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Domination 101 – The Basics

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Domination is something that is enjoyed by millions of people around the world. It is usually associated with whips, chains, leather and latex. Although these can be a part of this sex activity, the concept is more of an emotion than a physical object. Using a black leather whip and beating somebody to death is not the purpose of it. One of the biggest issues with this is safety. Making sure that you and your partner are safe and comfortable is critical to having a good experience in the bedroom. If you have an interest in domination, there are a several things that you should know beforehand. Here is a short guide to help you out.

What Is Domination?

Domination is a very basic term. You have probably already experienced this and didn’t even know it. The dominant partner is the one who is steering the experience. The antithesis of dominance is submission. If you tend to steer the experience or initiate sex more often then you are the dominant one in the bedroom. This is much different than the other aspects of your relationship. One of you could be dominant in the bedroom but submissive with everyday decisions like where to eat. The more dominant person in bed will be the one who changes the positions or sets the pace for the sexual rhythm.

The Appeal

There are a lot of reasons that people are into this. For some people with high paying jobs or social anxiety it’s easier to allow somebody to make all of the decisions for them. Giving away control is one of the biggest turn-ons for people who are into it. When you are making decisions all day, having somebody come in and tell you what to do is a change of pace that takes your mind off the pressures of work, school or other aspects of your life. Domination is an aspect of every part of society. It doesn’t matter who you are, you always answer to somebody. Having someone answer to YOU in the bedroom is an erotic way of letting loose and relieving the pressures of life.

Safety Matters!

When people first start out, they usually don’t take safety as seriously as they should. Safety is an essential part of every sexual experience, but it’s especially important with domination. Sex has a way of escalating. When you are comfortable with one aspect of sex you or your partner might try to implement something that you aren’t ready for simply because you’re caught up in the moment. Take precautions by implementing a safe word. A safe word is something that you would not normally say in the bedroom. “Falcon” is an example that could be used because you would probably never say this in the middle of sex. When you or your partner says the safe word you will know that they are uncomfortable with the situation or that they are in pain.

Trust Is Important

Trust is another issue with this, as you must trust your partner to not take the experience too far. Many people get off on finding a stranger to dominate them, but this isn’t recommended. Having a loving relationship with a little kink in the bedroom is healthy. Meeting somebody on Craigslist to tie you up and spank you incessantly is not a recommendation to endorse. Make sure that your partner are comfortable with everything by talking about it beforehand. Find out what they are not comfortable with so you know before you have sex. This is also a way to find out what really turns them on.

It is a great way to easily add a little spice to your relationship. It’s only natural for one partner to be more dominant than the other in the bedroom. If you or your partner is more dominant and it turns you on, talk to your partner about exploring the possibility of taking the dominance to the next level. There are very simple forms of domination that can be effective without the use of straps or whips. Holding your partners hands down or light spanking in the moment are effective without being too “out there.”

It’s important to remember that we experience domination every day through work and other aspects of our life. Getting off on it doesn’t make you strange. Bringing your fantasies to the forefront of your relationship can improve communication and your sex life. Talk to your partner about implementing more of this into your sex life and you will see a vast improvement in your closeness.

How To Relax And Turn On Your Girl With A Tummy Massage

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Erotic massage can do wonders for a woman when getting her to think only about sex. Rub her belly like THIS to get her relaxed and HOT!

Why The Stomach?

The stomach is a very emotionally comforting place to rub gently and lightly. By lovingly stroking here, it will help her to feel nurtured, honored, and safe. And, because it can make such a deep and emotionally satisfying connection, it makes for a strong arousal point as well that can bring about sensual and sexual stimulation.

Make sure to be soft with your touch, as some women can be tender in this area. You always want to create pleasure, but if there is any sign of pain or discomfort, let up on the pressure you are giving with your hands, or discontinue massaging her here and move elsewhere.

How To Get Started

Start by placing both palms of your hands down over her belly. Begin the massage by using a sliding motion, alternating your hands across her stomach from side to side. Side to side is the best direction to go as up and down over the belly can sometimes create discomfort (another “going against the grain” situation). Continue this motion back and forth for quite a few minutes or as long as she is enjoying it.

You can extend your movement beyond her stomach area by reaching down over the sides of her body down towards the surface she is laying on when giving her an erotic massage. When you reach the bottom of this movement, wrap one or both hands underneath her back and then pull back up over her side and belly again, following through to her other side in the same way.

Another great movement for this area is to run your hands in circular clockwise motions around her belly. You can start at the center around her navel and then progressively begin making bigger and bigger circles around her entire belly until you reach the outside perimeters of it. Then, just continue massaging around and around in smooth, slow, soft circles. Doing this can be quite pleasurable for her and evoke many sweet and loving emotions.

Stretch Her Arms Too!

With your lover’s arms resting up over her head, place your hands on her arms just around the point where they connect to her chest muscles (just above her armpits). Next, move your hands up her arms all the way to her fingertips, and then lightly grab her hands and begin pulling her arms upward over the top of her body and then bring her arms back down to her sides and let them rest there. Continue with light strokes to her arms from your hands and fingertips.

Also, lightly stroking the sensitive skin on the insides of her arms where the elbows fold is another erogenous zone that women usually love and get turned on by (similar to the inside of knee fold area). Do a few sensual grazes with your fingertips to get her turned on.

Another way to stretch her arms is by holding one arm at a time in both of your hands while gently pulling and stroking upwards all the way to her hand. This will massage the long muscles in her arms as well as muscles in her shoulders and sides of her body. Remember to be gentle however, as you don’t want to pull so hard as to create discomfort.

You can reverse this move if you like and run your hand all the ways back down her arm again. Repeat this a few times and them move on the next arm and do the same.

An Extra Erotic Touch

A fun follow through to this as you end your arm massage stretch, is to pull her arm to one side so that you cause her body to twist slightly and expose her back. Once there, you can now massage her back in this nicely stretched position. Whenever you can stretch long muscles like this (such as the back muscles) it gives a more tension releasing experience to the receiver. Do a few strokes here onto her upper shoulders and middle back muscles in a vertical fashion (hands pulling upward with each stroke).

You can also do horizontal strokes starting from her lower back on up to her shoulders by mostly using the heel of your hand to massage with. Be creative and have fun with this one, but remember some people may have lower back issues and may not like this much twisting and stretching to their body. Check in and ask first before you try during an erotic massage.

Oral Sex Safety Tips You Can’t Miss

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Oral sex is safer than traditional intercourse when it comes to STD’s, but it’s not 100% safe – here’s how to make oral sex fun and less risky!

How To Get Started

Safe fingering includes the use of medical-grade gloves, which are easily found in most pharmacies or purchased online in a myriad of colors and textures. Some even come pre-lubricated or powdered for a more realistic feel.

Next, grab a brand new dental dam. If you plan on some anal as well as vaginal play, make sure to use to separate dams that don’t come into contact with each other, as you don’t want to give her a nasty infection. Also, try to purchase one specifically made for oral sex; there are some that even come pre-flavored, lubed and/or with a stickable strip at the top for ease of use.

Write on one side of the latex, “Lick here!” so you know which side is closest to you, and which will be up against her skin.

Grab your choice of water-based lubricant and apply some to her side of the dental dam. Put it over her entire vulva, covering her vagina, labia and clitoris.

Using One

Be aware that she’ll need a firmer tongue when using a dental dam than without. Although everything in this series works equally as well with one than not, she won’t be able to feel the friction of your tongue, just the vibrational aspect.

Don’t be afraid to use your teeth lightly. You don’t want to rip the latex, but you do want to apply more pressure than you normally would. So, scraping and light biting isn’t taboo here.

Will A Dam Make It Less Pleasurable?

I’ll be honest: using a one dampens your ability to be an expert cunnilinguist. There’s a lot of sensation lost when latex separates you and your lover, just as it’s different when you use a condom and when you don’t. Having said that, you can still create an unforgettable, amazing oral sex experience for the both of you, but you do need to be aware of the limitations as well. Or, use it to employ different sensations and techniques that you couldn’t without it:

  • Use the edge of the latex and rake it along her clitoris.
  • Roll it up and use it as a makeshift finger, either to tease her vulva and clitoris, or inside of her against her G-Spot.
  • Wrap it around the top of the clitoris, then push and pull the edges to rub and ‘shine’ it.

Why Should I Use One?

Question: Why can’t I just use my fingers to play with her, and then have sex? Can’t I just skip the whole dental dam/oral sex thing entirely?

Even with the protection a dental dam provides against STD’s, and your partner will still receive a lot of pleasure from your oral sex efforts. Why deny her that joy? It’s definitely a challenge for some to get over the mental barrier that dental dams provide, but it’s really just mental, not physical. She’ll still feel good, and you’ll feel even better knowing you can make her happy and sexually satisfied.

How Do I Keep It In Place?

Question: I use dental dams every time I go down on a girl. I don’t mind them, other than I can’t seem to keep them in place and still do all of the things that you’re asking me to do with my hands and so forth. How can I make it work?

If there’s one thing that people complain about loudly when it comes to dental dams, it’s this: trying to hold one in place while using your mouth and fingers to please a woman is a chore indeed, and sometimes, extremely challenging. The other major complaint is the lack of sensation that some women (and men) feel when using a dental dam.

There are some ingenious ways to keep a dental dam secure:

  • Panties with the crotch cut out, and worn over top of it.
  • Using garters to attach from one side to another, and wrapping them around the woman’s leg.
  • Finding the really sticky Saran Wrap, employing it as a dental dam, and molding it to stay in place.
  • Applying spirit gum to temporarily glue it in place.

Are any of these suggestions reasonable, and field tested to work well? Not really. They might work for you, but for the most part the easiest way is still the way that prevents you from using one hand to please her, and that’s you holding it in place. So instead of trying to figure out ways to keep it in place so that your hands don’t have to, let’s instead explore a method and mindset that requires you to think about how you can stimulate her while still holding it in place.

  • Get a vibrator or dildo that looks like a penis, and one that will fit without a lot of wiggle room inside of her vagina.
  • If you chose a vibrator, put it in with just an inch sticking out of her, but if is a dildo, use only the first few inches, where the dildo should be the widest.
  • Lick her using the routine that suits your needs best, keeping an eye on the dildo or vibrator to make sure that she’s clenching it with her muscles as she gets closer to orgasm.
  • If you are using a vibrator, you may be able to rest your chin on its edge to steady yourself, as well as to add the extra sensation of a slightly vibrating tongue.

Another option is to purchase a humorous-looking sex toy called The Accomodator, which is basically a dildo that you strap around your ears and attach to your chin. This way, you can lick her clitoris while penetrating her with the face-dildo. Unusual, yes, but if you can get over the laugh-factor, it’s actually a really handy little device.

How To Spice Up A Blowjob

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A blowjob is great in and of itself, but what if you could make it even better? Check out these blowjob tips and you’ll soon be a PRO at giving your man head!

There are many ways that you can enhance a blowjob – it’s not all about tips, tricks and location! Use of external stimulants (the details of which we will go into) can make your partner feel divine and give things a spin when fellatio begins to get boring. In this department, imagination can take you anywhere!

Ice It Up!

The cold receptors in his genital area react greatly to ice or a cool touch. If you’re not careful, however, too much cold can cause his penis to shrivel up and disappear! Just enough cold though, and you can send your partner into oblivion! The best way to incorporate a touch of cold into your blowjob routine is to put either a small piece of ice in your mouth while you suck him, or drink something ice-cold before you do. The combination of the cold along with the anticipation of stopping and starting while you take sips of your cool mixture will send your partner over the edge.

Use Menthol

This will create a similar sensation to the use of cold drinks or ice, but without the fear of your partner losing his erection due to excessive chilliness. You can suck your partner off with a mint in your mouth or you can use crème de menthe. Anything that has menthol in it will create this wonderful effect. Altoids and York Peppermint Patties are great for popping in your mouth and working on the head of your man’s penis. Also, if you will use a toothpaste with a strong mint flavor, brush not only your teeth, but the entire length of your tongue, inside of your cheeks and the roof of your mouth. He WILL be able to feel the minty sensation on his penis.

Get Warm!

Get warm, but not too hot! Drink some warm tea or hot cocoa before you put your partner’s penis in your mouth. The added heat will drive him wild! If you really want to throw your partner a curveball, alternate between hot and cold drinks or throw a mint in the hot cocoa. The different sensations will give your partner a fellatio session to remember.

Get Saucy!

You may have heard of using things like chocolate sauce or whipped cream when fellating your partner – and this is a great idea if you want to make fellatio fun for both you and your partner! You can use a variety of things here – but make sure if you are using anything with sugar that you aren’t planning to have intercourse later. Sugary substances can change the delicate pH of the vagina and cause a yeast infection. If you’re just planning for fellatio, adding some fun “toppings” can make the night a lot more interesting! You can use whipped cream (topped with a cherry) and chocolate sauce – but don’t buy any bananas, your partner’s penis will suffice! You can also use peanut butter or caramel sauce and even ice cream! Ice cream will combine this technique with the cold technique for added fun.

For those of you who prefer to not consume the sugar, try using flavored yogurts or sugar free pudding! Not only can you use it in foreplay to paint his body with, there’s no calorie guilt!

Get Tipsy

Okay, maybe just a little tipsy. If you like liquor, you can do body shots off your partner or for a little more fun, fellate him while drinking your favorite liquor. The “burn” of a strong liquor (like vodka or rum) will warm up his penis and your night! Just make sure that you don’t overdo it – getting sick could ruin all the fun. You can also do this with beer to give your partner a tingly sensation (or soda if you prefer not to drink alcoholic beverages). For a fun trick, you can use your partner’s penis to stir your drink of choice (be it alcoholic or not) and then suck it all off! With all the flavors of liquors and schnapps, you’re sure to have fun finding some to try out on his swizzle stick!

Give Him A Hummer

No, not the car! Give him some feel-good vibrations by humming a catchy tune while going down on him. The humming actually creates minute vibrations that travel through his entire groin – bringing your blow job “full circle.” Don’t be shy – he probably won’t hear the tune you’re humming (so humming “The Wheels on The Bus” won’t be an issue) and he certainly won’t be judging how in tune you are!

Two Words: Pop Rocks

Using pop rocks during a blowjob is probably one of the best fun tricks that you can use! You know the tingling feeling you get in your mouth when you eat Pop rocks? Imagine your partner feeling that on his penis! Use only a few pop rocks at a time – the sensation will be lost if you have a huge glob of them in your mouth. You will also want to fellate him lightly while the pop rocks are in your mouth. They don’t call them rocks for nothing! Pressing down on your partner’s penis while Pop rocks are in your mouth can push them into his penis and cause him to be uncomfortable. If you do it right though, Pop rocks can be a lot of fun!

How To Be A Confident Lover

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Sex tips are what makes someone great in bed, right? Maybe not – here’s what it takes to have confidence when you’re getting it on. These sex tips are HOT!

When it comes to sex, nothing is bigger than confidence. Absolutely nothing. This trait alone will get you laid way more times than any god-like appearance.

He who feels he doesn’t belong in the same room or breathe the same air as a woman doesn’t deserve to get laid. She doesn’t want to be with a guy who fidgets like fish out of water, of course not! Insecurity is a turn-off worse than halitosis – it damns you by killing the mood and messing up your moves. A good lover doesn’t fluster his woman with any squirming or twitching, he comes to sex with no apologies, stands naked with self-worth intact, raw with confidence. He gets women thinking, “This guy knows what he is doing.”

Sex is something he desires, not fear – his confidence springing from a blend of knowledge and experience. He knows exactly what to do, and he’s done it many times – he exudes bewitching self-assurance.

How Confidence Manifests Itself

Imagine the bedroom is submerged in a swimming pool and the two of you are making love underwater. That’s how slow and smooth you should go – as if your body is moving through water. This says to a girl, “I have no nervous energy to dissipate because I am comfortable with the situation. You should be too.” It’s more relaxing than any nervous tick.

You can move faster as the sexual process unfolds, but never be in a hurry – that has always been the rookie mistake. Women don’t stay around with guys who act like someone’s chasing them, but they flock towards confidence. As I’ve said, the confident get laid way more than any ridiculously good-looking insecure guy.

What Sexual Confidence Really Is

Sexual confidence is simply knowing what you’re doing as a result of having (the right) sex tips and (the right) experience. That’s what it really boils down to. But these things won’t come knocking on your door, you’d have to grab them by the balls. That’s what you’re doing right now, you’re investing in the ‘knowledge’ part. As a result of the, you will know exactly what to do and will have the confidence leading your woman.

But sex is one of those things you master not by reading volumes, but by actually experiencing the dirty work for yourself. So go get some! Getting the right experience, I can only guarantee you one thing: you’re gonna have to pay your dues. You’ll commit mistakes – a lot of them. Now let me be completely clear. You can have one single partner your entire life and learn to be a masterful lover. You do NOT have to be with multiple women. In fact, that can be one of the biggest turn-offs to women – a guy who is “well used.”

You’ll crash, you’ll burn, you’ll be scratching your head in exasperation – well, maybe not that dramatic, you could simply be doing the moves and not getting the expected reaction. You waited for her to enter ecstasy, but she didn’t. She didn’t react at all.

What To Do When You Crash And Burn

How you handle situations like this will dictate if you will ever become great in bed. You need to be able to roll with the punches and not be bothered with disappointments. Don’t let them take you out of the moment and prevent your enjoyment of sex, don’t make a big deal out of it.

I have yet to meet a man who has gone on to become sexually confident but didn’t go through this journey of discovery. There may be shortcuts when it comes to sexual knowledge, but there are none when it comes to experience.

Honestly, this is the most exciting part of building sexual confidence – being in the trenches, learning and enjoying the process. As I’ve said, this is also the most decisive part, you could either get better over time, or your perfectionist and emotional tendencies could get the better of you and lead to a negative spiral where you get incompetent over time.

If I were you, I would just enjoy the process, NO PRESSURES.