Sex Tips & Advice

Help! My Boyfriend Wants To Be Tied Up!

If your partner is into BDSM and you’ve never tried it before, it can be kind of intimidating if you don’t know where to start. Don’t be! You don’t have to start with whips and chains – there are lots of fun, light BDSM ideas to get you started and you can have fun with it from there.

Dear Dan And Jennifer,

My boyfriend wants to be tied up, but I’ve never done it before! What are some tame ideas that I can start with that are comfortable for both of us?

–Sheila, Texas

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Tying Him Up

If you want to start by tying your partner up but you’ve never done it before, try using light bondage such as fuzzy handcuffs or silk ties. You can even incorporate a blindfold to make it more exciting! Loosely tie your partner to a chair or to a bedpost and make sure the knot is too tight. A good thing to do before you start tying your partner up – or start doing anything BDSM related at all – is to come up with a code word that either partner can use if something becomes uncomfortable or painful. “Stop” is usually inefficient in the heat of the moment, so come up with something totally unrelated like, “banana” or “fairies.” It may sound silly, but it’s a great way to communicate if something has gone too far.

What To Do Once You’ve Tied Him Up

Chances are, your partner wants to be tied up because he’s wanting to feel a little submissive. So slip into a more dominant role and lightly tease him! You can tease him using props, such as chocolate sauce or even a light feather duster. If you’re really feeling kinky, a light elastic whip might do the trick! Tease him with nibbling, kissing, light biting and possibly light spanking if he’s into it. You can also do a little anal play while he’s tied up, because most guys are unresponsive to anal play ordinarily. Be careful with this, but you might find that your partner enjoys being in a submissive position and would be more receptive to anal play this way. If you want to try anal play, be gentle and go slow! Also, giving him a nice lap dance can be a great finishing touch while he’s completely tied up.

Advanced BDSM

If you and your partner find light BDSM interesting, you might be more willing to venture into something a little more hardcore. You never have to do anything you’re not comfortable with, but if it turns you on, why not? There are lots of stores – real and online – that can provide you with costumes, toys, sexy shoes, gags, muzzles, leashes and anything you can imagine to help you get your BDSM groove on. Just make sure you have your safe word handy (or a safe gesture if you’re gagged) and you’re ready to go!

First and foremost, whether you’re engaging in regular sex or BDSM, it’s important that you’re comfortable with everything on the table. Communicate to your partner beforehand what you like and listen to what they like – be open and honest about sharing your fantasies and non-judgmental when it comes to acting them out. If you’re open to it, you and your partner can find lots of ways to enrich your sex life and have a more exciting and satisfying time with each other!

Are You Too Goal-Oriented When It Come To Sex?

By hollypage

Do you focus on getting A’s instead of learning in school? Do you work towards hitting your numbers rather than doing your job well? Do you worry about how much you weigh instead of how healthy and fit you are?

Then chances are you focus on the orgasm instead of just enjoying sexual experiences. And you’re missing out.

While in many aspects of your life being goal-oriented may help you achieve, it definitely isn’t helping you out in the bedroom. Goal-oriented sex, when one or both partners are just focused on orgasm, tends to be formulaic, stressful, and disconnected. Maybe you achieve your “goal” and orgasm, but you’re actually missing out on sensual and intimate lovemaking.

The cliché “life is a journey, not a destination” is one we often hear and promptly dismiss, because it isn’t a mantra that fits into our goal-oriented culture. But when it comes to sex, the more attention you pay to the “journey” – looking into your lover’s eye, enjoying each other’s bodies, connecting on a physical and emotional level – the better the “destination,” or orgasm, is.

Negative Effects of Goal-Oriented Sex

Goal-oriented sex minimally causes you to miss out on more sensual and intimate sexual experiences. At its worst, being too focused on orgasm could actually be preventing you or your partner from enjoying sex. Think about it – has your focus on your orgasm or your partner’s ever created pressure and interference? Of course it has. That’s because you are focused on the wrong thing.

Before we get to how to take the focus off orgasm to have better sex, let’s look a bit more closely at the negative effects of goal-oriented sex.

For men, goal-oriented sex can result in premature ejaculation if the excitement of orgasm is too great. It can also lead to performance anxiety around pleasing his partner. Finally, goal-oriented sex can result in a sense of entitlement to orgasm even if the woman isn’t into it.

For women, sex is often connected to her emotional or psychological state. Goal-oriented sex, then, can create such pressure to get aroused and orgasm that she often can’t do either. The context of lovemaking can be as important as the sex itself in creating pleasure.

How to Avoid Goal-Oriented Sex

If you’ve been worrying too much about the big O, slow down and take the scenic route the next time you make love. Here are three things you can try to take the pressure off orgasm and put the focus on enjoying the range of sensual pleasures in the moment.

Put the play back into sex play. Remember when you first started exploring your sexuality, you would make-out for hours without any goal other than satisfying your curiosity? Next time you fool around, don’t have intercourse. That will alleviate the pressure to orgasm via intercourse, and instead give you the chance to explore each other’s bodies again.

Be more sensual. Be conscious during your next sexual encounter to be more sensual. Take a lot of time to touch your partner with different pressures and speeds. Add some feathers, satin, or ice to your play for varied textures and temperatures. By putting more focus on the sensual experience, you’ll be more in the moment and less goal-oriented toward orgasm.

Talk. When you start your lovemaking, tell your partner what you like and describe how it feels. The communication will not only be erotic, but it will also raise your awareness to what’s happening in the moment versus letting your mind wander to think about what’s to, er, come.

Try out one or all of these tips to take off some of the pressure on orgasm, and to heighten your intimate, sexual experiences.

Real Sex Vs. Porn Sex: Does He Know the Difference?

By hollypage

Have you ever been with a partner that seems to think he is on the set of some porn instead of with a lover in bed? He does one of the telltale signs, like makes love like a jackhammer, changes positions constantly, slams into your cervix, or keeps a lot of distance between your bodies so he can “watch the action?”

What You See Isn’t Always What You Get

Yeah, me too. It seems to be an epidemic that young men who grow up watching porn (cough, all of them), think that what they see is what sex is like. And, yes, perhaps women are guilty of believing in certain kinds of movie sex, maybe those that involve scenes with Brad Pitt or Richard Gere, but those misconceptions never end with semen on someone’s face.

The bad news is that you have a lover who thinks your roommate might walk in and “want to join” or that you’re into double-penetration. The good news is that you can dispel him of that myth and teach him how to have REAL SEX in an enjoyable way.

Yes, I said it. You have to TEACH HIM. Remember that he thinks what he sees in porn is real, when you know it’s about as real as the tits. But it’s not entirely his fault, and it doesn’t make him an otherwise bad person. It just means he’s seriously misinformed.

Teach Him Real Sex vs. Porn Sex

Give him an anatomy lesson. A lot of men aren’t aware of how sensitive vaginas are, or even where they’re sensitive. So give him a lesson on how and where you liked to be touched. If you like gentle rocking intercourse, tell him, and explain that hard and fast sex doesn’t work for you. Be specific, like it’s painful, or de-sensitizing, or annoying. As much as he wants to envision himself as the next Ron Jeremy, he also wants to pleasure you and be a good lover. If you get off from clitoral stimulation, show him how you liked to be touched.

Tell him what turns you on. A little guided sex play never hurt anyone. If you give him feedback on what pleases you, he’ll keep doing it, and get a little dirty talk in the mix. For example, before he gets to the jackhammer sex, hold him still when he enters you. Say, “I love the feeling of you being inside me. Let’s just stay here for a moment.” That gives you a chance to set the pace.

Try Watching Porn With Him

Watch a porn with him. This might sound crazy, but it can work in two ways. Let him pick a porn to watch, then deconstruct it while viewing. Point out things that are arousing for you, and things that are unrealistic or unpleasant. Alternately, you can find porn, sex scenes, or erotic images that you like, and share them. It will give him an idea of what you’re into, and maybe even expose him to other types of porn available.

Give him an erotica tale that turns you on. If you’re not that into visuals, but have gotten hot from the written word, then share a story you like with him, or even write your own. Maybe he won’t start reading Danielle Steele, but he may get some insight into what many women find arousing.

How To Show Him What You Like

Show him by creating the “ideal night.” Plan a romantic evening for the two of you where you set the mood. He’ll be into your initiative, and start to see that you are a sexual being with desires all your own.

Take the lead in bed. Don’t let a guy into porn take the lead in bed unless you want to get slapped with his cock. Be more assertive in order to show him what kind of sex you like. Get on top, or whatever position makes you comfortable and gives you some control, and set the pace. If he starts to get all hard and fast on you again, take a break. Let him know he’s ruining your groove.

Try out these tips and see if he gets a better idea of what you enjoy in bed. If not, you just may have to cancel the internet connection and stock up on romance novels until he gets it right.

The Top 3 Most Wanted Sex Acts Women Crave From Men

By leejenkins

Despite the increasing awareness of female sexuality, a woman still wants a man to lead her in the bedroom. Except for a paltry few, women expect men to have more knowledge about sex than them, whether they admit it or not. It’s not surprising that so many men’s magazines have started adding real sex advice columns, and Q&A sections, cutting a big chunk of sexy photographs space. These men need all the help they can get their hands on when it comes to learning how to make women happy in the bedroom.

So, what is a regular guy to do if his hot girlfriend is in a cuddly mood and is expecting the best sex of her life?

Here are the top 3 most wanted sex acts women crave from men:

1. Making Her Feel Like a Goddess

Preparation time for a date is longer for women than men, so don’t make her think that she wasted her efforts to preen for you by ignoring her bling and scented wrists. Admire her shoes, because doing so means you’ve looked her over. You can stare at other body parts all you want but make sure that you talk to her eyes when you tell her something so she can see the wonder in them.

When you give her a small embrace, let your hands linger on her shoulders and waist long enough for her to feel the warmth of your palms. Abrupt actions and over all behavior might make her feel neglected and unappreciated. Flattery will make her float, if said sincerely and sexily. Whisper naughty things on her ear and make her giggle. Knowing that you’re hot for her as soon as you see her will convey the message of a very passionate night ahead.

2. Connecting with Her Emotionally Through Foreplay

You may feel very passionate and hot for her during your touchy feely date, but when you get her to the bedroom, make sure to take your time and linger on every part of her body that you undress. Trace patterns with your fingers gently across her heated flesh. Play little alphabet games with your tongue as you kiss her where she wants to be kissed the most. Knead rather than pinch and encourage her to moan for you.

One sexy tip is to talk about safe, mundane things while you make love to her with your hands and lips. Encourage her to play out her fantasies and let her return the favor. Be expressive while she makes love to you. When she goes down on you, never thrust too hard and just let her take control. Focus your efforts on making her feel that every move she makes sends waves of pleasure through you.

3. Giving Her An Orgasm (Or Two)

When she’s had her fun, let loose and give her the best orgasm she’s ever had. By now she will be sensitized and receptive (not to mention, delirious with lust). Few men know of the real secret to making a woman reach climax, but those who do certainly have very happy girlfriends. You will notice just how coquettish a woman gets when she’s thoroughly sated. The feeling of orgasm is addictive, mind boggling and overwhelming.

Giving her the gift of orgasm will bring you closer together. She will also look at you in a different light, and imagine what life will be in the future if you can make her climax that way over and over again.

The Swinger Lifestyle and Open Relationships – Is it Really CHEATING?

By loveandsex

Some couples have a truly amazing, exotic sex life that’s enough to make most anyone jealous.

But there’s more to a great sex life than endless sexual adventures and erotic games.

It’s not even about those amazing mind-shattering orgasms that many have heard about, but few have ever experienced.

The real secret lies in really playing together and being completely open with your lover, your playmate, your partner in crime. Open up and share your fantasies, and indulge your partner in theirs. That’s the well kept secret of those with the truly incredible sex lives.

So… How About a Threesome? Or Maybe Even Swinging?

In expanding their sex lives, many couples come across that point where they consider a threesome – or even consider inviting another couple into their bedroom. Gasp!

Sure, bringing another woman into their bed is possibly the most popular male fantasy of all time. But finding that ever elusive single girl that likes to play with couples in her spare time is more challenging than some might thing. Fact is, most single girls like to go out and have sex with single men – not with couples.

Of course there’s a lot of social stigma around “swingers” which generally comes to mind, but the reality today is very different. Rather than the old “wife swapping” lifestyle of decades past, some couples today choose to try new things to spice up their sex life, and this new thing may or may not include playing with other singles or couples.

This is not about “swinger groupies” – people who don’t care about much other than having sex with others in large orgies, and hanging out at swinger lifestyle conventions. It’s about a couple experimenting and trying a new thing or another to add more spice to their sex life. THAT’S IT!

What’s truly amazing is that for something with such stigma, over 20 million Americans engage in sex multiple partners, together with their spouses. And the most popular adult personals site shows a consistent number in each state, regardless of religious or political stereotypes.

Are you a bad person if you WANT to have sex with your friends?

Think back… maybe back to your college days. Have you ever had one of those late nights hanging out with some friends, another couple? You know the feeling… you’ve all had a little too much to drink, and card games are starting to become a contact sport. You look around the room and everyone’s feeling the excitement, the sexual tension.

And while you’re pretty excited to cross a boundary here, you’re terrified. Are you suddenly a bad person? Are you taking advantage of your friends? Are they taking advantage of you? Is it cheating to be even having those thoughts? Are you asking way too many questions for the amount of alcohol you’ve consumed?

Is It CHEATING to Have Sex with Someone Other Than Your Spouse, Partner, Lover?

That certainly depends on how you define cheating. It’s kind of hard for you two to be cheating on each other while you’re BOTH enjoying something together, isn’t it?

Cheating is a breaking of the sacred trust in your relationship. When you’re both enjoying a fun, new adventure, it’s not possible to “cheat” on each other.

But BEWARE. While it’s not technically cheating, there are a few things that could go very wrong if you’re not careful.

You MUST have excellent and very open communication, and a great, solid relationship, or this will tear your relationship apart. Swinging, or the broader concept of an “open relationship” is definitely not a crutch to drag out a failing relationship. It can only work for a couple whose relationship is steady and strong, and can withstand the emotional torrent that can be unleashed when you bring new people into your intimate relationship.