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Five Little Words That Strike Fear Into The Hearts Of Men

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Everyone knows that guys get freaked out at the age old question, “How do you feel about our relationship?” Even statements along the lines of “We need to talk” usually send guys running for the hills.

Why is this? How can you talk to your man about your relationship without scaring him off? What is the right way to go about it so your relationship can stay positive?

“Honey, we need to talk [about our relationship]”…

Why Do Men Always Get Defensive When You Want To Talk?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpF8-TRYLuQ[/youtube]

They’re scared they’ll get it wrong.

When women ask men questions, they’re always afraid of giving the wrong answer. It doesn’t even matter what the question is most of the time.

If the “right answer” isn’t clear from the get go, men tend to shy away from talking about the subject with you at all. Many times, this stems from women getting angry and frustrated when a man does happen to answer a question. If he happens to answer with the “wrong” answer, the woman will get angry and the entire situation will get blown out of proportion.

If this happens,especially if it happens numerous times, men only learn that when they answer questions, bad things happen!

More often than not, men would rather not give an answer at all and shy away from the discussion than risk giving the “wrong” answer and getting a lot of flack for it.

Creating A Positive Atmosphere

You can avoid this by simply staying calm if your man gets an answer “wrong.” In essence, there really are no wrong answers. Discussing a relationship or other issues are actually just talking about how each person feels.

This isn’t wrong or right ,but what is said can upset the other person. By staying calm and collected even if your partner does something to upset you, you’ll keep your partner open to opening up.

Get angry and take it out on him, and he’ll close like a clam. Encourage him to open up by simply having a positive attitude about what he says. If something upsets you, tell him – in a nice way.

Asking the Dreaded Question.

Don’t approach a situation with the words, “We need to talk.” This only scares guys away. Women might not think it’s a big deal, but to men the mere suggestion of that type of discussion evokes a strong evacuation instinct. They can’t help it.

You can, however, help how you approach the situation. Say something positive about the relationship, for example, how much you enjoy a certain aspect of it. Then let him respond to that. Chances are, when approached like that, your partner will likely open up with what he enjoys about the relationship as well.

When the conversation starts rolling along in that manner, you can bring up issues that you have, of course, in a positive way. Avoid negative language like “you never” or “you always.”

It’s hard to do, but avoid placing blame. Just talk about the situation calmly with your partner and let them know how you feel. Avoid ranting and above all, give you partner room to talk to. No man enjoys being a listening post for a woman on a frustrated rampage.

Talk about any issues you have with your partner right away so you can avoid penting up your frustration and taking it all out on your partner at once.

The Lazy Man’s Guide to Great Sex

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Everyone wants great sex, but because of a busy lifestyle that include kids, work, bills and a list of other everyday stresses we have to deal with, not everyone has the time or energy to give 100% during their lovemaking sessions.

Sometimes, we want to have mind blowing sex, but want to get it over with sooner than later, so we can get some sleep and get up for work the next morning!

Well, I’m here to tell you that you can have your cake and eat it too 🙂

The tips & techniques I’m about to show you are simple and energy-efficient. They’re great to use when you’re feeling tired, lack the physical stamina to do the karma sutra sex positions, don’t have the time to engage in all-night honeymoon-like sex, and most importantly, they are EFFECTIVE.

You’ll learn:

  • The best sex position for simultaneous orgasms
  • The best way to finger a girl
  • 1 simple ingredient you can add to oral sex that will give her goose bumps

Best Sex Position

Do you know what the best sex position is for giving you and your partner the feelings of intimacy? And at the same time, increasing your changes of simultaneous orgasms?

Before I share that with you, let me share something with you…

In many sex surveys, one of the most favorite sex position chosen by women is the missionary position.

At first I was a bit surprised to hear this; after all, there are other positions that can allow for greater feelings of physical pleasure. But after hearing the reason why women like this position, I can understand.

Here’s why: Women like the missionary position because of the face-to-face contact it provides. In other words, they liked the feeling of intimacy…

Even though this position isn’t ideal for female orgasms, it’s still a favorite among women.

Well, I’m sure you know exactly how to do the missionary mission, so I’m not going to teach you that 😛

But, the key idea here is this feeling of “Intimacy”.

Now, how can we better grasp this concept of “intimacy”? In other words, how can we increase the levels of intimacy, at the same time, increase the chances of female orgasms?

Enter the C.A.T

The Coital Alignment Technique (or CAT for short), is by far the best position for female orgasms.

Why?

Because this position is designed to maximize clitoral stimulation during intercourse…something that most other sex positions can’t!

The CAT position looks like the regular missionary position, but with a slight adjustment.

The main difference is that the male will penetrate from a higher angle (compared to the standard missionary position). And instead of thrusting in and out, the movement is more of a rocking or rubbing action.

Why The CAT Position Works

A woman can have an orgasm quickly and easily because the CAT position allows a woman’s clitoris to be stimulated. The stimulation from the base of the penis & pubic bone on the clitoris, combined with the rocking/rubbing action of the pelvis will allow a woman to reach orgasm. But it doesn’t end here… It’s a great sex position for men too. The woman’s legs are closer together, making the vagina feel “tighter”.

WARNING: The feeling of tightness might make men orgasm quicker than normal!

Combining the enhanced clitoral stimulation, tighter feel of the vagina, and face-to-face, body-pressed-on-body intimacy…achieving orgasms at the same time has never been easier!

How To Do The Coital Alignment Technique

Step 1: To get in the CAT position, slide your body 2-4 inches forward from the typical missionary position so that your pelvis is directly over hers.

Step 2: Your body should fall flat on hers (make sure that you support your body enough so you don’t crush her!).

Step 3: Both of your spines should be straight, and your bodies should be parallel to each other.

Step 4: You can be in between her legs, with her ankles wrapped around your calves. However, I’ve found from my experience that if she keeps her legs close together and you place your legs OUTSIDE of hers, it will produce a better response.

Step 5: Instead of thrusting in and out hard and fast like you would in the regular missionary position, what you’ll do is slowly and gently rock your hips. The base of your penis and your pubic bone will naturally rub up against her clitoris. Also, because you’re moving in a rhythmic rocking motion, you won’t be stimulate your penis as much compared to a thrusting motion, allowing you to last longer during sex.

Tip:

  • The pleasure will build gradually, and the both of you will have orgasms that are much more intense and intimate compared to the missionary position.
  • As you sense an orgasm coming (from her or yourself), don’t speed up! Just maintain the gentle rocking motion and the orgasm will come naturally instead of being chased.
  • When you feel the sensations getting stronger, don’t speed up the rocking movement! What you want to do is continue at the same pace, and allow the orgasm to overtake you. I know this sounds hard to understand, but trust me on this one.

Best Way To Finger A Girl

I’m going to teach you an awesome way to ‘finger a girl’. Actually, this technique doesn’t involve vaginal penetration, so technically, it’s not fingering. But no matter, it still works pretty well 😉

It’s actually a “technique” that women use all the time. When masturbating, some women will start from the position of using her first and fourth fingers to spread open her labia, while the middle finger strokes her clitoris.

You can modify this for your purposes by using one hand to hold her open and the other hand (middle finger only) to tease and rub on her clitoris.

In the woman-on-top sex position, she can incorporate this technique by stimulating her own clitoris while you’re making love.

Here’s how to do it:

Step 1: Locate her vaginal opening with the tips of your index and pointer fingers

Step 2: Slide your fingers directly upward along and between the inner labia of her vagina until you find her clitoris

Step 3: Spread your fingers apart so that your index finger is holding her left inner labia and your small fingers are holding her right labia away from the clitoris

Step 4: Your middle finger should be directly over the clitoris or within easy reach

Step 5: Begin light but circular strokes on and around the surface of the clitoris

Step 6: You can also occasionally dip your fingers down to the vaginal opening and stroke upward from the opening to the base of the clitoris

Step 7: Pay attention to how the clitoris responds to your touch As the clitoris becomes more stimulated and aroused it will swell and become harder and harder

Step 8: Use your sense of touch to determine the best angle, stroke, Pressure and timing for your partner. Let her responding clitoris be your guide.

Chew On This Before You Eat A Girl Out

You can enhance the pleasure of just about any oral sex technique with this one ingredient.

For this one to work, you’ll need to buy a box of Altoids Peppermints.

After you’ve eaten her out for a while, put one in your mouth and crunch it, letting the peppermint get on your tongue.

Go back and give her a few long slow licks covering her entire vulva. You want to spread the peppermint oil on her genitals…this will give her a cool tingling sensation.

Now, combine this with a “Cool Breath” by gently blowing onto her vulva.

Alternatively, you can try using cough drops, or even an ice cube to produce a similar effect.

BONUS TIP: When she’s performing oral sex on you, have her crunch down on an Altoid before hand. Trust me; you’ll like it just as much as she did!

Here’s What To Do Next

There you have it; now you know how to have time-pressed, great sex with little effort!  However, although these techniques are effective and efficient, you shouldn’t be using them all the time.  Especially when you DO have time to devote 100% to lovemaking and have all-night, “honeymoon-like” sex.

To get you started, I’ve compiled a PDF preview copy of The Female Orgasm Black Book.  It’s filled with TONNES of techniques (oral, manual stimulation, positions etc) just to give you a small taste of what my book is about.

Also, it has pictures!

To see them, visit the The Female Orgasm Black Book, tell me where you want your PDF preview copy, and I’ll send it to you.

Understanding The Desire To Love And Be Loved in Return

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“We are all part of the same human condition.  The yearning to love and be loved is at the heart of who we are.”  – Lynne Twist

That quote speaks to every man and every woman in every place and time!  The worlds’ greatest love stories, from the brilliantly successful ones to the dismally tragic ones, come down to the yearning to love and be loved in return.

Loving and Being Loved

In every love story, there is a quality to the relationship that is defined by how each person deals with his or her own yearning to love and be loved.

Some of us have a stronger desire to love than to be loved.  We pour ourselves out on everyone we love with abandon.  We are supportive and nurturing, even if we risk suffocating the object of our affection.  We may pour out our love in bold, brash, even bullying ways.

I am thinking of men who only need a hint that something is wrong and then swoop in to fix the problem, their loved one, and the people involved!  This also brings to mind women who turn into protective mother bears when their loved ones (cubs) are threatened.

Others who are more committed to loving than being loved show their support and nurture by being submissive, following their lover wherever he or she leads.  Even if it is to a dark place, the supportive, nurturing, I-am-totally-there-for-you individual loves the risk of loving no matter the cost.

A Stronger Desire to be Loved

Then there are those of us with a stronger desire to be loved.  As supportive as I think I am, sometimes my desire to be loved by my husband is so strong I embarrass myself!  When he is preoccupied with something, with steely focus accomplishing something, if I interrupt and thereby incur even a slight dismissal, the pout that forms on my lips is telling!

In an instant, it is all about me and my needs and desires. If I were truly one of those supportive types, wouldn’t I have seen and appreciated his preoccupation with whatever he was accomplishing?

Managing my desire to be loved and choosing to sometimes follow my yearning to love, as a priority over my yearning to be loved, is simple enough.  It can be heartbreaking to watch someone completely sabotage their relationship because nothing can satisfy the hunger for proof that their lover loves them beyond all others!

Sabotaging the Relationship

Of course, the supportive, nurturing lovers can sabotage their relationships too.  Smothering love can snuff out love, shocking the supportive individual with the level of resentment the recipient of their love feels towards them and all their loving attention!

Yet, the “yearning to love and be loved is at the heart of who we are.”  At some point in your life, I hope you were your mother’s and father’s beloved infant.  Mothers and fathers do their best.  Sometimes their best is brilliant, sometimes it is good enough, and other times it is barely adequate.

Relationship With Caregivers

Whatever your relationship with your primary caregiver; when you were an infant, someone answered your call and met your needs.  That person was an extension of you, as far as you were concerned, and when she or he was answering your needs and desires, it was as if the two of you were one.

When we fall in love with someone who falls in love with us, we see each other in a way that feels familiar.  Falling in love is the closest we come to “mother love,” that love that answers all our needs.  Even if the timing isn’t completely right; the need is answered by this person, this mother or father, who completes us.

Yearning for Love

I imagine the first time we feel the yearning to love and be loved happens the first time we realize our primary caregiver is, in fact, not an extension of us.  The distance between that person and us must be wide and terribly tangible.  Even if she is within arms reach, the sudden realization of the difference between us, of the boundaries that define each of us, must feel like a chasm.

Jump ahead twenty, thirty, forty, fifty years and the lover who reminds us of how it feels to be completed by another shows up without boundaries, longing to get as close to us as we will allow.  Physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual closeness are aches easily filled by our new lover.  Nobody wants that honeymoon period to end.

The Honeymoon Period Has to End

The honeymoon period ends.  For some, the ache of what feels like separation might actually stir up grief.  For others, getting some boundaries back in place, letting friends and family back in to their own and the new life they have created with their new lover is a breath of fresh air!

In whatever way you deal with the yearning to love and be loved, use it to the best advantage of your lover and yourself.  When you feel the ache of it rising in your gut, let the ache grow.  Let it come up into your chest, around your heart and throat, and breathe through it, in and out.

Appreciate the gift of having someone in your life with whom you can satisfy that desire for connection.  Let it drive you to acts of love that delight, not smother…acts of love that might even give a person some space.

Use it to value your ability to love and be loved in return.  Use it to value his or her freedom to love and be loved in return.  Use it to remind you that you two are vulnerable to each other in a way no one else is and celebrate that reality in your own heart, with lovemaking, and with respect.  The quality of your loving will blossom into something even more beautiful than it already is!

Do You Feel Responsible For Other People’s Feelings? You Have to Read This…

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Many people actually believe that they are responsible for other people’s feelings. The truth is our feelings are caused by our own thoughts and actions.

Consider these examples:

“My wife is so upset that I have to travel more on my new job,” Chuck told me in our phone counseling session. “She feels so alone and lost when I’m gone. When I talk with her she is either crying or angry. I feel so badly and guilty but I don’t know what to do.”

“Do you feel responsibility for her feelings?” I asked him. “Do you feel that you are the cause of her feelings?”

“Yes.”

*****

“I’m just starting to date again after my divorce and I’m having a hard time with it,” Jeanette told me. “I just don’t know how to let a man know that I’m not interested in dating him any more, or in pursuing a sexual relationship with him. It feels like such a sticky situation.”

“Is it sticky because you are worried about his feelings?”

“Yes. The last man I dated hung his head and looked so distressed when I asked him to leave. I know that he was really attracted to me and I wasn’t at all attracted to him. I felt so awful that he was so hurt.”

“Did you feel responsible for his feelings?”

“Yes.”

*****

“My 14 year old daughter is so angry at me for the divorce, even though she knows that we are divorcing because of all my husband’s affairs,” Alissa told me. “I feel so guilty, even though I am not the one who had the affairs.”

“Do you feel responsible for her feelings?”

“Yes, of course!”

*****

The Truth About What Causes Our Feelings

Do you believe that you CAUSE others’ feelings, and are therefore responsible for them?

This is a major false belief. Some of our feelings, such as grief from losing a loved one, or helplessness over others, or loneliness when we want to share love with another and no one is available, are caused by life events. But most of our feelings, such as anger, anxiety, depression, hurt, guilt, or shame, are caused by our own thoughts and actions.

If Chuck’s wife is abandoning herself by not attending to her own feelings, or by judging herself, or by making Chuck responsible for her, then she will feel alone and angry at Chuck. It is not Chuck who is abandoning her. It is she who is abandoning herself.

Since there is nothing Chuck can do about the fact that his wife is abandoning herself, he cannot possibly take responsibility for her feelings. But he CAN take responsibility for his own feelings. As long as Chuck is telling himself the lie that he is responsible for his wife’s feelings, he will feel badly and guilty. His guilt is his inner guidance’s way of letting him know that he is telling himself a lie.

Taking Responsibility For Our Own Feelings

If Chuck or Jeanette or Alissa were to take responsibility for their own feeling instead of someone else’s, they would say to themselves, “I WANT responsibility for causing my feelings of guilt. What is the lie I am telling myself that is causing my guilt? Oh, I’m telling myself that I’m responsible for the other person’s feelings (the wife, the date, the daughter), and the fact that it is causing me to feel badly is letting me know that this is not true.”

Then they would open to learning about the truth – that we cannot take responsibility for others’ feelings. We can certainly be kind, gentle, caring and considerate, which is part of taking responsibility for ourselves, but no matter how loving we are, we cannot take responsibility for what others tell themselves that cause their fear, anxiety, aloneness, emptiness, anger, hurt, or depression.

What would change in your life if you decide that you WANT responsibility for your feelings and not for others’ feelings? If you really made this decision, you would stop being a caretaker, taking responsibility for others’ feelings, and you would stop being a taker, making others responsible for your feelings.

You would be free to be truly loving to yourself and share your love with others. Imagine the possibilities of that!

What is Tantra and Tantric Sex?

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Tantra is such a vast subject that it’s fascinating and awe-inspiring. It includes so much that it can be very confusing to the beginning student.

Tantra is an art, a science, a way of life that is honest and courageous. It includes and faces squarely our sexual energy, this awesome force that some religions fear and want to suppress. It can be used to help us reach our highest potential of pleasure, and union with the divine.

What Tantra Is and Isn’t

However, Tantra is not a religion. Tantra does not require anyone to follow any dogmas. Rather, it encourages us to discover through our own experience our true creative potential for pleasure, and our ability to connect with all the elements that surround us, and the spirit that we all share.

To achieve this, it offers a series of exercises in breathing, tone vibrations, the use of certain muscles, and concentration on certain symbols representing the energy centers of the body. This helps us clear blocks interfering with the movement of energy, and guides us into altered states of consciousness.

There we can transcend our everyday self-identification, and we can get a glimpse of our true larger reality. This includes the body, and goes beyond to include “all that is.” It’s a state of great expansion and orgasmic pleasure that surpasses by far the short-lived ejaculatory orgasm that many are accustomed to.

Engaging in the Tantric Journey

There are many wonderful book on Tantra, and reading can open your mind up to Tantra, but in order to actually engage in the journey, I think the best way to start is with a good guide. Why do many people need a guide?

Some books can be confusing and no matter how well written they can never express the warmth and guidance of a real knowledgeable professional who can transmit her energy and knowledge to the seekers who are open to receive it.

Connect With and Clear Emotional Issues

If you want to prepare for a really high Tantric experience with each other, it is also essential to start by taking time to connect and catch up with emotional issues that might linger unexpressed. People often leave these issues unsaid because of some common rationalizations, such as “I don’t want to start a fight with her” or “he’s not ready to hear me.”

But when we leave these emotions hidden, they become a hindrance to the moving of erotic energy, and end up suppressing our passion for each other. Paying attention to each other and really listening to each other’s concerns is essential. Learning how to “make love grow” becomes especially imperative if you did not see good models for this process while growing up.

Making Love Tantrically

Over time, most of us fall into a sex routine that becomes boring and depleting instead of nurturing, and does not deserve the name of love making. Making love tantrically allows you to achieve high pleasure for the body, and great satisfaction for your emotions and spirit. It is deeply nourishing and bonding and always new, because it is taking place in each moment, as you respond to each other with honesty and support.

Making love this way becomes a priority in a relationship. Great lovemaking restores and/or adds harmony, peace and joy to everyone else you interact with too.

It is worth the time and the investment you make in learning how to achieve this hot and relaxing Tantric space, a door through which you can enter into a new, higher, more expanded you on your way to Enlightenment.