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Should You Use A Vibrator?

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Sex toys can improve your ability to reach orgasm more quickly – and it can increase the intensity of your climax. But is a vibrator something you need or not?

This is about whether or not to bring the vibrator into the bedroom with the new guy that you’re dating.

Why You Shouldn’t

The vibrator is very intimidating for a lot of men. Our tongue cannot move 10,000 miles an hour. Our penis is not designed to pulsate as well as penetrate. We’ve seen women have orgasms with the vibrator where they lose their minds, screaming at the top of their lungs, and then we’ve also had women that have had orgasms with us with nary a moan or peep.

As a man, we want to be able to make you scream with our own tools: our penis, our fingers, our hands, our mouth. We want to be in complete control of your body.

It’s our ego. It’s who we are. It’s what we’re all about as men.

We talk about it.

“God, I made her come four times!”

We count the orgasms.

We need to know that we are masters of your body when we sleep with you.

Why You Might Want To

But we do like to also have fun. We don’t mind the vibrator as long as the vibrator’s introduced as a tool to assist our penis, hands and mouth—not as competition.

We want to be able to go back and tell our buddies:

“Yeah, it was great the other night. I was licking her clitoris and then I stuck the vibrator inside and she just came so hard, in so many different ways. Then I was on top of her and she used the vibrator on her clitoris and she was screaming and just so wet!”

That’s how we like the vibrator. We want it to be a tool on our utility belt. We don’t want it to replace us.

We don’t want to see or hear about you using the vibrator and having many orgasms. We don’t want to have sex and be unsuccessful in getting you to come, and then have you look at us and say, “Don’t worry, baby, you got me to this point. The vibrator’s just a finisher.”

As a man, we want to be the only thing your body requires, give or take a little water and a few meals per day.

That’s it.

Food. Water. And our penis. Any more than that, and the insecurities kick in. Because men are insecure also—don’t let the machismo fool you.

So if you’re interested in keeping your man happy, be graceful with how you introduce the vibrator, or consider just leaving it in the drawer altogether.

How To Get Her To Love Sex Toys

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Sex toys are an excellent way to help women achieve orgasm during sex or by themselves. If you would like for your girlfriend or wife to LOVE using sex toys, there are a few things that you should know. Not all girls are going to be as thrilled about using a butt plug or a vibrator during sex.

Some of them will outright refuse it. However, the vast majority of women are going to embrace the sentiment of expanding their sexual horizon with you and engage in some kinky fun with sex toys if you present it to them properly.

Talk To Her About It

Before you rush off to an adult superstore or jump on your favorite website, talk to your girlfriend or wife about incorporating sex toys into the relationship. There are a lot of girls that would rather change positions or techniques rather than stick some plastic vibrating apparatus into their vagina.

If your girlfriend or wife is hesitant about trying a sex toy, tell that they don’t have to be dirty to have a sex toy. Most girls that are hesitant about using sex toys are embarrassed about their sexuality. Ask them why they do not want to use sex toys and about how sex toys can help them enjoy sex more.

Know Her Limits

You can’t just use any old sex toy on your girl. Make sure that you know her limits and what she is up for. While a girl might be game to use a small vibrator, that doesn’t give you recourse for buying a giant double-dong. Ask the girl what kind of sex toys she has always wanted to try.

Bringing her into the mix is going to increase the chances of a good experience. Chances are that she has always had a fantasy of something. This could be the perfect opportunity for you to learn more about her and what turns her on.

Shop Together

There are sex toys that come all shapes and sizes. Your girlfriend or wife is going to know her body much better than you do. Sure you spend a lot of time down there, but that doesn’t mean that you know big of a vibrator she needs. Remember that you’re not the one that the sex toys are going to be used on.

When you go to the adult store or shop online, do it together. She might have her eye on a g-spot massager where you are going for the clitoral stimulator. Girl’s know their body much more than you do so let her take the lead or at least give you an idea of what she wants before you ever spend any money.

Get Lube

Don’t rely on the girl to get wet just because she is trying something new. Yes, sex toys can exciting and she might not need it, but going to a sex store or even shopping online gives you the opportunity to stock up on a much needed item. Lube can be used for just about everything from sex to a massage. If you see a bottle of lube at the store, pick it up just to be safe. The toy might be a little bigger than she anticipated and that extra bit of lube can make a huge difference in her experience.

Don’t Rely On The Toy

One of the biggest mistakes that you can make is to let up once you have a sex toy. The toy is there to enhance what is already happening, not to replace it. Remember to use a lot of foreplay when you are with your girlfriend or wife. Don’t rely on a vibrator taking her to the edge. You should already know what is going to push her buttons and get her turned on before the sex toy ever comes out.

Let Her Take Control Of The Toy

Yes, you have a new toy and you want to play with it. Slow down though. Just because you want to play with it doesn’t mean that you’re going to know how she likes it. Let her be in charge of the sex toy. If she was a little hesitant to even bring the toy into the bedroom, the last thing that you want to do is have her feel uncomfortable with you poking and prodding at her. Let her do what feels good. Let her give herself an orgasm or two with it. When she’s ready, she will give you the go ahead to start using it on her.

3 Sex Tips For A Better Sexual Relationship With ALL Women!

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Sex tips usually try to tell men how to last longer in bed. However, according to a recent study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, the “most desirable” length of time to spend having sex turned out to be only 7 to 13 minutes. Women started rating anything from 10 to 30+ minutes as “too long”. In fact, only 3 to 7 minutes of intercourse were needed for the act to be considered “adequate” and only when sex averaged one to two minutes or less did couples think that coitus wasn’t lasting long enough.

Be open, ask your wife which of the many techniques that she has experienced turn her on the fastest. Don’t worry about her finding the question awkward; she’s been waiting to hear it from you for years, but you haven’t afforded her a safe place to be explicitly asked about this delicate issue.

Knowing that she has an easier time coming all by herself, it can be easy to feel rejected and replaced. You’ve heard that old joke, right? “Why did God create man?” “Because a vibrator can’t mow the lawn.” That may be true – I’ve seen some pretty ridiculous contraptions in my search for sexual fulfillment, but none that could cut the grass!

But for women, sex isn’t a separate part of our existence. Lust isn’t distinct from our love and respect for you. These emotions intertwine and are incredibly complex. Here are 3 sex tips for better relationships.

1. A Vibrator Can’t Cuddle

Yes, sometimes when we are hot and bothered, when we need to relax and focus or fall fast asleep, masturbating is preferable. Sometimes we all just want to be alone – you too, right? But there is a clear distinction between the easiest way to orgasm, and the most enjoyable sexual experience. Sexpert Tracey Cox points out that “there is a reason why we jump through extraordinarily complicated hoops to not only make someone like us, but lust after us – it might be harder to have an orgasm with another person but it’s usually far superior quality.”

2. Throw Out the Calendar

What kind of hoops have you been jumping through? Sex schedules, couch cuddling sessions, couple’s therapy, a bevy of skills workshops – your brain is probably so full of new techniques that it’s ready to explode! Throw out that calendar. Women want the type of orgasms that are hot, exciting, intense, and don’t interfere with their afternoon workout and getting dinner on the table! The only way to ensure you are prepared for hot sex is to master one mind-blowing skill at a time.

3. Be a Musician, Not a Technician

You’ve warmed your wife up and she is primed and ready with you between her legs. As one hand heads for her soft bits, you run down the list of techniques to try in your head. You are so preoccupied with what’s next in your arsenal that you can’t really tell if she’s enjoying herself or not. You don’t bother to ask, because you’re too concerned with transitioning into the next move, and acting out the lie that you’re best for her as a “strong, silent type”.

A technician keeps a list of jobs he needs to get done and checks each one off in a row, making sure he hits every point until the machine in front of him is “fixed”. While an indispensable part of being a good man in day-to-day life, darling, this is not a sexy skill. Kim Cattrall writes that “the musician who never gets past technique never really plays music”. You need to be fit and finessed enough to know a few techniques really well when having sex. When you are a master at making love, you can have dozens of skills in your arsenal, but only when you can do them all well.

How To Choose The Perfect Sex Toy As A Valentine’s Day Gift

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Your Valentine’s Day gift should be a great one! You want to show your partner that she’s important to you and that you care for her – but you wouldn’t mind if you could also let her know that she’s super sexy and you love getting it on with her. If you want to get your girl a toy, here’s how to make sure you’re getting one she’ll really love.

Pay Attention To What She Likes

If you want to successfully give your girl a sex toy as a Valentine’s Day gift, you really need to know her. You need to pay attention to what she likes in bed! Think about it – does she like it when you stimulate her nipples? What about when you play with or suck on her clitoris? Does she really get off on deep penetration, or does she like anal play? Really think about what she seems to respond to the most during intercourse.

This will help you understand what toy is best to get her. For example, if she prefers nipple stimulation, try gifting her with a high end pair of nipple clamps or nipple vibrators. If she likes clitoral stimulation the best, why not get her a cute little clitoris vibrator that she can use discreetly? If she likes spanking, get a soft but kinky paddle to use when you do it with her. Whatever it is that seems to float her boat, that is what you want to stick to when purchasing a toy for her.

Go For Quality

Don’t expect your lover to open a box with a $20 vibrator in it and be very excited – she won’t be. She’s seen better stuff at novelty shops in the mall. If you’re going to really get her a toy for Valentine’s Day and you really want her to like it (and not throw you out in the dog house for the night), then be prepared to spend a few bucks. While you can spend over $100 on a vibrator, you don’t have to.

Make sure you’re purchasing something that is made from quality, high end materials. Get her something phthalate free and easy to clean – hard plastic or soft silicone are excellent sex toy materials. If you get her a jelly dildo that stinks like toxic plastic, she’s not going to be very appreciative and she’s certainly not going to want to get it near her nether regions. Most high end sex toys will come in a nice enough package to gift, but if yours doesn’t, either have it gift wrapped or do it yourself. Don’t just slap a bow on a box with a naked chick on the front demonstrating the toy.

Get Another Gift Too

It may sound like you’re racking up the Valentine’s Day gift bill here (and you are), but don’t make a sex toy her only present this year – and don’t give it to her over dinner. If you don’t want to spend enough money to do gifting a sex toy successful, then find something else to do! Sure, sex toys are fun and all, but only giving her a sex toy for her (or one that you can use together) is pretty lame. It will peg you as being only interested in her for the sex!

Instead, give her another gift over dinner, such as jewelry or chocolates – or another well thought out present – and save the sex toy for a more private place such as your house or hers. She’ll be smitten by your earlier gift already, and when you are both in a more intimate setting, she can really look at and enjoy the sex toy without worrying about stuffing it in her bag right away so no one at the restaurant sees what you gave her. Just be classy about it!

A Note On Lingerie

Don’t give your girl lingerie as a Valentine’s Day gift for her. While this is perfectly acceptable to give her on Valentine’s Day, realize that this really is a gift for you. She’s not going to get off on it at all, unless it’s really nice and comfortable lingerie that she can wear around the house or under her clothes. A bustier and garter belt set is not an acceptable gift for her on its own. Get her something else you know she’ll love, and then enjoy the lingerie as a gift for you. 

The Art Of The Simultaneous “We-Gasm”

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An orgasm is an excellent end to a great sex session, but what if you could learn how to orgasm TOGETHER? Here’s how, and why it’s fantastic!

We all love our orgasms, and we really want to make our partners have them and they in turn want us to have them, and taking the Malcolm X approach to having orgasms (by any means necessary) is great, making sure you both climax together is the ultimate.

Sure, you can do some connecting with your partner during cuddling or enduring crappy episode of her favorite chick show because you know she likes it, but that’s really not the way to connect with your partner on a deeper, almost spiritual level. If you really want to form a deep, lasting bond with your partner, you need to do it through simultaneous orgasm.

Why It’s Better For Her That Way

Why is orgasm the way to go as opposed to sitting around and talking about your feelings and all that touchy feely stuff? Simple. Sex is the ultimate bonding experience. When a couple climaxes together, at the same time, it’s a deep, deep bonding experience (and no, that’s not code for something) Emotionally satisfying well.

Movie sex isn’t realistic in its portrayal of sex, but it is right about the effects of achiving mutual orgasm at the same time. You get that super, duper steroid induced chemical connection between two people that can only happen when you both get your rocks off at the same time. When everyone comes together, everything in the relationship comes together and gets better.

Is It Really Possible?

People seem to think this kind of orgasm is only part of movie sex and isn’t part of real life for anyone. We’re here to tell you that’s not true. Can it elude alot of people? Yes. Is it true that most people haven’t acheived it? Yes. Is it impossible to have in your sex life? No, not at all. It’s not some mystical secret passed down through the ages. It’s two people climaxing at the same time. It’s an orgasm, not the space shuttle launch codes.

How To Get There

How do you get there? The same way you do anything else. Just work towards it. Mutual orgasms are really, really simple to achieve, once you get past the concept of difficulty in your head.

Yes, that’s right. We said it. You and your partner getting off at the same time is super simple and easy. Sort of. The technique is simple. Practice is challenging – but fun! Really, you’re not trying to get yourselves to the point where you come at the same time. That’s not what this is about at all. What is it about? Simulating to the point of almost orgasm! This is most easily achieved during foreplay.

A state of almost orgasm is where you get each other on the edge at the same time, then go over the edge together. Synchronized, like swimming. In those Ethel Merman movies.

Communication Is Key!

So how do you master the art of the almost orgasm? Communication. You really need to know where the other one is coming from, so to speak. You need to know how close you and your partner are to the edge at all times. Then once you get an idea where you each are, then you can begin to adjust so that you both get to the edge, and then go over and have those amazing movie sex orgasms at the same time, but only when you’ve decided.

“Are we there yet?” That’s not the way you want to phrase the question, but that’s basically what it boils down to. One of you is going to get to the edge faster than the other. That’s just how it works. The person who’s already at the almost orgasm state need to be the person needs to doing tons of communication. And ideally, the need to find a way to slow it down so that there partner can catch up, so that they can both get off. It’s simple, said the wise man, but not easy. It will take a bit of practice, but trust us, it is more than worth it.