Love & Sex Answers

Today's #1 Love & Sex Resource

You are here: Home / Archives for orgasm

Why She Fakes Orgasm And How To Get Her To STOP!

By

An orgasm is easy for some girls to fake, and fake it they do for various reasons. This can really hamper your sex life. Here’s how to get her to stop.

A woman is sexiest during those precious few seconds when she has an orgasm. But, did she REALLY, or was it something else?

Here’s news for you – if you’re not a virgin, chances are, you’ve been faked a couple of times. You can accept that and be a little easy on yourself, or you can continue on the path of denial. “Oh, she came man, I swear she really did!”

Whatever!

Did She Actually Fake Her Orgasm?

I’m saying that IT happens and you most probably have been an unwitting recipient – that’s just how the cookie crumbles. A lot, and I mean A LOT of women fake pleasure and orgasms, they’ve done it for millennia, and they’re quite excellent at it. They own it! They own the character, and have all the moans, whines and pelvic thrusts down to an art. They know exactly how to flutter those dreamy eyes – all in the name of “Let’s get this over with.”

Oh, those women! They deserve an Emmy on a nightly basis. ($200 says you’ve fallen for it a few times.)

Of course, men play a part in this grand conspiracy. With their lame moves and misguided notions of great sex, how can guys expect a woman to orgasm? And it doesn’t take much effort from a tired woman to make any guy believe he’s the king of the world. I mean, how hard is it to ooohh and ahhhh? Even a drunken, demented kitty can do that. Women are amazed at how easy it is to fool guys, most can’t tell the difference between a screaming elephant and a faking woman.

Not only that it’s easy, the motivation for faking is pretty high. Imagine a sleepy woman, with a numb vagina, expecting to drive two hours across state for a big meeting first thing in the morning. Think about her motivations to fake her clueless stud.

She won’t likely school him into an all-night discussion on how to do her. She’ll simply get into a moaning routine, a little thrust of the pelvis here and there, a little swing of her head from side-to-side then BINGO! Some peace finally.

Why She Really Does It

Granted that it’s so easy, so tempting, and more than being sleepy & bored, why do women fake orgasm? Why?

It’s because there is pressure on all sides to have an orgasm.

First of all, men expect their woman to cum – yes, even at totally sub-par methods. No matter how shallow it may be, making a woman reach her peak gives us a sense of accomplishment. “I made her orgasm. Ha!”

Failing to do so causes the opposite emotion and strikes a blow to male ego. He’s lost – no matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, it seemed to have no effect on her. In our “Who’s Your Daddy?” world where men bet their masculinity not only on the number of women they bag, but on the number of orgasms they give, a woman’s climax can be a pretty big deal.

So women, bless their souls, fake to protect men’s egos – especially for the man they care about and the man who pays the bills. The choice to fake is easy to make. They want their man to feel like The Man. As one woman would comment, “Men like it when they think they’re in control.”

But this is no altruistic act.

Women also fake it for their sakes. Besides the fact that they want the poking to end, and their heads have nudged the headboard too many times to recall, women also bet their femininity on orgasms.

When she fails to climax, she not only blames his small penis but also her defective equipment. Why couldn’t she orgasm? Something must be wrong with her! Women could easily blame their bodies, treating it as if they have an anatomical problem. “My clitoris must have been broken from overuse during my early years.”

So she fakes it – not only for the man but also for her sake. There are in fact times when she doesn’t know if she really had an orgasm or not. It felt good, but it wasn’t a definitive orgasm, she wasn’t sure. “I sort of came.” When this happens, she often consciously decides that she did indeed came, and so leave both the man and herself secured.

How To Avoid Getting Faked

If you’re asking for a definitive method so you can be 1000% sure that your lady came, there is nothing of that sort. Nobody is under any messianic delusion to make every woman cum every time, or spot every faker on the face of this earth.

Sure, there are signs of an orgasming woman. But know that all these things can be faked, yes, even the very contractions of the vaginal walls. You can’t avoid getting faked! Quit making it your night job to catch fakers. If you do catch her, then what?!

Instead – learn, practice and master how to effect powerful orgasms. Run with what you’ve learned in this series and trust that women won’t need to fake with you. As you develop better sexual skills, you’ll realize that spotting fakes becomes a useless affair.

The woman has, of course, a say on this – you can only do so much. If she does fake you, then it’s one less orgasm for her. She’s got more reasons to worry than you. But if she’s honest, then you two could begin an interesting journey of discovery, learning each other’s ropes. No matter how bumpy the ride is at first, through clear communication, the ball can start rolling.

As a final word, why don’t you do something very sensible. Stop tying your self esteem and masculinity with the number of orgasms you give. Secure your self-esteem somewhere else – where it’s more stable, not tossed to and fro depending on an evening’s performance.

How ludicrous it is to let one’s sense of worth hang on something that doesn’t even last more than 20 seconds.

4 Things Most Men Don’t Know About Giving Women Jaw-Dropping Orgasms!

By

An orgasm is something guys want to give to their lovers, but don’t know how. Are you missing out on these things that will give her an incredible orgasm?

Who wants to know about scintillating secrets to please your woman in bed? If you are anything like the hot-blooded, testosterone-driven men reading this, you probably have your hand raised up high, don’t you? When it comes to understanding female sexuality, most men are woefully clueless. But all you need to know are these 4 facts about the female sexual arousal, and you are on the way to sexually fulfilling your woman like you have never done before!

1. Know The Different Stages Of Sexual Arousal

Men and women both need to go through 4 different stages of sexual arousal before they reach an orgasm – excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution. The difference is the stage at which they are ready to engage in intercourse. For guys, we are ready right at the onset at stage one when we become erect. Women are only ready for sex when they reach the end of stage two.

2. Foreplay Is Essential For An Orgasm

Women need to be adequately aroused and stimulated from sufficient amounts of foreplay before they are ready for sex and orgasms. Contrary to what most men believe, touching and caressing her private parts and engaging in oral sex are not really considered proper foreplay. These are really sexual acts on their own, and not the sexual prelude that woman generally needs. Foreplay should involve mental activities that will heighten her arousal (such as talking dirty) as well as physical acts that target her non-sexual erogenous areas (e.g. massaging her back).

3. Always, Always Use Lube. Even When You Think You Don’t Need It

Just because her genitals are lubricated does not signify that she is sufficiently aroused to have intercourse. When she is not mentally and physically ready for sex, she will not derive as much sexual pleasure as she deserves to, and an orgasm is far more difficult for her to achieve. Use lube every time.

4. Last Longer To Give Her An Orgasm Every Time

Most men last only 2 to 4 minutes in bed while women need at least 15 minutes on average to reach an orgasm. The key to lasting longer and giving her multiple orgasms is to delay your own ejaculation. This can be achieved by strengthening the muscles in your pelvic area.

Pay heed to these four essential facts and you will emerge a far better lover than most men will ever be. And your woman will certainly relish every moment that you are in bed with her!

What Kind Of Sex Toys To Buy

By

Sex toys come in all shapes, sizes and colors. You can do just about anything with them or put them…ahem, anywhere. How do you choose what sex toys to get?

There are a huge amount of sex toys available on the market today: dongs, dildos, vibrators, cock rings, G-Spot stimulators, eggs, bullets – the list goes on and on. We’ll get into each option in a second, but first, let’s discuss what kind of material you want to search for first.

Jelly or rubber sex toys aren’t the best option, mostly because of their inability to be properly cleaned. There are several other options available, depending on the kind of toy you want, but in most circumstances (unless otherwise noted) you’ll want to purchase sex toys made out of silicone. Although more expensive than regular jelly or rubber sex toys, silicone sex toys are:

  • Hypoallergenic
  • Warm up quickly to your body heat, touch or warm water
  • Sterile, and can be cleaned with gentle soap and water
  • Able to be used both vaginally and anally, provided they are properly sterilized in between uses
  • Non-porous and odourless
  • Lifetime purchases that won’t break, flake or melt

Now that you have a better idea as to what kind of materials to look for in a sex toy, let’s talk about the different options available to you that help with orgasms during intercourse.

Clitoral Sex Toys

There is a certain angle and thrusting mechanism required to rub up against a woman’s clitoral complex well enough to have her orgasm during sex. If for whatever reason you aren’t able to use these positions to attain the proper movement or angle, or if your partner can’t let go of her vibrator habit, a clitoral stimulator is the first type of sex toy to try. These implements are meant to be worn during intercourse, and they provide sensation, vibration or rubbing along the clitoral head and frenulum.

For example, the Ladybug made by Nasswalk is an unusual vibrator that a woman wears on her hips like a pair of underwear. It sits along her pelvis and stimulates her clitoris using two feelers that encircle her genital region. Many women have shared with me that this one toy saved their sex lives, and they couldn’t imagine having an orgasm during sex without it. I recommend this product wholeheartedly.

G-Spot Vibrators

G-Spot toys during intercourse? How is that possible? With a new and highly recommended toy called the We-Vibe, you can do it all. This small C-shaped vibrator offers both clitoral and G-Spot stimulation, where the woman wears the toy snugly inside herself and her partner thrusts. Once inserted, you don’t need to use your hands to hold it in place, and it packs a powerful vibratory punch. This incredible little gadget is easy to clean, rechargeable, and fully waterproof.

Eggs

Egg vibrators are sex toys that are shaped like an egg and are sold in pairs. Most eggs are meant to be worn inside while a woman goes about her day, prior to intercourse, so she can strengthen her pelvic floor muscles in an attempt to enjoy stronger orgasms. Some eggs even vibrate when they touch one another inside her body, so she gets a little thrill each time she moves! Although these aren’t meant to be used during sex, they will assist your partner with feeling more in touch with her body and how orgasms work. Ask her to put two inside her a few hours before you’ve planned a sex session, and see just how wet and excited they make her.

Bullets

Bullet vibrators are sex toys that are powered by either small internal watch batteries, or an attached remote. They range in size from two to four inches long and come in a variety of similar shapes and sizes. Bullets are fantastic pieces of equipment because they are:

  • Tiny, thus fitting into small or cramped areas when your bodies pushed together
  • Powerful, offering strong vibrations in a focused manner
  • Versatile, and can be used solo or with a multitude of attachments

Bullet vibrators are great sex toys to give to your partner. She can use them during sex whenever she needs an extra thrill, and because they are highly focused vibrations, she’ll be able to pinpoint her itchy spots with ease during sex.

Finger Vibrators

Sex positions that allow for a free hand are perfect for finger vibrator use. They fit neatly over your finger like a ring and provide extra stimulation through the pads of your fingertips. The Fukuoku 9000 uses silicone sleeves and makes your finger the actual vibrator, while the Ophoria loops around the base of your finger to give you an extra, vibrating digit.

Vibrating Cock Rings

One of the newer additions to the sex toys family are cock rings. All are meant to fit around a man’s penis, stopping the flow of blood so that he can maintain a longer erection. Some are plain rings that only provide support to the gent in question wearing one, while others have clitoral and anal attachments to stimulate those parts of her body as well. My favorite types of cock rings however are the ones that vibrate. Easily found at most grocery stores today, some come with a condom already attached. Because the batteries in these cock rings are small, they usually don’t cost a lot of money, and wear out quickly.

These lovely little sex toys offer a lot of benefits when having sex and wanting some extra stimulation, such as:

  • Ease of use. You don’t need to read an instruction manual to use these sex toys, and they are ready to use as soon as you open the package. All you do is stretch the ring around your penis, put it as far down your penis as you can, and then pull it around your balls as well. Let go gently until it gets back to the size it came out of the package. It should fit snugly but without any pain.
  • No thinking required. Once you’ve put the cock ring on, you can forget about it. It won’t move, and you’ll both have your hands free to try out any of the wild and sexy positions shared in this eBook.

There really isn’t a lot to these bundles of joy, but there are a few things to remember:

  • When putting on a cock ring, make sure your hands are dry. You don’t want to slip and let go of it midway through and accidentally hurt yourself.
  • Think about the sex positions you’ll try out that evening before putting on the ring. If you’re focusing on woman on top or missionary, put the vibrating bit farthest away from your scrotum so that your lover gets the buzz around her clitoral network. If however you want to use mostly sideways or doggy-style positions, flip the ring around so that it sits just at your balls.

How To Choose The Right Sex Positions

By

Sex positions can definitely spice up your sex life, but how do you choose the right ones when there are so many different options? Find out now!

Who hasn’t heard of the Kama Sutra? The Perfumed Garden or The Tao? These ancient love texts exhibit the various ways a couple may entangle themselves at play. And no, they are not porn.

Getting into various sexual arrangements can spice up a sleepy erotic existence, in addition to being a good way to discover each other’s hidden talents. Guys will always want to test the limits of a woman’s flexibility, leg power and skull strength.

But do not assume that the more Evil Knievel-ish the poses, for the lady, the hotter the sex is. While experimenting is good, it should be tempered by common sense so nobody ends up in the emergency room in the middle of the night. Getting into acts hazardous to your health is insane, your choice of sexual positions shouldn’t constitute acts of stupidity, as if you’re out to prove anything.

People will have different takes on plow positions, depending on their tastes; one will be preferred over the others. The following are the five things you should factor into choosing your sex positions.

1. Movement

Men will always favor situations that allow for thrusting with reckless abandon. (We will discuss later what these positions are.) Certain arrangements allow for excellent movement and mobility, others, not so much. In fact, some greatly restrain movement it will seem that your partner has you on a body lock.

2. Accessibility

This refers to manual and visual accessibility to a woman. Some thrusting positions free a hand or two, allowing them to wander into other territories. (As you may already know, a great deal of these free hands end up at the breasts.) Others require both arms for balance & stability for the stroke.

Men love to ogle the goodies as they pound away. Bouncing breasts, moaning faces, and of course, tight behinds are winners. But because the body is profiled a certain way, manual and visual access to these may not be available all at the same time. Woman-on-top for example, makes the face and breast visually and manually accessible, but it leaves her buttocks hidden from view. In a way, there’s a Catch-22 going on.

Very notable height discrepancies between couples can make for some uncomfortable sexual positions. A giant and a dwarf, on the same bed, will have issues with alignment and reach. The ideal is for both to be of the same height and weight categories. The good thing though is that significant height and weight discrepancies among couples are not very common.

3. Stress & Strain

During the sexual tumble, muscles and bones do receive reasonable stress. This is again a question of health, conditioning and medical conditions. Your options for positions will greatly depend on what both your bodies can do COMFORTABLY.

Sex can be lethal. If you’re a couple of 120-year olds still getting some action, there will be positions your soon-to-be bereaved family will strongly advise against. You’ll be better off with more relaxed and more subdued sexual maneuvers.

There are positions that overly strain your back, hips, neck or legs.

You will instantly know what these are because your body will be screaming, “Are you kidding me?!” Others are borderline acrobatic and will drain the joy from the act.

Why engage in those non-practical positions anyway? But if you’re young, healthy and able, you have a lot going for you – there’s POWER OF CHOICE in that.

4. Orgasm Potential

Sexual positions have different clitoris and G-spot potential – some target them perfectly, others render them next to useless.

To increase your hit rate, recall the locations of these two: (1) the clit is located OUTSIDE the vagina – safely nestled under a hood ABOVE the vaginal entrance where the Labia minoras meet. It gets off on friction & pressure. The G-spot on the other hand can be excited INSIDE, through the TOP wall of the vagina.

There are choice arrangements that fire up these areas and offer intense pleasure, eventually leading to a cussing climax. We will soon determine what these are, but men who generally consider themselves givers… already know.

5. Emotional & Psychological Effect

It’s interesting to note that the manner in which two bodies are configured has psychological and emotional bearings on the participants. The partner on top for example, will oftentimes experience the sense of power and leadership, by virtue of playing the dominant role. The one at the bottom can express trust and safe-vulnerability by being led and taking on a more tempered role.

There are positions that signal adventurous excitement and creativity, others, raw passion and unfettered intensity. Through tons of friction and closeness for example, certain positions enhance the feeling of intimacy between two naked bodies. Still, there are arrangements that strike a woman she’s merely being treated as a sexual object.

Mutual Masturbation For Beginners

By

Mutual masturbation is a great way to connect with your partner and learn what she likes sexually so you can give her better, more intense orgasms!

We tend to think of masturbation as a solitary event, but it can also be a great addition to any couple’s list of erotic options. Simultaneous masturbation is an all-fun/no-danger way to share enjoyment and get to know each other’s preferences. This involves you two masturbating in each other’s presence.

When Should You Engage In Mutual Masturbation?

Mutual masturbation is definitely a thing to be taken into consideration if you want to create that special bond between you and your girlfriend or wife that will allow you to take pleasure in sex. If you are in the room while she is touching and fingering herself, you can understand better what she needs and what you’re supposed to do when you’re in charge.

What Does She Like?

Does she like short strokes or long strokes? Does she rub her clitoris clockwise or counterclockwise? Does she like her genitals be touched gently or does she like it rougher? Pulling or stretching? Fondling or fingering?

All these little secrets bring you closer and help you facilitate each other’s enjoyment of sex.

In order for her to feel comfortable enough to do it while you are watching, is only fair that you do it too. She will love watching you masturbate as much as you like watching her.

Once you both get worked up, you can switch and do each other (this is called mutual masturbation). There are numerous ways you can do this, just use your imagination, your hands and your tongues. The amount of pleasure that you can both get out of this is immense. Moreover, after such an intense bonding experience, she will feel more prepared and more comfortable about sex with you.

Solo masturbation orgasms can be extremely intense, because there’s no outside pressure or presence, but they can also be, I guess, lonely, for a lack of a better word. Partner masturbation orgasms feel different, there’s more of an energy exchange going on, a wavelike exchange of energy that makes the orgasm feel bigger and more satiating.

What It Can Do For Your Relationship & Sex Life

Ultimately, shared masturbation can and must build trust. When you expose yourself to another, you must know that your sharing is welcome, that you won’t be ridiculed. Truman Capote used to say: “The good thing about masturbation is that you don’t have to get dressed up for it.” This should remain valid when it comes to simultaneous masturbation as well.

She doesn’t have to feel pressured to look or act in one way or another, but do it like nobody else was in the room. It can be difficult to convince your girlfriend or wife to agree to it, but not impossible. If she has doubts, check out the lists bellow (masturbation must have and masturbation must not) and find out what you have to do in order to assure her you’re not going to make her feel uncomfortable in any way.