Love & Sex Answers

Today's #1 Love & Sex Resource

You are here: Home / Archives for Sex & Intimacy

Sex Tips & Advice

Anal Sex: Which Lubricant Is Best For Sensitive Skin?

By

There are a variety of sexual lubricants out on the market and they range from water based to silicone with many different scents, flavors and textures in between. Choosing the perfect lube for anal sex can be tough, especially if you or your partner have sensitive skin. Some lubes, especially those with spermicide, can cause itching and burning. Here’s how to select one that won’t sting – for vaginal intercourse or anal sex!

Hey Jenn and Dan! I’ve got a question concerning lubricants. My girlfriend and I of 2 years have tried using many different kinds of lubricants for anal sex such as KY Jelly and Astroglide. Every time we use these lubricants, they sting her inside the anus – but not her vagina. The only lubricant we’ve found that works is spit but I feel that it is not enough because I’m concerned it won’t be enough lube. Do you know of any lubricants that will not sting for anal sex?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zC4GO2jxTp0[/youtube]

What Makes An Adequate Lube?

There are many things that can be used as lubricant for sex and anal sex, but that doesn’t mean they are all adequate for the job. Spit, for one, is definitely not a good one at all. It is acidic in nature and contains throngs of bacteria that you definitely don’t want to introduce into your genital area. Baby oil and cooking oil (as well as any oil-based lube) will break down latex and can increase the risk of transmitting and contracting STD’s or becoming pregnant if you’re using a condom during vaginal intercourse. Good sexual lubricants are generally either water based or silicone based, with the former being a little more gentle on the body but not quite as thick and long lasting. A water based lube is easier to wash off (it can simply be rinsed away with water) while one that is silicone based requires soap and perhaps a little elbow grease to get completely clean.

Searching For Allergens

If you or your partner find that using a variety of sexual lubricants still irritate, itch or burn during sex or anal sex, try doing a little investigation on the ingredients found in the lubes. For example, there may be a common ingredient in all the lubes that you’ve tried that could be causing the irritation and sensitivity. You could start by searching for one without that particular ingredient to see if the ingredient is, in fact, the allergen that is causing the problem.

When searching for the right sexual lubricants for penetration, it can be expensive if you purchase an entire bottle of each lube that you and your partner want to try. Instead, look online or in sex toy stores for a “variety pack” or “sampler pack” of lubes. Each kind will be in a small “pillow” and is usually just enough for one use – so you can decide which one works the best. Remember that the lubricant that you use for vaginal sex may not be the same one that you want to use for anal sex or even fingering – and that’s ok! Do your best to keep track of which lube worked best for what activity.

Gentle Lubes That May Work Best For Sensitive Skin

If you’re looking for specific sexual lubricants that are made just for people with sensitive skin, try very mild lubes such as Doc Johnson’s Prescription Lubricant, Pure, or Pink Hypoallergenic Lubricant For Women. Gentle ones will be paraben free, fragrance free, glycerine free, and preservative free. These types of lubes may not cause as much irritation, burning or itching of the vagina or anus during sex, but they may be thinner than traditional sexual lubricants. Simply use more of the product during sex if this is the case.

When To Visit The Doctor

If you or your partner experiences itching, burning or irritation during vaginal intercourse or anal sex regardless of what sexual lubricants you’re using, it may be time to make a visit to the doctor. Burning in the vaginal area can be a symptom of an infection (STD’s, bacterial or yeast infections) and excessive burning or pain during anal sex regardless of what lube is used can be a symptom of small tears in the anus caused by anal sex or something common like hemorrhoids. If you experience a lot of discomfort during sex and anal sex – even if you’ve switched to a more natural, water based lube – you’ll definitely want to visit your doctor to rule out anything more serious that could be going on.

Foreplay Tips – The Do’s and Don’ts Of Foreplay

By

Many men slip up during an intimate foreplay with their women. These are three common mistakes that men make when initiating this prelude to sex.

Mistake #1 – Foregoing The Kiss

You should prolong the kissing instead! It doesn’t have to be the usual lip-locking. Women actually enjoy it when their men give tender kisses, long strokes of the tongue, and loving bites on their neck and shoulders.

Mistake #2 – Paying Too Much Attention To A Woman’s Breasts

Women are uncomfortable when men pay too much attention to their bosoms. Of course, women love it when their partners do incredible things with their breasts. But, they still prefer that their partners adore EVERY detail on their bodies.

Mistake #3 – Hurrying Through Foreplay

This is a big no-no. Always remember that foreplay should be done in the smoothest and most comfortable manner possible. Women love it when their men spend time in exploring every sensitive hot spots on the female body. At times, women are the ones who dictate when their men should proceed. However, there are moments when women allow their men to follow their own plans when pleasuring them. But you should not advance towards her inner thigh if she is not yet fully prepared for it. It can be quite unpleasant for women when they are not totally in the mood for the actual sexual intercourse.

What else can you do to give her phenomenal foreplay – one that will set her up for a powerful orgasm later? Well, the following tips will come in handy for you!

Tip #1 – Take Pleasure In Foreplay

You must be having fun during foreplay in order to become the best in what you are doing. Women can actually tell when their partners are not in the mood for sex even with the bits of action during the prelude, such as oral sex. If giving her oral sex is a chore for you, she won’t enjoy it. A man’s satisfaction in the sexual overture is a big factor in turning on a woman. Yes, it all begins in the mind! So make sure that you have the appropriate outlook when it comes to the foreplay and the main act.

Tip #2 – Open Communication

If you do not know what to do, then just ASK her. For example, ask if she wants kisses or those titillating nibbles on her skin and if she prefers gentle fondling to wild grasps. In return, be sure that you are ready to give her anything that she asks of you!

Tip #3 – Dirty Talk

Most guys do not know how effective dirty talk can be during foreplay. You may not know this but women CAN get highly aroused even with just words, especially those that depict what you plan to do to them in bed. Aside from dirty talking, try speaking to her of your unadulterated appreciation of her whole being, her beauty, and your contentment on having her all to yourself!

Tip #4 – Be Smooth

Wait for her to tell you that she is ready to move forward. Let the whole act blend smoothly into sexual intercourse. Do not skip the “appetizer” and head straight for the “main course.” Always be gracious during the prelude to intercourse!

Let foreplay lead both of you into amazing sex. Don’t skim on it. Apply the above tips and spice things up in your bedroom tonight!

The Truth About Erectile Dysfunction And How To Fix It (For Good!)

By

Let’s face it. Erectile dysfunction can be a very embarrassing affair, and if left untreated, can severely affect a couple’s sex life. An erection problem typically refers to the inability to acquire and maintain an erection that is firm enough for a man to have satisfactory intercourse.

Some men are not able achieve an erection at all; others may simply lose the erection during intercourse. When the condition becomes persistent, a man can be diagnosed as having erectile dysfunction or ED.

Is Erectile Dysfunction Common?

The vast majority of men will experience occasional difficulties in acquiring or maintaining an erection during sex. In many instances, the condition is temporary and goes away without the need for medical intervention. In other cases, it can be a persistent issue that can potentially damage a man’s self confidence and affect his sexual relationship, thus requiring treatment.

Is It All Just “In The Mind?”

In the past, problems relating to erections were assumed to have stemmed from a man’s mind. As a result, sufferers were often given unhelpful advice. You probably heard of comments such as “don’t worry” or “just relax and things will take care of itself.”

These days, medical professionals and sex therapists believe that when erection problems continue to persist for a long time, physical factors may be at work.

To tell if the cause of an erection problem is physical or psychological, one way is to determine if you are having erections while sleeping at night. On average, it is normal for a man to experience three to five erections per night, with each lasting up to 30 minutes. Your doctor would be in a good position to ascertain if you are having the normal number of night-time erections.

What Causes Erectile Dysfunction?

Erectile dysfunction often results from a wide range of problems.

There are two basic contributing factors for ED:

  • Effects arising from physically related diseases (such as use of drugs and diabetes)
  • Psychological issues

According to studies, about 50 to 60 percent of diabetic men suffer from erectile dysfunction. Bladder-related dysfunction is also known to cause erection problems, as are Parkinson’s disease and temporal lobe abnormalities.

Age also plays a critical role in erectile dysfunction due to a decrease in male hormones. Many medications used to treat high blood pressure can also cause ED.

As with any other medical problems, if you persistently experience problems with erection, it is advisable to see a doctor. The doctor will be in the best position to rule out any possibility of disease, injury, or medical side effects.

On the other hand, “recreational drugs” are also known to cause erection problems. Take for instance, tobacco. Studies have shown that even smoking two cigarettes before sex (if you have a smoking fetish) will significantly reduce the amount of penile blood flow that is necessary to keep your erection up.

Overcoming Erectile Dysfunction

Advancements in medicine have given many ED sufferers hope, as there are many viable alternatives that can treat the problem successfully.

Do not be tempted to subject yourself to vacuum pumps, penile injections or self-medications like Viagra or Cialis. These self-styled solutions can be ineffective at best (for example, effects of using vacuum pumps are only temporary), and dangerous at worst (bursting of capillaries or penile deformities, for instance).

If you persistently experience difficulty in getting and maintaining an erection during sex, it is best to consult a doctor or a specialist.

The doctor will usually first perform physical and laboratory examinations to determine the underlying causes of the problem, followed by exploring the various treatment options.

Don’t let erection problems keep you down (pardon the pun!). Instead, make a resolve to overcome this issue and enjoy the kind of sex that you and your partner deserve!

We Don’t Have Hot Sex Anymore. Can We Get It Back?

By

My boyfriend and I are better friends than lovers. I’m crazy about him and don’t want to break up, but I miss hot sex. Help!

She Said:

First off, let me say that what you’re going through is totally normal. Passion cools in most relationships over time, so it’s important to be best friends when all is said and done. The good news is that you’re in a great position, if you can excuse the pun. The ‘bad news’ is that there is some work to be done – but it’s fun work, so don’t worry!

When You Don’t Want To Break Up

Think about what you’ve said – you’re crazy about your boyfriend. That is wonderful news! It means there’s still groundwork to build off of for the sizzle to return to your sex life. You don’t want to break up, which means there’s enough left to make you want to stay with him. There’s life in this thing yet!
Here’s your homework assignment: First off, think about what attracted you to your boyfriend in the first place. Now think about that when you’re having sex.

Remembering all the wonderful things that drew you to your honey in the first place are still there, so start appreciating those qualities again.

Bring Hot Sex Back Into The Relationship

There’s no penalty for using your imagination! What gets you hot, nowadays? Is there a movie star you like to fantasize about? Perhaps erotic fiction helps get you going? Use these things to your advantage. Most women need to be both emotionally and mentally stimulated to get really excited. Find the things that bring you to this place; then bring your boyfriend to the bedroom. When you’re feeling ultra-turned on, you naturally have better sex.

Be creative – that goes for both you AND your partner. All the work isn’t just on your shoulders. That said if you really feel that your relationship has moved to a purely platonic level, you owe to yourself and your partner to move on. Sexual pleasure is important to every aspect of health and happiness – and you both deserve to have the very best for yourselves.

He Said:

It happens. Relationships ebb and they flow. So does attraction. The most important thing is that you’re still crazy about each other. Everything else can be worked out.

First thing is to identify anything going on in your life that could be getting in the way of the two of you getting it on like teenagers on Viagra. If you just started a business together and you have a kid(s), and you are having trouble making ends meet, etc it is not conducive to getting it on. Identify and eradicate as many of these things as you can, and make your peace with the rest. Obviously, you can’t eradicate your kids (unless you live in Texas), but you can hire a babysitter and get your butts to a hotel.

A Vacation Can Reboot Hot Sex

Personally, I highly recommend a vacation of any kind to reclaim the booty making magic. (Say that five times fast!) Avoid going anywhere you’ve been in the past. You don’t want to bring up old memories if they are bad or expectations if you went there and the sex was amazing. For my money, I highly recommend one of those “hedonistic, clothing optional” resorts. Nothing will help you shed your inhibitions like shedding your clothes and letting it all hang out in the sun.  (Remember the sun block!) These resorts are adults only, anything goes and no questions asked.

Vacation sex is always the best because you are literally away from all your problems. They are back home. You didn’t bring your job or your in laws with you, right? No, of course not.  You’ll be going at it like bunnies. And you’re welcome (just remember that no man is ever as potent or as virile as when he’s on vacation, so plan accordingly!)

Exercising Together Can Help You Have Better Sex

I also recommend working out, ideally together. Nothing makes you wanna get naked more than if you actually look great naked. Working out boosts endorphins, hormones, etc. You’ll be all hot and sweaty and that means you need to shower. You two look great from consistently doing yoga, crossfit, or whatever you choose (I highly recommend the first two), and then BAM! You’re going at it.  It’s that simple.

Above all, take the pressure off yourself. Sex shouldn’t feel like something you “have to do” but that you “get to do.” You should feel like a kid on Christmas (yes, I ruined another holiday for you.) To that end, I suggest, researching tantric sex (Steve P has an amazing White Tiger Tantra video series), getting couples tantric massages, or just getting regular (no happy ending) rub downs anywhere you can.

Be patient and soon you’ll be going at it!

How To Give Her “Orgasms On Full Throttle” (Great For Any Penis Size!)

By

Is your penis size important in sex and in giving her powerful orgasms? In other words, is a bigger penis better for sex? That seems to be the proverbial question that men have been asking since the dawn of civilization.

Well, what if I told you that your penis size is not a big deal after all? In fact, it is the lousiest among all “tools” you can bring to the bed!

Why is that so? Well, read on and find out…

The Truth About Penis Size And Sex

Ask any woman who loves great sex and have experienced great sex. Chances are, she will tell you that the size of one’s manhood does not feature much in how she enjoys the experience. So put aside that penis extender or male enhancement pills you have been popping all day! A big penis is a great asset to have, but the skills you bring to bed will be your defining moment during sex. Besides pumping in and out, what else can your penis do?

Do Casanovas And Don Juans Have Great Assets In Between Their Thighs?

The secret is out. No they don’t! Even if a guy is small like a mosquito, he can still outperform any clueless lad with a much bigger “asset”! As long as you know how to please, pleasure and caress any woman properly, you can bring great sex to the bedroom, anytime anywhere! And believe me when I say that those Casonovas and Don Juans in the world are only average as far as their penis size goes.

The Myth About Penetration And Orgasm

Penetration is just about the only thing that happens during intercourse. Well, that is just what most guys think. When in the throes of pleasure, most men would focus only on themselves and pump away until they reach the inevitable goal – their own orgasm. But is your woman enjoying a great time too? Well, most probably not!

You see, women are incredibly different from guys. Women don’t just live for the moment of orgasm. They relish the way they are brought to a climax. And the simple truth is this: The vast majority of women are not able to reach an orgasm though penetration alone simply because her clitoris – the nerve center of a woman’s orgasm – is not properly stimulated via penetration. So your penis, big or small, does not figure much in triggering those incredible waves of pleasure in her.

So How Do I Give Her An Orgasm?

Simple! Just observe what SHE does when she stimulates herself (a great majority of women can reach an orgasm through masturbation alone!). Mimic the motions, the angles, the intensity she use on herself. Then use them on her!

When it comes to great sex, take things SLOW. Don’t use sex as a means to an end. Instead be a man who plans for the future BUT also live for the moment. Be a man who starts a night of lovemaking without considering his own orgasm, but focus on securing a body-shaking climax for his lady. This is the type of men women would gladly die for.

Now achieving that kind of body-shaking, wild-screaming orgasms that most women crave for, will depend on how you build up the sexual tension. Savor each stage of lovemaking as if each phase can bring her to an orgasm (indeed it can!). Raw, passionate kissing that sets free a woman’s sexual inhibitions can bring her right to the edge of a climax. And so can the great prelude to intercourse – foreplay. Even a good dose of oral sex can give her mind-boggling orgasms that leave her breathless.

The key is to live for the moment and don’t let your focus waver away from her. Believe me, when you are able to do this, you will enjoy sex for its full glory and splendor, just like how a woman enjoys it. And when you finally reach your own orgasm, it will be more mind-blowing than anything else you have experienced before!