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Top 5 Reasons To Cheat

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Cheating shouldn’t happen in a relationship, but it does. What are some of the motives behind infidelity?

What She Said:

  1. Alienation of affection. If my partner cut me off physically and emotionally, I’d start thinking about looking elsewhere.
  2. Unhealthy/dangerous habits. If my partner seriously got into drugs and was resisting all help, it would ultimately be a deal-breaker.
  3. If he cheated on me first, I just might “have to” retaliate!
  4. Meeting someone with whom I had crazy, undeniable chemistry.
  5. Midlife crisis!

Honestly, I had trouble coming up with five reasons why I would cheat. It’s not something I believe I would do – though each situation is unique, so no judgment if this is something you’ve chosen.

Cheating happens – there are a myriad of reasons why, as we’ve seen above. For myself, my choice would be to end my current relationship before embarking on something new – as much out of respect for my partner as for myself. Think about it: Would you want to be cheated on? Most likely the answer is “no” – so don’t put your partner in a situation you wouldn’t want to be in yourself, even if the love has faded.

Cheating is usually a sign that something is wrong with the relationship. Hello, obvious! Instead of heaping more drama on the problem (even if it feels good at the time), why not stop and attempt to fix what’s wrong? Your next lover should be willing to wait in the wings while you work on wrapping up your previous entanglement. A clean slate – what’s sexier than that?

What He Said:

  1. Chris Rock rule of LTRs: He said, “Show me the hottest girl on the planet, and I’ll show you a guy who’s tired of having sex with her.”  So you’re partner is great, but you just need some “strange ass.” Not better, or worse, just unfamiliar.
  2. You met your celebrity crush, and they are “good to go.” I don’t care how faithful a woman is, if she meets Brad Pitt or that dude from Twilight and he wants her, he’s going to have her. Plain and simple.
  3. Your partner ain’t handling their business any more. To quote the wise philosopher, Shaft “it’s my duty to please that booty.” If they are not meeting this requirement, you’re probably going to look for someone who will and you probably won’t feel too bad about it.
  4. You think you can get away with it. No, you KNOW you can get away with it. You’re in Vegas, or you’re away on business, on vacation, whatever. You know you will never come into contact with this person again, and even if they did, they can’t pin anything on you. They don’t know your cell number, name, etc. They can’t trace you. This sex act is like bigfoot: everyone knows it probably exists, but no credible evidence existing that can prove it.
  5. Cause you’re human. Monogamy is not natural. It’s not unrealistic, but it’s not how we were designed. You were designed to screw around and still have someone waiting for you at home. You feel entitled to do as nature intended you to.

Relationship Advice: Help! I’m Addicted To Drama!

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A relationship should be a safe zone for you – but what if it’s not? What if your relationship is nothing but fighting? What if YOU’RE the one starting it?

My boyfriend and I are in an endless cycle of fighting and making up. My friends say I should dump him, but I’m addicted to the push/pull. I want to note that our fighting doesn’t include anything physical – we’re just into arguing. What should I do?

What She Said:

The big question here is: Are you happy? Only you can make that call, but a constant cycle of fighting and making up sounds pretty exhausting to me. It also sounds like it might be tiring your friends out as well, if they’re so well-versed on the subject that they’re to the point of offering opinions on your relationship.

We’ve all had those relationships that weren’t quite a match, yet were hard to let go of nonetheless. Nothing to be ashamed of there, that’s how you learn! You have to ask yourself what you want for the long term – is the tension of wondering when the next fight will happen really beneficial to your quality of life? Some people do get off on arguing because of the popular assumption that it leads to hot makeup sex. If that’s your trip, you might want to find another (healthier) way to rev up the engines.

The push and pull can be quite seductive. By engaging in this behavior, the two of you are constantly stirring up a fight in order to ultimately confirm that you do want each other. But I have a secret – there is an easier way. Think about how life would be with someone who loved you unconditionally, someone who told you how he felt without a fight. That reality exists and it’s a lot of fun. Now there’s something to think about!

What He Said:

What is it with chicks and fighting? I know, guys date crazy chicks too, but I think it’s different for women. Ever watch a soap opera? Ever see ANY happy well adjusted people on those shows? Hell no! Everyone on those shows are bat-shit crazy and are producing tons of tension. I think women like the unpredictability of it.

It doesn’t matter what we think you should do. You’ve already made your decision. You like the adrenaline rush from a fight. Why? I have no clue. But you like it, so you might as well just get used to everyone saying you’re in a dead end, soul crushing relationship for a simple reason: you are in a dead end, soul crushing relationship, but apparently you’re into that thing for some damn reason. So since you don’t seem interested in coming to your senses and finding a guy who worships, loves, cherishes and adores you (because really, who need that anyway?) you’re going to be stuck in this rut no matter who you date. Different dick, same story.

Jealousy Controls Me! How Can I Change It?

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Jealousy is something that everyone experiences at one time or another. But if it overrides you and affects your relationships, you’ve got to stop. But how?

I’m the jealous type. Big time. It affects everything. Friendships, relationships, you name it. I don’t want to be this way. What do I do?

What She Said:

It’s normal to feel pangs of jealousy, but it sounds like you’re suffering from more than an occasional twinge. The good news is that this problem is actually a great opportunity for you to examine your own life!

While you’re at it, be sure to show your friends some gratitude. They obviously love you and are supporting you while you go through this painful period.

What It Really Is

Jealousy is really an outgrowth of fear – fear there’s not enough to go around and that you won’t get a piece of what is available. It’s a belief in lack – lack of opportunity, money or love. Jealousy is also usually a sign that you’re not following your dreams. If you’re sated in your life, there’s no call for ill will when others are happy with theirs.

What makes you feel jealous when you get together with your friends? Is someone glowing because her love life is going swimmingly? Do you envy your pal’s promotion? Is someone raving about getting to decorate her new fab pad? Whatever it may be, note it – these are your triggers, as well as your clues.

Using A Journal

Start to journal after you meet with your friends. Notice what makes you cringe. Now sit back and go over this list. These are the things most likely missing from your life. There’s an easy fix – now that you know what’s bumming you out, you can take control and start working on getting these things for yourself. There’s actually more than enough to go around! Celebrate with (and for) your friends, knowing that you can (and will) have a wonderful life as well. Once you take chances and create a fuller life for yourself, odds are that you can vanquish that painful feeling.

What He Said:

Focus on what you do have, and not what you don’t. If you don’t have a lover, partner, or anyone to have sex with, go out and get one! Don’t hang around your house moping over not having a boyfriend or girlfriend. Why would you continue to devote time and energy to perpetuating a cycle that gets you a huge serving of deep fried nothing? Where’s the upside in that? (Stop looking, grasshopper. I’ll save you the trip. You can’t find it. Because it doesn’t exist. Yeah, I know. Shocker. In other news, water is wet. Film at 11.)

The next step is to realize that your current pattern isn’t helping. Life isn’t about what’s fair, it’s about what works. Why would you keep doing something that isn’t working? No real reason. It’s just a habit, and you’re in it.

Breaking The Habit

The next step is to realize that this is a habit that you created and you can break. So break it. It may be a bit uncomfortable at first, but realize that you can break it and it will happen if you are dedicated and consistent on your path. If nothing else, just start by doing the exact opposite of what you normally would. That will help enormously.

Give yourself permission to move into this new space because your success is guaranteed if you don’t quit and continue to do the work. Enjoy!

Top 5 Reasons Not To Cheat

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Cheating is almost never a good idea – here are 5 great reasons to avoid cheating on your partner.

What She Said:

  1. I want to honor my vows. “For better or worse” is what I agreed to – and staying faithful means things will stay on “the better” end of the spectrum.
  2. The kids. I don’t have ‘em, but I know a lot of couples that choose to act on the up and up – for themselves as much as an example for their children.
  3. It should be number one, but my favorite reason is simple: love. My husband is my best friend; I’d never do anything to hurt him.
  4. The grass is not always greener! Sure, it’s nice to daydream about that hunk giving you the eye at the grocery store – but he probably isn’t any better than what you have at home. And at least you’ve got that one trained!
  5. Lying corrodes the soul. A good marriage is based on mutual admiration and respect, not deceit.

You don’t have to be married to honor vows. If you’ve agreed, as a couple, to be monogamous that’s enough to remove you from the market.

Monogamy Doesn’t Have To Be Boring

Monogamy doesn’t have to spell monotony. Bet you haven’t heard that one before, but it’s true! Think of ways to keep it hot with the one you’ve already got. Fantasizing is allowed – getting on with Brad Pitt in your mind can be satisfying and save your marriage. A win/win!

Trust & Intimacy Is Rewarding

Building intimacy in the long-term is a great challenge – and a great reward. It takes time to develop. Flirtation is fleeting, but a deep bond can last the rest of your life. Before you think about stepping out of your committed relationship, take a moment to think of the consequences. Trust can be a fragile thing, and once it’s broken it can be difficult to repair. Take stock of what you’ve got.

What He Said:

  1. It’s called technology. It will fuck you, and not in a fun way. Anything you do online is recorded, somewhere. It’s usually not an issue, but when infidelity happens, it’s easier to prove and to nail your ass with.
  2. It’s called the Internet. If you cheat and you piss off your significant other, they can and often will smear your ass all over the Internet. That means any sexy videos or photos you’ve taken, any naughty text messages, anything that can make you look bad to a perspective employer will be put online and will be easily found by perspective employers (who are looking for that kind of thing. Perverts).
  3. The juice is almost always not worth the squeeze. Assuming that you cheat with someone and that sex is the greatest sex ever had in human history, it will still not be worth the hell your fidelity will put all parties through. Your other half is going to rip you a new one, over the course of several years, and then the legal system will reopen those still healing wounds and rip an additional one into the one he/she just ripped into you. It’s not worth it, even if you have some crazy, Justin Timberlake on tour sex.
  4. The Chris Rock rule. Many people violate, what I call “The Chris Rock Rule of Infidelity” which states: the person you cheat on your partner with must be as hot or hotter than your partner. If you bang someone way hotter than your partner, well, at least they can understand on some level. You had a chance with someone way out of your league and you took it. They will be hurt, but they won’t be mad. If you just bang some skank who happens to be willing to do things your partner won’t, well, that’s your ass. She will be way pissed because you banged someone lower on the quality scale than you have waiting for you at home. If you do this, you are an idiot.
  5. Fantasy is not usually the reality. Say you’re a 40 something guy and some hot 19 year old is all up on you and wants it. Bad. Do you really think it will be as good as you imagine? Sure, she’s hot and young, but she’s also young and crazy. She’s going to go apeshit when it’s just sex for you, and even if she doesn’t, it probably won’t live up to your fantasy. How Could it?

Relationship Advice: How To Avoid Fighting Over Salaries

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Good relationship advice will tell you that money problems are the worst to have – most divorces are caused by them. Stop fighting over this before it starts.

Not a lot of people talk about it, but it can feel pretty bad when your partner makes more than you do. Though stereotypically it’s the man who gets upset to discover his girlfriend out earns him, the envy can go both ways. It’s particularly tough if you’re competitive by nature or happen to work in the same field.

Things can be even worse if you suddenly find yourself unemployed, while your partner continues to succeed in their job. With the way the economy has been going, this problem is more commonplace than ever. So what can you do to get rid of some of the awkwardness and animosity? Whether you’re the one who’s broke or the one who just got the big raise, there is lots of relationship advice to make your wage gap less problematic.

If Your Salary Is Greater

If you’re the one who’s doing well, you need to attempt to be as empathetic as possible. Try not to go on and on if you get a big raise or promotion. You deserve to be happy and you certainly shouldn’t hide it, but one night of celebrating is enough. No need to keep referring to it over and over in front of your S.O. They will still be happy for you, but if they’re having a particularly hard time themselves, they may not fully express it. The truth is that they’re probably feeling not only jealous, but also guilty about that jealousy.

As a result, their congratulations to you may not be as thrilled-sounding as you’d expect. Don’t let this hurt your feelings or diminish your own excitement. Just be aware that the subject is a little touchy. Though you may feel like enjoying some of your hard earned cash by going on more extravagant dates, try not to go overboard. If it’s your turn to treat, you can go somewhere a little pricier than normal, but don’t make a habit of it.

If you typically split the check, be sure to pick a destination with your partner’s budget in mind. It’s likely that you’re partner won’t feel comfortable saying that something is out of their price range, so don’t put them in a position where they have to protest.

If You’re Salary Is Less

On the other end of the equation, if you’re the individual who isn’t making the big bucks, you also need to be able to consider your mate’s feelings. Don’t rain on their parade because you’re feeling bad about yourself. Even if you’ve been out of work for a month, if your sweetie arrives home and informs you he or she was just promoted, let them know how proud you are. Celebrate with them a little. Remind yourself that you want your partner to be happy, and that their successes are your successes as well.

If you really feel like you can’t handle one more minute of hearing them talk about their good fortune, calmly say as much. Simply state that you’ve been feeling down about your own situation. Explain to them that you are happy for them, but you can’t help feeling a little jealous. Then ask them if you can change the topic for awhile, and make sure to do so without any rancor in your voice. As with most relationship issues, honesty is the best policy and good communication is important.

Keep Yourself Grounded

No matter which role you’re currently playing, you need to stay in touch with reality. Remind yourself that you might not always be the one in your current position. If the roles were reversed, how would you want to be treated? Someday they very well may be, and you’ll be counting on your significant other to show you the same respect and love you showed them.

You should also remember that a big salary isn’t everything in life. If you both woke up poor tomorrow, you would still be lucky to have each other. A little career or monetary envy isn’t worth breaking up over. Keep that in mind, and you’ll be able to bridge the gap.