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Do Women REALLY Want Sex as Much as Men?

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Sex is always a heated topic of discussion over which men and women are usually at odds.

Just listen over the shoulders of men and women sitting at the bar. Women wonder why men just don’t understand them sexually. And men wonder why they can’t get more action.

Quite the dilemma, wouldn’t you say?

Here’s the problem…

Most men assume that sex is something that’s to be won over from the women like a special prize. They seem to think that women don’t want sex as much as they do, because of the incredible lack of response they get from women.

Could it be possible that women really don’t want sex as much as men?

Watch this short video to find out…

By the way, can you count how many times Dan says sex in this short segment? 🙂

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYGWY0TEo5A[/youtube]

Check out this resource we recommend to really spice up your sex life:

How to Resolve Relationship Difficulties Without Making Your Partner Wrong

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When you’re in a relationship with another person and you spend all, or most, of your time with that person, there are going to be things about them that you don’t like. In fact, they may even have some quirks that drive you absolutely insane!

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could bring up those concerns without it sounding like you’re nagging and without it turning into a full blown argument?

Here are some really great tips and suggestions that will help you talk about the things that drive you crazy without offending your partner and ruining a perfectly good day.

How to Resolve Difficulties Without Making Your Partner Wrong

by Marianne Torrence, Trainer and Facilitator

You’ve read all about the #1 relationship mistake – putdowns or making your partner feel wrong or belittled.

It’s pretty obvious that is not going to help a relationship, but what happens if your partner is doing something that really upsets you and they have no idea that it’s happening? Do you have to just put up with it and keep quiet?

After all, if you mention it it’s going to seem like a putdown, right?

Well, actually, not necessarily. This is where you have to learn some skills, how to introduce the subject, warn your partner that there’s something that’s on your mind, and ask for them to be able to hear you out, if possible without reacting.

Sound like a tall order, right? Maybe. A lot of this depends on your partner’s self-esteem and ability to understand that YOU having a problem with something they are doing doesn’t mean they are wrong for doing it. It simply means that YOU have a problem with it. Period.

So another point – if you have managed to bring up this undisclosed issue and get it off your chest without causing an upset, it’s wise to not then get into trying to get them to change it. Because often just the fact of communicating it and getting it heard, understood and acknowledged can not only make it less of an upset or concern for you, but may bring about in your partner a willingness to change whatever it is or at least consider it. Especially if they don’t feel put down by the way you brought it up.

Obviously a lot depends on the magnitude of what your partner was doing that was getting you upset. There’s a fairly substantial difference between leaving the cap off the toothpaste and spending every night at the pub with the boys.

There is also a major distinction between complaining about something constantly – a.k.a. nagging – and bringing it up once as an issue to be communicated and looked at.

The fundamental of being able to deal with these issues is to establish some procedures and agreements for communicating about potentially disturbing or “hot” topics. One of the best ways to do this is to create a “frame” or “introduction” to be used to signal you have an issue to discuss that may be challenging or difficult to face.

Phrases that can work can go something like this…

“Have you got some time to talk about something that’s been on my mind?”

“I have something that’s been bothering me and I would like to be able to talk about it to you without making you feel wrong. Do you feel up to listening right now?”

When you communicate the upset, take responsibility for it by phrasing it from your own perspective, not directed at your partner.  E.g. “I find that I feel upset when I see you _________”, “My feelings get hurt when I notice ________ .”  “It’s been seeming to me like you tend to ignore our daughter when she tries to tell you something, and I’d like to know if you feel that is happening, maybe you can help me understand what you feel is going on.”

Now, a lot of this depends on what sort of person your partner is. If you are with someone who under no circumstances can entertain the slightest hint that anything they do could possibly be improved, or is anything less than perfect, well, you’ve got troubles. (It is always EXTREMELY smart to make sure before you get into a relationship that the someone you have got your eye on is actually someone who is willing to correct mistakes and learn from them, and understands that no one does anything perfectly the first time.)

But if you have a reasonably confident well-balanced partner you should find no difficulty in establishing some ground rules as above to allow you to communicate about differences in viewpoint without starting a war. Just make sure it starts with an agreed on frame of reference so your partner is aware it’s “sort-out time” coming up.

And as much as possible make sure they are in a position to give you their undivided attention, with sufficient time to complete the discussion, before you launch into it. Five minutes before you leave to go to a party is probably not a good time!

Remember one of the vital points on this, when discussing your issue, leave out the word “you” as much as possible. Keep it to how YOU feel about whatever it is. Not what they did or said but the reaction of feeling you had about it. The word “you” can very easily sound accusative and become accusative.

And be as specific as possible about what is upsetting you. “I feel upset because you always burn the dinner” is not workable if it’s an exaggeration and therefore untrue! “I got upset when you burned the dinner twice last week and I wondered if there’s some way I can help you so that doesn’t happen” would provoke less reaction than the first statement.

Practice this if you need to. Even in front of the mirror. If you have old habits maybe ingrained from copying parents or from earlier relationships it may take some work – but it’s worth it –much less stressful!

There’s another much deeper secret about all this but it will have to wait for another article, this is enough for now.

Marianne Torrence is a clearing facilitator, personal development specialist and SuperTeaching trainer, providing in-depth and highly effective techniques and systems to “clear out your mental closets”; involving procedures which substantially reduce stress.

With 35 years of experience, Marianne delivers over 40 different programs covering a wide variety of issues people have such as unwanted limiting beliefs, removal of negative energy from traumatic incidents, relationship difficulties, communication ability enhancement, personal integrity makeover, attitude transformation, and bettering communication with their bodies.

Cheap But Great Date Ideas from ZenHabits.net

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Looking for some great first date ideas or even second date ideas but you’re a little strapped for cash?

Here are some great suggestions from our friend Leo at Zen Habits.

  1. Picnic. One of my favorites. I like to pack a basket with home-made sandwiches (really hearty, good ones with good bread), fruits, cheese, desserts, candies, wine, snacks and all the utensils and napkins. Find a great spot for the picnic — sunset is probably the most romantic time.
  2. Treasure hunt. Another favorite. I set this up beforehand, writing clues on pieces of paper and leaving them all around town. Each clue led to the next, and at the end was a gift. You’ll have a blast driving around. It’s best if the places and clues are meaningful to the two of you.
  3. Home-cooked meal with candles. A specialty of mine. Even if you can only cook one thing well, you’ve got it made. Pasta or steaks are easy and sure bets (although I don’t eat steak anymore). A good dessert tops it off well. The candles are a nice touch. Pick some flowers too. Most women love a man who can cook, especially for them.
  4. Massage. This is most likely only appropriate if you’ve been going out for a few dates, but if you’re close enough for a good massage, this will win her over. Get some scented massage oil. Do the entire body, starting with the head, down to the neck, the back, legs and feet. Skip the tempting areas (or at least save them for last) or the massage might not last long.
  5. The beach. I live on an island, so this one’s easy. If you don’t have a beach, any other nice natural setting, like lake or river or mountain, will also work. You can pack a picnic, or just get some bathing suits and some beer and have a great time.
  6. Festivals. Look in your local paper … you might find all kinds of festivals, from movies to dance to desserts and more. They cost very little, and they are a blast. Walk around, make jokes, sample everything.
  7. Old movie marathon. Nothing’s more romantic than great old movies. Rent a bunch of them on DVD, pop some popcorn, get some candy, and watch them in your living room wrapped in blankets. A few sure-fire recommendations: Casablanca, Roman Holiday, Some Like It Hot, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, hell anything with Audrey Hepburn.
  8. Window shopping. Walk around and look at stuff at some of your favorite stores — antique stores, used bookstores, unique clothing. Try stuff on. Make fun of stuff. Make it fun.
  9. Watch meteors. Get a blanket and look up at the stars. It’s best if there’s a meteor shower — shooting stars are magical. Otherwise, learn a few constellations and point them out to her. Ponder the mysteries of the universe.
  10. Play in the snow or water. If you’ve got snow, you’ve got magic. Otherwise, a pool or ocean or lake are also great ways to play. Playful is good. So is a little innocent physical contact. Roll around!
  11. Museum. I love museums. They’re fascinating. If the girl thinks they’re fascinating too, you’ve got a winner. Zoos are fun too. Also carnivals. Buy cotton candy.
  12. Family barbecues. If you’ve been on a couple dates, you might be comfortable bringing her to a family gathering. A casual one like a barbecue is probably better to start with than Thanksgiving dinner or something. Although, going to a wedding is also fun. Barbecues are great because there’s good food and it’s free! Also, if your family is a lot of fun, you’ve got free entertainment!
  13. Shakespeare. I like watching plays, especially by the Bard. If the girl likes that too … well, she’s worth her weight in gold, as far as I’m concerned. And Shakespeare is very romantic. Quote her some lines afterward.
  14. Sundaes. Delicious and fun. Share toppings.
  15. Poetry reading. These can be a lot of fun, especially if you have a poem you can go up and read. Write one especially for her and tell everyone it’s dedicated to her. Then have some beers and watch the others. Poetry can be very romantic (unless it’s the angry kind, in which case it’s a lot of fun).

If you haven’t been to Zen Habits yet, go over and check it out. Leo has some great ways to improve your life.

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.” ~Aristotle

Zen Habits is all about achieving goals, productivity, being organized, GTD, motivation, eliminating debt, saving, getting a flat stomach, eating healthy, simplifying, living frugal, parenting, happiness, and successfully implementing good habits.

For some fun and really unique date ideas, check out our review of Michael Webb’s excellent guide 300 Creative Dates.

Help – My Overactive Sex Drive is Killing My Marriage!

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Are you a man with an overactive sex drive?

With all of the Viagra and Cialis commmercials, you might think that men just can’t get it up any more, but that’s not always the case.

There are many married men, and men in relationships, who just can’t get enough. This can be a real issue if your partner is not sexually matched with you.

So what do you do if you find yourself in this situation? Here are some great ideas to help you, and your partner, enjoy sex fully.

The Question

I know there are a lot of people who wish they had this problem… I wonder if there is any way my body is over producing sex hormones. I am 52 years old, not 19, and my sex drive is beyond explaining.

I am very healthy and work out 4 to 5 times a week at the gym, and want sex ALL the time. You guys crossed anything like this before?

And yes, I am married and way over sexed for my wife.

The Answer

Wow! I bet there are a lot of guys who WISH they had your sex drive – at least if all the male sexual enhancement drug commercials are any indication. While I can’t speak to what is a normal sex drive and what is not, here are some ideas to help you find a workable solution for you and your wife.

Find a solution together with your wife, not alone

Regardless of which way you go with this, the most important thing is to be vary open and honest with your wife about how you feel, what you’re experiencing, what your needs are, and your feelings toward her.

Don’t be judgmental or make her feel inadequate in any way. That can only go bad.

She has to know that you still love her just as much, but you have some very strong sexual needs that aren’t being met.

Explaining to her how you truly feel and what your situation is should hopefully gain some understanding and empathy from her. This of course depends on how open and up-front your relationship is. We share everything, and discuss all of our issues and concerns together. Most couples don’t, and that’s reflected in the 50%+ divorce rate. Open and honest communication is crucial to a happy relationship.

There are several ways that you can go with this…

Your options for great sex AND a happy relationship

Here are the options I see. Each has advantages and disadvantages, but one will hopefully resonate with you.

  • Ignore the problem until it eats away more and more at your relationship with your wife and you end up cheating on her. (not the recommended approach)
  • Try alternative remedies to harness and better control your sexual energy
  • Try supplements or other alternative remedies to lower your sex drive or increase your wife’s sex drive
  • Bring someone else into the picture to satisfy your sexual needs. Yes, with your wife’s consent – that’s the only way that can work.

Ignore the problem and go on the way you are today

This is the option most people choose, at least at first. The problem is that when you ignore an important issue, it just festers and boils up until it explodes. Not a good thing. You’re better off resolving or coming to terms with the issue up front, rather than than letting it get worse by ignoring it.

Remedies to harness and control your sexual energy

This is my first choice for a solution to your problem. There are many books out there on ways to better understand your sexual energy and that teach you how to harness and even redirect this energy in positive and productive ways. Our sexual energy is the core of our being and taking medications or supplements to reduce this energy just can’t be a good thing in my opinion.

Many people hesitate to read books about sex because they feel like they should know all by now… “What will my friends say?”, “How will my partner react?” These are just some of the questions that keep people from learning about sex.

We read as many books as we can get our hands on about all kinds of topics – especially sex. So, check out our Amazon store for some of our favorite books and start reading – when you stop learning, your brain dies – literally. Don’t let that happen to you.

Sex can be such a wonderful and joyous experience, and so many people worldwide wish they could experience it more fully. Here are some great books to help you both start enjoying sex to the fullest extent possible.

Remedies to lower your sex drive or increase your wife’s sex drive

If you’re not open to the option above, then you can talk to your doctor about medications or natural supplements that can help reduce your sex drive or increase your wife’s sex drive. I recommend the natural approach whenever possible.

Tread lightly when talking to your wife about taking actions to increase her sex drive – she may not want to. But if she is open to the idea, then that’s wonderful. Just remember to stay clear of the idea that she’s not pleasing you, because that is guaranteed to get emotional.

Regardless, be sure to see your doctor before starting any medical or herbal treatment.

Bring someone else into your bedroom to satisfy your sexual needs

There is always the option of inviting another person in to your life just for the purpose of fulfilling your sexual desires. This of course, will depend of your relationship with your wife and you personal belief system.

This is an interesting option that may or may not be acceptable to your wife…

Strict monogamy is the popular norm in our culture, but not so in many other cultures around the world, today and throughout history. In fact, many will argue it goes against our very nature and instincts as human beings to be completely monogamous to a single partner. But all that aside, your wife has to feel the same way, or it’s game over. 🙂

Swinging, Polyamory, and Open Relationships are actually much more common than you might think. We recently ran a poll to see exactly how our readers feel about Swinging and Polyamory.

We asked: “Would you ever consider swinging or polyamory?” More than 3500 of our readers spoke out and the answers will surprise you…

Check out the results here: Sex Poll Results – The Surprising Verdict on Swinging and Polyamory!

There are many options today for finding a woman to have sex with you, or with both you and your wife.

Aside from swinger clubs (which can be very hit or miss), your best bet is probably with an adult dating site like  Adult Friend Finder which has tens of millions of members looking for sexual relationships. We often recommend this site because it’s one of the biggest and most popluar on the internet.

While the focus is on having a threesome, there is some very good advice on how to make your partner feel comfortable in this type of situation.

When you’re talking about bringing another person into your relationship it’s very important to prevent the jealousy monster from rearing its ugly head by making sure that your wife knows how much you love and desire her first and foremost and that no one can ever come between the two of you.

In Summary

Ignoring the issue is not a possible solution! Address the issue now by talking openly and honestly with your wife about the possible options.

  • Try alternative remedies to harness and better control your sexual energy
  • Try supplements or other alternative remedies to lower your sex drive or increase your wifes sex drive
  • Bring someone else into the picture to satisfy your sexual needs

Online Dating Safety for Men – Web Cam Girls, Identify Theft, and More

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Just when you thought it was safe to try Online Dating...

It seems that with Online Dating it’s often the men, rather than the women who are getting preyed upon.

You can avoid being taken advantage of by being well informed and taking a few safety precautions.

Think these things can’t happen to you? Think again!

  • Identity theft? But her online profile looked really hot. There must be some mistake.
  • Why is she asking for my credit card to “see her special private photos?”
  • What’s a web cam girl and why do you care?

Watch this short video to find out how you can avoid becoming a victim…
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZntAw77khE[/youtube]

Then, be sure to also check out the full article: Online Dating Blunders – The Top 10 Mistakes Men Make When Contacting Women Online

Read More…

For the insider’s guide to succeeding with online dating, download our award winning ebook.

Finding Love Online – 5 Proven Strategies and The Top 5 Things You Should NEVER Put In Your Profile

Yeah, we know… Everyone’s got a book about Online Dating these days. This is Online Dating 101 – everything you need to know to be successful with online dating in an easy to read step by step format.

And, if you have any questions about anything you read in the book, we’re always here to answer them for you. Consider us your personal Online Dating coaches – without the $250 per hour fees. Get it now.