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Orgasm Tips – How The Orgasm Cycle Works In Men And Women

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An orgasm is the icing on the cake when it comes to sex, but men and women don’t experience an orgasm the same way. Here’s how to understand the difference.

The “Human Sexual Response” is a cycle of 4 stages. They are:

  • Excitement
  • Plateau
  • Orgasm
  • Resolution

Stage One – Excitement

This happens the first instance you see a scrumptious fox on the street (or on TV). Really, any physical or psychological event that causes parasympathetic nerve stimulation can commence the cycle. The stimuli vary and may also take the form of a sound, emotion or a naughty thought.

Things get ugly right away – your heart starts racing, respiratory rates shoot up, blood flow to the genitals increases. In seconds, little Johnny would have grown a few inches. Your scrotum thickens and the testes rise. It’s official, you’re horny.

A woman similarly experiences increased blood flow to the genital area, causing her clitoris to swell. The vagina increases in diameter & length, her cervix and uterus are pulled up. She starts producing more lubrication and is getting very wet. Her breast and nipples become erect, and she starts breathing heavily as heart and respiratory rates shoot up.

Now, while there are many similarities in how the genders experience Excitement, there is one glaring difference. Generally, MEN GET HOT IN AN INSTANT. Snap! And we’re good to go. Women need a reasonable time. For the life of us, we cannot understand why it takes a woman ages to be ready. For her part, she can’t comprehend the ridiculous speeds with which guys can be neutral one second and insanely horny the next.

Recognize this distinction in arousal speeds. This single disparity will snowball through intercourse. Because they get aroused in an instant, men will often misjudge the readiness of their partners as they lustfully advance to the rest of the stages. As a result, women often feel left behind, even left out of the SEX. Not good.

Stage Two – Plateau

“Plateau” may bring images of restful leisure, but don’t be mislead, PLATEAU is a turbulent stage – no restful leisure here. Remember those ugly things that take over your body during the Excitement Stage? Well, they continue with full abandon during Plateau.

Heart rate reaches as high as 175 lustful beats a minute. Respiratory rates remind you of your track and field days, (who says sex isn’t a sport?) Your penis undergoes extreme congestion and you’ll be seriously thinking if it can explode or fly off your body. This is where you do most of the works – kissing, sucking, penetration, sexual positions etc.

Stage Three – Orgasm

Orgasm, this is the money-maker right here. Lasting only a few seconds, O’s are considered the most ecstatic moments of a person’s existence. After tension building in stages 1&2, blood congestion in the genitals is suddenly and decisively expelled through muscular contractions. This may sound straightforward, but the euphoria of discharging built-up tension sends people through the roof, profanity may be the only sufficient way to describe a pleasure-intensive experience.

Male vs. Female Orgasm

ROUND 1 – The First Blow

Who can orgasm faster?

Both male & female, with proper stimulation, can peak in 2 minutes or less. However, consider the labels. A man who ejaculates in a heartbeat becomes a Premature Ejaculator – a woman achieving the same feat, with moans and everything, is called a keeper.

ROUND 2 – Point Of No Return & Refractory Period

The POINT OF NO RETURN (PNR) is the point of stimulation after which no force in heaven or earth can stop a man from having an orgasm.

During masturbation or intercourse, a man crosses a line after which it is impossible to stop climaxing…even if he stops stimulation. It doesn’t matter if the security guard is about to walk in on them, he will climax, it’s going to happen and there’s nothing anybody can do about it. (Premature ejaculators should back-off or tone down stimulation before reaching PNR.)

Here’s the thing: Women don’t have PNR. Even when she’s on the verge of having an orgasm, you can easily frustrate her orgasm by suddenly changing the rhythm or focus of stimulation, for example. You have to build and stimulate a woman ALL THE WAY, plus the follow through.

Looks like women got the raw deal here, huh?

Not really. There’s something to balance this out – the REFRACTORY PERIOD. Guess what – only men have them too! This is the few minutes after orgasm when the penis begins limping, during which it’s impossible to reach orgasm.

Post climax, the Refractory Period sets in and no force in heaven or earth can make a man cum. A woman may give the best head, but it’s not going to happen, and there’s nothing you can do about it, Anna!

Women don’t have this Refractory Period. Whereas an orgasm returns men to pre-arousal levels, an ‘O’ brings Eve to pre-orgasmic levels. They simply return to blissful levels of the Plateau, capable of approaching orgasm again. That’s why they can hit a string of climaxes – also known as multiple orgasms!

After catching her breath, and about half a minute of extreme clitoral sensitivity, she can simply continue like nothing happened. If she so desires, she can jump off the cliff again and again like an Energizer bunny without any refractory bother. Only guys have the PNR and the RP.

ROUND 3 – Staying Power

For guys, an orgasm often signals the end. For many women, it’s really just the beginning – sort of a warm-up.

She may feel perfectly satisfied after one soulful blow, but she can definitely gun for more. While men find subsequent orgasms less satisfying and more difficult to build, women stack theirs – which means subsequent O’s are easier to build and can be stronger in intensity.

Ensuing blows are sweeter, deeper, more satisfying than the first one, some ladies even have problems when reaching the 4th or 5th because they don’t wish to stop anymore! They enter an “orgasmic cloud” where climaxes become blurred one from another and the whole experience blends into one long-lasting orgasm. It becomes an orgasmic overdrive and if not for sheer exhaustion, they wouldn’t retire.

It may take a girl some time to heat up, but she sure makes up for it later.

STAGE FOUR – The Resolution

After all that orgasmic hooplah, comes the Resolution – the period when genitals return to their unaroused state.

If men don’t gun for another climax after the Refractory Period, then the Resolution Stage automatically sets in. Since women have no refractory period after orgasm, they simply return to pre-orgasmic levels of the Plateau until they decide enough is enough.

Foreplay Tips – 3 Phenomenal Ways To Give Women Extended Orgasms!

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Foreplay is a great way to make sure that your partner is satisfied during sex. These three foreplay suggestions will help you get your girl hotter than ever!

When it comes to sex, many men tend to do away with foreplay and get into the act of intercourse right away. While that may fulfill your sexual desires, the same cannot be said of your woman. If you truly want to add some zest into your sex life and make sure she enjoys every moment of lovemaking with you, you should never skim on this important aspect of lovemaking. Keep reading for three essential foreplay tips that will surely light her passion and keeping her orgasmic engine revving wildly!

Bring On The Adult Books

There is something about adult literature that porn movies can never match up: it allows your partner to use her own erotic imagination to visualize what goes on in those story lines. Believe me, this is far more powerful than popping that adult movie into the DVD player. So grab one of those adult books and read them to her and watch as her vivid imagination goes wild!

Bring On The Big Sex Toys

Sex toys are doing a thriving business these days and they play a far more essential role in your sex lives than you would probably imagine. Vibrators and dildos will help you learn more about her body and what turns her on the most. For instance, different women prefer different speed, intensity and even angles of penetration. By learning what she likes best when using these toys, you can mimic or replicate the same movements on her when making love so that she receives maximum pleasure from you. Well, sex toys are not just for ladies. For example, the penis ring is a great aid to help men last longer in bed and give her a more sensational experience to boot!

Talk Dirty – With A Difference!

How about engaging in a sexy conversation through phone? Many couples who are a little too inhibited in bed find themselves far more liberated when they talk dirty though the phone. It can take the shyness off her when she cannot see you face to face. By engaging in phone sex, you can really get her to loosen up herself, and with the help of a little dose of alcohol, you may even spice up the conversation! And you don’t have to be far apart to engage in phone sex. Call her at home while you are just in the next room!

Sex Toys: How To Use Them During Oral Sex

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Sex toys can add an extra element of surprise and pleasure during oral sex. Here’s how to use sex toys to give your lover amazing orgasms during cunnilingus!

For the really advanced cunnilingus masters (or those who are just looking to try out a few new tricks), the use of toys during cunnilingus may spice it up just a bit. Of course, you will want to make sure that your partner is comfortable with using toys first. She may not be comfortable with the idea at all or she may be comfortable with some things and not others. If you’re really lucky, she’ll be up for anything!

Communicate First!

Communication is key to avoiding a potential argument and canceled cunnilingus session – take a trip to the adult toy store and let her pick out some of the things she would like to try during cunnilingus. If she seems apprehensive about it, don’t push the issue. She may need to get warmed up to the idea first. Of course, if she isn’t willing to use toys in the bedroom period, it is important that you leave it at that to avoid making her feel uncomfortable. If your partner feels uncomfortable or pressured, she will not open her mind and body fully to cunnilingus and your efforts will be unsuccessful.

What Kind Of Sex Toys To Use?

There are lots and lots to choose from in this department. To simplify things, we’ll separate them into two distinct categories – toys that stay outside of the vaginal canal and toys that go in it.

Outside The Vulva

These sex toys are probably the best to start out with, especially if your partner or you are at all apprehensive about bringing toys into the bedroom. These can be any number of things – they don’t have to be specially purchased toys, although they do manufacture some great ones just for the occasion. We should probably note that most of the toys that are used outside the vulva offer some sort of vibration, like a clitoris vibrator. This can feel wonderful coupled with long, soft strokes by a tongue! There are so many different vibrating toys available for clitoral stimulation; it’s difficult to know exactly where to start. If you’re not keen to visit an XXX store to purchase something specially designed, a trip to your local department store or general store should suffice.

Back massagers and neck massagers work well – even a consistently ringing cell phone on vibrate will do the trick (just kidding). Foot massagers and the like generally won’t get the job done, so stick with a good back massaging wand for maximum effect. Your partner may even want to use it if you’re out of town! If you’re in the mood to see what the local XXX store has to offer, you’ll find dozens of devices specifically with a woman’s pleasure in mind. Most of these are small, wand-like vibrators (some are even waterproof) that stimulate the clitoris in just the precise way. Some have jelly tips with different textures on them and others will strap on to the thighs and be controlled by remote to provide constant stimulation. Do be careful however – it is important that your partner be involved in both making the decision to bring toys into the bedroom

Inside The Vagina

These types of sex toys are generally not for beginners. Both partners must be extremely comfortable with sex and cunnilingus before bringing these to the table. These toys are generally phallic-shaped and some are even made with silicone to directly resemble an erect penis. Other models of this type of toy are more simply designed (think bullet or dome shaped) and are sleeker. There are many shapes and sizes, so it is important to choose one that both you and your partner are comfortable with. This type of toy can come with or without vibration, and with or without extra “pieces” that can stimulate the clitoris and other parts of the vulva. Generally, you will only find toys such as these in a XXX store.

How To Use Sex Toys During Oral Sex

Like everything else, you want to introduce it gently. It is never good to rely solely on a toy during an oral sex session (unless this is something your partner has directly requested), so be sure to provide most of the stimulation with your warm, wet tongue utilizing the techniques described earlier in the book. For toys that stimulate the clitoris, you can gently move them around the vulva first (never place them directly on the clitoris at first) and then move in to the clitoris when your partner is more aroused.

It is important to pay attention to your lady’s cues at this time as well – you’ll need to find out how fast she likes it, what kind of pressure she likes, so on and so forth. For toys that go inside the vagina, you can use them just as though you would use your penis for intercourse.

Be careful though! This must always be done gently and you must take your cues from your partner or it could spell disaster. Inserting anything into her vaginal opening without her arousal and consent may end very badly.

Once you and your partner become more comfortable with sex toys, this may not be necessary for every cunnilingus session – the key is, of course, to follow your partner’s cues. Keep in mind that when purchasing toys for use in the bedroom that your partner needs to be very involved in the decision of what to buy. Do not purchase something you think she’ll like and whip it out seconds before a cunnilingus session! She will need to determine the size, shape, color and intensity of every toy that is going to be used during cunnilingus (or intercourse) and she may even feel like different toys based on her mood. As long as you pay attention to your partner and listen to what she’s saying (both verbally and non-verbally), you can almost guarantee cunnilingus success.

Oral Sex: 10 Hot Spots You DON’T Want To Miss!

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Oral sex involves a woman’s entire vulva – here are ten areas that you don’t want to pass up when going down on your girl.

The Clitoris

The head of the clitoris is incredibly sensitive, hosting more than eight thousand nerve endings in its tiny package. When it becomes truly aroused, the hood, or prepuce, swells and covers the clitoris to protect it from too much stimulation. Both the head and the hood love strokes that are rhythmic yet gentle, although as a woman moves along towards climax, they can both handle a firmer touch.

Her G-Spot

A sensitive spot along the top of the vaginal wall, the G-Spot is a spongy bit of tissue that abuts a woman’s urethra, and is very pleasurable to the touch when rubbed or pressed during certain arousal periods. For the remainder of this series we’ll refer to this area as the G-Spot because it’s the more commonly used term, but try to think of it more as a general area than a small spot, as it can be quite expansive depending on the woman.

The Mons Pubis

The Mons Pubis is just on the outside of where the G-Spot can be found, and you’ll want to use this spot during your oral manipulations because tensions from both sides is really pleasurable. Imagine this whole area as a sandwich, where your hands are the bread (one inside, one outside) with both applying pressure to the ‘meat’ (G-Spot).

The Front Commissure

The super-tender spot just above the clitoral head covers the shaft and bulges out ever so slightly if you look or feel closely along this area, especially when a woman is excited. The Front Commissure is similar to the clitoris in that it likes softer tongue strokes initially during the first arousal phase, but then prefers a more firm touch, such as with a finger, flat tongue or lip, as the process continues.

The Frenulum

Just underneath the clitoris, on the other side of the Front Commissure, lays the Frenulum. It also likes a softer touch initially, with a firmer feel as time goes on. Most of a woman’s sexual pleasure is gained from this general area Front Commissure to Frenulum.

Her Labia

The smaller lips that surround the opening to a woman’s vagina are the Labia Minora, and they fill with blood the more excited a woman is, to the point where they can double in size. Light touches work best here, as when engorged with blood, they can be especially tender and sensitive.

The Vaginal Opening

The only part of the vagina that is visible to the naked eye likes light nibbles and long licks, but not a lot of tension or firmness.

The Fourchette

Found just after the vaginal opening closes, and where the Labia Majora and Minora meet, the Fourchette is best stimulated with tickles and very light rubbing.

Her Perineum

The space between the Fourchette and Anus is the Perineum (also known as the Taint), and is full of connective tissue and a network of pelvic muscles that lend themselves well to gentle pinches, tickles, licks and finger pressure, both from the inside and the outside of her body.

The Anus

The same network of muscles that help the perineum feel wonderful are in play with the anus as well, and this whole area contracts during orgasm too. Light touches and pressure are excellent here, but be sure to either use a finger cot to keep your hands clean, or wash your hands thoroughly before using those fingers elsewhere along her genital area, because the anus can harbor bacteria that isn’t friendly to the rest of her sexual experience.

Oral Sex: To Orgasm Or Not To Orgasm

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Oral sex is an excellent way to bring a woman to orgasm before intercourse. But she may not always want that – here’s how to tell.

She May Not Reach Orgasm

Although cunnilingus is quite possibly the easiest and most direct approach to getting your partner to reach orgasm, this may not necessarily happen. Don’t stress! Your partner will still enjoy your efforts a lot. As you become more and more experienced, your ability to bring her to orgasm will likely increase, possibly to the point where she orgasms every time you perform cunnilingus.

This is the part where it is important to pay attention to her sounds and movements as well as discussing with your partner what she likes best during cunnilingus.

Communicating With Her

If you’re not comfortable yet asking her directly about her likes and dislikes, if you pay attention to what she’s doing during cunnilingus you will most likely be able to figure out for yourself which movements bring down the house. Movements and sounds that will alert you to an impending orgasm is bucking and shuddering (particularly her legs) and she may be gasping for air or making a lot of noise or none at all. If you’ve ever given her an orgasm before (whether by cunnilingus or other means), you will more than likely be able to recognize when she is on the verge of a mind-bending big O.

Once you start receiving cues that your partner is feeling really good, continue licking and sucking her vulva in the same manner until her orgasm. You can, of course, do a few variations, but most of the fancy tongue movements are for the beginning when she’s really getting warmed up. Most women, like men, need repetition when they are close to bring them to orgasm.

If you and your partner are comfortable with talking to each other about cunnilingus, this can be of great help to a man. Men function best when given clear, direct instructions and if your partner is willing, she can tell you exactly what she likes, where she likes it and when to do it. In this way, she can take control of her pleasure while still experiencing the wonderful and exhilarating feelings of cunnilingus.

You can help her to be more open to expressing her likes and dislikes through conversation by asking her questions about what feels good. You can say in a hot, breathy voice onto her clitoris “Do you like that?” You will almost always be able to tell by the enthusiasm in her voice whether she truly likes the movements or not. And she may surprise you by just saying no!

Vary Your Techniques

If you sense that she does not like a movement, switch to something else and ask her if she likes that better. If nothing seems to be working, don’t get frustrated! If nothing is feeling good for her, she will be frustrated enough for the both of you! Ask her gently to suggest a movement that she would like more and you can even ask her to demonstrate what she would like on your mouth. Keeping the lines of communication open is essential to her experiencing an orgasm. It is possible that she won’t, however, no matter how hard you try.

If you find yourself in this situation, try to bring her to orgasm using a sure-fire method that you know will work, such as using your fingers or intercourse. You may want to have a list of questions ready to ask though, because she may not be able to give you a blow-by-blow of exactly what she wants. Think of some questions beforehand so you can ask (and be sure to ask her gently) what she would like – all you will need from her is a simple nod or shake of her head! This makes it much easier on her – she may not even know what she wants at this point and suggestions can help her figure out what strokes and techniques she likes the best. Some good questions to ask are:

  • Do you like this speed? Would you like me to go faster or slower? Just a little faster (or slower) or a lot?
  • Would you like me to continue moving or stop moving for just a moment? If you want me to stop, just give me the green light to go again.
  • Is this stroke good? Would you like me to continue using this technique? Let me know if you’d like me to change it up a bit.
  • Would you like harder or softer strokes, or do you like the pressure I am applying right now?
  • If this is not the right spot, I would like you to show me exactly where you would like me to move to.
  • Would you like me to move my tongue around in circles like this, or do you prefer another type of movement?
  • Do you like long tongue strokes or short ones?
  • Would you like me to use a little suction or possibly a little more pressure? Let me know what feels good to you or what would feel better.

She Will Still Enjoy What You’re Doing!

There will be times in which she doesn’t want to have an orgasm at all, but is simply enjoying your efforts. That’s fine, but it is also another reason why communication is so important. If she is not going to experience an orgasm, it is important that she tells you before you become frustrated as well. Don’t react harshly if she does tell you that she is not going to have an orgasm (or you sense that she is not) because you may turn her off cunnilingus entirely or at least for a while.

If you feel that her body wants to have an orgasm but for some reason it is just not happening (even if you’ve tried using your hands or intercourse) give her the freedom to masturbate finish her orgasm for herself. She may want you to watch or she may need privacy. This is, of course, the last resort, but if you find yourself in this situation a time or two, don’t be judgmental about it and just let her get her groove on.