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What You’re Doing Wrong In Bed (And How To Fix It)

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Foreplay is an essential, but no-one is asking you for perfection, honey. This isn’t about being a  Casanova or a foreplay aficionado – though neither hurts, that’s for sure! No, what we’re talking about right now is giving your wife what she really wants when she’s at her most vulnerable and receptive, open and honest.

Fear

According to husband and wife team Kim Catrall and Mark Levinson in their book “Satisfaction: The Art of Female Orgasm,” which addresses the many issues that face the modern couple working toward a female orgasm, fear is a primary source of recurring anxiety and emotional stress in a lover’s life. I was terrified to tell my husband that I wasn’t satisfied with our sex life, scared that I would hurt him or cause the kind of anger and resentment that ultimately. This kind of anxiety breeds resentment and serious stress, both of which are the opposite of sexy.

Discontent

Open, honest communication is the bedrock upon the foundation of a happy relationship. Your partner will have good reason to be afraid to talk to you about  their sexual experiences. We don’t exactly have the best reputation for effective communication. Dr. DeAngelis identifies ten archetypes describing rote male reactions to talking about sex that make women cringe, especially when it comes to talking about sex.

1.  Mystery Men are vague.
2. Slippery Men avoid discussion.
3. Invisible Men withdraw and hold back.
4. Secret Men can’t express their own needs and desires.
5. Volcanic Men bottle up their feelings until they explode.
6. Vanishing Men storm out in the middle of discussions.
7.  Commando Men bark orders and make demands.
8.  Sarcastic Men make jokes and poke fun at women’s feelings.
9.  Chicken Men lie and tell stories to avoid the hard talks.
10. Reactive Men always expect the worse and react accordingly.

Each of these responses to our genuine concerns about desire and satisfaction can cause deep emotional wounds that will fester and poison relationships without help. When it comes to talking about what we want in bed, if you aren’t willing
to listen, you’ll never learn.

Judgment

During my many years of study and exploration, I learned that becoming orgasmic really was my responsibility. Every woman should take the opportunity to learn her own body – but you need to be open to listening to and learning from her discovery.

If you respond to your wife giving you suggestions or discussing her worries with an attitude of blame, how can you expect her to want to improve her sexual experience with you? The pressure to perform when I knew how hurt or angry my husband
would be if he didn’t feel like he had “done his job” is what led me to begin faking it in the first place.

If you really want to know what your wife is feeling in bed, you need to learn how to tell exactly how she’s doing, take the pressure off her, and give her the chance to be open and honest about her experience. Communication is the key to a healthy relationship and an embodied sexual experience.

Divorce

Sex is rarely cited as a woman’s reason for divorce – only about 5% of female divorcees reported this as the cause (compared to 17% of divorced men). But the emotional effects of fear, discontent and judgment from a sexless or orgasm-free
marriage certainly contribute to the 27% of divorced couples with “emotional problems” and 22% who had extramarital affairs.19

There was a time in my marriage where I was at the end of my rope. I considered cheating and even thought about how awful a divorce would be if things came to that. I realized that the hard work it would take to learn and teach my husband about sexual fulfillment was a better choice than the easy route of finding someone else to give me a hand with the sex education. Put simply, my husband got lucky!

How Foreplay Affects A Woman’s Sexual Arousal

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Foreplay is the very first step in sexual arousal. How do you do that? Tease your girl into an orgasmic oblivion! There are a whole host of things that happen during the “foreplay” phase, all of which propel her further towards explosion. Here are some things to look for during that process, as well as what to do to get her moving smoothly along the path to orgasm.

What Happens To A Woman’s Body During Sex

As soon as your partner starts thinking about sex, her body begins to change. The hormone oxytocin overloads the brain in a rushing flood. This same hormone makes women want to cuddle after sex, and motivates them to bond with their newborn babies after breastfeeding. She gets ’emotionally stoned’ on this hormone according to author Theresa Crenshaw, and she needs more and more of it to flow through her circulatory system in order to orgasm.

As the blood starts pumping harder and faster throughout the body, the skin around her face, chest, back and inner thighs will start to flush, turning a deep pink or red. Some folks call this the ‘glow’ of arousal, although really it is more of a glow signalling readiness for an increase in stimulation than an indication of her proximity to climax. More blood gets diverted to her pelvic region as well with similar effects. The labia will turn dark purple instead of a mere flush. The closer she gets to orgasm, the darker the hue.

Why Teasing Makes Her Body React Better

Wherever she gets flushed, she’ll also become more sensitive, as there’s more blood flow to the nerve endings around her body. Nibbling her ears when she’s excited for example has a different reaction than when her body is unprepared. Her breasts and nipples get larger as she moves through the foreplay phase of arousal, and may take on a defined pinkish color as well. Playing with her breasts and nipples during this state increases the amount of oxytocin in her blood as well. In some women this is so prominent that she’ll be able to orgasm from this stimulation alone.

Vaginal lubrication begins during this phase as well, from two tiny ducts that line the opening of her vagina called Bartholin’s Glands. The lubrication helps both moisturize and prepare the vagina for penetration, not to mention getting the clitoris ready for full-on play.

How To Tell When She’s Ready For Sex

The best ways to figure out if she’s moved from the foreplay stage to a point where she’s getting ready to work toward climaxing is to look at her clitoral head. Keep a close look when she is not aroused; her clitoral head won’t be visible to the naked eye, difficult to find during fingering, or downright impossible to locate.

When she’s aroused, the clitoral head peeks out from underneath the protective hood, essentially saying, “I’m here and ready to come out and play!” Before her clitoral head peeks out she’ll prefer light, indirect touches, like light circles around the head, but not directly on it. Pressure along the front commissure is also pleasurable to help arouse her more. Once the clitoris emerges from its hidden place, you’re free to press with firm pressure and venture right for the nub of pleasure.

Clitoris 101 – What It Is, Why You Need To Touch It & How To Do It!

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The clitoris. This is the GRAND MOMMY of them all, the main moan zone. If you want to score, and score big, this is where you go.

Women have penises too, we call theirs the clitoris. It’s a small bump or button a few inches above the vaginal opening. And if you examine it very closely, you’ll see that it does look like a very small penis. And true to that nature, it can engorge with blood and go erect. It also has a tiny shaft which feels like a thin bony cord.

Why The Clitoris Exists

The clitoris exists for one good reason – to give PLEASURE. Although size doesn’t give it justice, which is why some guys have a hard time finding it, its role is nothing to sneeze at. The concentration of nerve endings at the pleasure bud is tremendous, to say the least. Easily by the thousands, it is one of the most heavily innervated part of a woman. It packs in one very tiny area nerves similar in number to that of the penis!

Why are nerves important, you ask?

Because they connect to the brain. Stimulating the clitoris sends bliss impulses that rock her brain silly. The CAVEAT, however, is that the same nerves that make it sensitive to pleasure, also make it sensitive to pain. So you gotta take it easy.

How Big Is It?

4 inches!

Not many people know this, but the clit is more than just a button or a bump, much of it is not visually accessible. What people refer to as the “clit” is just the head of the clitoris – like the head of your penis. When we say that it looks like a knob, this is what we’re talking about. Unseen is the organ branching into 2 forks, extending down and passing along the vaginal opening and terminating near the anus.

Inside, a woman’s clitoral system really looks like a thick wishbone. But for our purposes here, we will talk about what you see the outside.

How Do You Find It?

Your landmark will be the inner-smaller lips, or labia. The inner lips are very easy to spot, they look like petals or misshapen tongues and are usually darker than the rest of the vulva. Do an upward trace of the lips. You will notice that both left and right lips converge at the top. The clitoris sits on top where both lips converge.

The clitoris is sheathed inside a hood of skin, similar to the foreskin your doctor may have removed when you were circumcised. Sometimes, you really have to push back the blanketing hood to unveil the knob. Be wary of doing this though, because if she’s not sufficiently aroused, this can hurt!

At times, when she’s really hot, the knob will retract under the hood and won’t be visually accessible. This isn’t bad news – it does this on its own when she’s excited and nearing orgasm.

Why Is The Clitoris Important?

ORGASMS. Ring any bells? Any bells at all?

Orgasms are a woman’s best friend as they are these waves of contractions that bring intense pleasure. They are 21 birthdays, Graduation, Wedding & Driver’s License rolled into one – fleeting slices of heaven that transform even the most prim & proper of ladies into cussing savages.

The clitoris is the main organ that serves her these orgasms, it’s little wonder why millions of research dollars and entire lives have been spent studying it. Compared to the g spot, for example, the clit is the more consistent server of climax. In fact, many women orgasm only via clitoral stimulation. You can thrust like hell for hours, use all types of lube, but as long as the clitoris isn’t in on the action, a woman won’t budge.

Before you get flushed with excitement and channel all sexual energy on her pleasure bud, consider this – the clit may look like a button, but it doesn’t function like one. Do not make the mistake of immediately feeling for it and expect a girl to shoot up the horny-meter. Not so.

Use Indirect Stimulation

How is indirect stimulation possible?

Reviewing how the vulva is configured, you’ll see that the clitoris sits on top of the inner labia. During intercourse, a thrusting penis tugs on these lips – which consequently tugs on the clitoris. In short, intercourse stimulates the clitoris indirectly.

The problem for women is that this indirect stimulation is grossly insufficient to result in climax. Although there are women who cum by penetration alone, most women don’t. Your penis just going in and out of her vagina just won’t do the job. You have to give direct clitoral stimulation while thrusting.

How do you do this?

Do THE GRIND.

The key here is pelvic & hip movement that provides both pressure and friction. Not the inside friction between penis and vaginal walls, but the friction caused by pressing and rubbing your pubic bone on her clitoris.

Because of the clit’s location, forward-backward thrusting won’t avail much, but by sensually grinding your bush area, you let the pleasure bud in on the action. Actually, your pubic bone has a better chance of delivering her orgasms than your jimmy, it can give DIRECT clitoral provocation.

So when you penetrate, don’t pull-out immediately, keep your member inside. In this position, you can directly stimulate her clit by rubbing your pube against it. Grind in circular and “8” motions. (Be sensitive when she guides you by placing her hands on your buttocks, or when she synchronizes with your movements.)

The grind creates a huge, HUGE difference in your woman’s orgasm potential. It’s more effective than bouncy moves because it stimulates the same area women excite during masturbation!

6 Naughty Truths About Explosive Sex She Wants You to Know!

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Sex tips from your girl are the best, because they’re spot on! But she won’t always give them to you! Here are six sex tips she secretly wants you to know.

Do you really know what women want during sex? There are too many women who complain about having bad sex instead of experiencing the heavenly pleasures of lovemaking. If you don’t know what women really want in bed (or think you are clueless), here are things you should keep in mind if you want to give her an amazing time in between the sheets.

1. Smell Good

A foul-smelling body can be a real turn-off in bed. Even if you have a body-odor that you THINK is appealing, get a shower! You should be smelling fresh and clean in bed, not like a caveman waiting to devour his prey. Now, if you are expecting her to give you great fellatio, the last thing you want her to remember is smelling bad down there.

2. Erotic Massage

An erotic massage can work its magic on a woman like no other. Women love to be pampered by their men and massage is a great way to heighten her sexual senses. Put your hands to good use after a bath together and give her a good rub on her back and thighs. This will be a great prelude to a night of passionate fireworks.

3. Assume Dominance

Even the most sexually adventurous women would love their men to be bold, dominant and sexually confident. They want you to set the pace and intensity when you make love. Take charge and try new things together, with one thing in mind: giving her an awesome orgasm that she cannot refuse.

4. Cuddle With Her

Don’t head off to sleep straight after a lovemaking session! Women are emotional beings. They want to feel special not just during sex, but after sex as well. A good cuddle will make her feel wanted and appreciated for who she is. Believe me, this can work magic into a sexual relationship. Most guys don’t do this at all. Be different, and she will likely let you go for round number two.

5. Be Ready For The Next Round

Well, you may have seen this coming, don’t you? Most women don’t request for a second round. But if the first one was so good – especially if you have given her an exquisite orgasm – be prepared to have a go at it again. Grant her this wish. After all, it simply means she adores you and she loves the way you make her feel.

6. Keep It Up

Need I say more? A rock hard erection will get any woman going. It shows how turned on you are by her, and epitomizes your desire for her. So give her the most amazing night ever!

How To Get Out Of A Sex Routine

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Sex tips are essential for spicing up your lovemaking, especially if it’s gotten monotonous. Try out these red hot sex tips TONIGHT!

How Does Sex Get Boring?

First, let’s look at how something as wonderful as sex becomes so pathetic. It has a lot to do with settling down – settling down to habits and set expectations.

As we said of most sexual relationships, knocking boots begins hot, hot, hot! Life was good, it was freakin’ good! Then, it kinda gets simply warm – still nice, but not as hot as before. Then, after some time, sex with the same person loses much of its initial appeal. It gets colder and colder. Soon it gets so frigidly cold, nobody wants to shed their clothes anymore!

One of the suspects could be monotony.

How Predictability KILL Your Sex Life

Sex habits and predictability aren’t bad in and of themselves. When utilized properly, they afford stability in sexual relationships by creating an atmosphere that’s both familiar and safe. This is the good light of them.

What’s wrong with doing what you love over and over in the first place? Your fave sex positions, even foreplay mannerisms, all reflect personal preferences – and you love them because they have worked for you in the past. Blending them into an evening of pleasure makes for efficient & effective sex, and proficient & competent partners. – UP TO A POINT.

Trouble begins when, after discovering what works, couples become one-hit-wonders and stop trying out other stuff. They become so engrossed with what they like and get too lazy with the rest. Before you know it, they’ve been doing the same thing for the last 35 years!

A sex schedule for example, can be helpful, but if it kills all the spontaneity, then it can also work to your disadvantage – sex becomes predictable. Habits make that which is wonderful look so ordinary and mundane – robbing it of its appeal. Throw in laziness & apathy and you have a deadly combo.

And here’s the kicker – predictability suits men.

Why He Loves The Monotony

Guys love efficiency and predictability in getting their orgasm. But oftentimes, the same can be flat out disadvantageous for women, so that while a man may be enjoying a sexual custom, your girl could be harboring a loathing for it.

Habits, even the good ones, have the tendency to degrade into its core elements (i.e. penetration & ejaculation). While in the past, it may have worked just fine, it can degenerate over time. It used to be good when he used to engage her in finesse foreplay, penetrated her with gentlemanly flair, and finished her off with his tongue. (In this context, the habit works for the couple.)

But over time, the kisses, caresses and eye contacts diminish ‘til they become ancient history. Now, only penetration and ejaculation elements remain and what used to be hot and passionate has gone tasteless and dry.

Beat predictability to death and it will eventually kill your sex life. Can you now sense the potential dark side?

But can you also see that you can do something about it?

Heat It Up!

The most powerful aphrodisiac in the world is not a plate of oysters – it’s NOVELTY. It’s the allure of something new, something unknown and something you may never have done before. It’s the freshness of the unfamiliar, the excitement of not knowing what’s happening, or the vagueness of it.

It’s the newness of things that make intimate encounters both exhilarating and refreshing. Do you know why romantic-scented-candles-and-sensual-music set-ups work? Because they don’t happen every night. They require work, so men save them for special occasions.

Watch what happens when such romantic gestures happen on a nightly basis. Right! The sweet set-up gets old, no matter how grand they may be. Suddenly, the scented candles cease to be so “Awwww,” they become signs of a gross inability to pay electric bills.

Habits serve well by keeping us from stumbling in the dark, but sometimes, human beings need to stumble in darkness to see the light. Sometimes we need unpredictability and unfamiliarity in order to feel alive. Come to think of it, these standards don’t really improve our sex lives, they merely make it stable. “Stable” is usually not enough, and oftentimes, it gets mistaken for “boring.”

But you should know that falling into some sort of habit is human nature, everybody yields to it. But just as everything else, there exists in our nature a counterpoint that balances our fondness for habits and stability – that’s our desire for novelty.

Trying New Things & Using Your Imagination

Novelty is the perfect antidote. When sex becomes a stale act, give your vintage moves a rest and bring in SOMETHING NEW.

This “something” could actually be almost NOTHING. For you’re not required to radically alter sexual practices, it just takes little touches to spark erotic encounters to life. Don’t think extreme, excessive or extravagant. If you can enrich just a tenth of the experience, she’ll love it – a single touch technique for example, can make a huge difference.

This “something” could be ANYTHING – even something totally unrelated to sex. (And I want you to really open your eyes for this one.) Just as anything in a room can be a deadly weapon – telephones, vase, pillow, keyboard (depends on how you use it and where you strike), anything can be a sexual weapon. Anything at all!

For example, a piece of smooth stone may have nothing to do with sex, but under the hands of a creative lover during an erotic massage, it can do magic.

And so we arrive at the concept of PERSONAL CREATIVITY.

As always, everything starts in the mind, with YOUR IMAGINATION. A lot of imagination is rendered next to useless in this world of comfort zones. You are lounging everyday, carrying the most exciting and insightful sexual ideas in your head. Free your imagination, let your regular thinking patterns, your normal, your usual take the first beating.

But do it in your own pace.

You and your girl will have that initial hesitation reminiscent of human beings trying out something new. But that’s okay. It’s totally understandable, part of the charm actually. And when it works, it works! If not, then move on to a thousand other things.

Creativity is the super highway to novelty. It is the blank check with which new sexual experiences are written. Creativity looks at a woman’s body in a different way, frames sex into new exciting perspectives and reveals avenues and alleys before unnoticed.

It diversifies sexual practices into variations never even thought probable. And the beautiful thing about it is unfettered creativity ALWAYS WORKS! It never fails you when you give it a chance. It keeps trying ‘til it hits pay dirt. CREATIVITY is innovative, imaginative, artistic and resourceful.