Love & Sex Answers

Today's #1 Love & Sex Resource

You are here: Home / Archives for Sex & Intimacy / Swingers & Threesomes

Can Swinger Relationships REALLY Work?

By

Nowadays, you hear so much about open relationships and swinging, where partners will team up with other couples (or even go their separate ways) to have new and fun sexual experiences with other people.

You also sometimes hear how this is essentially a recipe for disaster, but you’ve thought about it and it sounds like something you might want to try. Can an open relationship or swinging relationship ever actually work?

Can swinger and open relationships really work or are they just a recipe for disaster?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAihQhjXekM[/youtube]

Yes, for strong couples.

Open relationships and swinging can be a recipe for disaster, if you’re not a strong couple. If you haven’t been with your partner for very long or you or your partner have self esteem issues or tend to be the jealous type, open relationships and swinging is nothing but bad news.

If you and your partner have been together for a few years and are completely comfortable with each other, swinging together or fostering an open relationship might not be a bad idea – if it’s truly what you and your partner both want.

Good communication is key.

You definitely need to have a good, strong relationship to start swinging or having an open relationship but this isn’t all you need. You need to continue having a strong relationship and communicate with each other often during the swinging and after. Good communication is key to keeping any problems or issues that may arise at bay, or solving problems that come up.

It’s important that you can talk to your partner about what makes you comfortable and what makes you uncomfortable, and vice versa. Talk about what is okay for both you and the other partners who are coming into your relationship sexually, and talk about what is not okay and how to handle it.

The single most thing you can do to ensure that an open relationship or swinging doesn’t ruin your relationship with your partner is to talk to each other and then talk some more. In fact, don’t ever stop talking to each other! Keep the lines of communication open at all times.

When it starts to get rough . . .

If you notice that your open relationship is starting to take a toll on either you or your partner, it’s important that you speak up! It may be something you want to try but not continue to do, and that’s okay too. Make your thoughts and feelings about the situation known at all times so no one is left in the dark.

You have the right to decide that you no longer want an open relationship and your partner does too. If one or both of you decide to end the swinging, respect each other and end it appropriately. That doesn’t mean that you put it to bed. Talk about what you feel went “wrong” or what made you uncomfortable. Don’t let harsh feelings sit on the back burner just because your open relationship isn’t open anymore. You may end up harboring guilt or anger that will hurt your relationship in the long run.

Together, you and your partner can work out whether or not an open relationship or swinging is something that will work for you. Talk to each other about it and decide if it’s something you really want to do and if so, feel free to try it! Just remember, it’s all for fun and your actual relationship is with your partner.

So You Want To Be Swingers? Here’s How to Get Started

By

As experienced swingers, the most common question we receive from those looking to get into the lifestyle is, “How do we start?”

Where to look

Thanks to the internet, it is easier to become a swinger than ever before. As recently as the mid-1990’s, the most common way was by purchasing a contact magazine, usually at a seedy adult bookstore, and then mailing letters to the people who advertised therein.

Swing clubs have existed since the 1970’s, but the only way you could find out about them was by word of mouth or through advertisements in underground publications. Today, the road to becoming a swinger starts with the click of a mouse.

Whether you are looking for a classy swing club, a private house party, or a couple in your city, all of these things can be found on the internet. For those looking to dive right in, clubs and parties are the best way to meet a number of potential playmates on any given night.

For those who prefer a slower, more relaxed approach, your best bet is to place on ad on a swinger’s contact website such as our favorite, Adult Friend Finder. However, meeting people through on online ad requires a great amount of patience.

Swing clubs

Regarding swing clubs, if you live in a large city, you might have a choice between an on-premise club and an off-premise club. An on-premise club is where the sex actually takes place at the facility, whereas sex does not take place at an off-premise club. Off-premises clubs typically hold social events at hotel ballrooms, but those who want to play can usually rent a discounted guest room at that hotel. We usually recommend off-premise clubs to newbies who are worried about being pressured to have sex before they’re ready.

Clubs in your area can be found by utilizing your favorite search engine with the key words “swing clubs” along with the name of your home state or the nearest major city. That should lead you to a list a clubs with links to their websites. Check out those sites and see which one might be write for you. If you have any questions or concerns, don’t be afraid to call or email the club for additional information.

Private swing parties

Private swing parties are a little more difficult to find, because so many of them advertise through word-of mouth. For the most part, you won’t hear about these parties until you’ve worked you way into certain social circles. However, some of these parties are advertised online, often through Craigslist or social networking sites such as Yahoo! Groups. Also, some swingers contact websites have a listing of local parties in your area.

Types of swing parties

There are two basic types of private swing parties: the house party and the hotel party. Swinger house parties are held in private residences and operate just like vanilla house parties with one exception: if you happen to find someone you are attracted to, there is no shame in heading to a bedroom and having sex with that person. Swinger hotel parties are a little more hardcore. At some of them, you are expected to lose your clothes at the door. Because of this, house parties are a safer start for those just getting into the lifestyle.

Placing an advertisement on a contact website can be a time-consuming process, but it is a good alternative for those who don’t care for the large crowds and loud music which can be characteristic of clubs and parties.

Placing an ad online

The biggest challenge is putting together your online profile, which is your introduction to the rest of the swinging world. Your profile should be very specific in describing yourself and what you’re looking for. Ads with photos get better responses, so it’s best to also post some clear, recent pictures. If you are concerned about privacy, it’s acceptable to either use photos that don’t show your face, or to use photo editing software to remove your face from the pictures.

Furthermore, it’s very important that your profile be as honest as possible in your profile, because lying about your age, weight or endowment will not get you anywhere once the truth is revealed. Also, we recommend that you keep your profile sounding positive by listed the things you like rather than all the things you don’t like. A long list of dislikes makes you come across like a negative person.

Once your ad is placed

Once your profile is posted, take some time to browse through the other profiles to see if there is anyone who catches your eye. When it come to initiating contact, make sure you write to only those whose criteria you fit. Once you’ve established a correspondence, try to arrange a meeting fairly quickly so that you don’t get caught up in an endless cycle of emails.

It’s best to meet others for the first time in a public place for drinks or a snack so that you can get to know each other better and see if there’s any chemistry there. Some swingers enjoy playing on the first date, but if that’s not your desire, you can schedule a play date for later.

A warning

Be forewarned that there are a lot of advertisers on contact websites who are not truly serious about getting into the lifestyle. Thus, you will probably have to weed through a lot of these people just to find a potential playmate that is sincere. But with perseverance, you should be able to meet someone who is willing to introduce you into the lifestyle.

Also, regardless of what path you take to become a swinger, don’t be afraid to ask experienced swingers for tips and tricks on how to navigate the lifestyle waters. Swinging is not for everyone, but it can lead to a lifetime of fun for many of us.

New Swinger Concern – What If We Can’t Agree?

By

If you’re new to the swinging game, picking a partner that satisfies you and your husband or wife can seem kind of intimidating.

You’re not alone! You’re right to be a little nervous about picking a swinging partner, especially if it’s your first time.

You need to pick a swinging partner that you are both comfortable with and attracted to, or trouble can brew. If you and your partner can’t agree on who to swing with, should you compromise?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My wife and I want to get into swinging. We’ve been talking about it for a little over 2 years now. She was the one who approached me with the idea. We have joined a swing site but the problem is that my wife doesn’t like my taste in woman.

I’m not into super thin women I like a woman with a little belly but not huge. Let me say this before judging me on this not that you would. My wife is not small but not huge either, I love her dearly, but she always wants me to pick a woman that is larger then her or the same size. But when she picks the man she wants I never question her on it. Its just sex I’m not looking to replace her.

Am I wrong for wanting a woman that I’m more physically attracted with?

– Aaron, Ohio

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9tChV4sXEE[/youtube]

Her fears.

If you find a swinging partner that you’re attracted to, but your partner vetoes your decision, it might frustrate you especially if it happens more than once. If this is something that you’re dealing with, take heart.

Many women are afraid of their husbands picking a swinging partner that is more attractive than them, and they might even be afraid that you’ll like the swinging partner more than her.

These are completely normal fears and although they generally stem from deeper self esteem issues, your wife is not the first woman who has felt this way about swinging. Even women who are into swinging can have these doubts, so it’s important that if your partner is feeling this way that you cut her some slack.

Try to understand where she is coming from.

Is she really okay with swinging?

If your partner repeatedly vetoes your swinging partner suggestions, there may be something more to the equation than what meets the eye. It might be a subconscious signal that she really doesn’t want to start swinging. If this is something you suspect, it’s important that you have a discussion with her about swinging before actually doing the deed.

As with any time swinging comes up, it’s essential that you talk to each other and talk some more. Talk before and after you swing, and even during if you need to!  Open lines of communication are a must when it comes to swinging.

Talk to your partner and find out if she really is okay with swinging. Don’t be judgmental. If she was into swinging before and has decided that perhaps she’d like to wait or if she isn’t interested anymore, that’s okay. Don’t criticize her for it, because she has the right to change her mind about how she feels about swinging at any time.  So do you!

Making her comfortable.

If your partner just seems uncomfortable with your choices in swinging partners, let her choose a partner. It may not be someone you’re really attracted to at first, but if she is, that’s an important first step. Letting your partner choose who you swing with the first few times can go a long way into getting her warmed up to the swinging idea. Perhaps you and your partner can work out an agreement about who gets to choose the partner and when.

Since many women are afraid of their husbands finding more pleasure in the swinging partner than them, you can build trust with her by proving to her that you’re not out to do that. Once the trust has been established, she will more than likely become more comfortable with your choices in swinging partners. Just remember communication is the key to making swinging work! Talk to each other endlessly and make sure that every avenue has been discussed in full before taking the plunge.

Thinking of Having a Threesome? Why Not Make It A Foursome…

By

You and your partner have decided to have a threesome. You may even have someone in mind that you and your partner have both agreed on.

If you’re about to take the plunge into the world of multiple partner sex, you may have a few questions on how to do it safely.

Congratulations! Not everyone has safety on their mind before having a threesome. Here are some great ways to have safety in numbers.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Just wanted to say I think it is great what you two do.  My question is my girlfriend and I want to have a threesome with another female and we have one lined up. I know to use a condom but what about oral and other kinds of play? We don’t want to come home with some kind of STD.

Do you have any advice for protection?

– John, CA

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3yXco6t9ag[/youtube]

Getting Tested

The first and foremost thing you should do if you’re planning to have a threesome is get tested for sexually transmitted diseases. All parties involved should have this done.

Your doctor can do this for you, or a local health department can. Have the clinic print something for you that shows your STD status and let all parties involved have a look. This is truly the best way to avoid contracting sexually transmitted diseases when having a threesome.

Sometimes, a threesome is not monogamous and this can substantially shake things up. If you can’t secure a regular threesome partner or if it’s not just a one time thing, you’ll want to take extra safety precautions.

Stepping Up The Safety Factor

– Use latex condoms, or condoms from another material if someone is allergic to latex. Female condoms are great too. Use condoms during sexual intercourse, anal sex and even during oral sex and hand to penis stimulation. While this may not sound enticing, make sure you have a bottle of lubricant with you. Lubricant can go a long way to making latex feel more natural and pleasurable.

– Use latex or vinyl gloves. If you’re going do be doing any play with your hands that involves touching the penis, vagina or anus, protect your hands and their genitals by using latex gloves or gloves of another material.

– Use dental dams or at the very least, plastic wrap when giving a woman oral sex. These both work well to protect the mouth from any vaginal secretions. The trick to using dental dams or plastic wrap is putting a few drops of lubricant on the underside of the plastic square (the side that faces the vagina) and leaving the side that faces the mouth clean. This will help increase the pleasure of oral sex.

These things aren’t going to keep you from contracting every sexually transmitted disease on the planet, but it will reduce your risk of exposure a great deal. Remember that pubic lice, scabies, genital herpes and genital warts can all be spread by skin to skin contact.

Even if you’re wearing a condom, if there’s a genital sore on the upper part of the genitals and this is something you come into contact with, you run the risk of contracting the STD.

Communication

It is essential that you communicate frequently with all parties that are to be involved in the threesome. Talk before the threesome, during and even after. Address what actions are acceptable and what aren’t. Stick to these guidelines during the threesome. Don’t put anyone in a position where they could possibly contract a sexually transmitted disease just for your own pleasure.

Keeping the lines of communication open can seem awkward, but it is essential for a successful threesome. If you’re smart and safe, you and your partner can have a great time with your new partner.

How To Ease Into Swinging So That You’re Both Comfortable

By

So you and your partner are thinking about swinging. Whether you’ve tried it once before or this is your first time, it can be nerve wracking when trying to ease yourself into the swinging lifestyle.

How can you start swinging slowly, and in a way that makes both partners completely comfortable?

While the only rules for swinging for you are set by you and your partner, there are some general guidelines that can help make things easier for the both of you.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My fiancée and I are talking about trying the swinging lifestyle and we are a little unsure of how to start and move into it gradually so that everyone is comfortable. What do you suggest?

– Randa, Alabama

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2Hip6b80bk[/youtube]

Ease Into It

Getting involved in the swinging lifestyle slowly is probably the best way to go about it. It’s great if you and your partner have made this decision together before starting to swing, instead of getting caught in the moment before having discussed the topic. The most important thing you can do when considering swinging is talk about it. Talk about every aspect of swinging, even if it seems like a small issue.

Ask some important questions. Why do you want to swing? What turns you on about swinging? Discuss with your partner how you feel about swinging and listen to them as well. It’s extremely vital that you both are on the same page before you take the plunge! You should also evaluate your relationship as it stands before you venture into the swinging lifestyle. If your relationship is in any way in trouble, swinging is not going to help! You need a strong relationship foundation before you start swinging with your partner.

Make The Rules Clear!

When discussing swinging with your partner, it’s important that you hash out the details. Decide what is appropriate during swinging and what isn’t. You don’t want to be in the heat of the moment and not know if something is okay, or to have to stop and ask permission.

Or worse, you could do something that offends your partner or makes them uncomfortable without knowing beforehand whether that particular action was okay or not. Sit down with your partner and really go over what you feel is okay during a swinging session and what is off limits. You’ll both be happier in the end that you agreed on the details before you started swinging.

Find A Couple That Matches Your Style

It is just as important to find a couple into swinging that shares your same interests as it is to talk about swinging first. If you’re new to swinging, you might try to find a couple that is also new to swinging, or at least find a couple that is sensitive to those trying it for the first time.

Find a couple that you can talk to about what makes you comfortable and uncomfortable, and how to handle things as they arise. You’ll need to be able to communicate both between each other as well as with the members of the other couple, so make sure you find a couple that you’re comfortable talking to!

Above all, you need to talk to your partner. Talk and talk some more!  You can make swinging much easier and much more comfortable for you both to get into if you’re both on the same page when it comes to what is okay and what isn’t. Talk to each other as you experience swinging as well – as long as you keep the lines of communication open between everyone involved, you can set yourself up for fun and exciting swinging.