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Sex Poll: Would You Consider Swinging or Threesomes?

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Whew…

Our latest post about swinging and polyamory sparked such conversation and controversy; we just had to conduct a poll.

(You’ll want to read the full post: My Best Friend’s a Swinger – Will She Burn in Hell?)

Since many people are confused or unsure of what these terms mean, here are some web definitions that we found useful.

“Polyamory is the practice of having more than one loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved. The relationships are long-term, intimate, and usually (but not necessarily) sexual. Persons who consider themselves emotionally suited to such relationships may define themselves as polyamorous, often abbreviated to poly.”
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory

“Swinging, sometimes referred to in North America as the swinging lifestyle, is non-monogamous sexual activity, treated much like any other social activity, that can be experienced as a couple.  Swinging has been called wife swapping in the past, but this term is archaic and does not accurately describe the full range of sexual activities in which swingers may take part.”

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swinging

First, answer this short poll to see where you fit in with the rest of the world on this incredibly controversial topic.

And then, join the conversation and leave a comment below to tell us why you feel the way you do.

My Best Friend’s a Swinger – Will She Burn in Hell?

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Whew… This revealing article about swinging and polyamory sparked such conversation and controversy; we just had to conduct a poll.

Take the poll to see where you fit in with the rest of the world on this incredibly controversial topic.

The Question

I don’t know who to talk to about this b/c I am truly embarrassed for my friends.

I JUST found out yesterday… actually the day before that, that my dear close friends (two different couples) have been “swinging”… it’s more like three of them I believe, but who knows what goes on behind closed doors. Both of these couples are young engaged couples with very bright futures ahead of them.

I cherish my friendship with my handful of girlfriends, and think of them as precious people. When I heard this was going on, and that I was pretty much the only one who didn’t know about it… I was devastated, I was disgusted, and began to cry.

This happens ONLY when they are drunk… but it has happened A LOT. My husband and I are newly married, and we all hang out and party together.

I am so upset about all of this that I decided not to go to their co-ed bachelorette party in Vegas this weekend. I am still going to be in their wedding, but I feel in my heart that I can NOT be friends with either couple anymore. I don’t even want to support this marriage/union. I would feel so sick to my stomach… I really don’t have a REAL reason… it’s just not who I am, how I was raised, or where I come from.

Is it wrong for me to “ditch” my close girlfriends b/c of this?

The Answer

Whew… This is a very emotional topic because your underlying beliefs are being questioned. On the bright side, these types of situations really help us grow.

Our mission for this blog is to help everyone learn to come from a place of love and acceptance in all of their relationships. We do not judge you for your beliefs or actions nor do we believe that you should judge your friends for their beliefs or actions. We feel there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ (Yes, we know that many will disagree with us on this…).

Each of us has our own ‘perception’ of what is right and what is wrong. That perception is different for everyone and will very likely change over the years. There are groups of people with similar perceptions and beliefs – i.e. the various major religious and political organizations.

Swinging is simply another belief system…

There are some very good relationship ideas that we can all take from the swinging lifestyle. Swingers believe that their partners have enough love to go around and that it’s OK to share one another sexually. They do not confuse love with lust as many couples do. They understand that it’s perfectly natural for their partner to be physically attracted, and maybe even want to have sex, with someone else. It does not in any way threaten their relationship or love for one another.

That said… Both partners in a swinging couple must have complete trust for one another and both must want this type of lifestyle or it simply won’t last. It’s definitely not a lifestyle for everyone… but it is a new adventure that can actually bring a couple much closer together.

Talk to your friends, without judgment…

Maybe there’s a reason that they didn’t tell you. Perhaps they were afraid that they would lose your friendship?

If you believe that all relationships must be totally monogamous, that is perfectly OK. What we would suggest is that you be open minded enough with your friends to talk to them about their choice in a non-judgmental way. Not to fix the error of their ways, but to share your feelings with them and see how you can move forward and remain friends. Maybe it’s a don’t ask don’t tell kind of friendship – If we really knew what all of our friends and neighbors do behind closed doors, we probably wouldn’t be able to look any of them in the eyes :-).

Remember that you can’t change people, and trying to change them is a sure way to push them away. If you want to remain friends, you’ll need to love and accept them for who they are and where they are in their lives.

While this is entirely your decision (we can’t make it for you…), do you really want to lose your friends because of their sexual preferences?

Recommended:

  1. Check out the largest swinger and sex personals dating site and find sex partners in your area today. They have millions of active members online, and 30,000 new photos uploaded daily.

Sex Poll – Is It OK to Have Sex During That Time of the Month?

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Is it ok to have sex during that time of the month?

This post was sparked by a question that we got from a good friend of ours. He asked us if it was OK to have sex with his girlfriend during that time of the month.

Our immediate reaction was "Why are you asking us instead of your girlfriend?" This is a topic that you should discuss with your partner, not your friends – unless of course your friends are having sex with your partner ;-).

While we may joke about it, this is a question that a lot of people, men especially, would like to know the answer to. If you ask 10 different people, you’re likely to get 10 different answers.

Men and women are often at odds over this seemingly simple question.

Some guys think it’s icky; others can’t go a whole week without sex and couldn’t care less.

Some women want nothing to do with a man during that entire week, and others can’t get enough.

We’ve certainly tried it, but it’s not our favorite time to have sex. We do however; really enjoy the week and a half that comes right AFTER that week.

Now that you’ve heard how we feel about it, we want to know what you think.

Take the Poll and Then Leave a Comment to Tell Us Your Thoughts!

Is It OK to Have Sex During That Time of the Month?

How to Spice Up Your Sex Life and Save Your Relationship

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The Question:

My partner and I have been together for 2 years now and we have been living together for about 4 months. Now that we are living together I feel that our relationship has changed. We hardly ever have sex, probably once a month is about all we manage to achieve.

I love sex and I’m sure that my partner does too, but for some reason we just can’t seem to make an effort to do the wild thing – one of us or both are always tired and sometimes it feels like we’re losing sexual compatibility; now it seems like I’ve had more passion in the past with other men or in the beginning of our relationship.

We do love each other and we’ve been through a lot together but I feel that our relationship is changing and I don’t know what to do about it.

We are becoming more like best friends everyday and I’m scared that the passion is fading. His idea of seduction and mine are totally different – he thinks ‘Let’s have sex?’ is an acceptable phrase into seducing a woman into hot sex, where as I would rather be pinned up against a wall without a word being said and so on…

When we weren’t living together our relationship was great; we did struggle a bit in the sex department but 3 times a week compared to once a month was a vast improvement.

Any advice you have considering this situation would be greatly appreciated. I don’t think I want to lose my relationship but I don’t know if I have the will power to save it – I don’t know what to do.

The Answer:

You might be surprised to learn that almost all long term relationships go through this ‘phase’ where everyone seems to get a little lazy. From my experience, it seems to happen somewhere between 18 months and 3 years into the relationship.

Here are some ideas that will help you make the best decision for you…

Does he know how you feel?

Open and honest communication is the most important component of any relationship.

Talk about it! Yes, with him, not with your girlfriends, not with anyone else. It’s absolutely amazing how many lovers simply don’t communicate openly and honestly with one another.

So many guys chat about their love live with their buddies, often as a way of bragging and showing off. And then they ask their guy friends if this or that sex idea would be ok. This is a bad idea for guys and girls. If you’re trying to figure out what sexual experiences to try out, talk with your lover not your buddies.

So, does he know that you crave hot spontaneous sex, or that you get excited by playing a little rough? Guess what, he might like that too! Or he might not, but you’ll never know if you don’t explore this topic together. And by the way, you’ll have a lot of fun and get a lot closer in the process.

Don’t hurt anyone’s feelings and check your ego at the door

It’s a strange thing, but sex partners often get their feelings hurt when one of them suggests trying something new, or doing something a little differently.

Get over it! The point of sex and intimacy is to enjoy each other and be happy together! Unless of course you’re focused solely on making babies – but that’s not the topic of this article…

Getting comfortable and killing your relationship

Complacency, also known as “getting comfortable” is the death knell of so many relationships, it may as well be a full blown epidemic. So many couples strive to “get comfortable”. What that means is they stop trying. And guess what… you stop trying, and your relationship dies. It’s that simple. The excitement and attraction dies, and your relationships becomes a project that you’re always fixing up. That’s no fun.

So how can you add that spice and excitement back into your relationship so that you’re not just lusting after those hot bodies at the gym?

Seduction as a game for lovers – the chase begins anew

The thrill of seduction doesn’t end when you get into a relationship. Why give up such a wonderful thing, even if you could?

Admit it, we enjoy the chase. I know I do and I’m at peace with it. And if you’re not chasing your lover, you’ll end up chasing someone else. We’re just wired that way. So let’s just accept that fact and use it to our advantage.

When was the last time you tried to seduce your partner? …

No, I’m not talking about coming home and saying “hey, let’s go have sex”. Blah! Boring!

I mean dressing up to look your best, wearing something sexy and feeling sexy.

Some of the best and most exciting sex is spontaneous sex, when you’re so wrapped up in the heat of the moment that you just can’t stop from ripping each other’s clothes off! Now that’s excitement. And doesn’t it sound more fun than “hey, let’s go have sex”?

Schedule hot sex dates

You go through the trouble of scheduling lunch and dinner appointments with just about everyone in your life. How about paying at least that much attention to your lover? Make time for that really steamy hot date, and plan accordingly. That way you’ll both be anticipating it all day, or all week.

Make a sex date box

Here’s a neat idea. Get together with your lover and each of you jot down a steamy date idea on a piece of paper and agree that each time you go on a hot steamy date, you’ll pick a card from your special sex date box.

Watch some erotic movies – together

Basic Instinct, Wild Orchid, 9 and 1/2 Weeks – it doesn’t have to be Playboy Porn, just something that gets you excited – trust me – he’ll get excited simply by you being excited.

Go out and buy some hot lingerie – together

What could be more exciting than shopping for hot lingerie together? By the time you’re done, you’ll be well in the mood for a hot sex date.

How about going to an adult toy store – together?

Maybe go visit an adult toy store together. Even if you don’t buy anything, you’re sure to have a lot of fun checking out all the merchandise.

Mix it up with some new sexual adventures

Doing the same old thing over and over again is bound to get boring. You wouldn’t watch the same TV show for the rest of your life, would you?

Try something different. Whether you’re up for a threesome or interested in the wild latex world of BDSM, the same idea applies.

Be open to new experiences. Venture out and keep it exciting.

In summary

  • Talk with your partner about sex. Really, make a date to sit down and go over it. Then resolve to always talk about it form then on.
  • Check your ego at the door. If your partner makes sex suggestions and you get defensive, then you’re missing the point completely. Get over it and put your partner first. You’ll be glad you did.
  • Don’t strive to get “comfortable” in a relationship. If you’re there, break out of it before you doom your relationship for good.
  • Bring the excitement of seduction and the chase back into your relationship – fast.
  • Actually schedule some hot sex dates with your partner. Really.
  • Keep it exciting with some new sexual adventures. Try new things. Open your mind and explore the entire world of sex possibilities.
  • For some fresh new sex ideas download Michael Webb’s 500 Lovemaking Tips & Secrets (Read our review here).

Playing Mind Games in Love and Sex – Should You Really Do it?

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I found this great post today from Seduction 101.  It really got me thinking, because Dan and I love to play games!

"She’s playing games with him." "He’s playing games with her." "They’re playing games with each other."

These comments are always accompanied by stern looks of disapproval. But if I enjoy a game of tennis with my lover, nobody’s going to accuse us of "playing games with each other".

What’s going on?

Most people pay lip service to the idea that "mind games" is bad, bad, bad. But who among us never plays them? I submit that these games are not always bad; in fact sometimes they are good and even downright necessary to social interaction. I like to call them "social games". 

Playing mind games in love and sex can be everything from exhilarating to heart crushing.

Games can be anything from psychological bantering to role playing. The perception that playing mind games is bad comes from the fact that far too many people use little known seduction tactics to take advantage of other people. 

However, when everyone involved knows that they’re playing, it can be an incredibly fun ride. A chance to let your hair down and try something new or be someone new for a little while.

Dan and I both love the chase… And we both know it. So while some couple might get jealous if their partner flirts with someone else. For us, it’s exciting because we know we’re having really hot sex tonight! The key here is that we have a completely open and honest relationship. We tell each other absolutely everything.

I know you’ve got fantasies that involve some sort of game playing even thought you may not call it that. You see, having a fantasy IS a mind game.

One word of caution for couples who like to play games, make sure that you’re both always on the same page and are completely open and honest with one another. If a game goes too far, say so. If you want it to go farther, say so.

I would love to hear any thoughts or ideas that you may have on this topic.