Sex Tips & Advice

eXtreme Sex Ed: How Do I Talk To My Husband About Sex?

When learning about your partner’s body and your own body and how they work together during sexual intercourse or other sexual activity, you might run into a few roadblocks along the way.

You might find it difficult to bring up the subject of how you like a certain thing or what feels good and what doesn’t.

How can you talk to your partner and help them to learn what you like and don’t like in bed?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Sometimes I feel like my husband doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing. I find it hard to talk to him about this stuff, the sex and things like condoms and lube, how do I talk to him?

— Scarlett, NJ

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ne518M9vpqQ[/youtube].

Learn yourself first.

The first step to being able to tell your partner where to go when pleasuring you is to first learn where you’re going. This often happens during masturbation. Learn what spots are sensitive and how you like to be touched, as well as what doesn’t work for you. Once you’re comfortable with your own body, you can help your partner learn where to go.

The Fragile Male Ego

Telling your partner how you like to be touched sexually, especially if he’s not doing it that way, can be intimidating and rightly so. Men have fragile egos that are easily damaged, especially when it comes to their sexual skills.

Trying to talk to your partner about these things can easily cause the words to die right in your throat, getting you nowhere, because you’re afraid to hurt his feelings. It’s good to be a little scared, because you can hurt your partner’s feelings if you want to tell him that you like to be touched in a way that he’s not touching you.

You can easily make him feel inadequate or even useless in the bedroom. Does that mean you have to shy away from the conversation at all and stop enjoying sex with your partner just to save his feelings? No! It’s all in how you go about it.

Don’t Criticize

Being critical when making suggestions about your partner’s sexual performance is the number one thing that will upset him and bruise his ego. It’s very important not to be critical at all, instead, be supportive.

Don’t tell your partner what he’s doing wrong, suggest to him something else to do instead. When he does hit the right spot, make sure he knows it! Be vocal, thank him and definitely return the favor. Many women make the mistake of never changing their vocal suggestions or their body language, regardless of what feels good and what doesn’t.

Give your partner a chance to learn what you like and what you don’t based on your reactions.He will learn to tell the difference between a mild “ooh” and an “OOOH!” He’ll want to continue doing the things that elicit the most reaction from you, and you’ll want him to!

Make it Fun

If you want to talk to your partner about toys, lubes and other things related to sex but are afraid to, make it a little bit fun. Go shopping for these things together, or browse them online from the comfort of your home.

Point out things that you like and ask him to show you what he likes. You can learn a lot from each other this way! Combine that with positive suggestions on which of his moves feel good and which don’t and you’ll both soon be rocking each other’s world!

The Lazy Man’s Guide to Great Sex

By leejenkins

Everyone wants great sex, but because of a busy lifestyle that include kids, work, bills and a list of other everyday stresses we have to deal with, not everyone has the time or energy to give 100% during their lovemaking sessions.

Sometimes, we want to have mind blowing sex, but want to get it over with sooner than later, so we can get some sleep and get up for work the next morning!

Well, I’m here to tell you that you can have your cake and eat it too 🙂

The tips & techniques I’m about to show you are simple and energy-efficient. They’re great to use when you’re feeling tired, lack the physical stamina to do the karma sutra sex positions, don’t have the time to engage in all-night honeymoon-like sex, and most importantly, they are EFFECTIVE.

You’ll learn:

The best sex position for simultaneous orgasms
The best way to finger a girl
1 simple ingredient you can add to oral sex that will give her goose bumps

Best Sex Position

Do you know what the best sex position is for giving you and your partner the feelings of intimacy? And at the same time, increasing your changes of simultaneous orgasms?

Before I share that with you, let me share something with you…

In many sex surveys, one of the most favorite sex position chosen by women is the missionary position.

At first I was a bit surprised to hear this; after all, there are other positions that can allow for greater feelings of physical pleasure. But after hearing the reason why women like this position, I can understand.

Here’s why: Women like the missionary position because of the face-to-face contact it provides. In other words, they liked the feeling of intimacy…

Even though this position isn’t ideal for female orgasms, it’s still a favorite among women.

Well, I’m sure you know exactly how to do the missionary mission, so I’m not going to teach you that 😛

But, the key idea here is this feeling of “Intimacy”.

Now, how can we better grasp this concept of “intimacy”? In other words, how can we increase the levels of intimacy, at the same time, increase the chances of female orgasms?

Enter the C.A.T

The Coital Alignment Technique (or CAT for short), is by far the best position for female orgasms.

Why?

Because this position is designed to maximize clitoral stimulation during intercourse…something that most other sex positions can’t!

The CAT position looks like the regular missionary position, but with a slight adjustment.

The main difference is that the male will penetrate from a higher angle (compared to the standard missionary position). And instead of thrusting in and out, the movement is more of a rocking or rubbing action.

Why The CAT Position Works

A woman can have an orgasm quickly and easily because the CAT position allows a woman’s clitoris to be stimulated. The stimulation from the base of the penis & pubic bone on the clitoris, combined with the rocking/rubbing action of the pelvis will allow a woman to reach orgasm. But it doesn’t end here… It’s a great sex position for men too. The woman’s legs are closer together, making the vagina feel “tighter”.

WARNING: The feeling of tightness might make men orgasm quicker than normal!

Combining the enhanced clitoral stimulation, tighter feel of the vagina, and face-to-face, body-pressed-on-body intimacy…achieving orgasms at the same time has never been easier!

How To Do The Coital Alignment Technique

Step 1: To get in the CAT position, slide your body 2-4 inches forward from the typical missionary position so that your pelvis is directly over hers.

Step 2: Your body should fall flat on hers (make sure that you support your body enough so you don’t crush her!).

Step 3: Both of your spines should be straight, and your bodies should be parallel to each other.

Step 4: You can be in between her legs, with her ankles wrapped around your calves. However, I’ve found from my experience that if she keeps her legs close together and you place your legs OUTSIDE of hers, it will produce a better response.

Step 5: Instead of thrusting in and out hard and fast like you would in the regular missionary position, what you’ll do is slowly and gently rock your hips. The base of your penis and your pubic bone will naturally rub up against her clitoris. Also, because you’re moving in a rhythmic rocking motion, you won’t be stimulate your penis as much compared to a thrusting motion, allowing you to last longer during sex.

Tip:

The pleasure will build gradually, and the both of you will have orgasms that are much more intense and intimate compared to the missionary position.
As you sense an orgasm coming (from her or yourself), don’t speed up! Just maintain the gentle rocking motion and the orgasm will come naturally instead of being chased.
When you feel the sensations getting stronger, don’t speed up the rocking movement! What you want to do is continue at the same pace, and allow the orgasm to overtake you. I know this sounds hard to understand, but trust me on this one.

Best Way To Finger A Girl

I’m going to teach you an awesome way to ‘finger a girl’. Actually, this technique doesn’t involve vaginal penetration, so technically, it’s not fingering. But no matter, it still works pretty well 😉

It’s actually a “technique” that women use all the time. When masturbating, some women will start from the position of using her first and fourth fingers to spread open her labia, while the middle finger strokes her clitoris.

You can modify this for your purposes by using one hand to hold her open and the other hand (middle finger only) to tease and rub on her clitoris.

In the woman-on-top sex position, she can incorporate this technique by stimulating her own clitoris while you’re making love.

Here’s how to do it:

Step 1: Locate her vaginal opening with the tips of your index and pointer fingers

Step 2: Slide your fingers directly upward along and between the inner labia of her vagina until you find her clitoris

Step 3: Spread your fingers apart so that your index finger is holding her left inner labia and your small fingers are holding her right labia away from the clitoris

Step 4: Your middle finger should be directly over the clitoris or within easy reach

Step 5: Begin light but circular strokes on and around the surface of the clitoris

Step 6: You can also occasionally dip your fingers down to the vaginal opening and stroke upward from the opening to the base of the clitoris

Step 7: Pay attention to how the clitoris responds to your touch As the clitoris becomes more stimulated and aroused it will swell and become harder and harder

Step 8: Use your sense of touch to determine the best angle, stroke, Pressure and timing for your partner. Let her responding clitoris be your guide.

Chew On This Before You Eat A Girl Out

You can enhance the pleasure of just about any oral sex technique with this one ingredient.

For this one to work, you’ll need to buy a box of Altoids Peppermints.

After you’ve eaten her out for a while, put one in your mouth and crunch it, letting the peppermint get on your tongue.

Go back and give her a few long slow licks covering her entire vulva. You want to spread the peppermint oil on her genitals…this will give her a cool tingling sensation.

Now, combine this with a “Cool Breath” by gently blowing onto her vulva.

Alternatively, you can try using cough drops, or even an ice cube to produce a similar effect.

BONUS TIP: When she’s performing oral sex on you, have her crunch down on an Altoid before hand. Trust me; you’ll like it just as much as she did!

Here’s What To Do Next

There you have it; now you know how to have time-pressed, great sex with little effort! However, although these techniques are effective and efficient, you shouldn’t be using them all the time. Especially when you DO have time to devote 100% to lovemaking and have all-night, “honeymoon-like” sex.

To get you started, I’ve compiled a PDF preview copy of The Female Orgasm Black Book. It’s filled with TONNES of techniques (oral, manual stimulation, positions etc) just to give you a small taste of what my book is about.

Also, it has pictures!

To see them, visit the The Female Orgasm Black Book, tell me where you want your PDF preview copy, and I’ll send it to you.

What is Tantra and Tantric Sex?

By carlatara

Tantra is such a vast subject that it’s fascinating and awe-inspiring. It includes so much that it can be very confusing to the beginning student.

Tantra is an art, a science, a way of life that is honest and courageous. It includes and faces squarely our sexual energy, this awesome force that some religions fear and want to suppress. It can be used to help us reach our highest potential of pleasure, and union with the divine.

What Tantra Is and Isn’t

However, Tantra is not a religion. Tantra does not require anyone to follow any dogmas. Rather, it encourages us to discover through our own experience our true creative potential for pleasure, and our ability to connect with all the elements that surround us, and the spirit that we all share.

To achieve this, it offers a series of exercises in breathing, tone vibrations, the use of certain muscles, and concentration on certain symbols representing the energy centers of the body. This helps us clear blocks interfering with the movement of energy, and guides us into altered states of consciousness.

There we can transcend our everyday self-identification, and we can get a glimpse of our true larger reality. This includes the body, and goes beyond to include “all that is.” It’s a state of great expansion and orgasmic pleasure that surpasses by far the short-lived ejaculatory orgasm that many are accustomed to.

Engaging in the Tantric Journey

There are many wonderful book on Tantra, and reading can open your mind up to Tantra, but in order to actually engage in the journey, I think the best way to start is with a good guide. Why do many people need a guide?

Some books can be confusing and no matter how well written they can never express the warmth and guidance of a real knowledgeable professional who can transmit her energy and knowledge to the seekers who are open to receive it.

Connect With and Clear Emotional Issues

If you want to prepare for a really high Tantric experience with each other, it is also essential to start by taking time to connect and catch up with emotional issues that might linger unexpressed. People often leave these issues unsaid because of some common rationalizations, such as “I don’t want to start a fight with her” or “he’s not ready to hear me.”

But when we leave these emotions hidden, they become a hindrance to the moving of erotic energy, and end up suppressing our passion for each other. Paying attention to each other and really listening to each other’s concerns is essential. Learning how to “make love grow” becomes especially imperative if you did not see good models for this process while growing up.

Making Love Tantrically

Over time, most of us fall into a sex routine that becomes boring and depleting instead of nurturing, and does not deserve the name of love making. Making love tantrically allows you to achieve high pleasure for the body, and great satisfaction for your emotions and spirit. It is deeply nourishing and bonding and always new, because it is taking place in each moment, as you respond to each other with honesty and support.

Making love this way becomes a priority in a relationship. Great lovemaking restores and/or adds harmony, peace and joy to everyone else you interact with too.

It is worth the time and the investment you make in learning how to achieve this hot and relaxing Tantric space, a door through which you can enter into a new, higher, more expanded you on your way to Enlightenment.

Swinger Disaster – He Couldn’t Get It Up! Is All Lost?

By loveandsex

Swinging can be a fun and enjoyable way to expand your sexual relationship with your partner and spice up things in the bedroom.

Inexperienced swingers, however, may find that the first few times are a little nerve wracking, especially if it involves a group of people.

If you find yourself being nervous during a swinging session, you might need to back up a little bit until you get more comfortable.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My wife and I just experienced our first swinger encounter, I am a very lucky man in having a wife that is so open to this. She was great – I, however, was a little nervous – so nervous that I had a difficult time getting an erection (this has never happened before!). I don’t know if it was the fact that I was being watched by 15 people or what… Do you have any tips to help me over come this problem of not being able to step up to bat? Thank you.

–Adam, CO

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOidMP8THa4[/youtube]

Performance Anxiety

Some people get “performance anxiety.” This might happen when you’re alone with your partner, but it’s more likely to happen if you’re swinging with a couple or having a more voyeuristic adventure with more people.

You may find that you can’t get an erection or if you’re a woman, you may feel more shy and self conscious than before. It can be embarrassing, especially if you’re unable to get or maintain an erection, to have performance anxiety while swinging. What can you do?

Back Up A Little Bit

Stop and think about what might have made you uncomfortable while swinging. How did you feel? Were you nervous? Were you shy or self conscious? Were you wearing an outfit that was uncomfortable or you didn’t feel sexy in? Were there a number of people watching you swing?

Dig deep to find the culprit of your performance anxiety. There is a cause. Once you find it, you can begin to solve the problem so it doesn’t happen again. For example, if your swinging session involved more people than just the other couple you were swinging with, you can try swinging again with just one other person or perhaps just another couple.

If you were wearing an uncomfortable or unflattering outfit that made you feel self conscious or out of place, you can try swinging again while wearing something you feel really dynamite in. Don’t let one bout of performance anxiety turn you off from swinging forever.

Feeling Comfortable

For swinging to be successful, you need to feel comfortable. Knowing this beforehand allows you to ensure that you’re wearing something comfortable and you’re swinging with people you feel comfortable with, but too many couples find out too late that swinging requires a good deal of confidence and ease for it to turn out well.

If you’ve already had some performance anxiety or a bad swinging experience, take some time out to collect yourself and then try to get back in the groove. You can improve your body image by eating right and exercising if you’re feeling self conscious about yourself, or you can try to make swinger friends that you’re more comfortable with.

Talk with your partner about what makes you comfortable and uncomfortable so you can ensure your next swinging session will be more successful.

If you find that you have performance anxiety every time you swing, you might want to rethink the swinging aspect of your relationship. Swinging isn’t for everyone and that’s okay. If you find yourself uncomfortable and nervous every time, re-evaluate your need to swing and what is behind that.

You might be able to find something that enhances your relationship and your sex life that you’re a little more comfortable with than swinging.

eXtreme Sex Ed: Help! I Feel Like A Spectator During Sex!

By loveandsex

If you’re new at sex or are just new to your partner, it might be difficult for you to get “into” your partner.

Things might seem awkward at first and it can be frustration to experience sexual intimacy with your partner without being really “into” it. How can you get more into your partner and more into sex with them?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I want to tell my bf what I like in bed, but I don’t know how, because I don’t masturbate? (That’s right! – remember from before Scarlett is a pastor’s kid…) I feel like a spectator during sex. I find it hard to relax and I don’t think I’ve ever had an orgasm. Please help.

–Scarlett, NJ

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLfJe1NKw-0[/youtube]

Finding Out What You Want

For you to get “into” sex, it’s important for you to experiment with what turns you on. If you don’t know what turns you on and what gets you excited, it’s hard not to feel like a spectator when you’re actually doing the deed. How do you do that? One of the greatest ways to experiment with what you like is to masturbate.

Use your hands, a detachable shower head or even toys to find out what feels the best. You can masturbate with your partner if you prefer, or you can masturbate alone to really try new things and find out what really gets you going.

It’s difficult to get into sex and share with your partner what you like without first knowing yourself.

Get Into The Game

One of the best ways to find out what you like during sex and really get into it is to just dive in and do it! Spend time experimenting with different techniques, including genital massage, oral sex and sexual intercourse.

You might like simultaneous oral sex or you might really enjoy your partner using their hands on you.

You’ll never know though if you don’t try! Have sex with your partner and make mental notes of what you don’t like and what you really don’t want to try again. Next time, try something new.

Continue to do this until you find a few things that you really enjoy doing with your partner. Make a mental note of these and when you’re feeling turned on, you and your partner can use these things to get you really excited and into it.

Make sure both partners get equal satisfaction. It’s easy for a woman to feel like a spectator during sex if the focus is on the man. Share each other equally and take turns pleasuring each other until you build up to an amazing climax!

Talk With Your Partner

While you want to be careful about how you approach this subject, it’s important to talk with your partner and be open and honest with them about what you like and don’t like.

Don’t criticize your partner for moves that you don’t like, instead suggest new ones that you’d like to try.

If you close the lines of communication and never let your partner know what feels good and what doesn’t, you’ll never be “into” your partner or even “into” sex with them.

Use Trial and Error

Similarly, your partner can share with you what they like so together you can experiment with what works and forget about what doesn’t.

With a little trial and error, you and your partner will learn what you like and what you don’t like, making it easier for you to have successful intimate encounters. Take it slow if you need to and stay open and honest with your partner. Don’t get discouraged and keep trying. You’ll never find out what turns you on and gets you into it if you don’t try!