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Relationship Advice: How To Make A Major Decision With Your Partner

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Relationship advice is something all couples need, especially when making a big decision together. Here’s how to get through it without too much fighting.

When you’re one half of a serious relationship, especially if that relationship is a marriage, you can no longer make large decisions on your own. Everything that you do affects not only you, but also your significant other. Therefore, it’s imperative that you seek out relationship advice and learn how to make major decisions as a unit.

You must become better at judging where to compromise and where to stand your ground. Furthermore, you need to be able to determine when sacrificing something you want and allowing your S.O. to get what they want will be better for your relationship as a whole. This, among other things, will require you to strengthen your communication skills together.

Take Time To Talk About It

The first step toward making a big decision together is to set aside time to discuss it. Make sure that you’re both in good moods. If you’ve just had an argument or one of you has had a particularly bad day, you’re not going to be in the proper mindset to make a large scale decision.

If you’re both feeling fairly calm and happy, ask your S.O. if you can talk about the big topic at hand. Then eliminate any possible distractions. Turn off the TV or your music, set your phones to silent and put the computer to sleep. This is a potentially life altering choice for both of you, so you want to make sure it has both you and your significant other’s fullest attention. Don’t have the talk if you’ve been drinking or while you’re drinking, either. You should both be in a very clear state of mind.

Lay Out The Facts

Once you’ve found the proper time and setting to hold your discussion, begin by establishing the facts. Let’s say that you’ve decided you’re ready to start having kids, and your S.O. isn’t quite so sure. You need to state your position and the reasons why you feel ready—you don’t want to wait until you’re too old, you feel financially settled, etc.

Then ask your S.O. to explain what they’re feeling and why they’re feeling it. Maybe he or she wants kids, but feels like they need more time to establish themselves at their job first. Without getting defensive or hostile, ask how much more time they think they need. No matter what the topic is, you should do your best to get your mate to open up fully and be honest about their feelings. It’s important that you both be completely open about what you want and your related fears.

Looking For Compromise

After you’ve each fully explained your side of the story, it’s time to look for compromise . In the case of the baby issue, you may have to agree to wait a little longer than you’d like, as long as your S.O. agrees to get started a little earlier than they’d hoped. When meeting in the middle is a possibility, go for it. Of course, sometimes it isn’t.

Perhaps your issue is that your mate wants to move to a new city to take a promotion in their job, and you don’t want to move because you’ll be giving up your current job to do so. In a case like that, there’s no way to fully compromise, so you’ll ultimately have to decide what will be best for your partnership. Step back and attempt to view things more logically. Will there be other job possibilities for you in this new city? Is your S.O. the bigger bread winner in your relationship, or are you? Do the pros for one side outweigh the cons for the other?

Staying Calm, Cool And Rational

If you and your S.O. can keep the right relationship advice in mind and both keep your cool and be as rational as possible, you’ll find you’re able to reach a consensus sooner rather than later. That doesn’t mean that either of you should be a pushover, but it does mean that you can’t let emotions alone rule your choices. Most importantly, though, you have to remember that you’re no longer in it only for your own good. The health, happiness, and success of your relationship as a couple are now your priority when it comes to making big choices.

He Wants Kids And She Doesn’t – Now What?

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A relationship comes with lots of big decisions – one of which is whether to have kids. What do you and your partner do when you disagree about children, and what do you do if you and your partner once agreed about having kids but now disagree?

My hubby and I always wanted to have kids. We waited till we were financially “ready” and now that we’re “ready” I’ve decided I don’t want them anymore. How do I bring this up to him?

What She Said

Let me state the obvious – deciding whether or not to have children is one of the most colossal decisions you’ll ever make. Yep, that’s why they pay me the big bucks!

Wants And Needs Change Throughout Life

Let’s first examine why you’ve changed your mind. I want to applaud you for realizing this avenue may not be for you. Though we’re of a different generation, there’s still a lot of pressure for women in a marriage to have kids, whether it be from family or society. It takes courage to acknowledge that you may want to do something else.

Only you know why you’ve changed your mind – I can’t even begin to guess the myriad of reasons. Maybe your biological clock never turned on. Not every female is inherently mothering and that’s okay. Perhaps you want to travel or focus on your career, both of which are great options. I’m sure you’re getting pressure from your husband to give him an answer as to why you’ve changed your mind, so hopefully you’re clear in your reasons.

Recognizing Fear As A Factor

Let me speak on your husband’s behalf for a moment and ask you if fear is a factor. Rumor has it there never is quite the perfect time to have a baby. If you were putting off because you’re secretly afraid that it will change your relationship, but it’s something that you actually want to do, I’d encourage you to consider moving forward. Yes, it will change your life irrevocably – but if you and your husband are in a happy relationship and want to add a baby to the mix, embrace the change.

Once again, having children is a huge decision and an even bigger responsibility. Men have biological clocks as well and your husband’s may be going off. This is a tricky situation with no easy out. If having kids is something your husband really wants to experience, he deserves to have that. However, I wouldn’t advise having a baby just to make your husband happy. That’s not going to end well for anyone involved, most importantly the child!

Try To Compromise

Usually I can wrap these questions up in a tidier package. Today I say: keep talking and try to aim for some kind of compromise. Prepare yourself for the fact that you might have to let each other go if neither one of you can get what you want.

What He Said:

If you wait until you’re ready to have kids, you never will.

If you’re scared, you should be. It’s a big deal. It’s permanent and will change your relationship and your life. And it’s 24/7.So if you’re scared, it’s normal. And if that’s the case you may need to simply make peace with the fact that you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into, but that it will be okay, no matter what.

You Reserve The Right To Change Your Mind

It’s also possible that you’ve changed. Maybe you really don’t want kids anymore, for whatever reason. That’s something your husband needs to know. There’s no easy way to say it, so just drop the bomb and then begin to move forward. You need to realize that this may be a deal breaker for him and your husband will want to argue his point – you did tell him when you got married that you wanted kids and, now you don’t.

Or, it may be a non issue. Your husband may not want them anymore either or accept that you don’t and still want to be with you regardless. There’s only one way to find out.

How To Make Meeting Your S.O.’s Family Successful

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Relationship advice is going to come in handy if you’re meeting your partner’s family for the first time. Here are some tips to make it go smoothly.

Whether you’re meeting your boyfriend/girlfriend’s parents for the first time, or going to your tenth holiday dinner at your in-laws’ place, interacting with your significant other’s family can be one of the most complex parts of your relationship. If you’re willing to be patient and make compromises, you’ll have an easier time with your new relatives-by-proxy.

Spending Time With In-Laws Can Be Stressful

There are two little words that can strike massive fear in the hearts of many men and women: in-laws. Spending time with your significant other’s family can be one of the most strange and stressful parts of your relationship. Unless your partner is a recent orphan, however, you’re not going to get out of family time. The best you can do is learn how to cope with them – while still being yourself and being confident.

If it’s the first time you’re meeting your significant other’s family members, there are a few ways to better prepare yourself. First of all, talk to your partner about his or her relatives – this is probably the best where your best relationship advice comes from because a little research about who these people really are can go a long way. You shouldn’t put up a front, but it is good to adjust yourself slightly to their expectations.

If they’re not big drinkers, don’t show up with a bottle of wine. If they traditionally dress up for dinner, trade in your jeans for a dress or slacks. Think of it like visiting a foreign country; you don’t want to look like a tourist, so you take a few tiny steps to fit in with the locals. This will also endear you to your mate, because he or she will be flattered that you care about impressing the parents.

Will You Fit In With Their Family?

What if, once you’ve met them, you find you don’t fit in at all? If you’re married, engaged, or moving in together, you won’t be able to avoid the in-laws forever. That means you need to strategize appropriately. Try to plan family gatherings that have set end times, so your visits won’t be painfully long. Look for the one or two things you do have in common and focus on them.

If you and your in-laws both love old movies, host a classic movie night at your place. They’ll feel welcomed and loved, and you won’t have to talk to them much during the movie. Have excuses at the ready to cut awkward drop-in visits short or omit awkward silences without being impolite. For instance, if your mother-in-law drops by on a Sunday afternoon and just won’t leave, tell her you hate to end your visit, but you have to run errands before dinner time.

Then plan for one of those aforementioned movie nights so she knows you’re not adverse to spending time with her. When it comes to the holidays, make sure that you and your partner set ground rules early on in your relationship. Every three years is a good rule—one year with your family, the next with your significant other’s family, and the third year to yourselves. That makes both sets of in-laws feel like they’re being treated fairly.

What To Do If It Gets Awkward

Of course, sometimes relations with your partner’s family go beyond awkward unpleasantness and become strained. Maybe you hate being around your spouse’s parents because they have strong political beliefs that oppose yours, or maybe the situation is worse.

If Aunt Jean is a bigot and insults you to your face because you’re not the same race as she is, then you don’t have to put up with that. You can and should cross her off the family game night invite list. If you find that you’re the lone Democrat in a sea of diehard Republicans, avoid the topic of politics like the plague. If it still gets brought up, you can either sit back and quietly observe or suggest a subject change.

In the end, in-laws are a fact of life in long term relationships. You don’t have to enjoy every moment of it, but you can improve upon your time with them. Above all, remember that these folks are your significant other’s family. Like them or not, your mate loves them. You owe it to her or him to make lemonade from these familial lemons. Besides, don’t forget—he or she has to deal with your family, too!

Relationship Advice: My Fiancée Won’t Let Me Keep My Maiden Name?

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She needs relationship advice – he wants her to take his name after marriage and she wants to have her own. What should she do?

I’m getting married to the most amazing man I’ve ever met. He’s perfect. We’ve never even had a fight…until…I told him I was keeping my “maiden” name. I’ve worked hard in my profession to build the brand name and I don’t want to change it. My fiancée is super insulted. He says I’ve I don’t say I do to his last name, we aren’t getting married. How can we fix this?

What She Said:

It sounds like a heated situation for such a happy occasion, complicated by the fact that you’re both “in the right.” He sounds like a traditional sort of guy who’s probably been operating off the assumption that you would naturally take his name after marriage.

Take A Look At His Perspective

Take a moment in his shoes to acknowledge that he’s probably in shock. In fact, he may even be taking your insistence on having your maiden name as some form of rejection towards him. He might also have concerns about naming your kids, if you’re both thinking of having children. (Though different last names in one household is a common occurrence these days.)

Reassure him that your love is as strong as ever, no matter what you are called. You two definitely need to find a way to step away from this ledge, otherwise known as the ultimatum he just gave you.

Your Right To Have Your Name

Now let’s take a look at you. You have every right to have your name – it’s definitely a different day and age; the taking of the husband’s name isn’t necessarily the norm it used to be. Building a name in your profession is a huge deal – and one that’s hopefully supported by your future husband. Honoring that accomplishment is every bit as important as your relationship. It’s a part of you, and that means it stays.

Getting Creative To Reach A Compromise

But how does it stay? It’s time to get creative. Perhaps you use your maiden name professionally, but take your husband’s name for your private life. Actors often prefer this option. Jennifer Aniston was Aniston on the screen and Pitt in “real” life – until Brad strolled off with a certain someone. Maybe not the greatest example, but you get my drift!

I’m not sure of the legalities, but it seems worth looking into. Flip that coin and take a look at Jack White (of The White Stripes). He took his first wife’s name – and kept it. He liked it so much that his second wife and their kids all use it too. Now that’s progressive! Of course, there is the lovely option of hyphenating. That can be a great compromise and a way for you to both get what you want.

I hope you can reach an agreement without losing sight of the most important thing – your love and your wonderful future together.

What He Said:

This is a big slap in the face to a lot of guys. I’m guessing you guys never talked about this prior to the argument, which is where a lot of the disagreement comes from. I know it’s not spontaneous to discuss marriage parameters before popping the question, but it’s better in the long run.

Next Time, Talk First

If you’d have had this discussion with him before hand, you wouldn’t be having this problem in the relationship now. If it’s that big of an issue for him, he could’ve made an informed choice. I still think this will blow over. He’s blown way too much $$ on you to back out now.

Do you know what those rings cost? Kidding. Sort of. It will probably blow over, with a little time & TLC. It would be hard to imagine that he loves you enough to spend the rest of his life with you but not enough to get past this. If you have any other bombs to drop before you get married, you probably want to discuss it with him first.

How To Revive A Sexless Marriage In 3 Easy Steps

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More sex with their wives is something every husband wants – especially when the fire has died. After a man and a woman have been married for a long period of time, they naturally grow apart sexually. This can be extremely frustrating, because you’re wondering why the sex just isn’t as good (or why you’re not having it as often) as when you and your partner were younger. Getting back into the swing of things just takes a little work though use these three easy tips to get more nookie with your spouse!

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Stop Putting Pressure On Her To Have Sex

You’ve done it before – you’re in the mood and you really want to do it with your partner. However, she really doesn’t feel like doing it at all. She may have had a rough day at work, or she may be worrying about other things. She may even use the classic “headache” excuse to let you know that it’s just not something she’s into right now. However, you’re very into it, so you start pressuring her to have sex with you. Sometimes this works, but it usually only gets you a quickie – if you pressure her to do it and she does, she’s basically getting busy with you just to shut you up.

There’s another problem with this though. If she was even the least little bit turned on before you started pressuring her, it went away as soon as you opened your mouth. Even with the best foreplay and the best techniques, if you pressure her, she’s just not going to get or stay very aroused at all. People face enough pressure in their day to day lives with work, school, bills and children that there’s just no reason to bring it into the bedroom too. Give her a break and don’t pressure her or guilt trip her next time you want to have sex. Just resign yourself to a great masturbation session instead.

Learn How To Tease Her To Build Arousal

Instead of making your lover feel obligated to get it on with you, it’s important to make her want it. She does want it, but her libido is buried underneath layers of stress, worry and items on the to-do list. It’s up to you to tease her and peel those layers away to expose the sexual side within her. A quickie can be a good thing, but women don’t always want to “just go do it real quick right now.” Since women take a while to warm up and become aroused, a quickie is just going to be all about you.

Instead, learn to tease your woman and build her arousal. How do you do that?

Flirting. Flirt with her over the phone, in text messages, in emails and in person. This helps you build her anticipation to see you and to be close to you.

Have Fun. Learn to stop taking life so seriously. If you learn to have fun and let go, your partner is generally going to want to be around you more and spend more time with you because your happiness is infectious.

Touch Her. Start touching her all the time, whether you’re sitting next to each other in the car or just having dinner together after work. Place your hand on her leg, brush up against her. This teasing and touching will get her brain in an aroused mode as she begins to anticipate more and more touching later.

Don’t Expect Sex

If you do all of these things with the expectation that she’s going to do it with you at the end of the day, you’ve already blown it. The whole idea here is to do these things just for the sake of doing them, because you enjoy flirting with your partner, touching her and spending time with her. Let her desire for it develop naturally, without her feeling expected or obligated to. She will come to you for sex when she feels ready.

Be Willing To Walk Away

If you’re doing everything possible to build a sexual relationship between you and your spouse, but she doesn’t seem to want to meet you halfway, you may have to realize that this marriage isn’t for you. Give marriage counseling a good, solid try first before you make a final decision to end it with your spouse but everyone deserves to be happy in a relationship and to feel sexually satisfied. If you can’t get fulfillment with your current partner, it may be time to find someone new.