jealousy – Page 6

Q&A: Jealousy Over Past Lovers

When your new boyfriend or girlfriend keeps talking about their exes, it can be frustrating. Why can’t they just get over it already? If your partner is talking about their ex a lot, it can cause feelings of jealousy and even anger. Here’s what you can do if your partner just won’t stop going on about their past relationships.

Question: What do I do if my girlfriend keeps talking about her ex-boyfriends? It’s making me really jealous and kind of angry. I don’t know how to calm down! Help me please!

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wrh7rbgJAs[/youtube]

How Is She Talking About Her Exes?

Your partner can talk about her exes one of two ways. She can either diss them or talk about how great those past relationships were. If your partner talks about how frustrating it was to be with her exes (and how great it is to be with you) she may just need a sounding board to help her get over the past pain of rejection and hurt. Be there for her until she gets it all out of her system. However, it’s a bit of a different story if your partner is talking about how great her previous boyfriends were and comparing them to you. That hurts!

She’s Chosen You

When you get frustrated with your partner because they’re constantly talking about their ex partners and old relationships, take a moment to remember that she’s with you now. Those relationships are in the past and she has chosen to be with you right now. Every day, each of you makes a choice to continue to be with the other person and stay in the relationship. Remember that she chooses to be with you and stay with you every day for a reason. It’s most likely because she cares about you and enjoys being in this relationship.

Let Her Know How You Feel

If your partner is always talking about how great her past relationships were or how great her ex boyfriends were, it can really cut deep. It’s not okay to be comparing your past boyfriends to your current one out loud, because it can definitely do some relationship damage. Let your partner know how you feel by being honest with them, without being rude. She honestly may not know that her talking about her exes bothers you! Talk to her about how it makes you feel when she talks about her exes and ask her to stop doing it. If you aren’t honest with your partner about how you feel about the situation, you’re just going to sock back anger until you finally blow up at her. Don’t risk ruining the relationship like that. Take some time to really explain to your partner what it does to you emotionally when she goes on and on about her past relationships and ask her to let go of the past. Let her know that you and her are together now and this relationship is the one both of you should be focusing on, instead of staying caught up in past relationships and ex boyfriends.

Q&A: She Was Sexting Another Man – Can I Trust Her?

By loveandsex

Finding out that your partner is cheating is hard – what can be even more difficult is suspecting your partner of cheating, especially if all the signs of infidelity are there, but never actually getting a firm, concrete answer one way or the other. How can you find out your partner is cheating for sure, and how can you fix your relationship if they are?

Question: A week ago I caught my wife flirting with another man on text. She tells me that she never touched another man, but I somewhat don’t believe her. Can I trust her not to do it again? This was her first time in a 5 year marriage. She has a new job and works tons of overtime. She recently started going to the gym and changed from thongs to boy shorts. Should I question her more about another man or are the new changes just something new?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhWkdC9ldj0[/youtube]

Changes In Your Partner’s Routine

Any partner that suddenly makes a number of changes in their normal routine and grooming habits – whether it’s a guy or a girl – could be cheating. If your partner suddenly changes their hair, the way they dress, or starts changing their daily habits (such as starting to stay at work late on a regular basis) could be trying to impress someone and chances are, it’s not you. While this doesn’t necessarily amount to “evidence” against your partner, this type of behavior certainly raises some red flags for infidelity.

Changes In The Relationship

What should you do if you suspect your partner is cheating? Think about what you want to do – if you accuse your partner of cheating, with or without substantial evidence, you’ll likely get a denial and you may even get dumped regardless of whether they’re actually having an affair or not. Are you ready for it to be over? If not, avoid a confrontation at all costs. Think about where the weak points are in your relationship. Are you giving your partner enough attention? Are you complimenting them and doing things they like to do? A big reason that both men and women cheat on their partners is that they’re not getting something they need out of that relationship – so they start getting it from somewhere else. Try to find what your partner isn’t getting and start being the one to give it.

Consider Counseling

Relationshp counseling is a great way to help repair a broken relationship after infidelity, but it only helps if you and your partner are in the counselor’s office for the right reasons. Going in to accuse your partner of cheating and trying to “fix” them isn’t going to work, it’s going to backfire in a very bad way. Remember, there is an underlying reason for your partner’s infidelity and while it shouldn’t be considered an “excuse” or a way for them to blame you, it needs to be considered a factor in what happened. Work with a counselor to repair what went wrong in the relationship instead of placing blame, and work with them to find ways to give your partner what they need in the relationship while getting what you need in return.

4 Tips To Keep His Eyes From Wandering

By cynthiaperkins

Although most men enjoy looking at other women, assuming we’re dealing with at least a semi-emotionally healthy man, who doesn’t have ego, sex addiction or Don Juan issues, most men are not going to act on their biological urges as long as certain needs are met for them in their primary relationship.

The most empowering step a woman can take to preserve her relationship and reduce the risk he will wander is to be aware of these needs and provide them for her partner to the best of her ability.

Yes, it is a two way street and her needs are just as important as his and he too should make the same effort to provide for her, however at this time we’re focusing on the needs of the man.

1. Make Him Feel Appreciated, Wanted, Desired and Important

We all want to feel appreciated and desired, but research tells us that one of the main reasons a man strays is because of the way the other woman makes him feel. She makes him feel special, important, desired and appreciated. If he gets this at home, there will be no need for him to look for it elsewhere.

After a couple has been in a relationship for a while, the novelty wears off and both partners begin to take each other for granted. We forget about simple things like showing appreciation and expressing desire.

Again, men are just as guilty as women at falling into this rut, but for now we’re talking about helping the woman understand her man.

We’re not just talking about sex here. Just like women, the man wants to feel appreciated outside the bedroom as well. Acknowledge to him that you appreciate how he provides for your family, or how much you enjoyed the family vacation or outing you went on last week.

When he does a great job in the yard, fixes the window that’s been falling down for a year or stops the faucet from dripping let him know you appreciate it by saying thank you.

He wants to feel important in the household. Thank him for being a great father and let him know how lucky you are to have him as a husband. If he does something special for you, acknowledge it and express gratitude. Make a big deal out of the little things. Compliment him on his skills and knowledge.

2. Use Words and Actions to Show Your Love

Give him verbal appreciation, but also express it with your actions. Be thoughtful and caring by making him his favorite desert, buying him a small gift, giving him a massage or surprising him with some unexpected afternoon delights.

On the sex side of things, he wants to be appreciated and desired here too. Make him feel like he’s irresistible and you can’t keep your hands off him. Tell him how attractive he is to you, how much you desire him and what a great lover he is.

Take pleasure in giving him pleasure. Tell him how much you love his penis and how much you enjoy how it feels and tastes. Compliment his physique, his skill and his equipment. Shower him and his equipment with affection and adoration.

Now, I’m not saying you go overboard here or ignore problems that exist in the relationship, but there should be balance. If a couple only focuses on what’s wrong with the relationship and not on what’s good, then the good often gets lost in the shuffle.

Additionally, I’m not suggesting you lie or exaggerate. If you do that, he’ll feel patronized and you’ll grow resentful. Be honest and sincere.

3. Have Sex Frequently

Another one of the most common reasons for wandering eyes is that he’s not getting sex at home. It’s as simple as that. Many women are never even aware that he strays, because he’s very good at keeping it a secret. Yes, some men will feel ashamed for this behavior, but they also feel justified. They believe they have a need that is not being fulfilled and they must do something about it.

When a woman repeatedly rejects the sexual advances of her man, he feels rejected, neglected, undesirable and unimportant, which leaves a very big void in his life. Men need to have sex to feel close emotionally to their partner. It doesn’t even have to be great, mind blowing or earth shattering sex; it’s more about the frequency. As long as you’re making an attempt to have sex and not continuously turning him down, he’ll feel satisfied.

The other side of this coin is that he also has a great need for oral sex. Many men go outside the primary relationship for oral sex. A man’s identity is intimately connected to his penis and when his woman refuses him in this way, he feels rejected and devalued as a person.

4. Give Him Variety and Sexual Adventure at Home

Sexual boredom is another leading culprit for wandering eyes. Remain open to exploring new territory and unafraid to fly outside your comfort zone. Present your lover with novel sexual activities that are bold, daring and adventurous.

Keep a sense of mystery and surprise in your sexual relationship and your lover will be continuously intrigued with you.

Create an ever-changing menu of sexcapades that are unpredictable and keeps your partner guessing.

Discouraging wandering eyes is the responsibility of both partners. It is the quality of the relationship that will safeguard it from outside forces.

Building a relationship that makes both partners feel appreciated, desired, and valued is the foundation for a strong, long lasting bond that keeps all eyes where they belong.

Why Your Relationship Success Depends on Feeling Your Feelings

By wendystrgar

Regardless of what kind of relationship you are in, the foundation for its success is based on your ability to experience and articulate your feelings. The authentic self disclosure of the joy, fear, anger and pleasure that your time together brings you is the adhesive material that makes relationships real.

Most of us are handicapped by our feelings. Not only do we not often give ourselves the permission and space to feel them, but often they exist without even being able to name them. Our internal experiences that don’t get expressed with language don’t just go away. They live in us and often surprise us with their sudden re-appearance at times when we least expect them.

The truth about feelings

Thinking about our feelings like weather patterns is a helpful beginning. Like a sudden storm, they inform and distract with their intensity. They are changeable and act on the environment and relationships you are in with great power. They reflect the nature of the moment with great accuracy. Our ability to experience and share our feelings in meaningful ways is one of the profound marks of our humanity.

Yet feelings are for many people a locked box; an experience that overwhelms and is difficult to express. We are taught in a variety of circumstances and for a variety of reasons to suppress our feelings. We learn to silence our feelings so well that the messages in our bodies are not even discernible.

Suppressed feelings are not as invisible as you might think. They take on a life in our dreams and eventually become diseases in our bodies. Our inability to express our feelings cuts us off not only from our own experience but limits the connection we feel with the people we love most.

Why we disconnect from our feelings

Part of the reason we disconnect from our emotional life is because we are afraid we will be overtaken by our feelings. Small children are frequently shaken by the enormity of their emotional experience. When was the last time you witnessed a temper tantrum in the grocery store- what better metaphor for a giant storm raging inside a little body? What happened when your feelings were too big to hold when you were a child? What happens now?

Learning to feel begins with a choice

Jim Carrey was quoted in a Playboy magazine interview last year saying that “Heaven is on the other side of that feeling you get when you’re sitting on the couch and you get up to make a triple-decker sandwich. It’s on the other side of that, when you don’t make the sandwich….It is about giving up the things that basically keep you from feeling.

I am always asking myself “What am I going to give up next? Because I want to feel.” Learning to feel begins with a choice and the realization that authentic living demands the maturity to open up to your full experience, as messy as it might be.

This is, in fact, the do or dies work of relationships; to have the courage to feel the full range of emotions that comes with intimate connections. It is literally the fuel for the fire of passion, the air that keeps relationships breathing, the stuff of transformation and growing up.

Just as our weaknesses and frailties are wedded to our virtues and strengths, the ability to express uncomfortable emotions creates the possibilities of discovering the love and passion that we want most.

So how do we choose to live a feeling life?

How then do we make this choice to live a feeling life, to physically experience the internal storms of growing up and growing old? It is a practice, no different than learning a new musical instrument. Some days you hit the right notes, other days there is no melody at all. In agreeing to the practice, something opens and each moment gives you an opportunity to try again. Slowly you become comfortable with the weather systems of your emotions. Some days it is even comforting to know they are there.

Lying Virgin – Do Hookers and Hand Jobs Count?

By loveandsex

If you’re in a relationship, you’re likely to be with someone who has had at least one other partner before you. Sometimes you’re with someone who hasn’t, or sometimes they’ve had more than they can count on their fingers . . . and toes.

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It can be difficult getting over the other women but not impossible.

Here’s how to come to terms with your partner’s past partners.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now. When we were first together he said that he was a virgin. Since he was 20 I found this surprising but I trusted him. Only after I slept with him did he confess that he had been with someone when he was deployed in Korea (he’s in the army). He paid for it I think she was only a bartender not a regular hooker. She also did oral on him and he has received “hand jobs” and oral one other time. Now that I know all these I can’t get out of my head of him with other women and I am constantly worrying that I am not the best out of them. How do I get over the idea of my boyfriend being with a hooker of all people and the others? And to stop comparing myself?

– Laura, Ohio

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sW9UpnwO3FU[/youtube]

Realize They’ve Had Other Partners

The first step in getting over the other women is coming to terms with the fact they’ve been with someone else, or many other someone elses. You’ve probably been with your share of someone else’s too. Is this a bad thing? Is this something that should become a big deal between you and your partner? Definitely not!

Having a sexual past is something that almost everyone has. Who cares about the numbers? Who’s keeping score? You should discuss this with your partner only if you’re discussing sexually transmitted diseases and whether or not you are both going to get tested, etc.

This is not a discussion that should be had “just to find out.” You’ll end up asking yourself a million other questions! How many were there? Were they better than me? You’re better off sticking to the realization that yes, your partner has had other partners. You have too.

Sex Is Not Love And Love Is Not Sex

It’s really very simple. Someone can have sex without love and love without sex. It’s that simple. Just because your partner has had sexual relationships with other people doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. A critical step into getting over the other women is realizing that he loves you. He is with you and he chooses to be – you’re not making him. Realize that what you share with him is in the here and now, and is something he wants to be involved in. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t be with you. He’d be with someone else.

Yes, They Were Different

Women who have trouble getting over the other women are often left asking themselves who was better or worse. There’s a simple solution to this issue, although it’s never easy to swallow. Stop thinking about how you rank and realize that a sexual relationship is always different from person to person and that’s all! It’s simply just . . . different.

Building Trust

If your partner has ever lied to you about who he has been with, you may have another issue on your hands. Trust is essential in a relationship and if this is an issue you’re dealing with, it’s important that you build and grow your foundation of trust before you tackle anything else. Even if your partner hasn’t lied to you, you need to trust that he is with you. Trust that your partner won’t go running off to be with someone else just because he’s been with others before you.

There is more to your relationship than just sex, and there’s more to your relationship than just love. It’s an entirely dynamic and multi-faceted relationship that runs on many different levels.

So relax! Enjoy being with your partner and being in the here and now instead of focusing on the past – you or your partner’s past. You’ll both be much happier that way!