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Is Monogamy Overrated?

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Monogamy seems to be the popular choice for couples in long term relationships – but is it necessary? Can you have a satisfying relationship without it?

What Other Relationship Options Are There?

You can’t argue that monogamy isn’t exactly the one size fits all relationship type we were taught growing up. Don’t believe me? Just hit the internet! It seems like there are all kinds of relationships out there (open relationships, swingers, polyamorists, just to name a few) and they all seem sexier than monogamy and they’re getting way better press too.

Is It Still Sexy?

Religious organizations will argue that monogamy is under attack. Really? I didn’t know swingers were breaking into people’s homes and making them have sex with other people. While monogamy isn’t exactly under attack, it’s kind of lost its luster. It’s about as sexy as flossing or paying your taxes on time. Sure, there’s something to be said for it, but there’s a good chance that something will put you to sleep.

That doesn’t make monogamy overrated, any more than a gun in and of itself is a bad thing. It depends on the application and the situation. If you go on a date and your date pulls out a hand gun, it’s probably not a good night for you. If a burglar is breaking into your home and you call the cops and all they do is try and put the bad guy on “time out” you’ll be wishing he/she was packing heat (get your mind out of the gutter people!).

It’s Hard Work

Monogamy isn’t what we thought it was. It’s not like you get in a monogamous relationship and then that’s it. Since you’re not having intercourse with other people by design, you have to work to maintain the spark, probably a lot harder than non-monogamous people, because they have the benefit of the spark that comes with being with and being desired by other people.

It’s Also Safer

Then again, monogamy, by default, may not be sexy, but it is safer. Since you’re aren’t fucking other people (as long as there is no infidelity) then you don’t have to worry about AIDS, herpes or any of those STD’s that scare the shit out people who are fucking around. You don’t need to wear condoms, if you’re not screwing other people and since you know you’re both clean and safe, you can do all kinds of crazy sex, wild intercourse, anal sex and whatever else you like with a clean conscience (and clean health record).

That can make monogamy seem a bit more appetizing. If variety is the spice of life, then monogamy is like eating your vegetables. People who practice non monogamy (I wonder if they ever got it right yet) will argue that monogamy is dead and that it can’t work and that it will always end with infidelity or a sexless marriage. That’s crazy. It’s statistically impossible that all monogamous relationships end up like that. Some of them have to be really great. Some married people have to be fucking more than porn stars, right? It’s just simple numbers.

Decide For Yourself What Is Best For You

Monogamy seems overrated largely because we get such a bad view on it. Sex sells and if it bleeds it’s news. Fear sells. No one is going to buy a copy of People Magazine to find out about the happily married celebrity couple that have been monogamous for years, have amazing sex and fall more in love every day. You just don’t hear about that. You know why? It’s nothing compared to the crazy coke head celebrities who go off and have sex with the poolboy all while living in an apartment.

Monogamy is what you make of it, assuming you decide to make something of it in the first place. You may not want to. That’s cool too. If you are into it, great! If you’re not, that’s great too. Just keep your mouth shut to the people who don’t share your view point. You can’t change them and just because monogamy (or non monogamy) doesn’t work for you doesn’t mean it doesn’t work for them. Monogamy isn’t overrated or underrated. That’s like saying Spicy Brown mustard is over rated or underrated. It’s mustard people. That’s it. You put it on your hot dog, if you like it on your dog, and if you don’t well, you don’t.

It’s really that simple. Monogamy is what it is. It’s not good or bad, it just means you don’t mess around. Well, with anyone other than your husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend. It’s not rocket science. If it works, it works. If it doesn’t it doesn’t. If your relationship ends it’s not monogamy’s fault. It’s yours.

Oral Sex Safety Tips You Can’t Miss

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Oral sex is safer than traditional intercourse when it comes to STD’s, but it’s not 100% safe – here’s how to make oral sex fun and less risky!

How To Get Started

Safe fingering includes the use of medical-grade gloves, which are easily found in most pharmacies or purchased online in a myriad of colors and textures. Some even come pre-lubricated or powdered for a more realistic feel.

Next, grab a brand new dental dam. If you plan on some anal as well as vaginal play, make sure to use to separate dams that don’t come into contact with each other, as you don’t want to give her a nasty infection. Also, try to purchase one specifically made for oral sex; there are some that even come pre-flavored, lubed and/or with a stickable strip at the top for ease of use.

Write on one side of the latex, “Lick here!” so you know which side is closest to you, and which will be up against her skin.

Grab your choice of water-based lubricant and apply some to her side of the dental dam. Put it over her entire vulva, covering her vagina, labia and clitoris.

Using One

Be aware that she’ll need a firmer tongue when using a dental dam than without. Although everything in this series works equally as well with one than not, she won’t be able to feel the friction of your tongue, just the vibrational aspect.

Don’t be afraid to use your teeth lightly. You don’t want to rip the latex, but you do want to apply more pressure than you normally would. So, scraping and light biting isn’t taboo here.

Will A Dam Make It Less Pleasurable?

I’ll be honest: using a one dampens your ability to be an expert cunnilinguist. There’s a lot of sensation lost when latex separates you and your lover, just as it’s different when you use a condom and when you don’t. Having said that, you can still create an unforgettable, amazing oral sex experience for the both of you, but you do need to be aware of the limitations as well. Or, use it to employ different sensations and techniques that you couldn’t without it:

  • Use the edge of the latex and rake it along her clitoris.
  • Roll it up and use it as a makeshift finger, either to tease her vulva and clitoris, or inside of her against her G-Spot.
  • Wrap it around the top of the clitoris, then push and pull the edges to rub and ‘shine’ it.

Why Should I Use One?

Question: Why can’t I just use my fingers to play with her, and then have sex? Can’t I just skip the whole dental dam/oral sex thing entirely?

Even with the protection a dental dam provides against STD’s, and your partner will still receive a lot of pleasure from your oral sex efforts. Why deny her that joy? It’s definitely a challenge for some to get over the mental barrier that dental dams provide, but it’s really just mental, not physical. She’ll still feel good, and you’ll feel even better knowing you can make her happy and sexually satisfied.

How Do I Keep It In Place?

Question: I use dental dams every time I go down on a girl. I don’t mind them, other than I can’t seem to keep them in place and still do all of the things that you’re asking me to do with my hands and so forth. How can I make it work?

If there’s one thing that people complain about loudly when it comes to dental dams, it’s this: trying to hold one in place while using your mouth and fingers to please a woman is a chore indeed, and sometimes, extremely challenging. The other major complaint is the lack of sensation that some women (and men) feel when using a dental dam.

There are some ingenious ways to keep a dental dam secure:

  • Panties with the crotch cut out, and worn over top of it.
  • Using garters to attach from one side to another, and wrapping them around the woman’s leg.
  • Finding the really sticky Saran Wrap, employing it as a dental dam, and molding it to stay in place.
  • Applying spirit gum to temporarily glue it in place.

Are any of these suggestions reasonable, and field tested to work well? Not really. They might work for you, but for the most part the easiest way is still the way that prevents you from using one hand to please her, and that’s you holding it in place. So instead of trying to figure out ways to keep it in place so that your hands don’t have to, let’s instead explore a method and mindset that requires you to think about how you can stimulate her while still holding it in place.

  • Get a vibrator or dildo that looks like a penis, and one that will fit without a lot of wiggle room inside of her vagina.
  • If you chose a vibrator, put it in with just an inch sticking out of her, but if is a dildo, use only the first few inches, where the dildo should be the widest.
  • Lick her using the routine that suits your needs best, keeping an eye on the dildo or vibrator to make sure that she’s clenching it with her muscles as she gets closer to orgasm.
  • If you are using a vibrator, you may be able to rest your chin on its edge to steady yourself, as well as to add the extra sensation of a slightly vibrating tongue.

Another option is to purchase a humorous-looking sex toy called The Accomodator, which is basically a dildo that you strap around your ears and attach to your chin. This way, you can lick her clitoris while penetrating her with the face-dildo. Unusual, yes, but if you can get over the laugh-factor, it’s actually a really handy little device.

Earning Your Red Wings – Should You Perform Oral Sex During Menstruation?

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Oral sex can be performed while a woman is on her period, but most guys avoid this. But is oral sex while she’s bleeding really all that bad?

Why Some Guys Don’t Do It (And Why Some Women Won’t Allow It)

Oral sex doesn’t have to be avoided during a woman’s cycle, although many folks aren’t terribly fond of it during this time of the month. Men and women alike are sensitized to how a woman tastes, smells and feels add to that the natural changes that occur during menstruation, and everything (good and bad) is magnified. However, if she uses a tampon, you can easily give her excellent orgasms during this time of the month provided that she’s interested. Some women’s libido goes through the roof at this time, whereas other women want nothing to do with sex when they are bleeding. But for those that are so inclined, there are a few ways to make it easier on both of you.

How To Make Oral Sex During Her Period Work

  • Before you get going, have your female partner put in a new tampon and then clean off the surrounding area with a wet washcloth. She can even tuck the string in so you don’t have any idea it’s even there.
  • As you would if you were performing cunnilingus without a tampon in, focus on rhythm and pressure throughout the event.
  • If you don’t want to lick down in her vagina area, that’s perfectly acceptable. You can give her just as much pleasure by licking around her clitoris.
  • You won’t be able to use your fingers completely as the tampon is in the way, but don’t worry too much about this. You can use your fingers to tease the outside of her vagina and her anal area.

Orgasm Time!

Most women will happily have an orgasm using the same techniques as you would during any other time of her cycle, it’s really just a matter of preference for both partners. As well, it should show that a woman can have a great orgasm without penetration or any sort of push-pull technique; that her clitoral network is really where the action is at, and that with proper clitoral manipulation, she’ll orgasm, and orgasm well.

A Note About Safe Sex

If you are practicing safe sex with your partner, you may want to avoid performing oral sex during your partner’s menstrual cycle, even when using a dental dam and tampon. The risk for STD or HIV transmission is much higher when there is blood present, and dental dams have a tendency to move around a lot during normal use, unless you’re holding them in place the whole time (which prevents you from using your hands and fingers to pleasure your partner).

How To Make Teen Sex Safer

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Teen sex isn’t at all uncommon. If you’re a teenager and considering sex, here’s how to make it safer. Teen sex is no fun if it ends in unwanted pregnancy!

As a teen you’re probably wondering about sex and what you can do to stay safe. Curiosity about sex is normal and it’s something that every teen goes through. It must be said that the only form of safe sex is abstinence. Even though this is the only foolproof way to stay safe, there are countermeasures that you can take to keep you and your partner free of STD’s or unwanted pregnancy. Here are a few ways that you can stay safe with your partner.

Use Condoms

Condoms are a necessity with teen sex. Not only condoms prevent pregnancy, it can prevent the transmission of STDs found in the seminal and vaginal fluids. Teens are notorious for misusing condoms or simply “pulling out.” When a condom is used properly, the chance of preventing pregnancy is about 97%. When used with lubrication, the condom is more unlikely to break. Don’t use household items like latex gloves, plastic wrap or balloons. Condoms are specifically made for the shape a penis and designed to stay on. Never use a condom twice.

Have Enough Lubrication

Lubrication is essential to giving the condom as little resistance as possible. If you’re considering having sex, make sure that you have a bottle of lube with you. Lube is relatively inexpensive and will cost about the same as a box of condoms. Don’t be fooled into thinking that lubricated condoms will be enough. Yes, the condoms come lubricated, but they can also get dried out of they have been in a drawer or in a car for as little as a week.

Where Can I Buy Condoms And Lube?

Teens primarily don’t want to go into a store to buy condoms and lube for fear of seeing somebody that they know. If you’re afraid of buying condoms and lube from a store, you can go to a Planned Parenthood or another health clinic and get them for free. These organizations are around to inform teens about sex and prevent unwanted pregnancy. Teen sex is on the rise and every teen has a responsibility to be informed of staying safe.

Consider Getting On The Pill

The pill is a good way to protect against pregnancy, but it does nothing for sexually transmitted diseases. If you are on the pill then you have taken the first step against getting pregnant. Now it’s important to know that you can still contract STI’s and STD’s. Make sure that your partner is wearing a condom every time that the two of you have sex. If you are considering the pill, there are a few things that you should know. The pill can affect different people different ways. It’s important to talk to your physician before you go on the pill Ask them how the pill they are putting you has affected other teens. Try to get on a pill that will keep your skin clear. Several of them will do this.

Are You Ready?

We’ve all read about teen sex, but ask yourself if you’re really ready to do it. If don’t know, ask yourself why you want to. Are you doing it to please a boyfriend? Do you really care about your boyfriend and you’re ready to take it further? Remember that as a teenager you will have hormones racing through your body and lust can easily misconstrued for love. Do not give into pressure from a boyfriend to have sex. This can ruin your first time and the first time should be special.

Make Sure It’s Legal

Teen sex is not something that usually ends up as front-page news, but there are laws against having sex with a minor. If you are under the age of consent in your state and your boyfriend is over the age of consent, you need to look up the legal ramifications for having sex. Your boyfriend could go to jail if you get caught. Remember this before you commit to anything.

It’s Okay To Say No

Saying no doesn’t mean that you’re a tease, it just means that you’re not ready. If you’re being pressured by your boyfriend to have sex and you don’t want to, you should tell him no. A lot of girls get pressured into sex with the fear that if they don’t do it, their boyfriends will leave them. If your boyfriend really cares about you then he will want you to be ready when it happens. If he doesn’t care about then he might break up with you.

Abstinence Is An Excellent Option

Abstinence is a choice that many girls make. This is very respectable and can improve the lives of women who choose to keep their virginity until marriage. Choosing abstinence is way of ensuring that you will complete school with a having a child and get into the work force quickly. This can also be a way to see if your boyfriend really loves you and if he’s willing to wait before the two of you have sex.

The 10 Condom Commandments

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Condoms are essential for safe sex, but do you know the ten condom commandments?

1. Always Have One With You

Always have condoms handy, wherever you go. Guys, don’t carry them in your pocket or wallet though. It’s easier for a girl, because condoms can easily go in the purse without worry, but the heat from a pocket or wallet can degrade the latex material. Don’t keep them in the car either, or you’ll expose them to even more extreme temperatures of heat or cold, depending on what season it is.

Guys, stash them in your nightstand, your bathroom, your locker at the gym, your desk at work and anywhere else you can think of where you can grab one and go if you need to.

2. Learn How To Put It On The Right Way

You may think you know how to put on a condom correctly, but you may not. There’s a certain way to grip it at the base, and you of course have to leave enough space at the top for semen. Take the time to read the instructions (they’re in every box) and follow them to a T. Incorrect condom use is mainly what is responsible for condom failure. Studies show that when put on, worn and used correctly, that the success rate is much, much higher.

3. Always Check For Holes, Expiration Dates, Etc.

So your buddy gave you a condom “just in case.” You’d better check it out. Inspect the wrapper for tears, holes or other issues and always make sure the condom isn’t expired. Do this for your own stash too – that box of condoms you have tucked away in your bathroom medicine cabinet may be older than you think. If one is questionable, toss it and get a new one. You can afford it. You can’t afford the alternative or you wouldn’t care enough to use one at all.

4. Get Your Correct Size

A LOT of guys assume that they need the large or “magnum” size condoms, when in reality, a regular condom will do just fine. The different sizes out there are based on length AND width, so check out what size condom you need and use the correct one. Using a condom that is too tight can cause it to break, or using one that is too loose can cause it to slide off.

5. Use Plenty Of Lube

Lube makes sex feel better anyways, but it also makes condoms work better. Put a dab of lube on the inside of the condom before you put it on for heightened sensations, and make sure to coat the outside and get it good and wet before intercourse. Plenty of lube will help keep it from stretching too much, tearing or breaking.

6. Experiment With Different Kinds

Don’t just pick up the most random box of condoms you can find and use those. Take some time to find out which ones fit best and feel best. Get a variety pack and pay attention to the different sensations and which ones are better for you and your partner. Go online and purchase some of the higher quality condoms used by professionals in the porn industry. If condoms are going to be your new favorite accessory (and they SHOULD be if you’re not in a monogamous relationship), then spend the time and money to find a brand and style that you really enjoy.

7. Don’t Forget Them For Oral Sex

Oral sex is “technically” safer than vaginal or anal sex when it comes to the transmission of STD’s, but that doesn’t mean that you should forgo the rubber if you’re having oral sex. Use flavored condoms for oral sex, because they taste (and smell) much better than regular condoms. ABOVE ALL, do not use condoms treated with spermicide for oral sex! If going down on a girl, cut the condom lengthwise and put over the vulva like a dental dam, with a squirt of lube in between her and the rubber.

8. Discuss Condoms BEFORE Having Sex!

Do not discuss them five seconds before penetration, or even afterwards. The last thing you want to do is afterwards have to ask, “Hey, did you wear one?” If you’re hooking up, discuss it before the clothes even come off. If you’re too drunk to put one on correctly or too drunk to care, then you’re too drunk to get it on. Have the conversation about safety as soon as you decide that yes, you’re going to be taking your pants off for this person.

9. Keep Tools On Hand In Case Of Breakage

Condoms can break. Even when you put them on correctly, even when you do everything you’re supposed to. It can happen. So make sure you have a backup plan. If you’re not super sensitive to spermicide, consider using it in addition to the condom just in case. Spermicides are handy – they come in a variety of different forms that sometimes, you or your partner can’t even feel! The “thin film” kind can be folded and inserted into the vagina, where it melts and can’t be felt AT ALL. Suppositories are similar, while gels and foams are a little more messy. If you haven’t used spermicide before sex and the rubber breaks, have a bottle of gel or foam spermicide on hand that you can insert immediately – however, the suppositories and films won’t work well after the fact.

Also consider birth control – if you’re on birth control regularly and also use condoms, your layers of safety are well put in place. If you choose not to use birth control regularly, consider having the morning after pill (called Plan B and available at pharmacies and Planned Parenthood across the country) available. If you choose to use Plan B, have it on hand. Do NOT wait until you have a breakage to go get it. There’s a small window in which the medicine can really be effective, and this window is AS SOON as you can, but before 72 hours has passed. The more hours that pass between the breakage and the Plan B, the less effective the medication will be.

10. NO GLOVE, NO LOVE!

If you’re with someone who you are not monogamous with, who hasn’t been STD tested, or you aren’t sure of their sexual history (or all of the above), use a condom. Do not compromise, do not allow yourself to be talked out of it. Do not let someone say they’ll pull out, or that you don’t need one because they “love you.” If you don’t want an STD or an unplanned pregnancy, protect yourself. Insist on if there’s no glove, there will be no love. PERIOD. Do not compromise. Do not budge. If they want it bad enough, they’ll put it on. If not, they weren’t worth your time anyways.