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How Do We Get The Passion Back?

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Sex loses it’s luster after many months and years into a marriage. It’s easy for one or both partners to get comfortable with each other, which is actually one of the best benefits of marriages but can also wreak havoc on a great love life. Your sex life isn’t doomed though – here’s how to put the fire back into it.

I’ve been married for six years. I still love my husband very much, but we’ve become best friends instead of lovers. How do I add the sexual spark back into our relationship?

What She Said:

Don’t fret; your position is a common one. The great news is that the important components are here – love and friendship. You’re obviously in it for the long haul and nothing is more important than the unconditional love and companionship you and your husband share.

That said, sex is obviously a very important part of marriage – not to mention a lovely way to connect. It’s natural when passion fades. Our bodies aren’t made to keep up that level of hormonal output. The pheromones were there in order to draw you together; what you do with the rest is up to you and your hubby!

Putting The Spark Back In

How to add the spark back into your sex life? Start by thinking of all the things you appreciate about your husband. That will most likely lead to feelings of tenderness and will leave you more open to lovemaking. A romantic date night is still a tried and true approach of lighting the proverbial fires – an intimate dinner and a bottle of wine can go a long way!

Also take some time to reflect on your courtship. What made you hot then? Did you surprise him after work with a blowjob? Did you make out at the movies? Did you sneak off and have sex in the bushes outside your favorite club? Were you into costumes? If so, it might time to dust off the pom poms and slip into that cheerleading outfit! Revisiting the sexy times you two shared in the early portion of your relationship will most likely lead to a reinvigorated sex life in the now.

Don’t forget the day-to-day – hugging, kissing and saying, “I love you” keeps the connection open and reminds you both that you’re much more than friends.

What He Said

Things change. Mostly likely this started when the two of you took your eyes off the collective ball. You have to put in the effort to make the spark stay alive over time. That’s just how it is. It’s like this: If you look like a bodybuilder and you want to keep looking like a bodybuilder, you need to keep working out on a regular basis. You can’t stop working out for six months and then wonder why you aren’t in as good of shape as you used to be. It’s not magic, you (both) stopped putting the work in.

It’s far easier to maintain something than it is to re-create something.

That’s the bad news.

The good news is that it’s faster to get back in shape than it is to get in shape in the first place. Your body remembers what it was like to be in shape and wants to go back to that.

So does your relationship. You can get it back. But you will both need to accept that you’re romantically out of shape before you can get back into shape. Take sometime to figure out how you fell in love in the first place and recreate it. It will take a bit of time, but it will be worth it. A romantic getaway is a great way to start. It might be a bit of effort, but it’s worth it.

Jealousy Issues – My Ex Boyfriend Is Getting Married!

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Jealousy can rear its ugly green head when you least expect it. Even when you think you’ve moved on from a relationship and are healthy and happy, you can get pangs of jealousy when you thought the worst of it was over. How do you get over jealousy when your last S.O. is going to be hitched to another woman?

A while back, I broke up with my long term partner. Time’s passed and I found myself an amazing man and we’re in love. Then I find out my ex is going to marry to the first chick he dated after we broke up. I’m super angry, hurt, pissed and bummed. Why? How do I make it stop?

What She Said:

It’s natural to feel weird when someone you once loved has officially moved on. In fact, there’s a possibility he felt the same when he heard about your happy relationship. But the reality is that you’ve both moved on in big ways; the sooner you embrace that, the better.

Keeping Some Things To Yourself

It may go without saying, but I’d recommend keeping your depression to yourself versus confiding in your mate. I’m not advocating lying or keeping secrets – but this feeling will pass and it could be misconstrued in a detrimental way if you let your partner know you’re grieving the loss of your ex’s singledom. You’re happy, so why rock the boat?

How To Move On

If you’re feeling really bummed out, try writing a letter to your ex and then burn it. The purpose of this exercise is to express your feelings in a safe environment, then release them. Whatever you do, don’t send it or leave it lying around! It’s okay to feel sad for a bit – it is the end of an era. Acknowledge it – and then continue moving on. Surely you and your ex broke up for a reason. It might be good to revisit some of the bad times to ensure you don’t romanticize this guy too much.

You’re happy, you’re in a committed relationship and you’ve got nothing but the future ahead of you. It doesn’t involve your ex, but it does include a lot of new and exciting things. That sounds pretty good to me!

What He Said:

I guess the big question here is: why do you care? Maybe this guy was a real fixer up project when you met him. Maybe he was some fat, out of shape, slob with mommy issues and you turned him into a big man sized bowl of grade a quality ass. Then some other chick is enjoying the fruits of your labor? That would piss me off too. And you’d have every right to be upset. She owes you royalties, in that case. Or something.

Maybe you’re like this girl I used to know. She called herself the “practice wife” because every guy she was dating would immediately marry the next girl he dated after they broke up. She hated it. Eventually, she found a guy and they’re engaged.

This Too Shall Pass

Try not to read too much into this. Yes, it sucks. But it will pass. You’re happy in your new relationship, so what else matters? Jack shit, that’s what. Maybe you had visions of marrying that man, and maybe in retrospect, it wasn’t the best idea to start picking out your China patterns before it’s actually time to pick out the China patterns.

If getting married is something you want, sooner or later it will happen. That much is a given. The challenging part is enjoying the journey as much as possible and being kind and compassionate to yourself along the way. There’s really no point in being hard on yourself. Life is hard enough, and there are people lining up around the block to make it even harder on you. So why add on to the pile. Relax, enjoy and forget the douchebag. He’s her problem now.

Don’t Let Sharing A Bed Ruin Your Relationship – Or Your Sleep!

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A relationship involves sleeping in the same bed as your partner – but how will this affect your sleep schedule? And will it wreak havoc on your partnership?

While sharing a bed certainly has a romantic upside, it can wreak havoc on your sleep schedule. Talking to your partner about your issues, like being kept awake by snoring, can help you both solve your sleeping problems. Compromise in the name of catching a few more zzz’s will keep you both happier, at bedtime and beyond.

There was a time back in the ‘50s when you couldn’t show couples sharing a bed on TV. Think back to I Love Lucy, and you’ll recall that Lucy and Ricky had a pair of twin-sized beds in their master bedroom. It seems silly to think of a married couple not sharing a bed, yet anyone who’s ever slept next to a snorer or a blanket hog has probably fantasized about having such a sleeping arrangement.

Sleep Deprivation Means More Fights

Much as we’ve all enjoyed cuddling up under the covers with our significant other, we’ve also probably had at least a few nights where our shut eye quality suffered thanks to having a bed buddy. That might seem like a small sacrifice to make for love, but sleep deprivation is a pretty evil thing. If your partner is disrupting your shut eye night after night, you’re bound to be tired on a daily basis. If you’re tired all the time, you’re likely cranky, and you might find yourself snapping at your mate more often. Things that wouldn’t bother you a bit if you were rested might cause blowout fighting when you’re sleep deprived.

Lay Down The Ground Rules

So how can you get your much needed shut eye without reverting to separate beds? First and foremost, you and your partner need to discuss what, if any, problems you’re having. If you’re a light sleeper and your S.O. snores loudly or talks, talk to them about it. How bad and frequent is the snoring? Is it a once and awhile thing that you can use earplugs to block out? If it’s a little more frequent—say your mate has bad allergies and snores when he/she is stuffed up—try over-the-counter remedies.

Buy him or her a box of those nose strips that help open up your nasal passages so you can breathe easier and don’t snore as much. If the snoring is regular and violent sounding, your significant other might need to go to the doctor or even do a study. They might have a more serious problem like sleep apnea, which can be very dangerous. The doctor could help both your partner’s health and your sanity.

Other Relationship Problems From Sleeping In The Same Bed

Of course, there are other annoyances that can come from sharing a bed. If you’re lucky enough to be a heavy sleeper, you might not notice if your partner tosses and turns or hogs the covers all to his or herself. If you’re not a heavy sleeper, you might wake up every time your S.O. rolls over or pulls the blanket off you.

Make your mate aware of their habits in as polite a manner as possible. Then discuss possible solutions, like buying a better mattress that doesn’t magnify every move your partner makes. Maybe you simply need a bigger bed to put more distance between each other, or even just larger blankets so you’ve each got more to wrap up in.

Most of these problems are at their worst if you have the misfortune of being a light sleeper. If you are, one of the easiest ways to make sure you sleep through the night despite your partner is to go to bed before they do. Of course, you might not always be able to get to bed a little earlier than your S.O.

When you can, however, try to give yourself time enough to get to the point of deep sleep before your mate comes to bed. If you’re really out of it by the time they start snoring or kicking around, you’ll be less likely to notice it. Another option is to have sex before you hit the hay. If you both get a really good orgasm, it’s likely you’ll both be out like a light.

Of course, if none of these ideas work, you may very well have to resort to sleeping Lucy-and-Ricky-style. That, or you might want to invest in some good sleeping pills.

My Wife Spends More Time With Her Friends Than Me!

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Marriage is a partnership between two great friends – but what happens when your marriage gets less time than her best girls do?

My wife seems to be way more interested in the well being of her girlfriends over me. It’s kind of to the point where I’m wondering if she’s more interested sexually, given the amount of time she spends with them. What gives?

What She Said:

Have you reached out to your wife lately? It sounds like she might be taking solace in the company of her girlfriends. It is possible to feel lonely, even in a marriage. You’ve mentioned that she doesn’t seem very interested in your well being. Have you flipped the script and asked yourself if you’ve shown interest in her happiness as of late? If you said “no,” that might be the answer to your question.

Bring In The Romance

Of course the responsibility is not all on you. You obviously have a valid concern, regardless of the cause. You’re feeling alienated by your wife, and that’s not good. Given that you’ve included sex in the mix, I’m assuming that intimacy with your partner is not up to par. Have you tried a little romance? A fun date night might be a good start to getting things going again.

Communication is key, especially in this situation. You need to sit down and have an honest talk with your wife, ASAP. You’re going to have to be blunt and let her know your concerns. If she let’s you know everything is fine, but she’s also been feeling the distance, be sure to start scheduling time together. Make your marriage a priority again. If she reveals that she does indeed have sexual feelings for women, it’s time to let her go. You’ll both be happier in the long run being who you truly are. Good luck!

What He Said:

Unless your wife has always been like this something changed. It didn’t just happen. She may not be happy at work, or something. Most likely in these situations, it’s that the guy she’s with started phoning it in.

Think back to a time in the relationship when things were working like you wanted them to. Compare that to now. Are you spending as much time with her? Are one or both of you more stressed out? Are you doing the same things for her now as you were then? My guess is probably not.

Decoding A Woman’s Desire For Sex

So, start doing them. Try and do them without the expectation of the sex. She’s out of the mood and been that way for a while. She may have to readjust to the new attention, but it will happen. Ironically, she will want to have sex with you right after she comes to the conclusion that you’re not giving her this attention because you want to get laid. Women are sneaky like that. Once she feels that you’re giving her this added attention because you legitimately care about her and want to shower her with it, that’s when the booty usually picks up.

Again, I know. It doesn’t make sense, and it’s counterintuitive. But that’s the way it works. Just try it. Give it like a month. Or two weeks at least. If it doesn’t work, punch me. I know it will work, which is why I can say that. Just try it. You have nothing to lose.

How Long Should You Stay Engaged?

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Marriage is an exciting process – the proposal has happened and now you’re engaged. One of the very first things you and your new fiance have to do is to set the date for your wedding. How can you decide how long you should be engaged before you celebrate your big day? It will depend on a number of factors, including how much time you’ll need to plan, whether or not you have guests coming in from out of town, and more.

This is something you should start discussing with your S.O. no later than the day after you get engaged. The sooner you can settle on a date, the sooner you can go to work on the rest of the planning process.

Decide On The Wedding Size

Before you can set a date, you have to decide exactly what kind of  wedding you’ll have. If you and your partner want a big ceremony with lots of guests, a full bridal party, and a huge reception, you may very well need at least six months to a year to get everything set up.

If you want a small ceremony with only a few friends and family, you may only need a month or so. Should you and your partner be anxious to get married and not into a traditional wedding, you might even consider eloping as soon as possible. You can always have a party to celebrate your marriage with all of your friends and family after the fact.

Picking A Special Date

Another factor to consider when picking a date is whether or not there’s a special date that means something to both of you. Maybe you want to get married during a certain time of year so you can have an outdoor ceremony, like late spring or early fall. Or maybe there’s a meaningful date, like the day you first met or the anniversary of your first date that you want to be your date.

If either of these scenarios is the case, you may have a big wait, particularly if you need time to plan and that date or season is coming up quickly. Should that be the case, you might have to wait until that date comes up next year instead of this year, or your planning might be too rushed. If neither of you wants to wait that long, you need to be willing to sacrifice your idea of a perfect date or season to get married in.

Venue Availability

Your date will also be determined by the availability of the venue you want to get married in. Some venues, like religious ones, may already be booked for someone else’s  ceremony on the date that you want. It’s a good idea to have a window of dates or a few backup dates in mind in case your ideal date is booked. Otherwise, you need to be willing to be flexible on the venue.

The same thing goes for who will perform the ceremony. If you belong to a specific congregation and want your preacher, priest, Rabbi, etc., to perform the ceremony, you will most likely need to be flexible on your date. If the two of you are just going to use a justice of the peace, however, you can probably pick the exact date you want. Odds are that someone will be available for that day.

In the end, finding the right date mostly comes down to what your priorities are. If you have a detailed dream wedding plan, you’re probably going to need more time and have to be more flexible with your date to make everything work. If you and your fiance’s number one priority is to make the marriage sooner rather than later, you’ll have to be willing to be looser with your wedding plans. Just make sure that you’re both on the same page about your priorities, and you’ll settle on the right date in no time.