The female orgasm can be elusive, and as a result, many girls end up faking in bed. Here’s the reason behind why not every female orgasm is the real deal.

Sadly, many women fake their orgasms. You might think you’ve given her the most powerful orgasm of her life, when in reality, her screaming, moaning and thrashing was an act that would give Jenna Jameson a run for her money. If you’ve ever found out that a girl has been faking with you, you probably felt let down, cheated and lied to.

Which is true – you were let down, cheated and lied to when she made you believe what you were doing made her come, when in reality, she was probably as far from an orgasm as she could possibly be. However, something you need to think about is why some women fake reaching climax.

They almost never do it for fun – because frankly, making it really believable isn’t that easy. And unless the guy she’s with is a total dolt or never watches porn, if she doesn’t do a good job at faking it, he’ll likely be able to tell right away. It’s harder to fake an orgasm than it is to have a real one, so why would she?

She Can’t Have An Orgasm

Think of all the reasons she might not be able to come – take any one of these and apply it to a faking situtation. If she can’t have an orgasm, for whatever reason, she’s going to be tempted to fake it. While some women are empowered enough to think, “You know what? He didn’t make me come and he should know that.” They know they have no obligation to you to cover up the fact that they didn’t reach climax, and they’re not going to hide that fact. Good for them. Other women, however, might be embarrassed about it.

She might not want to admit to you that she couldn’t have an orgasm – so she fakes it instead. For women who have never had an orgasm or don’t know how to “get there,” faking is even more common. For these girls, screaming in “ecstasy” at the right time may be all she knows how to do, or what she thinks she is supposed to do. No matter what the reason behind her inability to have an orgasm is, if she can’t do it, she might rather fake it than admit that she just can’t have one.

She Doesn’t Want You To Feel Bad

Women are sensitive creatures, especially to the feelings of others. She may believe that you knowing she isn’t going to come would make you feel inadequate or bad about yourself, and she may very well be right. She doesn’t want this for you, so she’d rather fake it than see you get hurt. If she fakes it, you’ll feel good about “making her climax” and she won’t have to watch your insecurity climb.

However, this is actually a huge problem – how are you supposed to know what pleases her and what doesn’t during sex if you constantly think everything you’re doing results in a killer orgasm for her? She’s actually hurting you and hurting herself in the long run, because she’s not teaching you how to pleasure her – something that can only be done when you see your techniques pay off with a real orgasm.

The truth is, most guys are smart enough to figure out if they do something that results in her climax that it needs to be done again. So if her man is doing the wrong thing and she fakes it, she’s only teaching him bad habits. But her motivations may be in the right place – she doesn’t want you to be upset that either she can’t climax or you can’t help her get there.

She Knows She Won’t And She’s Ready For It To Be Over

Women who are experienced in having an orgasm can usually tell if they’re just not going to get there this time. Again, this can be due to a variety of reasons, but if she knows she’s not going to reach climax, she’s probably right. This of course can be self fulfilling prophecy too, but whatever. Let’s just assume for the moment that for whatever reason, she’s not going to get off and she knows it.

You’re doing your thing and she’s just not getting anything out of it. She’s patient, she’s happy you’re getting your groove on and she’s going to hang out underneath you until you get yours. The clock ticks by and you’re still thrusting away. The lube is drying out and things are getting kind of uncomfortable for her. You’re going faster, slowing down, changing sex positions – and still not ejaculating. Then she realizes the truth – you’re waiting for her.

You’re not going to let go until she gets hers – which is sweet, but when she knows it’s not going to happen, what does she do? Many women won’t have the guts to look you dead in the eye and say, “Honey, I’m just not going to orgasm tonight. Go ahead and do your thing.” She might be afraid you’ll be upset. She might be embarrassed. Whatever – she’s just going to fake it because the sex has to end sometime. She might as well be the one to end it. She’s not doing it to hurt you – she’s doing it because she’s too chicken not to.

You Suck In Bed

And lastly, a woman who has plenty of experience with good orgasms, mediocre ones and no orgasms at all will be able to determine whether your sexual techniques are any good or not. And unfortunately for you, you might suck in bed. Now, this doesn’t mean you suck with every woman (although this may also be true), but you’re just not doing it for the girl you’re with at the moment.

Now rewind a bit and remember that her faking it means she’s too scared to do anything else. If a woman fakes it because you’re bad in bed, it’s because she doesn’t have enough balls to either tell you what she likes, direct you in the right direction or flat out tell you that it’s not working for her. She also doesn’t have enough balls to just masturbate while you watch. So she fakes it.

There are many reasons why a woman will fake her orgasm, but it’s almost never because she wants to hurt you or make you angry. It’s usually because she either wants to protect you from hurt feelings that she’s not coming, or because she’s too chicken to actually communicate with you about what she likes or what you need to be doing differently.

If she can’t communicate with you, that’s a whole other ball game – she’s either just scared by nature (in which case you’re better off with another woman who’s not a pansy) or she doesn’t feel safe talking about her sexual feelings with you (in which case you’re doing something in the relationship that’s causing her to feel closed off – or she’s going some serious emotional baggage.

Women are hard to figure out, but you knew that already). If she’s faking and you find out, give her a break. Don’t automatically get pissed and walk away. She’s not being malicious. Consider the why and try to talk to her about it.

Lube. You’ve heard of it. You might have even used it. However, lube has gotten an infamous reputation for being needed only when either a) a man can’t get a woman turned on enough to get her wet (in which case he is a total dud) or b) a woman can’t get wet enough no matter how hard her partner tries (in which case there is something wrong with her).

Unfortunately, this common misconception about why additional lubrication is needed or useful during sex leads to couples choosing not to use lube and using saliva or nothing instead! This can be absolutely detrimental to a woman’s orgasm – as in, she won’t have one if she’s not lubricated enough.

Is There Something Wrong If She Can’t Get Wet Enough?

No. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your technique or her bodily functions if she’s not wet enough during sex. Some women just don’t produce a lot of natural fluids, while others produce copious, copious amounts and you might actually need a towel or two to mop it all up. Does this mean that a woman who produces more vaginal fluid is more turned on than the woman who is not? Hardly. The “wetter” woman persay may actually only be moderately turned on, while the girl who feels like her vagina is the Sahara could be on fire!

It is a myth that a woman’s production of vaginal fluids has a direct correlation with her level of arousal – there is some correlation there, yes. But not for every woman and not every time. So no, there’s nothing wrong with her. And there’s nothing wrong with your technique. Even if she’s as dry as a bone, she may really be digging what you’re doing. She just might be a girl who takes longer to produce fluid, or who doesn’t produce that much at all. No big deal if you’ve actually got some lube on hand.

What Lube Does For Her (And You) During Sex

When you use lube during sex, it provides a slicker, slipperier “work area” so to speak. Imagine sliding on a Slip N’ Slide that doesn’t have any water on it, or only has a little. You’re not going to get very far, are you? In fact, you might get plastic burn on your belly. Not cool, huh? The same goes for sex. Without adequate lubrication (her own or manufactured), it’s like a dry Slip N’ Slide. Turn the water on though, and you’re ready to have fun!

When you lube your girl up, everything feels better. Your tongue feels better, your penis feels better and it’s much, much easier for her to reach orgasm. Every sensation is heightened, whereas without a slippery surface to work with, she’s going to experience discomfort, chafing and pain. Her clitoris, for example, is going to be much more sensitive and responsive when it is lubricated than when you’re rubbing a dry finger or dry tongue over it. In fact, if you’re using a dry finger on her clit, get ready to be smacked! It hurts! A drop of lube really never hurt anyone. It is much, much more difficult for your lover to reach orgasm if she’s not adequately lubricated.

She can’t feel what you’re doing as well and she’s more likely to be experiencing discomfort than any kind of pleasure. If you’re too proud to use lube for the reasons that have already been disproven, you’re only fighting a losing battle and the only losers are you and your partner. Don’t forget that when she’s nice and wet, you’re going to benefit too! Every sensation is going to feel much better to you too – kind of like masturbating with lube! A dry hand isn’t all that awesome, but once you’ve got a buffer there, watch out! When she’s dripping wet, sex is going to feel even more amazing for you too.

Lube, Lube For Everyone!

There’s no reason not to use lube! No reason at all! Don’t think that water or spit works just as well, because frankly it doesn’t. It dries out way too fast and you’ll be in the middle of doing it when all of a sudden it’s like…well, the dry Slip N’ Slide again. Who turned off the hose? Do yourself (and your lover) a favor by keeping a few bottles of lube stashed wherever you like to have sex. Don’t get just one – get a few different kinds and experiment with them to find out what you like best.

Some people like thinner lubrication while others like more gel-like consistencies. Some people just can’t get enough of the smell of strawberries when they’re giving their lover oral sex. Lube is fun and it will help turn sex into something frustrating or plain old boring into something incredible!