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He Doesn’t Want To “Label” Us – What Does That Mean?

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Good relationship advice would be to go with the flow and let things develop naturally. But what do you do if your S.O. refuses to talk about it?

What does it mean when a guy says he isn’t seeing anyone else but isn’t ‘a labels guy?”

What She Said:

I’m guessing it means he wants to have his cake and eat it too. As played out as that old adage is, there’s a reason it’s still around. Without labels, your guy is freed from defining the relationship while still reaping the benefits of your company. The question you have to ask yourself is: Are you having fun and, if so, why do you care what it’s called?

One thing that’s crucial in this equation is time. How long have you been seeing each other? If you’ve only been hanging out a few weeks (or even a few months), back off from trying to define the terms. No one likes to be pushed and you’ll never see a guy run faster than if you try to pin him down. Men are attracted to women who have a sense of independence; needing to give a name to something doesn’t always reflect that trait.

On the other hand, if it’s been a prolonged amount of time and everything (other than the title) points towards the two of you being serious and exclusive, you deserve to know. You have the right to this information, both sexually and emotionally. If you’re in a committed relationship (i.e. monogamous), you can explore options other than condoms. A “title” also gives you the go ahead to release your heart and invest in your companion emotionally.

Follow your instincts. If you feel enough time has passed, broach the subject. If he’s willing to happily give you an answer, proceed. If a significant amount of time has passed and he still hems and haws, pick up a copy of He’s Just Not That Into You. You’ll figure out the rest from there!

What He Said:

Well, he could be a player who is into dating them and letting them go. Or maybe he’s not ready for a serious relationship and is trying to give you realistic expectations of where he’s at. Or maybe you seem a bit clingy or that you’re moving too fast to soon, as least as far as he’s concerned, and he might want to put the brakes on.

Then again, who the hell cares what it means. How am I supposed to know anyway? What am I? Oprah? Seriously, it doesn’t really matter what it means, because clearly you have a problem with it. It’s not sitting right with you for whatever reason. You’re clearly having a gut reaction on this one. So why aren’t you going with it? Why are you asking two people you don’t know?

Ask him straight up. Don’t let him give you anything other than a straight answer. Let him know that whatever the answer is is okay, but you do want to know where he’s at, no bullshit. And you have to mean that. He may think it’s a trick, so assure him it’s not. It may take some prying, but you will get the answer out of him. Evaluate it, and either move forward or don’t.

 

 

 

 

Relationship Advice: We Both Want To Live In Different Places!

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Good relationship advice is warranted if you and your partner don’t see eye to eye about where you live. Of course, for a good relationship where you and your partner are both happy, you pretty much have to live at least in the same town. Most couples in committed relationships prefer to live together. What should you do if you both want different things?

My live-in boyfriend and I are at odds over a seemingly small issue: we reside in a small town. I’m really bored, but my BF wants to stay. I don’t want to break up, but living where I don’t want to is beginning to feel like a big compromise.

What She Said:

What’s the big picture? How is the state of your relationship? Do you think he’s your soul mate? These are all really important questions you need to be asking yourself, the sooner the better.

If you’re serious about this guy and you see a future with him, maybe where you live isn’t as important as how you live. Perhaps a small town versus the big city isn’t as big of a deal when you have love. Look around at what your town has to offer. Does the slower pace allow you to focus on your hobbies? What’s the quality of life like day to day? Maybe you aren’t thrilled about where you live, but you can improve your experience regardless of residence.

The flip side: Are you marking time with someone you dig – for now? If so, it might be time to take a hard look at your relationship. You’ve got some big choices to make. The safety of companionship can be great – but if you’re passing up life for comfort, you’re doing a great disservice to yourself and your boyfriend.

There are tons of compromises in a long-term union. If you’ve asked all the hard questions and determined you want to stay with your BF then maybe it’s your turn to ask a difficult question of him: I’m willing to stay for you. Are you willing to move for me?

What He Said:

How is this not a deal breaker? If you want to go and he wants to stay, and you’re both set in your ways, then this is a situation that has been brought to a head (and not in a fun way). You either stay here and be miserable but still have your man, or you go off to the big city and you get to do your thing (though minus the boyfriend) and maybe you are more or less happy there.

I guess the real question here is why are you both so set in your ways on the issue? Why are you looking to leave? What is there that you can’t get where you are at? Is it a career opportunity, or is the grass simply greener?

While we’re on the subject of questions, why is he so deadest against going? Is it a family thing? A job? Is he a big fish in a small pond? There are certainly several valid reasons he might not want to go, but then again, it might not be a valid reason.

If all you need is love and he has you and he loves you, why wouldn’t he want to go? I know a woman who moved to L.A. to be an actress. Times were hard and she packed it in and went back to Texas, where she promptly met a guy and fell in love. When she confided in him that her dream was to be an actress, he insisted that they drop everything and move back to L.A. right after they got back from the honeymoon. That, my friends, is a stud.

Why isn’t your man doing that for you? That’s the real question, and the answer is far more important than which town you end up

Jealousy Issues – My Ex Boyfriend Is Getting Married!

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Jealousy can rear its ugly green head when you least expect it. Even when you think you’ve moved on from a relationship and are healthy and happy, you can get pangs of jealousy when you thought the worst of it was over. How do you get over jealousy when your last S.O. is going to be hitched to another woman?

A while back, I broke up with my long term partner. Time’s passed and I found myself an amazing man and we’re in love. Then I find out my ex is going to marry to the first chick he dated after we broke up. I’m super angry, hurt, pissed and bummed. Why? How do I make it stop?

What She Said:

It’s natural to feel weird when someone you once loved has officially moved on. In fact, there’s a possibility he felt the same when he heard about your happy relationship. But the reality is that you’ve both moved on in big ways; the sooner you embrace that, the better.

Keeping Some Things To Yourself

It may go without saying, but I’d recommend keeping your depression to yourself versus confiding in your mate. I’m not advocating lying or keeping secrets – but this feeling will pass and it could be misconstrued in a detrimental way if you let your partner know you’re grieving the loss of your ex’s singledom. You’re happy, so why rock the boat?

How To Move On

If you’re feeling really bummed out, try writing a letter to your ex and then burn it. The purpose of this exercise is to express your feelings in a safe environment, then release them. Whatever you do, don’t send it or leave it lying around! It’s okay to feel sad for a bit – it is the end of an era. Acknowledge it – and then continue moving on. Surely you and your ex broke up for a reason. It might be good to revisit some of the bad times to ensure you don’t romanticize this guy too much.

You’re happy, you’re in a committed relationship and you’ve got nothing but the future ahead of you. It doesn’t involve your ex, but it does include a lot of new and exciting things. That sounds pretty good to me!

What He Said:

I guess the big question here is: why do you care? Maybe this guy was a real fixer up project when you met him. Maybe he was some fat, out of shape, slob with mommy issues and you turned him into a big man sized bowl of grade a quality ass. Then some other chick is enjoying the fruits of your labor? That would piss me off too. And you’d have every right to be upset. She owes you royalties, in that case. Or something.

Maybe you’re like this girl I used to know. She called herself the “practice wife” because every guy she was dating would immediately marry the next girl he dated after they broke up. She hated it. Eventually, she found a guy and they’re engaged.

This Too Shall Pass

Try not to read too much into this. Yes, it sucks. But it will pass. You’re happy in your new relationship, so what else matters? Jack shit, that’s what. Maybe you had visions of marrying that man, and maybe in retrospect, it wasn’t the best idea to start picking out your China patterns before it’s actually time to pick out the China patterns.

If getting married is something you want, sooner or later it will happen. That much is a given. The challenging part is enjoying the journey as much as possible and being kind and compassionate to yourself along the way. There’s really no point in being hard on yourself. Life is hard enough, and there are people lining up around the block to make it even harder on you. So why add on to the pile. Relax, enjoy and forget the douchebag. He’s her problem now.

Help! I Think I Might Be A Home Wrecker!

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Cheating is one thing, but what if you’re not actually the one doing it? What if you’ve met this great person who just happens to be in a relationship with someone else. Is it just as bad to be helping someone else do it? Does that make you a cheater too? Or are you in the free and clear?

What’s a woman’s responsibility as far as “home wrecking” goes? I have a huge crush on this guy and we’ve really connected. I knew he had a girlfriend, but he told me things were essentially over with them. We’ve (happily) since gotten together, but now his ex is saying I ruined their relationship. Am I at fault?

What She Said:

You only have to look as far as the headlines to get some real time examples for your question. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie anyone? Heck, even Jennifer Aniston, the “wronged” party in that “bizarre Bermuda triangle,” has recently been accused of home wrecking antics.

My question? Where does the responsibility lie for the person actually in the relationship? To continue with the high-profile celebrity example: Angelina has worn the man-stealing crown for over six years now, but Brad was the one who was married and chose to cheat. Yes, Jolie is insanely gorgeous – but Pitt is a grown man, capable of making the decision to remain in a monogamous relationship.

What’s your responsibility? It sounds like you knew there might be cheating going on – but it also sounds like your guy was fully complicit. Maybe you knew he was fudging the facts as far as his relationship status – or maybe you chose to take him at his word. Either way, you were operating off the fact that things were over.

Do you have anything to feel guilty about? Only you can know for sure. Did you flirt, regardless of his living situation? Did you make yourself available as a friend and confidant, knowing that the two of you growing closer might jeopardize his relationship? Did you mold yourself into the image of his perfect girl? Of course his ex is going to be pissed at you (and maybe she has reason to be) – but it was ultimately her partner who acted dishonestly.

There are obviously a myriad of combinations, but at the end of the day I still believe this: Anyone can be tempted to cheat and everyone has a choice as to whether or not he or she follows through on that action. I’m a fan of clean breaks – if the relationship is truly over, end it before starting something new. That’s the real way to take responsibility.

What He Said

I don’t know the specifics, but if he wasn’t 100 % free and clear of his ex (as in totally broken up with her), then yes, you’d be a factor. But after that, it gets grey. Many marriages, for example end long before one of the parties files for legal separation or divorce, and then in that situation, you could have come into the guys life before he officially pulled the plug on his relationship, but after it had died. It had needlessly been hanging on via life support until someone finally showed some compassion and pulled the plug on it.

In that situation if you entered his life after it died, but before the cord was pulled, would you be a home wrecker? Technically, no. But everyone will judge you as such. Why? Because people don’t know what goes on behind closed doors and so they would have no way of knowing the relationship had died a slow, painful and often sexless death before you showed up. It would just look to the outside world like you showed up and stole that poor woman’s man away.

He will be needlessly judged and persecuted as well (see my colleagues aforementioned judgment against Brad Pitt for example). It’ll look like he was some mindless hornball who cheated on this poor, defenseless, woman who is a paragon of virtue, and walks little old ladies across the street, goes to church on Sunday, etc. That happens, yes, but that doesn’t happen in all cases. You don’t know and you shouldn’t be judging (COUGH! JENNA! COUGH!)

It doesn’t matter any more, really. You’re in a relationship with him and what happened, happened. At a certain point, even if you did steal him away, she just needs to get over it and move on. There are other men out there and if he was cheating on her with you, why would she be upset anyway? She should be glad to get rid of him, after all, he’s your problem now, right?

Getting Him Back Review

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Getting Him Back will help you figure out what went wrong in your relationship and how to get him back for good. It doesn’t have to be over!

Michael Webb, one of the world’s top selling romantic authors, brings yet another great book on how to win an ex back – except this time, it’s a guide on how SHE can win HIM back after a breakup! Getting Him Back is short, sweet and to the point, yet packed with lots of information. It not only shows how a woman can completely redesign herself and her behavior so the relationship will actually work on the next go round, but also how to get his attention and convince him that she is, in fact, a completely different, more mature and forgiving person.

Micheal also has a series of other great books available that will definitely help bring the spark back between you and your ex when you get things going again between the two of you:

300 Creative Dates – Use these great date ideas to show your ex that your new romantic, fun and adventurous side.

Blow By Blow: Expert Tips On Giving Mind Blowing Blowjobs – Use these oral sex tips to make your ex melt when you do finally get him back in the sack with you!

The Good

Getting Him Back is actually quite short, but there is no lack of information within. It has only 6 chapters, so you can have it read quickly, which means you’ll already be on your way to put your game plan into action. Michael outlines step by step what you need to do and how you need to act to get your ex thinking about you again in a good way.

There’s not a lot left to be desired here – Michael covers the basics of a breakup, cautions against the wrong reasons to want to get back with someone and teaches you the importance of creating a better, kinder, more forgiving you. Honestly, even if your ex moves on and finds someone else, you’re going to benefit from the introspection you’ve done through reading Getting Him Back. Your next relationship may very well be the best you’ve ever had.

The Bad

A little manipulation is required on the woman’s part to break down the emotional barrier that a guy puts up after a breakup. Without this manipulation, he may never see you in the new light you’ve cast yourself in, which is essential for him taking you back. However, some women may find the some of the tips, including the suggestion to find another love interest that is richer and smarter than your ex to make him jealous, a little juvenile. But what any girl reading Getting Him Back must realize is that to win a man back for good, you first have to get yourself back in his sight, and that’s not always easy to do.

The Bottom Line

Getting Him Back is an excellent guide on how women can get the men that they’ve loved and lost back into their lives. It’s a shorter, easier read than many other similar products out there, but only because Michael gets right to the point. There’s not a lot of fluff here – if you want simple, easy to understand steps that will increase your chances of getting back in his arms for good, this is the book you want to read.

Some women may feel a few of the suggestions are a little manipulative, but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. The main focus of Getting Him Back is creating a new, better person and shedding whatever issues contributed to the breakup in the first place.

The Full Getting Him Back Review

A breakup doesn’t have to be the end if you want to be with someone – and that’s what Getting Him Back is all about. It shows you how to figure out what went wrong in your relationship and how to get him back step by step. The guide starts off with a series of deep, thought provoking questions about your relationship and what possibly went wrong. While you’re giving your ex some time to breathe and heal from the emotional pain of the split, you’re going to be doing some truthful examination of yourself and you’re going to get real with yourself. Some questions that may shed some light on the breakup are:

  • Do you miss him or just the two of you together?
  • Are you looking to the future for the right reasons?
  • Do you simply need to win?
  • Could you be happy alone?

Yes, these are some tough questions and they’re probably not ones you want to truthfully answer. However, without digging deep and truly examining yourself and the root of the breakup, you’re never going to be able to get your ex back, or if you do, it’s not going to last very long.

Some things you’ll learn in Getting Him Back:

  • Why giving your ex time to breathe after the breakup is important
  • How to make that time work in YOUR favor
  • How to create a completely new you
  • The #1 SECRET to getting him back
  • 3 simple steps to get your ex to REALLY start noticing you again
  • How to use the “I just want to be friends” situation to your advantage
  • 10 things you NEVER want to forget when trying to get your ex back
  • 6 key ingredients in a successful relationship

Essentially, Getting Him Back is a guide that every woman should read if she wants to get back with the man she’s lost to a breakup. To be successful, there may be a few difficult revelations, big changes and decisions to make, but in the end you will either get your man back, be a better person for it or both.