Love & Sex Answers

Today's #1 Love & Sex Resource

You are here: Home / Archives for better sex

How To Choose The BEST Lube!

By

Lube comes in all different kinds, consistencies, flavors and formulas. Here’s how to select the best one for what you’re going to be doing.

You’ve decided to go ahead and get some lube, but there are so many different kinds out there that it’s completely overwhelming! What kind do you get? How much money do you have to spend? Should you get one, two or four bottles? Should you get different kinds or stock up on one kind? Here’s what you want to know about what kind of lube to get for what you want to use it for.

Water Based

What It Is: Water based lubricant is just that – a lubricant made with mostly water and other inert ingredients. Water based lube feels the most natural, although it can come in both slippery thin versions and thick gel versions. It’s the most condom compatible lube and the easiest to wash off. It almost never stains sheets!

Don’t Use With: Underwater sex or sex in the shower. It will rinse away almost immediately.

Best For: Vaginal sex, use with sex toys

Silicone

What It Is: Silicone lube is not water based – it’s made from silicone (a type of plastic) and is typically “oilier” feeling than water based lube. (Never use oil for lube – it will ruin any latex product including condoms). It lasts longer and doesn’t wash away that easily. It requires washing off with soap and water and can be more difficult to get out of intimate areas like the vagina. It can also stain sheets and clothing, so be careful!

Don’t Use With: Silicone sex toys. Silicone + silicone doesn’t mix – it will degrade the toy and the outside will start to get sticky and gross looking!

Best For: Underwater sex, anal sex

All Natural/Hypoallergenic

What It Is: For sensitive women, there are “all natural” or “hypoallergenic” lubricant formulas available. Some are even considered “organic.” Most, if not all of them are water based, since silicone can be more irritating to some individuals. All natural lubes are usually unscented and feel very natural.

Don’t Use With: Nothing. These lubes are very versatile!

Best For: Women with very sensitive vaginal tissues, or men who have sensitive penises. Also good for couples who simply desire to use lubricant that is closest to their own natural bodily fluids.

Flavored

What It Is: Flavored lube is almost always water based, since consumers typically associate flavored lube with “edible lube.” And it usually is edible, although there isn’t really a lubricant out there that doesn’t taste like some sort of poorly flavored plastic. It’s tolerable though, if you must use lube during oral sex. However, the scents are what make flavored lube so great! They come in a variety of scents like chocolate, mint, strawberry and more. When using them for anal sex, the scents can come in handy when covering up any unwanted body odors.

Don’t Use With: Some flavored lubes are made with sugar, which can cause yeast infections in women. Read your labels carefully!

Best For: Oral sex or anytime you want a better smelling lubricant

Desensitizing Lube

What It Is: Desensitizing lubricant is a special formula with “numbing” ingredients that numb the surface of the skin it’s applied to for a short period of time. This type of lube was created specifically with anal sex in mind, but should not be used for this.

Don’t Use With: Anything! Desensitizing lube was created with anal sex in mind, since anal sex tends to be painful when not done correctly. However, if you use this type of lube with anal sex, it can prevent you from feeling pain – which can be a very, very bad thing contrary to popular belief.

You may think you want to numb yourself against feeling pain during anal sex, but you need to be aware if something hurts while you’re engaging in that type of activity. Tearing and bleeding can occur and when severe, require immediate medical attention. If you can’t feel what’s going on, you may not know there’s an issue until it’s too late.

Best For: Nothing, really. You can’t use it for oral sex because you don’t want a numb tongue (what good would that do?) and you don’t want your lover to have a numb vagina and clitoris either. You can use it if you’re a particularly fast ejaculator, but it’s not going to numb you to feeling the pressure of stroking during intercourse, which is typically what causes a man to orgasm anyways. It may buy you a minute or two, but it’s not really worth it.

Stimulating Lubricants

What It Is: Like desensitizing lubes, stimulating lubricants are either water or silicone based lubes that are made with special ingredients to stimulate the vagina or penis during sex. There are warming lubes or cooling lubes, both of which provide a tingling sensation. Some formulas of warming lubes get really, really hot and can burn quite a bit, while most cooling lubes aren’t as strong. These can be fun to play with!

Don’t Use With: Oral sex. Do you really want your tongue to be on fire?

Best For: Experimenting with a drop or two on the penis or the clitoris. Fun for handjobs! Use in moderation.

What Not To Use

Oils

Never, ever use oil based products like olive oil, coconut oil, baby oil or mineral oil during sex. These will break down latex condoms and latex sex toys faster than you can say, “Oh ****!” Technically, you “can” use oils like this if you’re in a monogamous sexual relationship with someone and you are both STD free and are either trying for a baby or are protected against pregnancy in other ways (such as birth control), but water and silicone based lubricants are so much better and more natural feeling. They’re also easier to wash off!

Saliva

Saliva is NOT lube. No matter how many times you’ve used it in a “pinch” and it’s worked okay, it’s just not the same. It doesn’t last as long, there’s usually not enough of it and it’s really not that erotic to be smearing your spit all over yourself and your girl’s vagina during sex. Just get some lube, okay?

Lotion

Lotion isn’t lube either. You may have used it during masturbation and sure it was thick, but it was better than nothing, right? It’s not going to work that way if you’re with a woman. It’s too thick and it will likely irritate her delicate vaginal tissues. Lotion is meant for the outside, not the inside.

Food Products Like Mayonnaise, Etc.

If the thought of using condiments like mayo for lube makes you shudder and sends you running in the other direction, good for you! However, people have been known to use whatever they have on hand instead of just going out and buying a bottle of damn lube. It’s ridiculous, yes. But it happens. Mayo and other condiments can have oil in them, so refer back to why you should not use oil as a lubricant during sex. Also, using condiments (unless it’s licking chocolate sauce off her nipples) during sex is just plain nasty.

Vaseline/Petroleum Jelly

These are oil based products. Read the label.

Lube is a great item to have on hand and it can be found almost everywhere, including your local supermarkets and drugstores. It’s inexpensive and you don’t have to be a certain age to buy it. Try several different brands, types and consistencies to find out what works for you and your partner! Sampler packs are great for this because it allows you to try different brands without spending money and wasting an entire bottle of lube if you find that you don’t like something. Above all, have fun with it because that’s what it’s all about!

4 Reasons A Woman Won’t Have Sex With You

By

Sex tips tell you how to get it on, but what if you’re not doing it at ALL? What if she’s not putting out? Here are some clues as to why she might not have sex with you.

There are a lot of reasons that woman will not have sex with you. It doesn’t matter if you are the top salesman at your marketing firm, a high paid lawyer or the best neurosurgeon in the world, you can always be outperformed and outwitted by a guy that lives at home with his mother.

They are certain key characteristics to every guy that knows how to get a woman in the bed. Hollywood has you believe that women are only interested in men have money or power. While there are women that are only interested in money or power, you don’t need either of these in order to get them into bed. Here are some key characteristics of men that will never be able to get a woman into the sack.

1. You Have ZERO Confidence

Confidence is a key ingredient to getting all women to not only respect you, but to also want to go to bed with you. It doesn’t matter if you work as a clerk at a grocery store or you own a law firm, if you don’t have confidence in yourself, no woman is every going to see you as more than a friend.

Confidence can be gained by looking at the key characteristics that you have to offer a woman. Whether you are a nice guy or you are financially secure, every woman wants a guy that is sure of himself. Women are naturally drawn to men that have confidence in themselves.

2. You Dress Sloppy

It’s one thing to run out to the grocery store in a pair of Iraqi jeans and a torn shirt, but it is a whole other thing to meet a girl in this kind of clothing. A guy that doesn’t know how to dress himself for a date will never get a girl to go to bed with him. Women like guys who respect the traditions of a date and guys who respect themselves. When you go out to something as important as a date, you MUST dress for the occasion.

If you do not take the time to pick out something slightly trendy, the girl is going to assume that you don’t care enough about her to put something together. Go to a decent department store and buy at least 2-3 different dating outfits so that you are prepared for the first couple of dates that you go out on. Girls also don’t want to have one night stands with guys who don’t know how to dress, so keep that in mind.

3. Your Hygiene STINKS

You would think that this goes without saying, however, there are some guys that can’t get it through their heads. Hygiene is one of the most important aspects of getting a girl into bed. If your breath smells or your have dandruff, they are going to assume that your junk stinks. Furthermore, this just isn’t attractive. Make sure that you have clean hair, hands and that you have brushed your teeth. If you have a breath problem then carry mints or gum.

This should be number one in your arsenal to getting a girl to go to bed with you. Invest in a body wash that actually works. Old Spice and Right Guard are great. These will leave you smelling good for at least a couple of hours after you have taken a shower.

4. You Don’t Know How To Sexualize The Interaction Properly

There are a lot of guys that either don’t sexualize a conversation at all or they over-sexualize a conversation. There is a fundamental difference between friends and guys that girls want to sleep with. A friend will not flirt with a girl. A guy that wants to sleep with her will. While this might seem like an easy concept to grasp, there are a ton of guys out there don’t know exactly what to do in order to properly flirt. Making fun of her in a flirty way is great to get some rapport going. Even telling her that you like her shoes or dress can go a long way.

However, you don’t want to lay it on too thick. Breaking the touch barrier early on is also a good way to show that you aren’t afraid to take control. Don’t do anything that is going to make her uncomfortable though. Don’t touch her leg or even her hand unless you know that she won’t pull back. Girls can tell when a guy is nervous. You have to be calm and cool in order to gain her affection.

5 Places Never To Miss When Giving A Handjob

By

A handjob is an incredible way to give your lover an orgasm without getting anything but – well, your hands – involved. Here’s how to give a great handjob!

First, let’s explore some of the places on a man’s genitals that are great for a massage. The more you know your man between his legs, the better your handjob will be.

1. His Scrotum

The scrotum (the sac where his balls are held) is a great place to hold, tug lightly and massage lightly. Cupping his scrotum with one hand can give your partner excellent sensations while you do the dirty work with your other hand! Just be careful not to massage your partner’s scrotum too hard – this is a very sensitive area and a rough approach just won’t work here. Think of his testicles as eyeballs.

You can actually massage your eyeballs, but if you poke or press too hard it hurts. The same with his balls. Try pumping up and down on his shaft, then giving a light squeeze every third or fourth stroke release. A feather to the balls is also very, very delightful.

2. The Perineum

This is probably the area that gives you the most advantage during a genital massage. Why, you ask? When pressure is put on the perineum, it stimulates a man’s sensitive prostate gland. Men love having their prostate gland stimulated (it is like a man’s G-spot) but not all of them know they do. That’s because other than the perineum, the only other way to gain access to the prostate gland is through the anus and there are more men that don’t like going that route than there are that do.

Pressing or rubbing on the perineum (the spot between his scrotum and his anus) during a genital massage can give your partner the thrill of a lifetime. Just make sure that your partner is comfortable with your hand in that spot and make sure he lets you know how low is too low if he is uncomfortable with your hand near his anus. And don’t be afraid to throw some lube down there first! Things will slide right along!

3. His Inner Thighs And Lower Abs

These areas are secondary to the others during a genital massage and you may want to use them just to help warm your partner up – but if he really likes it, feel free to use these areas during the handjob to give your partner more of an “all over” feeling. These spots can take a little more of a rough touch, so they are great to squeeze, press and manipulate when you are really ravaging your partner during a genital massage. Be careful not to do this too hard, your partner is not Play-Doh! If you prefer to go the softer route, these places are very responsive to light touching (such as running your fingers up and down them) or to tickling. Light touches in these areas are best for teasing.

Let your hair caress his thighs while your face is close to his penis and you are fondling and rubbing his erection.

4. The Anus

Obviously this area can be a big no-no spot for men. But the anus has a lot of pleasure points. Some men are fine with you massaging the outside of the anus and that is it. Others have discovered the incredible pleasure of having their prostate massaged via the anus. Insert your pointer or middle finger (after he has been well lubed of course) and find a spongy area the size of a walnut maybe 3 or 4 inches in and begin to stroke it. Do this when you think he is close to coming and it will most likely give him the explosion of his lifetime.

Here is how one of my readers described it:

“She would lube up her middle finger insert it in my ass and massage my prostate. Well you orgasm very quick and when she is massaging the walnut you darn near levitate!! Very powerful!”

And another one of my reader’s says this about the anus:

“Most guys will not admit it but a man’s anal area adds great sensations.”

5. His Penis

Well, of course the penis is the main area on your partner’s body that you want to pay attention to when giving a genital massage. None of the other areas have the capacity to bring your partner to orgasm – but it is important to note that concentrating on massaging the penis only during a genital massage can make it slow work for you. Accessing and utilizing massage techniques on the other areas of your partner’s groin area can make things go more quickly and actually, it will make the genital massage more exciting, pleasurable and satisfying to him.

How To Give A Woman Orgasms That Are Incredibly Powerful

By

An orgasm is something not every girl expects during sex – but they all WANT it. Here’s how to give your lover an amazing orgasm EVERY time!

A lot of guys appear inconsiderate to women when it comes to sex. While this is not your objective, your woman could not be blamed into thinking like this, especially if you continue denying her the powerful orgasm that she deserves. To start changing your reputation in bed, why not start learning more about her anatomy and her sexual psyche? Men are different from women, and you should take this into account whenever you are seeking to give her pleasure.

There are many tips and techniques to completely amaze her and give her a wild time in bed. The following 3 tips are as easy as “ABC,” but they will prime her for “powerhouse” orgasms that will blow her mind – and yours too!

Accentuate Her Comfort

Let her be cozy. A woman’s comfort is a key aspect to consider during sex. To experience a truly powerful orgasm, she needs to let go all her inhibitions. This is not possible without her being at ease with you. Make sure she feels secure and comfortable in bed. When she is completely relaxed, she will be able to experience the most intense pleasure that you will be giving her.

Become One With Her Body

Survey her most sensitive areas, like her clitoris. Know them inside out. One special thing about women is that they are blessed with a lot of erogenous zones, so there are almost infinite ways for you to please her. Find out where her most sensitive areas are, by slowly caressing her body and seeing how she responds to each and every sensual spot that you touch. You will not only enjoy getting to know her body more, she will also increase her responsiveness even to the simplest of your actions!

Call Out Her Deepest Desires

Find out what her deepest and innermost sexual fantasies are, and re-enact these fantasies for her. Some women may take a little coaxing to come forth with their thoughts. Take the lead by revealing yours first! Finding out what she truly wants will make her more open to your moves, and prepare her for what is to come next!

How To Introduce Her To Kinky Sex

By

Kinky sex can be lots of fun, but some girls have never tried it. Getting your lover into kinky sex isn’t difficult, but you want to approach it the right way.

The fashion of the more risqué among us has spilled out into everyday culture, with corsets and leather collars becoming almost mainstream. Having said that, most of my clients and friends are curious but aren’t sure how to incorporate a bit of ‘spice’ to their sex lives, even though we’re surrounded by sexy messages on a daily basis.

The Recipe

There are a variety of things to try when it comes to getting frisky with your partner: spanking, bondage, role-playing, or sensation play (like hot wax or ice cubes) are just a few. But the biggest difficulty isn’t in deciding what to do, but rather, how to broach it with your partner. Even if you’ve been together for a long time and trust each other, it’s a scary thing to suggest something new that may not go over well.

Before you broach the subject, applaud yourself for connecting with your sexual being and learning more about what turns you on. In today’s society, that’s a challenging thing in and of itself. Once you’ve patted yourself on the back, try these ideas to get going:

Talk It Out

You don’t need to make the conversation into ‘The Talk’ by blurting out you need to tell her some big secret. Instead, go about it gently, from a different angle. Share what turns you on with your partner on a regular basis. Tell her what makes you hot, and what it is she does that makes you dizzy with arousal. By chatting about sex more frequently, you’ll open the lines of communication so that when you are ready to take another step, you’ll feel more comfortable and at ease.

Dirty Minds Think Alike

Write down the craziest, funniest, sexiest things you’ve heard of, and then draw lines down the page for several categories, like “never in a million years,” or “maybe with some prodding,” or even “I’ve never thought of it, but sure, I’ll try it.” This is a fun game to discover lots of sexual interests you never knew you shared.

Media Sharing

Pick a storyline that explores something you’re curious about sharing with your partner, and be observant of her reaction. Sometimes it’s easier to broach the subject when it’s not coming right at you, and then you can discuss what you thought was hot, and a total turn off, in turn.

Create A Safeword

When folks in the kink community negotiate a spicy interaction, they create a safeword to be shared amongst the participants. Basically, a safeword is something that you wouldn’t normally say in a sexual encounter such as “purple elephant” that tells your partner you need to stop. Some folks just use colors to explain what they are feeling, such as red for stop and yellow for go slower or more gently please.

Start With Baby Steps

Even if what you have in mind is a huge production, and you’ve played out every variation for more than a decade in your mind, you don’t want to start with the whole shebang right away. Start simply, with just one aspect of the concept that gets you going. See how you both feel after, and then decide if you want to do it again, try something different, or incorporate more of the sexual fantasy into your playtime.