned on and excited for what is to come. You want to get her to the point where she’s practically begging you to enter her – this way, she gasps at your penis size in pleasure, not in pain!

Also, remember to use lots and lots of good, water based lubricant. Even if you’ve gotten her so aroused that she’s practically dripping wet, you still want to make sure that you have lube on hand. If intercourse takes longer than expected or you just want to draw it out and enjoy yourself, things can get pretty dry down there, even if she was soaking wet to start with. Having lube on hand will keep things going smoothly for the duration.

Size Is Not Enough

Most men with a big penis think that they don’t need any technique – that their penis is long enough to reach her g-spot and all he has to do is stick it in. They think that sex tips and techniques are just for guys who don’t have large enough penises to pleasure their partners. This couldn’t be farther than the truth! Whether a man is big or small down there, he still needs to learn techniques to please a woman if he has any hope of giving her an orgasm at all.

Do some research of your own and read up on how women like to be touched. Learn where their hot spots are and how to stimulate them to bring her to climax. You may be able to do this with your penis, or you may want to give her an orgasm through oral sex and then get yours during the actual intercourse.

The point here is that what guys think is good for a woman is probably not even close to what she actually likes. It’s easy to make mistakes and turn a woman off completely – so don’t assume that just because you have a big penis that you have what it takes to make a woman’s wildest dreams come true. Take some time to learn exactly what to do and how to do it – then you’ll have her climbing the walls in ecstasy.

Communicate With Her

Another mistake that a lot of men make – whether they have a big penis or not – is that they fail to communicate with their partners or even pay attention to a woman’s non-verbal cues. They think they’re doing what she likes and keep doing it, all while ignoring her body language and vocal cues that tell you that what you’re doing just isn’t doing it for her.

Talk to your lover and ask her what she likes and what she doesn’t like. She may just be bold enough to tell you. If not, pay attention to her body language when you’re having sex with her. If your big penis is hurting her in any way, she’s likely going to be trying to shy or scoot away from you. If this happens, add lube and switch your technique. Experiment until you find things that work and remember that it’s all about having fun!

6 Ways To Make Male Masturbation Better Than Sex

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Male masturbation can be even better than sex if you do it right. Most guys just take a few minutes out of their day to polish one off, but if you embrace it and enjoy it rather than just try to get it over with, you can give yourself an orgasm that is out of this world. Here’s how to make male masturbation absolutely incredible!

Use Lube!

While male masturbation can be achieved without lube, it’s definitely not the best way to do it. Unfortunately, this is how most guys masturbate. Since they were young, they learned to do it quickly and without using any props that might possibly give them away or be difficult to hide if they got caught. It’s time to shed this learned behavior and start enjoying yourself!

Lube will intensify the sensations you experience during masturbation and make it feel more like sex. Without lube, there is a great deal more friction and the sensations aren’t as pleasurable. An uncircumcised male may notice this less than a circumcised male because they can glide their foreskin up and down the shaft of their penis. Some circumcised men do have enough skin left over after the surgery to do this to an extent, however, the skin is often stretched tight over a circumcised penis. A circumcised man will definitely want to use lube, since they can’t!

Try A Masturbation Sleeve

Male masturbation is easy with your hand, but it’s a lot better with a masturbation sleeve. A masturbation sleeve is a soft, jelly like sex toy that you slip over the penis and use as a “stroker.” They can be made out of a variety of materials, including silicone, Cyberskin and jelly materials, and many of them are textured to feel even better than a real vagina.

With a generous dollop of lube inside the sleeve, you can transform boring masturbation into something that feels totally different – and better – than anything you’ve ever felt before. Experiment with different types of masturbation sleeves to find the best fit for you.

Watch Porn – The Kind You REALLY Like

Almost all guys watch porn – that’s a given. However, there are many men who don’t watch the porn they really like. They may have a secret fetish that they’re embarrassed about, or they may get turned on by things that are considered shameful by many social circles. Therefore, these men don’t watch the porn that would really turn them on – instead, they watch something “conventional” that will get the job done, but nothing more.

If this is you, stop watching mediocre porn and find the stuff that really does it for you. Don’t be embarrassed to watch something that isn’t “traditional.” There are hundreds of different types of interests when it comes to the adult film industry, and you’re not alone. There are a lot of strange things out there, but if what gets you off doesn’t hurt anyone, there’s really nothing wrong with enjoying what you like. Since men are entirely visual creatures when it comes to sex, watching what really gets you hot has the power to increase your pleasure significantly.

Use A Warm Towel

Temperature has a lot to do with how good sex feels. For example, a real vagina is always warm and wet. So why not make male masturbation as warm and wet as you can? If you’ve got a bottle of lube handy, you’ve got the wet part covered. You can make it warm by throwing a damp towel in the microwave for a few seconds, but be careful not to get it too hot. It does, however, cool down quickly so it may take a few tries to get it just the right temperature.

Wrap the warm, damp towel around your penis (which, at this point, should have a lubed up masturbation sleeve on it) and then cover the damp towel with a dry one. You can also warm up the dry one in your clothes dryer if you like.

Go Slow And Take Your Time

For the same reason that men don’t often use lube during male masturbation, they also don’t take their time when they’re doing it. It’s just not how they learned to masturbate. They learned to do it quickly, before anyone could catch them. Make male masturbation feel more like real sex by planning to do it at a time when you are completely alone and you can lock your doors and turn off your phone.

Take your time to enjoy each phase of the process, from arousal to orgasm. Don’t rush through it – you’ll notice that the longer you spend pleasuring yourself, the better it will feel!

Let Your Orgasm Build

Don’t think that orgasm is where you need to be as soon as possible. When you’re having sex, you relish every feeling and sensation, making it last as long as you can. You also try your best to hold out on your own orgasm so your partner can have one or two of her own. Don’t think that this is something that you can only do during sex – you can also do it during male masturbation.

When you feel like you’re close to orgasm, back off a little. Stroke yourself in a different way or back off completely. Wait a few minutes before going back to it. This will not only train you to delay your orgasm so you can have more stamina during sex, it will also make masturbation absolutely explosive when you finally can’t hold out anymore!

Amateur Bondage – 8 Tools That Beginners Should Have On Hand

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Amateur bondage can be incredibly hot when you’ve never done it before. It can bring some much needed spice to the bedroom when you’ve hit a sex rut with your partner, or it can simply be exciting to masturbate in a way that you never have before. Amateur bondage will let you experience all the excitement of being tied up, spanked, tickled and manipulated, without the freakishness that hardcore bondage can have. Check out these ten must have items for beginners.

A Soft Rope Or Silk Restraints

First order of business when it comes to amateur bondage is to get yourself some form of restraints. Restraints are the cornerstone of bondage! You may think you can tie your partner up with just anything you have lying around the house, but think again! If you really want to get a feel for amateur bondage and have the most pleasurable experience possible, you’re going to want to invest in something made for this kind of play.

Japanese bondage rope is great to play with because it is soft and silky, but it will keep someone restrained quite nicely. Other great options for beginners are the Sportsheets Under The Bed Restraint System or fuzzy handcuffs. Just don’t opt for anything like a stockade or metal chastity devices. These are for advanced users only!

A Feather Tickler

Part of the excitement of being tied up is having your partner do things to you that you don’t know are coming or that you can’t do anything to stop. Amateur bondage players don’t necessarily want to whip their partner into submission, so creating different, unexpected sensations is what amateur bondage is all about.

A feather tickler is a perfect item for beginners, because it doesn’t hurt but it will still create incredible sensations on your partner’s skin or genitals – wherever you choose to use it. While your partner is restrained and blindfolded, alternate between lightly spanking them and tickling them with the feather tickler. Your lover won’t know what to expect next and they certainly won’t be in any position to stop you!

A Breathable Gag

Gags are popular in the BDSM community, but many of them can be quite intimidating for beginners. There are, however, a variety of breathable gags that can be used for amateur bondage so you can have the fun of using a gag without the scariness of a gag that doesn’t allow for easy breathing.

While open mouth gags and pony bit gags are more breathable than some of their counterparts, they tend to look pretty frightening, especially if you’re a beginner. A small, soft, breathable ball gag is your best bet. There are even training kits that have a variety of gag sizes so you can start small and work your way up.

A Blindfold

A blindfold is essential during amateur bondage and BDSM play, because sometimes you don’t want your lover to know what you’re doing – or what you’re going to do next. Sometimes, you want to be the one wearing the blindfold! You can use things around the house, such as a silk tie or scarf, but a blindfold purchased from a sex toy store is going to be a lot more comfortable and it’s going to fit a lot better.

When choosing a blindfold, stick to something soft, silky or fur lined. There are lots of blindfolds available on the market, ranging from pink and flirty to entire face masks that look like something out of Hellraiser. Stick to the basic blindfolds at first! They will do their job just as well, without freaking you or your partner out.

A Padded Or Fur Lined Paddle

Experiencing both pain and pleasure is another essential part of amateur bondage and BDSM play. Whether you want to give or receive, mixing pleasure and pain is an incredible experience and it’s part of why BDSM play is so popular! There are lots of devices on the market that will help you introduce pain to your lover, but many of them are just too “out there” for beginners.

Instead, consider getting a padded or fur lined paddle for spanking. Spanking can actually be very pleasurable, and the rear is a great place to direct pain since it doesn’t bruise easily and is well hidden if it does. A padded or fur lined paddle will help the giving partner experience domination, while the receiver gets to experience pain mixed with pleasure without worrying about being seriously hurt in the process.

Various Sex Toys Of Your Choice

Once your partner is all tied up and blindfolded, then what are you going to do? Have some of your favorite sex toys on hand to please your partner with. Having more than one at your disposal is a good idea, because you want to keep them expecting new and different sensations.

A vibrator is a must have for women, because you can experiment with light to firm pleasure – almost to the point where it’s too much – while they’re restrained and unable to see what you’re doing. For men, a masturbation sleeve is a good option. Alternate between the masturbation sleeve and your hand. If they’re into anal penetration, have a butt plug or anal beads with you. As always, don’t forget the lube!

Surgical Scissors

Even though you’re only experimenting with amateur bondage, it’s important that you have items available to remove your partner from their restraints as quickly as possible if something goes wrong. Surgical scissors fit the bill, because they’ll easily cut through just about any type of rope or leather restraints. If you’re using handcuffs, make sure you have the key very close by and an extra hidden elsewhere.

A Safe Word Or Gesture

Never, ever engage in any type of BDSM play or amateur bondage without deciding on a safe word or gesture first. A safe word is something that you say – that is completely unrelated to anything you might or could possibly say during play that when said or heard, all play stops immediately. For example, “purple pony,” “pink tomato” or “umbrella penguin” are all great safe words. You or your partner can use the safe word if things get to be too much, and always, always honor the safe word if your partner says it – even if you aren’t ready to stop playing.

A safe gesture is also a good idea to have, because there are times when a partner is unable to speak – for example, if they are wearing a gag. A gesture can be anything you want, as long as it can be clearly distinguished from any other hand movements a person might make when experiencing pleasure and pain. For example, the middle finger is a pretty good gesture – it’s hard to pull that one off on accident.

Will Friends With Benefits Work?

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Sex can be hard to come by if you’re not in a relationship – so can you be in a “friends with benefits” arrangement? Will it work?

Does a “friends with benefits” arrangement ever work? That is to say, can it stay purely friendly and sexual? I’m thinking of “diving in” with one of my best guy pals. I think we’d be a hot match in bed but I don’t want to lose his friendship.

What She Said:

A “friends with benefits” agreement can work, with some trust and communication. It can definitely provide a fun outlet for sex while you both wait to meet people with whom you’d like to get serious.

Will It Take An Emotional Toll On You?

Hot sex is awesome – and good for you! However, emotional health is an equally important component. If your best guy pal is into taking the leap, make sure to have a talk to set physical and emotional boundaries. What those will be are up to the two of you, but here are a few suggestions.

Practice Safe Sex

Getting sexually involved with someone is always a big deal, even if you plan to keep it casual. Ideally this means getting tested for STD’s before becoming physical, as well as using protection once you embark on this new part of your friendship. You’ll both have to take emotions into account as well. You’ll want to discuss how much you’ll be hanging out, if there will be calls in between, as well as rules for dating other people.

Reserve The Right To Change Your Mind

You’ve said you don’t want to lose his friendship, so be sure you’re clear why you want to turn your connection sexual. If you’re secretly looking to fall in love, this is the wrong way to go about it. How will it feel when one of you meets someone else? If the thought of him with another girl makes you catch your breath, hold off on the casual sex and ask him out on a proper date.

If you’re truly attracted to him with no emotional undertones, you’ve got a clearer situation on your hands. Having sex with someone, especially over a period of time, usually creates emotional attachment. Be aware of this and check in with yourself often. If you feel you’re in the clear emotionally, go have fun!

What He Said:

Sure, it works. For a while. FWB is like a milk carton, it is only good for a while, then it will expire and go bad. You have to throw it out before then. Trouble is, FWB doesn’t have an expiration date clearly posted on it, and a milk carton does. Know that this is for the short term and quit while your ahead.

It Might Get Weird

If you don’t end it early, one of you will develop feelings for the other and thus kill the whole FWB arrangement, and then it will get weird. Or one of you will find a serious relationship partner outside the FWB situation you’ve got and the other will get jealous.

Have An Exit Strategy

You can do this, just not for very long. Have ground rules and a firm exit strategy in place before you enter the bedroom and you should be fine. If you don’t, you’ll pay for it. Sure, it may be an awkward conversation, but well worth it. Sure you can drive your car without insurance, and you might not get in an accident, but what if you do? Do the leg work first. You’ll be glad you did.