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Q&A: My Girlfriend Doesn’t Want To Lose Her Virginity

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Having sex for the first time is a big step – one that involves consent from both partners and a lot of thought on each end. If one partner wants to have sex before the other, it may pose a problem. Here’s what you can do if you and your partner don’t agree on when to take that step. 

Question: My girlfriend doesn’t want to have normal sex yet (she’s only 16 and I’m about the same age, and we both are virgins), but I really love her and I really want to give pleasure to her. Should I give her oral sex or fingering or something like that, so that she wouldn’t lose her virginity, but would be satisfied?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4ooAIEGzlw[/youtube]

Her Right To Say No

If your partner doesn’t want to lose their virginity, it is her right to say no. Even if you suggest other things to give her sexual pleasure, such as oral sex or fingering, remember that she doesn’t have to do anything that she is uncomfortable with regardless of whether she’s “technically” losing her virginity or not. If you really want to share a sexual experience with y0ur partner, ask her if there is anything that she would like and would be comfortable with. If she isn’t comfortable with something, don’t pressure her and give her some time to think about it.

Don’t Do Something You’ll Regret

If you and your partner mutually decide to have sex for the first time, or experience some other type of sexual pleasure together, think it through first. Make sure your partner really is comfortable with whatever you and her have decided to do, and isn’t doing something she’ll regret later just because you want her to. Also, make sure you’re not doing anything you’ll regret later too. Whether you’re having sexual intercourse or giving or receiving oral sex from your partner, worrying about pregnancy or STD’s.remember to be safe always. Use a condom during sexual intercourse and if she wants to give you oral sex, as well as using a dental dam when you give oral sex to her. Your first time – enjoying each other sexually in whatever way you choose – shouldn’t be about

Sex Is More Pleasurable When You Wait

If you and your partner decide to wait to have sex and experience each other sexually, you’ve made a great decision. Waiting until you’re more emotionally mature and prepared for sex can make it more pleasurable for both you and your partner. Rushing into sexual intercourse or other sexual activities, and possibly regretting it later, is not going to give you or your partner much sexual satisfaction outside the moment. However, waiting until you and your partner truly are ready to have sex – both physically and emotionally – means that you and your partner can share a deeply sexual and satisfying relationship both in and outside the bedroom. You don’t necessarily have to wait forever though – try making a deal with your partner to revisit the discussion in 3 or 6 months. You or your partner may feel differently about the subject after spending more time with each other and more time in the relationship.

Q&A: More Anal Sex… How To Clean Up Afterward

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It’s a fact – anal sex can get messy. Whether you ejaculate in the anus during anal sex or not, you’ll still want to clean up afterward. Preventing the spread of bacteria and keeping yourself comfortably clean are important after anal sex. Here’s how you can clean up afterward so you can have fun before!

Question: I know you suggest using condoms for anal sex, and my girlfriend and I take every precaution when we do it. Sometimes we use condoms, but sometimes we don’t. I want to know about ejaculating in her through anal sex.
What are your takes on it? I want to know mainly because while in the heat of the moment things happen. In case it does happen, what are the best ways to go about cleaning up afterward?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2eUy80K3iTQ[/youtube]

Is Semen In The Anus Safe?

If you ejaculate in your partner’s anus during anal sex, you may wonder if it’s safe. As far as pregnancy goes, you can’t impregnante a woman through anal sex so you’re safe there. But having unprotected anal sex at all – ejaculation or no ejaculation – puts you at risk for contracting or spreading sexually transmitted diseases and infections. Anal sex is a bit more risky when it comes to STD’s than traditional vaginal sex because the risk of exposure to blood and other bodily fluids is much higher. Having anal sex with a condom – even with a monogomous partner – is a great way to keep yourself safe from sexually transmitted diseases and infections as well as keep ejaculate from entering the anal cavity during orgasm.

Ejaculating During Anal Sex

When ejaculate enters the anus during anal sex, it leaves the anus the same way it leaves the vagina during vaginal sex – it comes out the same way it comes in. With vaginal sex, however, semen comes out much more quickly and can be cleaned up more easily than with anal sex. Ejaculate doesn’t always come out of the anal cavity right away, and it may come out at inopportune times. Usually, it comes out when you have a bowel movement but can leak out at other times as well. To clean the anal cavity of ejaculate after anal sex, you can pick up an enema kit at your local drugstore to wash the anus clean of semen. Enemas are also an excellent way to get clean before having anal sex, keeping the anal cavity free of fecal matter during sex. If you or your partner prefer to keep semen out of the anal cavity during sex, remember that using a condom is a great way to do that.

Cleaning Up Afterwards

Since anal sex can help spread bacteria that can make you and your partner sick, cleaning up properly afterwards is very important. Clean any anal sex toys used with warm soap and water, or use a special toy cleaner. Wash your hands and your penis thoroughly and have your partner wash her bottom with soap and water as well. Better yet, enjoy a steamy shower with your partner and make cleaning up after anal sex as erotic and pleasurable as anal sex is for you!

The Truth About The Prostate Gland

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You may have heard of a prostate gland, a gland inside a man’s body that is capable of providing him with great pleasure when stimulated, also known as prostate massage or prostate milking. The prostate is hard to get to though – it can sometimes be lightly stimulated by a firm touch underneath a man’s scrotum but usually responds best when stimulated from inside the anus. Do men really like prostate stimulation?

Men Who Love Prostate Stimulation

Some men who enjoy having their prostate gland stimulated during sex say, “Once you try it, you’ll never go back!” Initially, these men may have been a little nervous to try anal play but once they learned how pleasurable it was, it became one of their favorite things in the bedroom. Prostate massage can greatly enhance sexual pleasure and make orgasms more powerful and intense than through penile stimulation alone. Prostate milking can be done alone or in conjunction with oral sex or vaginal sex. Many women truly enjoy stimulating their partner’s prostate gland during sex and prostate massage can help to enhance a dull sex life.

Men Who Hate Prostate Massage

There are some men who have tried prostate stimulation and don’t like it, and many more men that refuse to try it because of the sensitivity of the anus. Some men find any type of anal stimulation uncomfortable or painful and some men simply don’t like the idea of it. With any type of anal play, you definitely take the chance that things will get dirty. Often, men feel embarrassed at the idea of messy anal stimulation and are too uncomfortable to have an enema beforehand. Some men who don’t like the idea of prostate massage can be introduced to it slowly, but many men who are uncomfortable with it are very unwilling to try any anal play at all. Never push the issue with your man – if he doesn’t want to do it, don’t force him and don’t continue to ask him about it. Some men just don’t like it and never will.

How To Introduce It To Your Man

The best way to introduce anal play and prostate stimulation to your partner is to do so very slowly. Talk to your partner first to find out if he is interested in prostate massage and would be willing to try it. If he’s apprehensive, ask him if there is anything you can do to make him more comfortable with the idea. Start small and work your way up, and don’t forget to use lots of water or silicone based lubricant. The anal sphincter does not lubricate itself, so you really can’t use enough lube. Never use a numbing lubricant, because it is important to stop immediately if your partner finds anything painful. You can start with a finger, or a very slim, small toy designed for prostate stimulation. Even small butt plugs may be pleasurable for your partner without causing too much pain or discomfort initially. Remember that any anal sex toy must have a wide base that will not allow it to go all the way in the anal cavity. Toys without a wide base designed for anal play can get lost inside the anal cavity and can cause much damage.

Pleasing Your Partner With A Strap On

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If you and your partner are looking for something to spice up your sex life, you may want to consider pleasing your partner with a strap on. In this alternative to traditional anal sex, a woman will wear a strap on dildo and please her partner anally, focusing on stimulating the prostate gland. Some men, however, are adverse to this idea – here’s how to find out if you can please your man with a strap on.

Introducing The Idea

Many women enjoy the idea of having sex with their partner with a strap on. It gives them the feeling of power and lets them experience a different side of sex altogether. Some men enjoy being on the receiving end, however, many men do not relish the idea at all. How can you find out if your man would like being pleased anally with a strap on? First, try traditional anal sex and let your partner please you anally. This is a good way to introduce him to the idea of anal play at all. Communicate with him how much it turns you on. Also, try a few roleplaying activities that allow your partner to take the role of the submissive. This is a great way to allow him to explore being submissive without diving right into anal play. If he enjoys anal sex with you and enjoys being submissive sometimes, browse a sex toy store online and let him suggest a few toys he would like to play with.

Getting Him Warmed Up

Don’t start by outright suggesting he try being on the receiving end of a strap on. Instead, give him plenty of time to warm up to anal play by purchasing a few small anal toys, such as anal beads or small butt plugs, and use lots and lots of silicone or water based lubricant. Never use desensitizing lube, because if it is painful or uncomfortable, he should stop. Once your partner really gets into anal play, try taking a look at a smaller sized dildo with a strap on. Let him know it could be a toy for both of you to enjoy!

Do’s And Don’ts Of Strap On Play

  • Don’t try any kind of anal play without lots of lube.
  • Don’t force your partner into a submissive role or strap on play if that isn’t where he wants to be.
  • Listen to him if he tells you something makes him uncomfortable or becomes painful.
  • Start small and work your way up. Always use toys and dildos that have a wide base on the end of them to prevent the anal toy from being lodged in the anus. You don’t want to risk it not being able to get back out.
  • Start slow and go slow. Anal play is not the time to be rough – stuff can tear back there!
  • Have a safety word and use it if one of you becomes uncomfortable.
  • Be open to ideas that your partner wants to try too – let him share something with you that really turns him on and make a vow to try it with him.

Q&A: My Girlfriend Wants To Do Me With A Strap On

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The act of penetrating your partner during sex is intense.  It’s a huge turn on for guys – but believe it or not, penetrating their partner (instead of being penetrated) can be a turn on for women too. Some women fantasize about having sex with their man with a strap on. Many men, however, don’t find this idea at all appealing. What do you do if your girl wants to do you with a strap on – and you’re not into it?

Question: I have been having sex with my girlfriend for 3 months now and just recently she keeps bring up the idea of her pleasuring me with a strap on. The idea scares me and I feel as if I were to go through with it I would be less of a man. How do I talk her out of it?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-vjCzzy_HE&feature=PlayList&p=400F0FDDC21B83A0&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=32[/youtube]

Open And Honest Communication

When bringing up a fantasy, whether it’s your fantasy or hers, it’s important that both you and your partner be open and honest with each other. Each partner should be able to bring up a fantasy of theirs without the fear of criticism or being laughed at. That doesn’t mean you have to go along with it though. If her fantasy makes you uncomfortable (or vice versa) it’s important that you are honest with your partner and voice your concerns without being condescending or critical. Sex between you and your partner should be enjoyable for both of you, and neither partner should be forced to be uncomfortable just so the other partner can have a pleasurable experience. If your partner wants to try something that makes you uncomfortable, let her know. If she wants to have sex with you using a strap-on, let her know what about that idea causes you discomfort.

How To Say No

Whether you aren’t into the idea of playing in the mud or you’d rather keep your anus a “one way only” street, those are all perfectly sound reasons to bring up to your partner. When you’re talking to your partner about why you don’t want to have her use a strap-on on you, make sure that you use “I” terms instead of “you” terms. This is about you after all, and why the idea of her introducing this type of BDSM makes you uneasy. Be careful not to make her feel as though her fantasies are gross or wrong. She should feel safe enough in the relationship to bring her fantasies up in conversation, whether you actually go through with them or not.

She Should Respect You

If you respect your partner enough to make it safe for her to share her fantasies with you, she should respect you enough to realize that you may not want to participate in all of them. Ultimately, if you’re not comfortable with something, she shouldn’t force you to do it or become angry if you won’t. It’s your body after all. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. If she doesn’t respect you enough to dismiss her fantasy and find a form of sex or BDSM that you both can enjoy in the bedroom, it’s time to move on to someone who does respect you and your body.