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How Much Porn Is Too Much And How Do I Know if I’m Addicted?

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Contrary to popular belief, pornography is actually watched by many people – both men, women and couples.

Watching pornography isn’t something to be ashamed of or embarrassed about because it’s more than likely that the person sitting right next to you watches it to.

That said, is it possible that someone can watch too much pornography or become addicted to it?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hi, I’ve just watched the video about a woman being addicted to pornography and it made me think.

I think it’s fair to say I’m addicted to pornography …  But the twist is that it can’t be because I’m lazy and I don’t even have a sex life.  I don’t have a relationship, and I’m not interested in getting one anytime soon. Is watching porn every other night or so bad?

– Kevin,   California

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W13IgytPqrg[/youtube]

How much porn is too much?

Generally, even watching pornography as often as every other night and in some cases every night isn’t considered “too much.”  That depends, though.  How much is too much?  There are no set “rules” for how often someone has to watch pornography for it to become “unhealthy” or “too much.”  It varies from person to person.  For example, someone who watches pornography every couple of nights but who has always done this and still maintains healthy, loving and sexual relationships in their life has not taken the habit to an unhealthy level.

On the other hand, if someone who rarely watches pornography begins watching every night or every other night and is lacking meaningful, intimate relationships may have an issue that needs to be dealt with.  There is no one way to tell if someone is watching too much pornography – it’s something you have to judge for yourself.

Can pornography be addicting?  Sure – everything can be addicting, especially for someone who has an addictive personality.  That, however, doesn’t mean that if you watch porn often that you are automatically addicted to it.  You have to truly think about whether it’s an actual addiction or not.

Do you think about pornography all the time, even when you’re not watching it?  Do you find that you’re irritable or act differently if you don’t watch it?  Do you reschedule appointments, skip family time or stay at home while your friends are out just so you can watch porn?  If you’re answering “yes” to any of these questions, you might be addicted to it.  If not, then you most likely have nothing to worry about.

If you find that you’d rather watch pornography than have an actual, meaningful and sexual relationship, that’s something you need to really take a look at.  It wouldn’t be the first time someone has used pornography in an attempt to avoid being hurt in a relationship or being taken advantage of.  Let’s face it – watching pornography is a lot faster, takes less effort and ends when you want it to.

Theoretically, it’s the greatest relationship ever.  In reality, if you’re substituting porn for an actual relationship, you end up missing out.  Do you have deep seated issues that keep you from dating or beginning relationships?  If there are psychological reasons that keep you from having relationships, such as childhood abuse or self confidence issues, the best way to work those out is with a therapist.

All in all, the majority of people who watch pornography – even if it’s nightly or every other night – aren’t addicted to it nor do they watch it “too often.”  Does someone who never watches pornography watch it “too little?”  That’s unlikely – so it differs from person to person.  If you’re comfortable watching porn, your relationships aren’t suffering and you’re not showing classic signs of a serious addiction or deeper issues . . . well, sit back, relax and enjoy!

Frustrated Girl – Why Can’t I Have An Orgasm With My Partner?

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So you’re not able to orgasm with your partner – you’re not alone.  That said, it can be more than frustrating and enough to make you swear off sexual activity all together.

Some women are unable to have an orgasm at all, but the vast majority are women that can have an orgasm – by themselves.  What can you do if you’re only able to reach the big “O” when you’re flying solo?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’ve only been  able to orgasm through masturbation while I visualize my private fantasies and feel comfortably alone. My boyfriend and I have been trying to get me to orgasm with oral sex or anything without sex.

Do you have any advice on how to relax and orgasm in the presence of my boyfriend?  Or with my boyfriend doing it to me without having sex?

–Carmen,Arizona

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKOIHfhLODg[/youtube]

Realize there’s an emotional factor

For women, sexual activity – of any kind – is an extremely emotional and private matter.  For you to be able to share your orgasm with your partner, you need to trust your partner and feel completely comfortable in their presence.

Sure, you may feel comfortable naked in their presence, but what about being emotionally naked?  If you trust your partner, you’ll be able to lay out your deepest fantasies and desires without the fear of rejection or shame.  If your foundation of trust isn’t at its strongest, work on that before you worry about having an orgasm with your partner.

Go slow.

You’ve established a trusting, emotional connection with your partner and now you’re ready for more.  It’s time to lay it all out there – what turns you on?  How do you like to be touched?  What feels good to you?  Sharing these things with your partner can help them know what will bring you to orgasm.

Don’t be afraid to guide your partner in the right direction – you know what you want but it’s not going to do anyone any good if you keep it all to yourself.  If you feel ready to take the next step, start slow.  You don’t have to take the plunge all at once.  Go step by step until you’re comfortable with a little more and a little more.

Try mutual masturbation.

Sure, it sounds embarrassing.  Really embarrassing.  It doesn’t have to be, especially if you and your partner are completely comfortable around each other.  Mutual masturbation can help “break the ice” before experiencing an orgasm with your partner.  You’re not on completely foreign territory here – you’re pleasuring yourself with tried and true methods but you can experience an orgasm in the presence of your partner.

You’ll be pleasantly surprised to find out that it’s not as bad as it sounds!  If you’re still a little nervous about masturbating with your partner, try it with the lights completely out.  It may make you feel more comfortable releasing your inhibitions.

Above all, sharing an orgasm with your partner is all about trust.  If you find that you simply cannot experience an orgasm with your partner – even during mutual masturbation – but reaching orgasm by masturbation alone is not a problem, you may have deeper seated trust issues with your partner that you need to work through.

More often than not, however, you’ll find that letting go of your fears and letting your partner in is more emotionally rewarding than frightening.  You and your partner will have a level of intimacy that you never thought possible when you begin experiencing orgasms together.

Is Your Woman Faking Her Orgasms?

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Ever seen a porno film? Of course you have! And did you really think that all those ‘climaxes’ were for REAL? Of course not. Many of them were for REEL.

So how can YOU tell the difference if your woman starts to fake her orgasms with you too?

How to Spot a Fake Orgasm

Many men don’t want to admit it, but just because she ‘screams’ doesn’t mean she’s reached her sexual climax. According to studies, 70% to 75% of women don’t reach an orgasm during sexual intercourse. This means if you’re woman has been shouting, kicking and screaming all the time, there’s a 70% to 75% chance she’ been faking an orgasm with you!

Here are some tips to tell if she is ‘faking it’.

She’s too loud

Is she too ‘loud’? Thanks to adult or x-rated movies, we now have this image that if a woman is ‘cumming’ she should be shouting from the top of her lungs (can’t contain the sexual pleasure you know).

Again, this is really just all for ‘show’. Most women who DO experience orgasms say that they are actually not noisy at all. They would rather ‘feel’ the intenseness of cumming rather than to drown it with their own loud voices.

Body language

How is her body reacting? Your woman may be shouting till your neighbors hear her, but is her body displaying the same intense emotions? Her body is not THAT different from yours when YOU reach your climax. As such, her body should also be ‘contracting’ like yours.

For instance, her anus and vagina should be clenching or contracting when she reaches an orgasm. If you’re having sexual intercourse and she’s indicating that she’s cumming, check if you feel a certain ‘tightness’ around your penis.

Why? Because during a real orgasm, a woman’s vagina should be clenching strongly at around 1 contraction every 0.8 seconds. And ‘faking’ this pace is quite difficult to master.

Also, check her skin, is she flushed from all that release of sexual tension? If not, she may be faking it.

How about her eyes? Are her pupils a bit dilated and have that certain glassy sheen? If not and her face registers a ‘blank’, then she’ probably just faked an orgasm.

Do I really want to know?

You may be wondering why you would want to know if she’s faking her orgasms anyway, right? Well, let’s put it this way. Would YOU be interested in sex if you never reached an orgasm? Probably not! What does that spell for your relationship in the future?

So knowing if she’s faking it will enable you to take the necessary steps to make making love better for her. And as you know a sexually satisfied woman, can be verrrrry grateful in bed.

It’s a win-win situation!

Stop Letting Erectile Dysfunction Get You Down

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There’s no shortage of TV commercials and bulk email every day talking about male impotence, or erectile dysfunction. But what really causes this problem? And what can you do about it?

According to WebMD, erectile dysfunction affects an estimated 18 million men in the US alone. Wow! And that’s just the number that admits having the problem. Imagine how many guys aren’t exactly willing to admit they can’t “get it up” to someone who calls to do a survey. After all, it’s not usually the favorite party conversation topic.

So what exactly IS erectile dysfunction?pre

Erectile dysfunction (ED or (male) impotence) is a sexual dysfunction characterized by the inability to develop or maintain an erection of the penis.  — Wikipedia

What are the most common causes of erectile dysfunction?

What most people don’t realize is that erectile dysfunction is not necessarily just a simple physical problem.

And guess what – maybe it’s not even a “medical” problem! If you eat unhealthy foods, never exercise, or live every day in an unhappy and stressful relationship, while going to a job you hate, then you’re very unlikely to have the multi hour erections you used to have back in your college days.

The real cause could be physical, psychological, emotional, or even related to your lifestyle. What’s worse, any one underlying issue (even a lifestyle issue) can trigger physical problems, which in turn can cause erectile dysfunction – or many other health problems. For example, a significant amount of stress in your everyday life can leave you open and susceptible to all kinds of illnesses, which in turn can trigger other problems.

At times even a combination of issues can cause ED, making it more difficult to diagnose the real source of the problem.

Most common physical causes of erectile dysfunction, according to the Mayo Clinic:

  • Heart disease
  • Clogged blood vessels (atherosclerosis)
  • High blood pressure
  • Diabetes
  • Obesity
  • Metabolic syndrome

Other causes of erectile dysfunction include:

  • Certain prescription medications
  • Tobacco use
  • Alcoholism and other forms of drug abuse
  • Treatments for prostate cancer
  • Parkinson’s disease
  • Multiple sclerosis
  • Hormonal disorders such as low testosterone (hypogonadism)
  • Peyronie’s disease
  • Surgeries or injuries that affect the pelvic area or spinal cord

Psychological and emotional issues can also lead to erectile dysfunction

Feeling of strong sexual excitement, or a strong sex drive, are not completely depending on physical factors. Depression, anxiety, fatigue, and most importantly – stress – can disrupt these feelings and lead to what is called erectile dysfunction.

In this case it certainly wouldn’t be a physical problem, so beware of treating it the same way. Again, it’s important to identify the core underlying issue and treat it.

What can you really do about erectile dysfunction?

The most important first step for you to take is to consult your doctor, and correctly diagnose your problem. With all the TV ads advertising the blue pill, the purple pill, and all kinds of other well marketed pills, it’s hard to know what you’re actually fixing (or breaking).

All that having been said, once you’re well informed and have an informed medical opinion as to the cause of your impotence, it’s time to do some serious research and figure out what you should do about it.

Medical treatments for erectile dysfunction

Our society demands instant cures for everything, so doctors are often prescribing pills to quickly cure whatever symptom we’re all complaining about.

For male impotence, the more frequently prescribed treatments are medicates like Viagra and Cialis.

Consider natural alternatives

In addition to medications, there are various natural and herbal supplements for treating (or reversing) impotence, such as Herbal Viagra.

Keep an open mind to natural and alternative approaches. For example, if your problem is ultimately caused by an ongoing stressful situation in your everyday life, then maybe it’s to your advantage to ease that stress. Sure some supplements, better diet, and possibly even ED medication (whether prescription or herbal) might also help, but in the long run, deal with the real issue.

We’re certainly believe it’s important to visit your doctor and get an informed medical opinion of your situation first. But then, be smart and take the time to research and fully understand your options. Don’t just blindly follow what one person tells you, even if you paid a lot of money for that office visit. Just remember, that one person may also be blindly following what someone else told him!

Modern medicine has done wonders for our society, and it’s great at fixing injuries, traumas, and various other accidental issues. But its track record for actually ‘curing’  some more common health problems is not impressive. Case in point, the medical industry doesn’t talk in terms of “fixing” or “healing” problems, instead they talk about “pain management”, “symptom management”, and such.

You want resolution, not a “management plan”!

Consider life changes for your health

Once you have identified what situation in your life may be contributing to impotence, take steps to correct them!

Deal with that situation that’s irritating you or giving you an excuse to be miserable. And if your relationship isn’t “what it could be”, do something about it. Go see a therapist (together with your spouse – solo counseling usually results in ending up solo).

If your sex life isn’t “what it could be”, then fix it. There’s no good excuse for a miserable sex life. Take steps to rekindle the romance, and spice up your sex life. Talk to your spouse about your intentions, and see what you can come up with together to reinvigorate the magic. It CAN be done, but you have to REALLY want it and make a commitment to it.

Of course it’s never a bad time to start an exercise program (one that your doctor would approve of), or to start eating healthier.

And back to alternative solutions, massage and meditation have been shown to dramatically reduce stress and help you increase your quality of life.

Hey, Are You Guys Swingers?

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We have heard so many stories about couples that were confronted or “outed” by friends, family or co-workers about their “lifestyle” and they simply didn’t know what to say. Caught off guard, they stumbled, mumbled and bumbled through their explanation, leaving little or no doubt that they were indeed “Swingers”.

“If my (mother, boss, kids, etc…) knew what we do… they’d disown us! It would be a disaster!”

We have heard it 1,000 times. Interestingly, in most instances the opposite is the case. A countless number of couples have told us that when their family and friends did find out, things actually got better, not worse.

Coming Clean

In our case, Tess thought her conservative family would freak out if they discovered our personal lives (and our lifestyle related business!). Then, one New Year’s Day, we awoke to a phone call from her mom. Still groggy, Tess stepped over several of our naked friends, still sleeping from the house party the night before, and answered the phone.

After a quick “Happy New Year!”, her mom got right to the point – “Do you throw sex parties?” Stunned, Tess sunk into a chair and started to explain our “lifestyle” convention business and the rest of our “lifestyle” in more depth. Her mom didn’t say much and only asked a few questions, allowing Tess to fully explain, that morning, the secret part of our lives we had been living over the past 13 years.

…her mom got right to the point –
“Do you throw sex parties?”

When she thought she was finished, she braced for the onslaught she always knew would come her way, if or when her family found out. After a brief (but excruciating) moment of silence, her mom finally said, “Now everything makes sense.”

Apparently her mom had held a grudge for years, because she’d hear we were going to Jamaica, Mexico, Las Vegas, Miami, Chicago, Toronto, etc… She couldn’t figure out why we didn’t have more time to visit her while having plenty of time to vacation all around the world. Once she found out that these trips were actually business trips, she was more understanding. As a result, Tess and her mom grew closer.

I attribute a lot of that to simple communication. Once that weight was lifted from Tess’ shoulders, she and her mom talked a lot more often, and openly. We ended up visiting her more frequently. Her mom still doesn’t really understand why we would be interested in a “lifestyle” like ours, but I can tell you that she respects us both more now than before our secret came out.

More People Should Be Open

I wish more people could be open about their lifestyle choices and be accepted for who they are. I think many people are more accepting than we give them credit for. I think that many of our friends would accept us if they knew more about our lifestyle and I think some might even join us at a party or look into it themselves.

I’m not naive enough to think that every swinger would experience the same reaction from their family, friends or co-workers. I know some couples who have had their families petition courts for child custody, who have lost their jobs or, in extreme cases, have had criminal charges filed against them. It isn’t always rosy out there in the real world.

So what do you do when you think that someone would create a problem for you if they found out? You have to be prepared with your answers before you are confronted. What if you go to a swing club one weekend with your partner and then on Monday someone asks you both, “So what did you two do this weekend?” One of you blurts our “We went skiing” while the other one simultaneously says “We stayed home all weekend”… Busted!

The Swinger’s Alibi

You have to get your stories together before getting into that compromising situation. If you spent a week at Hedonism III Resort in Jamaica, you could jump out of the bus at Breezes for a few minutes to snap some pictures that you can show to your friends and family when you get home. You could buy a couple of postcards or T-shirts in the gift shop. Make sure you get a brochure so you can at least familiarize yourself with the photos of the property.

Better yet, tell them you bought the Superclubs “Superselect” package. It allows you to book at a super low rate and then Superclubs will randomly send you to one of their resorts once you land in Jamaica. You can then explain how shocked you were when they told you you had been chosen to go to Hedonism III instead of Grand Lido or Breezes.

This is a good way to admit to being at Hedo without it being your choice. It is also a good way to explain that Hedonism really wasn’t that crazy and that you were able to enjoy yourself on the “prude” side all week. You could even say how surprised you were by how nice and normal all the other guests at Hedo were… If they only knew!!!

Keeping Your Private Life Private

The main point is to have a clear and detailed story to fall back on. You are just trying to keep your private life private. But if a friend or family member thinks you’re not telling the truth, they are going to wonder what you are hiding. A boss might put up red flags that could hurt your performance reviews or advancement opportunities. The more organized you are as a team, the less questions you’ll have to field.

The “Shaggy” Defense

What happens if you are caught red handed? Just take a lesson from Shaggy (the hip-hop artist, not Scooby-Doo’s pal).

We knew a couple that had checked in a few days early for one of our lifestyle conventions. They were eager to see New Orleans and wanted to spend a few days sightseeing before the party got started. Unfortunately for them, a co-worker saw them driving up to the hotel check in.

They ran into the co-worker the following week. Here is how the conversation went:

Co-worker: “Hey, we saw you driving up to the Holiday Inn in New Orleans last week. Did you know they were having a swingers convention there?”

Couple: “It wasn’t me.”

Co-worker: “Yes, I saw you guys, you were in your new white SUV.”

Couple: “It wasn’t me”

Co-worker: “But I saw your dog, Angel, sitting on your lap. It had to be you.”

Couple: “It wasn’t me.”

You get the picture. Eventually, the co-worker actually believed he must have been seeing things. He was positive it was them, but it couldn’t have been if they were so adamant that they weren’t there. Sometimes those eyes do play tricks on us.

Those are three basic ways to handle unexpected questions. You can just admit to being a swinger and deal with the repercussions, you can come up with an alibi and keep your life private or you can simply deny, deny, deny.

Always be prepared for the unexpected moment when you have to decide on which avenue you are going to take. Stumbling, mumbling and bumbling through your answer will only make it obvious to everyone that you are indeed swingers.

Shaggy’s “It Wasn’t Me” Strategy in Action
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2g5Hz17C4is[/youtube]

Brought to you by Kasidie Swinger Lifestyle Magazine. To find swinger sex partners in your area, check out our favorite adult personals website.