Love & Sex Answers

Today's #1 Love & Sex Resource

You are here: Home / Archives for foreplay

Dirty Talk: What To Say & What Not To

By

Dirty talk isn’t always easy to engage in. You may be wondering if what comes out of your mouth is okay. Here are dirty talk phrases to avoid – and ones to use.

Never, Ever Make Comparisons

It’s best to never make comparisons during dirty talk. Though you may think your partner would be turned on to hear “You are the best lover I’ve ever had”, or “You give a blowjob like no one I have ever known before!” The only part they might take from that little seemingly harmless statement is to start wondering “Wow, I wonder just how many partners he or she HAS had” or “I wonder how many people HAVE tried that move on him (or her.)”

This can cause the mate hearing these words to have very real feelings of uneasiness and then have them obsessing over every thing from “WHO” the other partner(s) were, “WHAT” you did with them sexually, what you didn’t do with them and just how you really stacked up in their mind against what they view as “the competition.”

No one likes to be compared to someone else when it comes to very intimate sex acts with a spouse. It is regardless of whether it was a long time ago or about a former lover from a now dissolved marriage. You don’t want what should be “fun” dirty talk to turn into something which could ultimately be used to fuel jealousy or cause feelings of inadequacies in the person you are with.

You Don’t Have To Use Dirty Talk All The Time

Once you begin using dirty talk on a regular basis, realize that it doesn’t need to happen every time you have a sexual experience. There are encounters where looks, touches and emotions allow the silence to be perfect. As a matter of fact, If you feel it’s one of those “moments” simply smile, press your fingertips to your lover’s lips and say a sweet “Shhhh… baby I just want to hear us breathing in each other tonight.”

Jumping In, Feet First

The hardest part about dirty talk may be the first step to getting started. Take the initiative and the leading role. Just remember to start out your attempt as a fun filled adventure. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Be lighthearted when you bring up your desire to add dirty talk to your relationship and simply look for a willing spirit from your partner.

You may be wondering to yourself, just how do I broach the topic? Try telling your partner, “Have I told you just how much you turn me on?” Chances are they won’t be expecting you to tell them that out of the blue. You didn’t say anything over the top, but it will require your mate to answer back. Once they have responded, tell them that you think you’d really like to try a little playful dialogue in the bedroom during foreplay so that you have another outlet for letting them know just what it is about them that really does it for you. And, as easy as that, the door to dirty talk has just been opened.

Erotic Massage: How To Give A Killer Butt Massage

By

Erotic massage relaxes your lover, getting them ready for sex. You don’t want to neglect the neck – here are the erotic massage techniques you want to use.

The first goal of the erotic massage is to relax your partner. Taking adequate time to apply the following relaxing and stress-reducing massage techniques will help melt away any apprehension your partner may have and encourage her to let go and to trust you. You will want to begin with your lover lying face down on the massage table with her backside exposed to you. Next, take the towel or fabric and gently drape it over her buttocks. This will help make her feel more comfortable about lying naked in front of you.

Next, apply about a teaspoon of warmed massage oil onto one hand and rub it briskly between both of your hands until the oil is warm. Once your hands are primed with oil, you are ready to begin the massage, starting your partner’s back.

Back Techniques

With the flat of your hands facing downward and using long, slow soothing strokes, apply a delicate pressure and move your hands back and forth and up and down the entire area of her back. If you feel too much friction on her skin during your rubbing motions, apply a bit more oil.

When stroking your partner, it’s good to use directional movements. Start at a particular spot on her back and end at another spot. An example of this would be to start at the base of her lower back just above her buttocks, then move up in a long slow stroke to her shoulders, and then down the sides of her arms all the way to her hands. Using both of your hands one on each side of her body simultaneously to do this gives a great effect, but you can as well do it using one hand. After finishing a stroke such as this, you can then repeat it in reverse by starting from her hands up to her shoulders and then back down to the base of her lower back. Or, start by following in reverse and then continue a transition to another area of her body.

Remember that any suggestions in this book are only to give you ideas on how to get started as a great giver of sensual touch massage. By getting a good idea of what to do through these practices, you will become more confident and be more capable of creating your own strokes and techniques. The main rule here is that whatever you try on her, if you notice that she is enjoying it, expand on those moves and techniques using your own intuition and guidance. In short, be creative! That’s the fun part of the exploring your partner through massage. The more you explore, the more you will learn and the more fun you and your partner will have.

Shoulders And Neck

The neck and shoulders are typically very stressful areas. Most people hold a majority of the tension in their neck and shoulder regions. Women especially carry their stress in these locations. So massaging these areas makes for a great opportunity to relax and soothe your partner with your masterful hands. Learn how to massage these areas well and she’ll be putty in your hands – this is what makes this area such a great place to start!

Standing or kneeling beside her on either side, start your stroke from the outside edges of her upper shoulders where her arms connect and move up towards her neck. You can use both hands simultaneously to do this or just one hand and shoulder side at a time. Continue this stroke a few times up to her neck and then back down again to the outer edges of her shoulders. Using the ends of your fingers and thumbs works well for this move versus the entire palm of your hand. Circular strokes are also effective.

If you want to apply a bit more pressure on her shoulder muscles, you can lightly grab (like a light pinch) and knead them between your thumb and fingers. This works well when using both hands together, with one hand on each side of her shoulders. And remember, if she expresses any kind of pain while you are doing this or any other massage techniques on her, back off the pressure or move to another location.

Remember to keep an eye on her facial expressions and body language, as well as any verbal moans or groans. Be sure to check win with her from time to time throughout the beginning phase of the massage so that you can get a better understanding of what feels good to her and what doesn’t.

Now on up into her neck. Again using the ends of your fingers flat against her neck, rub gently up the sides of her neck starting from bottom to top. The lower point of the neck muscle you are massaging here starts around the base of the shoulders, and the highest point is where the muscle connects with the back of her head. These muscles tend to hold quite a bit of tension and stress, so it’s important to spend some extra time in this area.

Another effective technique for massing the back of the neck is to lightly grasp the muscles between your thumb and fingers as shown in the picture below. With an in-and-out kneading motion (grasping and releasing), work your way up and down her neck. This technique will feel especially good to her as you can really work those muscles deeply to release the tightness and tension. The amount of pressure you use depends on what she personally likes. The best way to find out is to ask her how it is. Is it too much? Is it too little? Good communication is essential when giving massage.

As mentioned previously, women tend to contain a lot of their stress in their shoulders and neck, and the more relaxed you can get her by massaging these areas, the better off the rest of the massage will go due to her being able to relax and release her tension. If she expresses a lot of pleasure and relief by massaging these areas, by all means continue for a good amount of time before you move on. Ten to fifteen minutes should do well.

Erotic Massage: How To Give A Great Genital Massage

By

Erotic massage should eventually lead you down to the land in between your partner’s legs. Here’s how to make her squeal with erotic massage “down there.”

At this point, your lover should be ready for some direct stimulation of her vagina and clitoris. In fact, many women are so ripe at this stage of the massage that they achieve orgasm very easily and very quickly.

The Right Lube For Erotic Massage Down South

Important note! As mentioned, when working directly in the area of the vagina, be sure not to use oil. It’s okay if there is a little oil on the outside of her vagina from when you placed your hand on top of it just before this point. Just don’t use it as a lubricant on the inside of the vagina or within the vaginal folds. Instead, use a lubricant made just for sex, such as Sylk, Astroglide, or Glyde. K-Y jelly will work, but it tends to be thicker than the other lubricants mentioned and doesn’t glide as easily. Be sure to prepare ahead of time by having a damp towel nearby. Use this to remove oil from your hands before warming the lubricant between your fingers.

How To Get Started

You’ll want to be the focus on her intimate zone by gently stroking her pubic hair over the outer portions of her vagina. Be sure to use very soft and gentle motions. Next, gently stroke and tap her outer vaginal lips with your fingers, making sure to keep a consistent and regular rhythm.

To stimulate her clitoris, gently spread her legs apart and place your hand between her thighs in the form of a fist. Apply the knuckles of your first two fingers to the outer lips of her vagina and knead them around her clitoris, moving forward and backward as you massage. Make sure you’re not pinching her skin. You should be gently kneading. Working your way downward, massage the entire labia with a slightly firm but gentle pressure. Make your way toward her anus and then lift your knuckles and start from the top again. You can also use your first finger and thumb if it feels more comfortable.

Better known as the “bread and butter” or “two-finger” stoke, this technique is one of the easiest ways to give a woman pleasure. Place your thumb and index finger comfortably just under the hood of the clitoris (just inside the lips). Gently rotate your fingers around the top of her clitoris and then move your fingers in a downward direction.

Things To Keep In Mind

Be sure to massage and roll evenly, rubbing up and down on either side of the vagina, settling into an even rhythm. When she opens her legs wider, raises or pelvis, or pushes against your hand, that is your signal that she is ready for more direct stimulation of her clitoris.

When massaging the vagina and clitoral area, it’s helpful if you imagine the face of a clock, with the portion just above the hood of the clitoris being the 12 o’clock position and the lowest point near the vaginal opening being the 6 o’clock position. Pay attention to what she tells you feels good and make a mental note of the location in terms of the clock position (9 o’clock, 3 o’clock, etc.) for the next time around.

Circular Strokes

Now, take the tip of your finger and move it around her clitoris in a circular motion. Slowly move down the entire length of her vagina, alternating between bigger circles, stroking, and teasing caresses with your fingers. Next, move back to her clitoris and circle over it with the tips of your fingers. Be gentle when doing this, as every woman is different when it comes to clitoral stimulation. Some women don’t like it. So keep checking with her on what feels best using the clock as your guide. If she enjoys what you’re doing, attempt to “pull” the clitoris between your two fingers through the hood. Although it’s not possible to grip the clitoris itself, the sensation the pulling motion creates is fabulous!

Fingering And G-Spot Stimulation

Next, you’re going to apply a stroke that works both the clitoris and the G-spot at the same time. If done correctly, it will bring your lady to orgasm.

After ensuring her vagina is well lubricated, insert one or two fingers, curving them upward so that you’re working on the vaginal wall closest to her stomach. Hold your finger motionless for a few seconds so that she has time to relax and get comfortable, then being feeling for her G-spot.

The G-spot feels like a small, spongy lump. When a woman is aroused, the area will engorge with blood and become much more sensitive to the touch. After you’ve found her G-spot, move your finger in a “come here” motion, as if telling someone to come over to you with your finger. Don’t apply constant or hard pressure. All she needs is a gentle stroking motion to experience intense pleasure. You can also try a zig-zag motion from time to time so that your finger avoids focusing too much on the same area as it passes over the G-spot.

With your other hand, continue circling her clitoris with your thumb, finger, or the flat surface of a vibrator. When you sense she’s about to orgasm, move back and forth over the clitoris.

Don’t Overwork The Clitoris

An important thing to know about the clitoris is that it is very sensitive. Even when thoroughly lubricated, it is extremely sensitive. If your touch is too direct, too rough, or if you spend too much time stimulating the clitoris or even apply the stimulation too soon, it will become oversensitive. This will result in discomfort or pain, as well as a loss in sensation and inability to achieve an orgasm. So when it come to focusing exclusively on the clitoris, be sure to do so only when you know your lady is close to reaching climax. As soon as she does, back off from the clitoris until her sensitivity lessens.

Oral Sex: Female Erogenous Zones 101

By

Oral sex is definitely something you want to include in your sex routine if you want your girl to have an orgasm. Don’t skip these hot spots though!

Don’t Speed Through The Kissing!

Remember making out as a teenager or college student? Remember how you’d spend so much time kissing your partner, kissing her neck and (possibly) touching her breasts through her shirt? You spent so much time on the non-sexual parts because, well, you weren’t allowed to touch down there yet. Now that we’re older and we are allowed to touch “down there,” we always cut to the chase.

If you want to gear your partner up for an extra-special and pleasurable session of oral sex, start by kissing her like you were both teenagers again. You can only touch “down there” if she lets you! Like we said before, depending on the occasion, you can speed this up a bit if you or your partner are not inclined to spend an hour making out, but at least give her a little bit to get her warmed up.

How To Kiss The Right Way

Kiss her, but don’t kiss her while thinking about what body part you’re going to lick next in four seconds. Kiss her while thinking about kissing her. Kiss her as though you were kissing her vulva and give her a preview of what she will feel tonight. Let her imagine those lips on her vulva – deep kissing like this will help you both get into the right frame of mind. Remember not to be too sloppy or too uptight. A little tongue will be nice, but let your lips do all the work.

Kiss Your Girl’s Neck

Not surprisingly, the neck is a very erogenous zone. Be careful not to kiss her too lightly or she will get tickled, but perhaps on this night, a little tickling might be nice. Also remember not to get too rough with her. Find a nice balance in between and stay for a few minutes. While in the neck area, you can also drift up to the earlobe and whisper to her how excited you are about what’s to come, or how tonight is just for her.

Put Your Hands And Mouth On Your Lover’s Breasts

This is most men’s favorite part, but be careful not to dive right onto the nipples – it can be almost as detrimental as going straight for the clitoris. If she is wearing her shirt still, make an effort to caress her lightly with both your hands and mouth through her blouse. She will feel the light touch and become aroused, but she will not be shocked with the more intense touch that will come when her blouse has been taken off. Speaking of, make a big deal about taking off her blouse. Do it slowly and deliberately. Take off her bra in the same manner, and give her the attention you would give her if you were seeing her naked breasts for the first time.

When caressing her with your hands, make sure not to pinch her nipples too hard – you can roll them between your thumb and forefinger like you would roll a cigarette, but don’t press down or pinch. When beginning to lick the breasts, again, don’t go directly for the nipple. Lick all around her breasts for several minutes, working your way down. Once your mouth is on the nipple, you can swirl your tongue around it like you were licking an ice cream cone. This feels divine!

Another technique is to flick the nipple with your tongue. Spend lots of time (unless your partner is nudging you downwards!) caressing and licking her breasts and nipples – studies show that there is a direct link between the breasts and the clitoris. Also, once you do begin cunnilingus, don’t forget about her breasts! Many women enjoy their nipples being caressed while their vulva is being licked.

Don’t Miss The Stomach/Belly Button

This can be a very erogenous zone, but it usually is not. Light kisses work best here, because there needs to be a transition between the top half of the body and the lower half. Extreme licking in this area may turn a woman off, but feel free to use your tongue a little bit – but again, light kisses work best in the stomach area. Don’t stay too long in this zone because it is not directly giving her pleasure. Waiting too long in between the pleasurable zone of her breasts and the actual cunnilingus may cause her to become frustrated.

Kiss Her Inner Thighs

This is a good place to go before jumping right into the vulva. If your partner is self conscious about her inner thighs, don’t spend long here, but you want her to feel the warm wetness of your mouth and your heated breath before putting your lips on her vulva. This will get her anticipating your tongue even more! Be careful of ticklish thighs, however, and avoid nibbling if your partner is ticklish. If she likes it, however, nibble away!

If you want to tease her even more, alternate between licking her vulva a little bit and staying in between her inner thighs. Again, be aware that too long in between pleasurable activities (or in this case, too long before finally giving her vulva pleasure) may frustrate her and turn her off. If you pay attention to her body language, you will know when she is ready for you to begin cunnilingus.

Sex Tips: 4 Lovemaking Mistakes You MUST Avoid!

By

Sex tips will guide you in the right direction, but you must also know what to steer clear of. Don’t make these blunders if you want your lover to have orgasms!

Do you want to give your woman an amazing time in bed and more fulfilling orgasms? I am sure you do. Unfortunately many men, in their eagerness to improve their sex lives, ironically make the sexual experience less than satisfactory. Let us take a quick look at 4 common mistakes many guys make in the bedroom. Are you making any of these?

Trying To Get Your Partner To Have Sex When She’s Not Ready

Guys, if your woman is not in the mood to make love, she is just not in the mood, no matter what you do. Women are not like men who can get turned on visually. If she is not emotionally connected at that moment, there is always a better time! But on the other hand, if she’s in the mood for some sensuous lovemaking, you can very easily amp up her erotic temperatures and get her going really fast. Hint: Try deep passionate kissing with her. At the same time, gently stroke the back of her neck. This will drive her wild in no time.

Fear Of Doing New Things

Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted to try something new, but held back because of what your woman may think? If so, it is time to break out of that rut. Why? Well, because there is a great chance that she wants to try something new, something sensual too. But like you, she is uncomfortable to bring this up. So don’t let these thoughts hold you back. Get creative, get bold and spice things up a notch in the bedroom!

Skipping Foreplay

Sex is not meant to go from start to finish in under two minutes. Well, that is typically how fast the average man comes to an orgasm during sex. What does this mean for the lady? She will be totally unsatisfied, to say the least! If you want her to enjoy sex as much as you do, take your time and make sure she is adequately aroused first. If you can focus some time on foreplay, you will actually intensity her orgasms later. Or for that matter, she may very well get one during foreplay itself! So heighten her anticipation first and the both of you will enjoy a far more sizzling time together.

Attempting To Give An Orgasm Through Penetration Alone

Truth? Most women are unable to climax from intercourse alone. So don’t waste your time trying to get her off by penetrating her with vigor. How about learning some oral sex techniques? Most women can climax within 5 minutes of good oral sex. Your woman shouldn’t be any different. Have a go at it!