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My Husband Gave Me Permission to Have an Affair – Now What?

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Having an open marriage is interesting enough…

But when your husband encourages you to have an affair, as long as you don’t tell him about it… between the stigma around cheating and affairs, and your own fear that you’re breaking the sacred trust in your relationship, things can get a little more complicated.

The stigma of infidelity… MUST we call it an affair?

Cheating is not the cause of relationship problems, but rather a symptom of significant relationship issues. People who are happy and content in a relationship – emotionally, spiritually AND sexually, do not go outside the relationship to “cheat”. It just doesn’t usually work that way.

There are situations however in which one person can’t meet all of their partner’s needs… leaving that person longing for more, whether it’s emotionally OR sexually.

But if another person is brought into the relationship to meet those needs, is it truly cheating or breaking the trust, or merely breaking some more commonly accepted societal norms around what a marriage or relationship “should be”?

What if your partner CAN’T have sex with you?

For whatever reason, often health related issues, some people feel they can no longer have sex. Or maybe they just no longer WANT to have sex.

But in reality, they realize even though they no longer have sexual needs, their partner still does. At this point, the relationship will begin to suffer, since there are unmet needs, and those needs intensify as time goes on. Something eventually has to give, and if you’re not careful, it’s going to be the relationship that collapses under the strain.

Do you really want or need to divorce? Is there maybe another way?

So do you really need to divorce or separate, or is there maybe another way?

What if you were to consider an open marriage, or an arrangement by which another person could meet your partner’s sexual needs, while still keeping your marriage, or your relationship, intact?

Certainly this would require even much more trust and communication than a relationship normally does, but it COULD work. At the very least, wouldn’t it be worth trying as a last ditch effort before letting the relationship crumble and deteriorate?

If both partners are willing to approach this situation from a place of true love and acceptance – as opposed to ownership and jealousy – then the relationship may have a chance to survive this challenge.

Love, honesty, and devotion are very different from sex

Many people confuse love, honesty, and devotion to a partner with sexual contact. Those are very different things.

Millions of couples worldwide enjoy the swinging lifestyle (formerly known as wife swapping in previous generations), and they are often brought closer together for sharing such an experience. Rarely does swinging break a couple apart – unless they’re doing it just as an excuse to have sex with other people, and to mask deeper relationship problems.

While swinging only involves sharing your partner with others for sex, many couples engage in polyamory, where there is an actual love relationship between multiple partners and couples. It’s easy to forget sometimes that not all cultures today or throughout history have practiced monogamy…

Isn’t that heresy? Is it even legal?

Our society is a blend of many different religious and spiritual influences. One man’s sin is another man’s redemption.

Fact is, you decide how you wish to live your own life, and as long as nobody gets hurt, it’s not anyone’s business but your own. This can only work of as long as you are completely open and honest with your partner about the situation and any feelings that arise from it.

And set the ground rules ahead of time to avoid problems later on… from safe sex to whether or not you want to meet this new person and know in depth what your partner is doing with them.

Although sharing your partner sexually with another person may sounds like a very bad idea to some, and it may go against what you were taught growing up, isn’t it at least worth considering if it could save your relationship?

This is the very issue one lady in Scotland is facing.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have looked at a number of your letters but have found it quite difficult to find a corresponding answer to my question:

What if your husband finds it emotionally impossible ( because of work stress and being very overweight )(and physically impossible for a number of medical reasons such as sleep apnea ) to have sex but I so desperately want sex?

And now when he says I should find someone else for a sexual relationship ( just as long as I don’t tell him! )? We have been married for thirty years and have three children ( now grown-up).

I am now very attracted to a colleague at my work and he is to me but feel torn yet desperately need a physical connection….I have not had sex with my husband for approx 12 years and it is driving me crazy, crazy enough to consider an affair but my religion and upbringing are such deterrents. I feel I cannot leave my husband yet I also feel he has given me “permission” to have an affair, oh dear I don’t know what the right way forward is I do hope you can help. I am very confused.

— A. (Argyll, Scotland, UK)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCIZ32I7yE0[/youtube]

If you want to find out for certain, right now, if your partner is cheating on you, download How To Catch a Cheating Spouse today.

Swinger Seduction – How Can I Tell If Our Friends Want to Play?

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Ah, the magical dance of flirting and seduction. “Does she like me?” “Will he go out with me?”

And for the swinger crowd… “They’re hot! Do you think they like us that way? Let’s ask them out.”

The same age old question repeats itself over and over again. And the world round, young men, young ladies, and couples, repeat the same mistake – they walk up to this person or couple they’re infatuated with and ask their question. “Will you go out with me“?

STOP! Don’t do it! That question has ended more relationships (before they even started) than perhaps any other factor in the history of mankind. That question forces the other person (or couple) into a corner, and makes them pick a yes or no choice, without knowing much of anything about you. Your odds are bleak to none.

Instead, get to know this person or this couple in a casual and non-threatening way. Give them a chance to get to like you. Attraction is a very complex set of feelings, emotions, urges, desires.

But how do you escape the swamp lands of the “friend zone“?

This is where subtle flirting and seduction comes in. Make the other person or couple feel your interest and desire instead of telling them about it. And here’s a magical fun fact: if they feel the same way, you’ll just know. You’ll FEEL it in the sparks that are flying around you, in the highly charged atmosphere, in the frequent casual touching, the unusual proximity, etc.

Enjoy the dance.

The danger of course, is if you’re wrong, you risk losing your friends. They may get freaked out and run away. Or they may just think it was cute or even flattering. But you won’t know unless you try.

So HOW can you tell if they like you in that way and want to play?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband and I recently became friends with a couple our age and we have a really great time together. It’s just that lately there has seemed to be this unusual tension. Through comments here and there and an occasional look, we thing they want to swing. How should I go about finding out if this couple wants to swing with us? We really like them and don’t want to lose them as friends but they’re really hot too and it’s hard to resist.

Please help! I’m tormented thinking about it.

— Ellen in Mississippi

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Fr_O2wAwmI[/youtube]

    Open Marriage – How Can I Convince My Husband?

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    Unhappy marriages can often lead to one or both partners cheating and having long term affairs.

    More often than not, the marriage doesn’t survive the affair. In truth, it’s not just the affair, but the deception and lies that truly kill the relationship.

    But what if you really want to stay with your current partner, although you realize that your partner is not able to fulfill your needs for sex and intimacy?

    Some people consider an open marriage as a solution. While this is definitely not for everyone, there’s no reason it cannot work for some.

    There are certainly other options for resolving intimacy issues couples face, but when counseling and other measures just don’t work, what can you do?

    This question is from a lady facing this very dilemma. She has been in an extramarital affair for over a year, but she desperately wants to stay married to her husband. So hopes to pusuade him to consider and open marriage.

    How can she approach him about the open marriage, considering her affair is ongoing?

    Dear Dan and Jennifer,

    I am finding myself in depression. My joy and juice for life is diminishing. My energy is dwindling. I want to break out, I want to be free. I have a family, three little girls 3, 5, and 6.

    How do you open up a marriage? I realize that the only solution to the bind I have gotten myself into is to talk truth. The truth is I have been having an affair for two years. I have no idea if the affair will last, but do we ever know if anything will ever last?

    I have to make myself have sex with my husband and thank god to my large sex drive this is not a problem, however I do have to overcome a resistance each and every time, and it is starting to get to me. My affair is also no dream around sex, but I lust after him, he smells and tastes good to me and he can talk and move through stuck places, unlike my husband.

    My husband is a good provider and a fun dad to the kids. I respect that and there is a certain turn on in the providing role that he holds. I can get off with him. However, we lack intimacy. I feel alone in this marriage and I went and got what I needed to feel connection and companionship.

    Oddly enough orgasm is tricky with “the other man”. Partially this has to do with his story, but also it has to do with mine. Something about guilt of withholding from my husband, something about not feeling truly wanted by the man that would get involved with a married monogamous woman. If I was truly available for a one on one, my affair would be on a plane and out of here. He, although I get intimacy, connection and friendship from him, is intimacy and relationship phobic. Go figure!

    In any case I need to open up the door. I am not sure if I need to mention my affair in talking with my husband about opening up the marriage or if I can simply let it be. I do realize that opening up the marriage requires more attention, communication and integrity than staying monogamous.

    I have issues with jealousy. My main concern would be sexually transmitted diseases, impregnation of another woman and thereby loosing my provider’s full financial support. I know that he lacks the capacity for intimacy on the level that I want and need so there is no jealousy possible from that point, but I could encounter this from my affair.

    Do you have any insights as to how I can work with jealousy so that it makes me aware of the love versus the loss that I fear?

    My hope is that if I open up the marriage, I will not feel guilty; therefore I could enjoy myself more sexually all around. I also hope that it moves my husband out of the position of the bad man that doesn’t give me intimacy, and I can simply enjoy him for who he is without putting up walls.

    I am pretty sure that he would be open to seeing other people. I am just not sure how to structure that, and seeing that we have three small children, I do believe we need to set up agreements around how this could work. Got any insights?

    – Dona (California)

    [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BlHQJjZv42g[/youtube]

    500 Sex Tips and Love Making Secrets That Everyone Ought to Know

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    Think back to your last date, or more specifically, to the last time you and your partner had sex …

    Do you remember the steam, the excitement, the sheer animal passion when you made love… how you couldn’t help from literally tearing each other’s clothes off in the heat of passion?

    No, not on your last date? Maybe the one before? Well, you get the point…

    That SHOULD be your sex life, but it isn’t. So let’s find out why and FIX IT.

    You’ll want to read all the way to end of this post so that you don’t miss a single great idea.

    The good news – it’s not your fault! Our culture has so demonized sex and love making, that most parents won’t even have a proper discussion about sex with their children or even show affection in public. The real irony here is that we are sexual beings – it’s hard wired into our DNA.

    It’s absolutely amazing how many people think sex is basically missionary position, and with the lights off. Can you say boring? Who wants to do that three times a week, really? Can you imagine having the exact same item for dinner the rest of your life?

    So are you destined for a boring sex life when you KNOW there are people out there having mind-numbingly amazing and enjoyable sex?

    Has this ever happened to you?

    You’ve just started dating a great guy or girl, and they’re wonderful. You’re really hitting it off. But a few weeks into your relationship, they start to get cold and distant, making excuses and getting too busy for you.

    You may catch a hushed mention of a previous lover, maybe when they’re chatting with a trusted friend, maybe on the phone, or worse – on the phone with their ex. Fact is, people often break up for reasons other than sex, but great sex will keep them ing back to their previous lover again, and again, and again… even when it’s against their better judgement.

    So how do you become one of these incredible lovers that no one can leave or resist?

    Here’s our review of, Oprah Love Expert, Michael Webb’s excellent guide 500 Love Making Tips & Secrets.

    I’m sure you’ll be as excited as we were when we started flipping through the pages. Michael Webb has one of the best collections of sex tips and lovemaking advice around.

    Here are just a few of the tips you’ll discover in 500 Love Making Tips & Secrets:

    • An item in the frozen food section that will send shivers up and down your mates body in a very surprising way
    • Something in your toiletry bag which doubles as an amazing lovemaking toy
    • 2 novel ways to use mirrors in lovemaking that you probably never heard of
    • Several natural ways to add length to your penis (two you can even test out tonight)
    • the one month a guy’s testosterone peaks
    • A great way to invirate someone who is too tired for sex
    • What colored light bulbs will intensify orgasms
    • How to get firmer erections and prevent premature ejaculation without medicines
    • The two things done in combination that will blow his mind
    • A sexy lubrication tip that will have him, well, enough said
    • What food and drink you should avoid the 24 hours before making love to avoid unpleasant odors
    • Food items to consume so your juices are sweeter (some might surprise you)
    • One simple trick to make your wife scream in delight like never before
    • Which smells can instantly increase penile blood flow by up to 40%
    • Where and how to touch your guy when he is about to orgasm that will have him explode like a firecracker (even he probably doesn’t know this trick)
    • Ways to use your mouth on her that will drive her absolutely wild
    • Something to do with your hands when you are entering her that will excite her even more

    Michael Webb also includes some really great dating tips to help you make your creative dates a success instead of a flop. And he also tells you how to avoid some potentially devastating dating disasters.

    500 Love Making Tips & Secrets also gives you a run down of the most common love making positions (and additional ones for the adventurous and athletic) along with explanations of the benefits of each one.

    There’s also a Lubrication Guide that gives you the pros and cons of the more popular products on the market, so you’ll know what’s fun and safe and what you should stay away from.

    500 Love Making Tips & Secrets includes many wild, exciting and juicy ideas, but Michael Webb stays true to his promise that none of them are immoral, degrading, perverted, or raunchy. Bummer… We like some of the kinky stuff.

    Summary:

    While we found some of the tips and ideas in 500 Lovemaking Tips & Secrets to be a little light, and we don’t necessarily agree with his viewpoints on pornography, there are definitely a lot of great lovemaking tips and ideas that are worth trying at least once, and many that you’ll probably keep using over and over again.

    Overall we highly recommend this book.

    Get your copy right now before you get busy and forget. Surprise your partner with the best lovemaking they’ve had in a long time.

    While you’re at it, you’ll definitely want to check out Michael’s other terrific resources below.

    One of our personal favorites is Lick by Lick – How to Go Down on a Woman and Have Her Begging for More.

    Don’t put it off.

    You’ll kick yourself if you don’t get 500 Love Making Tips & Secrets today.

    Sex Tips – The REAL Secret to Sexual Confidence

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    Sex can be a wonderful and exciting part of any relationship, bringing great joy to both (or more) partners. But so often a couple just isn’t sexually in sync. For whatever reason, they just don’t click sexually.

    A common reason for these sex problems is the lack of open and honest communication.

    This is a deeply engrained societal issue… people just aren’t comfortable talking openly about sex, not even with their sex partners. And guess what – your partner isn’t going to read your mind. If you don’t let them know what you want, they won’t know.

    When lovers do talk, it’s often about the physical – the logistics of love making, not about their deep fantasies and desires. So often we get questions from people who can’t seem to get a particular sex position just right.

    It’s not about getting the other person to orgasm in any particular position or another, but rather about feeling desired, felling wanted, feeling your partner’s lust and craving for you – feeling the intense heat of passion. And it’s about making your partner experience that as well.

    That’s something to strive for. It’s that shared desire that brings great sexual confidence.

    Today’s question is from a lady dealing with the difficult issue of sexual confidence.

    Dear Dan and Jennifer,

    I find myself burdened with an unfortunate insecurity. I don’t feel confident in bed. I have had a number of good and bad relationships that have left me knowing a lot about my soul, but little about success in bed. My first sex partner used to become extremely angry and offended if I didn’t want to have sex. He would lay guilt trips down, refuse to speak to me, or yell. It wasn’t until after leaving the relationship that I realized how badly it made me feel about myself, and how unnecessary/abusive it was. I dated another boy after him who was just the opposite, we dated for 3 years and he rarely initiated sex, not wanting to make me feel pressured. We spoke freely of our feelings, and by the end he felt more comfortable being aggressive. The second relationship helped me feel comfortable with myself and men, however neither relationship really left me feeling like a sex goddess.

    Now, I have finally found someone who is helping me explore my sexual side. I recently started dating a French man I met, and he really knows how to turn me on! The problem is… with every boyfriend, I have never been able to get a guy to cum from a blow job, and I’ve never really been the one on top during sex. Frenchie keeps trying to get me on top, but every time I do, it’s like I’ve broken his penis! I’m 140 lbs, not obese; and he’s no waif… His penis is medium size, so it’s not as if it’s some stub that would break if a sparrow sat on it! I’ve tried sitting straight up and moving up and down, or leaning forward and moving forward and back, but while he is encouraging, it’s never successful. I’m also afraid that sitting straight up leads me to bouncing rather than riding… and that seems to hurt! As for the blow-jobs, I can’t seem to get a rhythm; or when I do (and this is highly embarrassing) he jokingly asked if I would like to breath!

    He is perfectly confident and supportive, and I’d really like to get over my insecurities. I’m sorry for such a long explanation and please, if you have any advice, it would do a lot of help.

    Desperately,
    Finally French (Pennsylvania)

    [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTn6yPtFNAU[/youtube]

    Check out this resource we recommend to really spice up your sex life: