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What Should I Do if My Family Doesn’t Approve of My Lover?

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If you find yourself in a situation where one or more family members don’t approve of your relationship with your partner, you’re not alone.

Often, family members won’t like a partner because they don’t think they’re good enough for you, or for other reasons.

It can be difficult trying to please everyone you care about, including your family and your partner. Does family come first?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My cousin and I have been closer than close for 2 years – Never letting anything get in the way. We are always there for each other. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 4 months and she has been recently single for 2 months. I’m in a good relationship and everything is going great. We even started having sex. My cousin is totally against it and now wants me to end my relationship with him. What should I do? He’s the only guy that I have been active with and I love him… but I also believe that family comes first. How could I get my cousin to see that were no different and that she shouldn’t try to intervene in my sex life?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxzhXsq9vRA[/youtube]

Making Your Own Choices

If you’re a legal adult, you can make your own choices about who you want to date and when. Perhaps you don’t want to date anyone or perhaps you want to date someone your family doesn’t approve of. Either way, it’s your choice. It’s no one else’s!

However, that doesn’t make it any less difficult of a situation to deal with if your family is consistently hassling you over who you’re dating. It can be hard to have a positive, successful relationship with someone if your family always has something negative to say about your partner, but it can also be hurtful to be in disagreement with your family over who you’re dating. What do you do? Who do you choose?

You Shouldn’t Have To Choose

You shouldn’t have to choose between your family and who you want to date. Your family should love and accept you no matter what. Unfortunately, that doesn’t always happen. If your family is upset and doesn’t approve of who you’re dating, try having a heart to heart talk with them when your partner is not around. Let them know how much you care about this person and how much they care about you. Let them know that you’re really happy and that you want to continue seeing this person. Let them know politely that it really isn’t any of their concern who you date or who you don’t date.

Many times, if you give your family the chance to really understand that your partner makes you happy, they simply will let it go because they want the best for you. This doesn’t happen all the time though, and some people are stuck making a choice even though they shouldn’t have to.

Making A Choice

If you have to make a choice – as in, if your family is truly threatening to disown you if you continue dating someone they don’t approve of – step back from the situation and consider all the aspects of it on your own. Don’t let your partner or your family members have an influence on your decision. This is something you must do on your own!

Really think about what the members of your family mean to you and how much your partner means to you. Give yourself time to mull it over, because either way, it’s going to be a life altering decision. Once you’ve come to a decision, it’s important to let everyone know that you didn’t want to, nor should you have had to, make the choice.

Keep in mind, many people that choose their families over their partners end up falling out with their families later because it never is the same between them. Ultimately, it’s up to you whether you want to continue dating your partner or not. If they make you happy, it’s no one else’s business who you date!

When to Say NO to Anal Sex…

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Trying new things in your sex life is healthy, and in many cases, even encouraged.

Some people tend to find a few things they like, such as anal sex, and may incorporate this into their sexual activities regularly.

Sometimes, however, you’ll find that after kids or other things that some things become uncomfortable or unbearable.

What happens if you become unable to perform you or your partner’s favorite sex acts due to one or more reasons?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband loves anal sex… we used to have it a lot (several years ago). Now it is extremely painful for me. I have been diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome and have a couple external hemorrhoids from having children. We have tried taking it easy, tried using fingers first and LOTS of lube.

How can I get over the horrible pain so he will be happy? I don’t know what else to do. Can you help me? PLEASE!!!

-Me. WV

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5onqX2asejE[/youtube]

When it becomes uncomfortable…

Many people enjoy different activities during sex. This can range from S & M to anal sex to foot fetishes to anything your imaginations can dream up.

As long as you both enjoy it and you are both being smart and safe, there’s nothing against having fun and enjoying new and different things with your partner!

Good things can’t last forever though, and you may find that some of the things you once enjoyed doing have become uncomfortable and even painful. For example, if you and your partner really enjoy having anal sex, but after children it becomes painful for you to do so, you and your partner may become frustrated.

Just what do you do if you and your partner’s favorite activities become something you aren’t able to do anymore? Do you stop? Do you grin and bear it?

But they like it…

Even if something in particular is uncomfortable or painful to you, if your partner likes it a lot, you might be inclined to let them continue and just suffer through the pain. This is not something you are obligated to do! Not only is it extremely uncomfortable for you, it might even cause you harm in some way.

If you have had surgery or have had children and there are some physical reasons that keep you from enjoying your partner in the same way you once had, talk to your doctor about how safe it is for you to continue doing so. Don’t be embarrassed! They’ve heard it all before!

If you continue, you may find that it’s not just painful, it’s downright dangerous and could cause your body further damage. Your doctor can tell you what is safe and what isn’t.

Finding something else…

While you and your partner may be disappointed at first, if you truly love each other and care about each other, you’ll find more new and exciting ways to give each other pleasure.

There are a million and one things out there that two people can do together to share each other intimately and sexually, and if you continue to try new things and work different elements into your routine, you’re bound to find something else that turns you and your partner on. Don’t give up!

They won’t let it go…

Every once in awhile, there’s someone who just won’t let it go. They may want it anyway, even if it hurts you or may cause your body damage. Rest assured, this person isn’t worth your time! You have the right to say “No” and if something hurts you, you don’t have to do it.

There are plenty of other fish in the sea that will respect your boundaries and respect you if you choose to no longer participate in an activity that makes you uncomfortable.

Can Swinger Relationships REALLY Work?

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Nowadays, you hear so much about open relationships and swinging, where partners will team up with other couples (or even go their separate ways) to have new and fun sexual experiences with other people.

You also sometimes hear how this is essentially a recipe for disaster, but you’ve thought about it and it sounds like something you might want to try. Can an open relationship or swinging relationship ever actually work?

Can swinger and open relationships really work or are they just a recipe for disaster?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAihQhjXekM[/youtube]

Yes, for strong couples.

Open relationships and swinging can be a recipe for disaster, if you’re not a strong couple. If you haven’t been with your partner for very long or you or your partner have self esteem issues or tend to be the jealous type, open relationships and swinging is nothing but bad news.

If you and your partner have been together for a few years and are completely comfortable with each other, swinging together or fostering an open relationship might not be a bad idea – if it’s truly what you and your partner both want.

Good communication is key.

You definitely need to have a good, strong relationship to start swinging or having an open relationship but this isn’t all you need. You need to continue having a strong relationship and communicate with each other often during the swinging and after. Good communication is key to keeping any problems or issues that may arise at bay, or solving problems that come up.

It’s important that you can talk to your partner about what makes you comfortable and what makes you uncomfortable, and vice versa. Talk about what is okay for both you and the other partners who are coming into your relationship sexually, and talk about what is not okay and how to handle it.

The single most thing you can do to ensure that an open relationship or swinging doesn’t ruin your relationship with your partner is to talk to each other and then talk some more. In fact, don’t ever stop talking to each other! Keep the lines of communication open at all times.

When it starts to get rough . . .

If you notice that your open relationship is starting to take a toll on either you or your partner, it’s important that you speak up! It may be something you want to try but not continue to do, and that’s okay too. Make your thoughts and feelings about the situation known at all times so no one is left in the dark.

You have the right to decide that you no longer want an open relationship and your partner does too. If one or both of you decide to end the swinging, respect each other and end it appropriately. That doesn’t mean that you put it to bed. Talk about what you feel went “wrong” or what made you uncomfortable. Don’t let harsh feelings sit on the back burner just because your open relationship isn’t open anymore. You may end up harboring guilt or anger that will hurt your relationship in the long run.

Together, you and your partner can work out whether or not an open relationship or swinging is something that will work for you. Talk to each other about it and decide if it’s something you really want to do and if so, feel free to try it! Just remember, it’s all for fun and your actual relationship is with your partner.

How To Know If She’s Straight (and interested in you…), Bisexual, or Lesbian?

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When you’re in a club, or another place where lots of people get together to hang out and possibly meet dates, you can sometimes find yourself overwhelmed.

If you’re there looking for a date, it can sometimes be hard to figure out if a girl likes you, or is even interested in you. For all you know, she could be gay or bisexual.

If you’re at a strip club, it can be even harder to figure out if the stripper herself is interested in going out with you or not. How can you tell?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’m very good when it comes to knowing someone’s strengths and weakness, at work, playing sports, habits, tendencies and what not. But when it comes to meeting women it’s a different story. Like if I went to club.

How do I know which women are straight, bisexual, lesbian?  What are some of the signs? Women walking around in a club and you see them pass by several times, is it their way of checking you out?

And what are your thoughts on dating strippers? Is there away I can incorporate scouting into meeting women?

– Brian, Okla.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XElRFLqoIIk[/youtube]

Getting To Know A Girl’s Body Language

If a girl likes you, she will generally have certain body language. She may lean into you when she talks to you, or she may have her eyes totally focused on you when you’re talking. It’s not limited to that though. There are thousands of different ways that a girl can show you that she’s interested in you, without even saying a word!

At first, she may make eye contact with you across the crowded club. Does she hold that eye contact or look away? Is she walking by you a lot on purpose, or is she just going to the restroom? If you open your eyes and take a hard look at a girl’s body language, it’s pretty obvious whether she’s into you or not. If not, move on! There might be another girl around who is trying to make you notice her!

Gay, Straight, Bisexual?

When looking for a date in a club, or another place, how can you tell if a girl is gay, straight or even bisexual?  Here’s some news – you really can’t. Nobody really wears a sign on themselves proclaiming their sexual orientation, but in some ways it’s obvious. Take a look at the girl and watch her for a few minutes from afar to get a feel for what she’s like.

You might be able to tell right away. If not, just see if she’s interested in you. Ask her out! If she says no, take heart and move on. It could be because she’s gay, or bisexual. It could be because she just broke up with her boyfriend or lost her job. In dating, there’s no way to instantly tell if someone is available or not. You just have to test the waters and see.

At A Strip Club

Many men visit strip clubs to get a good show, but some visit strip clubs as a replacement for a relationship. If you’ve ever dreamed of getting romantically involved with a stripper – or thought a stripper might want to be romantically involved with you – you are probably one of the latter people.  Just a quick note on that.

Strippers generally will show tons of interest in you when you have a few dollar bills in your hand. It’s their job, and it’s how they pay their rent. If a stripper gives you lots of attention while she’s performing and you’re paying, take it with a grain of salt.

However, if she approaches you off the clock or seems interested in you in other ways, feel free to ask her out. There’s nothing wrong with dating a stripper if she really likes you. It might be a good idea, however, not to put all your eggs in one basket. Get out and go to other clubs where you can meet other girls as well.

Help! My Husband Is Forcing Me To Make A Porn Video!

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You’re with someone you love, but your relationship seems to be going in a downward spiral.

You’re not alone! There’s fighting, arguing and even ultimatums involved.

How do you know if you’re being manipulated? Abuse isn’t limited to just physical abuse. Both men and women are verbally and even sexually abused and manipulated often in relationships.

How do you know when to draw the line?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Your article on Husbands addicted to porn, my husband falls in that slot, but he wants me to sleep with other men while he video tapes it. We’ve been married for 11 yrs. I did it three times for him, and now I told him I can’t, its wrong, and told him he needs help, he says he doesn’t. If he doesn’t get his way he tells me he will leave me, and makes my life a living hell, with the fighting.

He says if I love him I will do this one more time. He also wants me to do a website, and he wants to sell these videos.

My friend thinks I should leave. I have three kids, and I don’t want to fail them. Any ideas on how I should deal with this?

– Gloria, Illinois

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVc3gsj7v3E[/youtube]

Verbal Manipulation

One of the telltale signs of manipulation is when the manipulator uses words, phrases or ultimatums to get his or her way. Threats, even if they’re empty, are also a sign that someone is manipulating you. How can you tell if you’re being manipulated?

  • Your partner starts a huge fight if he or she doesn’t get his way
  • Your partner threatens you if you don’t do what they want
  • Your partner tries to persuade you to do something they want – this type of persuasion often starts out nice but ends with belittlement and anger when the persuasion doesn’t work right away
  • Your partner is overall controlling

Verbal manipulation is sometimes the hardest to distinguish because the manipulator is often so good at talking their way into getting what they want that you barely recognize it.

Sometimes, however, it’s painfully obvious that your partner is often controlling and starts fights and arguments when they don’t get their way. They may even belittle you or give you ultimatums to get what they want.

Drawing The Line

Being in a manipulative relationship is classified as abuse, regardless of whether you come out bruised and beaten or not. Often, coming out of a manipulative relationship leaves your psyche pretty banged up, so it’s all the same. Many people stay in these types of relationships because they’re afraid they might not be able to care for their children alone, or because they think it might get better.

Even worse is when the manipulator promises they’ll change and does a very good job making you believe that’s true. Staying in a relationship like that is not healthy, but it’s ultimately up to you whether you decide to stay or leave. Where do you draw the line though?

Anything that your partner forces you to do or manipulates you into doing that makes you uncomfortable is definite grounds for terminating the relationship. You should never, ever have to do anything that you feel is wrong or makes you uncomfortable in any way, shape or form. First, let your partner know they’re making you uncomfortable or that you feel what they’re asking you to do is wrong. Judge their response.

If they’re a manipulator, they’re likely not going to respect what you have to say. They’ll instead use any means they can to get you to do what they want. You deserve to be respected! You should never have to do anything that you don’t want to do, or that makes you feel uneasy. If your partner doesn’t respect this, it’s probably time to move on.

Moving on from abusive or manipulating relationships can be difficult and sometimes it can seem downright impossible. You’re not stuck in an unhappy relationship though, as long as you don’t want to be! See a counselor or therapist to talk about your relationship. They can help bring light to your situation and can give you resources that will help you to move on from an abusive, manipulating relationship.