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Gasp! Do People Actually Have Oral Sex?

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Everyone has their own sexual preferences, whether it’s plain old missionary position, lights off, oral sex, anal sex (gasp!), or any one of dozens of exotic sexual activities.

Of course, nobody thinks of what they like as a weird fetish. No, what they like is always “OK” and “mainstream”. Then we hear about someone doing something just a little more weird, just a little different from what we’re comfortable with, and suddenly it’s a “kinky fetish”.

Here’s a question from a man in Georgia, who’s absolutely shocked to have discovered that some people seem to actually enjoy oral sex. Is it blasphemy, or has he just been missing out?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Do people really perform oral sex? Seems disgusting to me. Is it rare, or do couples regularly do it? I never thought of such a thing until I got on the Internet. It was never discussed in my circle of friends.

— Harold, GA

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRbhd-VHwog[/youtube]

Do Regular People Actually Engage in Oral Sex?

Absolutely. There are people out there who enjoy every type of fetish and exotic sexual activity imaginable. From enjoying oral sex, to relishing anal sex, to threesomes and swinging, and other fetishes you’ve never even imagined.

And of course there are people who want absolutely no part of any of these activities. They are content with missionary position on the third Thursday of every month, give or take a week. 🙂

There are even some people out there who consider sex without the specific objective of making a baby to be a sin!

The Most Important Rule for Sexual Fantasies and Fetishes

Most importantly, figure out what you like to do, and find someone who likes to do these things with you. And then have fun, lots of it…

This is a private agreement between the two of you. Don’t focus on what other people do or say, unless you’re looking for other things to try with your partner. Also, don’t try to force something on your partner that they are not comfortable with. This is about making each other happy, not forcing your ideas on your partner. Especially with oral sex, if you do it right, I think your partner will come around. Yes, the pun was intended!

How to Become an Expert at Giving Oral

Remember. Just because women aren’t very vocal about requesting oral sex, doesn’t mean they don’t like it and WANT IT.

Two of our most popular articles in recent months have focused exclusively on pleasing your lady with oral sex. These are the Female Orgasm Black Book review, and a review of well known romance expert Michael Webb’s excellent guide called “Lick by Lick”. If you haven’t seen these already, go check them out.

Men shouldn’t feel left out though. If you’re looking for a guide to buy for your lady friend, get her a copy of Michael Webb’s just released “Blow By Blow” – a guide to pleasing the man in your life. Yeah, you read that title right, and that’s what it’s about. Don’t blush, you know you either like it or would like to try it. 🙂

How to Go Down on a Woman and Have Her Begging for More – Oral Sex Secrets Exposed

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With all the societal and social stigma telling women they have to be “good girls”, very few feel comfortable talking openly about sex in general.

So it’s no surprise that most women won’t tell you they’d love for you to “go down on them”. Sure it can bring them immense pleasure, but it’s rare for a woman to make that request of her man.

Here’s what’s even worse. Amazingly enough, many women have NEVER experienced an orgasm! Think about that for a minute… never having had an orgasm.

Now, how would YOU like to be the one to give her that very first magical mind blowing orgasm? To give her all that pleasure.

Here are some surprising facts about women and oral sex

  • there are 8,000 nerve endings in a woman’s clitoris?  More than on the head of a penis or any other part of the human body?  With something that sensitive, you better know what you’re doing before you go poking around, especially with your tongue.
  • 88% of married women say cunnilingus is their preferred form of sexual activity?
  • 81% of women regularly achieve orgasm from cunnilingus, versus
  • only 25% from traditional vaginal penetration?
  • only 60% of women say they enjoy vaginal sex at all?
  • only 7.7% of women who experience more than 21 minutes of properly rendered foreplay fail to reach an orgasm?  That’s over nine out of ten women who do experience an orgasm when their lover understands a woman’s body and how to drive it to new heights of ecstasy

So what role SHOULD men play here?

Of course men don’t usually think twice before asking their woman to give them oral sex, or even try back door sex with them, which is now often referred to as “the new oral”. But here’s the rub. Considering everything she does for YOU, to get YOU excited, isn’t it about time you went out of YOUR way to give HER an amazing orgasm or two?

It’s time to step up and surprise your woman with the gift of orgasm and oral sex from her man.

Today, it isn’t about you, it’s about HER. And if you’re not doing the right things to really get her excited, then what’s the point?

Here’s our review of Oprah Love Expert, Michael Webb’s excellent Lick by Lick – How to Go Down on a Woman and Have Her Begging for More.

This book is a revealing step by step guide at oral sex and female orgasm from the master of romance. It’s about time we heard from a man known as a true romantic on the real sexual needs of a woman.

Most guys have SO much difficulty actually talking openly to their lovers about anything having to do with sex. Men don’t have trouble asking for one sexual favor or another, their problem is getting into intimate details with their partner… finding out what SHE really likes without getting the male ego bruised.

But it CAN be done, and the results should really improve your sex life – by satisfying the desires of BOTH partners.

Michael walks you through ALL the questions you need to ask your lover – so you REALLY find the right spot and bring her insane pleasure. Better yet, keep it fun – make this into an erotic date night game!

This book actually goes into the touchy details, like…

  • how to make her comfortable talking about RECEIVING oral sex from you
  • how to build the trust so she’ll welcome you
  • how to break through her self-consciousness barrier while overcoming your own inhibitions about cunnilingus
  • how to recognize and navigate the 8 components of the female genitalia with your tongue, and make them love it
  • how to tell if she’s enjoying herself just by watching and listening
  • 8 questions to ask to determine what she really wants
  • 9 tips for getting her ready for you, and for it
  • 5 ways to set the romantic stage for cunnilingus
  • 4 techniques to prepare her body for your most intimate attention

Summary: 

One thing we didn’t like about Lick by Lick – How to Go Down on a Woman and Have Her Begging for More was the long and extensive focus on safe sex, sometimes to the point of taking all the fun out of it! Your mileage may vary of course. Fact is, Michael just added all that information so that you’re informed and you have it if you want it.

Overall this book is a great guide to pleasuring your woman and we highly recommend it.

A lot of men could score some serious points with their ladies for just THINKING about bringing them this type of pleasure – not to mention actually downloading this guide and mastering the techniques. It’s not hard, it just takes a little initiative. 🙂

Get your copy right now before you get busy and forget. Surprise your woman with the gift of oral pleasure… Isn’t she worth it?

Getting Anal Sex Right – The First Time

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There are a lot of myths and a lot of mis information going around about the very taboo topic of anal sex.

Often times men want it and women SOMETIMES indulge them. But there’s so much more to that.

Our friend Rose from Speak Sexy just posted a great article entitled Getting Anal Sex Right – The First Time. This is a great instructional piece on anal sex, going into all the how-to details.

But be warned… And I’ll quote Rose when she says “This article contains things that may make you feel uncomfortable. It is intended for mature, open-minded adults only.” So only click if you actually want the vivid details. In addition Speak Sexy features various erotic and sometimes nude photos. 🙂

Take a moment to enjoy our recent videos on this beautifully sinful and taboo sexual fantasy…

Do You Know The Hidden Dangers of Anal Sex?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMDDOXDn_8E[/youtube]

Anal Sex – How to Make Her REALLY Want It

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMJjXReFZUo[/youtube]

Help! My Boyfriend Wants Me To Have Anal Sex!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrEnHTxyDQQ[/youtube]

Help! My Boyfriend Wants Me To Have Anal Sex!

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Men and women tend to approach sex differently. This isn’t to say that women don’t enjoy or want sex just as much as men, but they don’t tend to go about it the same way. Women tend to prefer more foreplay and seduction.

Couples that are completely open and honest with each other can experience an amazing sex life playing together. This is because they listen to each other, and they discover each other’s fantasies and desires.

They also know that having a great sex life is about more than experiencing amazing orgasms in various positions. It’s about trying and experiencing new things together – truly playing together.

The problem comes in when one partner ups the ante and wants to try something more exotic than their lover is comfortable with.

This can be the woman maybe wanting to tie her lover up, the man wanting to try anal sex with his girlfriend, or hundreds of other exotic sexual permutations.

And since anal sex is such a popular fantasy for so many men, let’s talk about how this desire impacts all the women who are dealing with those men.

Of course, pushing boundaries is often just half the fun for sexual play, so it’s important to peel back those fears and figure out where they started.

So what’s a girl to do when her boyfriend REALLY wants to try anal sex, especially when he tries SO hard to please her?

Here’s a question from a lady in Florida facing this sexual dilemma with her boyfriend…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have recently started dating this very great guy. I introduced him to the family, and he got their approval. Usually this does not happen, so I got the green light from my family, and friends, and even random neighbors! Everyone says “you look great together!” Plus I feel very happy around him. He calls me all the time, pays me respect and attention and even has declared that he wants to marry me if I permit it.

Okay, so the problem is this. When we have sex, he is very focused and he puts all of his energy and stamina into it… which lasts a little too long for my taste! Also he is very experimental and wants to satisfy my every request! This is great right?

Well, now he pushed up the stakes and wants to try Anal sex! I don’t want to try it because I read that it is dangerous or bad, and I don’t want to break this taboo. However I have been extremely experimental in the past, but I never tried this. Am I being too prudish or what? How should I maintain a great sex life and relationship with him, but not make him feel rejected or limited in the bedroom?

— Cynthia, Florida

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrEnHTxyDQQ[/youtube]

Why Your Friends and Family Have No Business In Your Sex Life

In addition to taboos in our society, fear of what your friends and family might say is a big deterrent keeping some people from truly broadening out and enjoying a more varied and exotic sex life.

But really, this shouldn’t be an issue. Sex is something private between the two of you – you’re not going to be discussing your latest sexual adventures at you next family dinner – at least if you’re smart. Actually, be sure you don’t. Some people actually talk to their families about their sex lives, and this often results in arguments and fighting. Yes, we’ve very big on open and honest communication, but truly your family has no business knowing or discussing what specifically you do to each other in the bedroom. Nor does anyone else…

Even if at first you’re not comfortable talking openly with your partner about sex (and you’d rather talk with your buddies), this communication is crucial to a happy and fulfilling sex life. So figure out a way to actually talk to each other!

Why Our Culture Has So Many Sexual Taboos…

At the core of it, most of the sexual taboos in our culture originate from hundreds (thousands) of years where one church or another was the law of the land.

Even today there are plenty of people who’ll try to convince you that you can’t do this, shouldn’t do that, and should never do the other since it’s downright evil and immoral. But at the end of the day, what grown adults do in the privacy of their own bedroom is nobody else’s business.

Unless you happen to subscribe to whatever particular religious belief doesn’t tolerate your sexual practices, what they think isn’t really your concern.

Unfortunately, growing up in this environment of taboos, where people are afraid to even talk about the more involved areas of sexuality, results in mass ignorance. People grow up knowing little about sex, and less about safe sex, and even less about the right way to talk about sex.

As popular a fantasy as anal sex is in today’s society, it’s still hard to find someone that will talk about it. People tend to be shocked that you even brought it up. So we definitely have a way to go and evolve as a society, until we can speak openly to one another about topics that today tend to stay behind closed doors.

Should You Try Anal Sex Just to Keep Him From Feeling Rejected?

Well, that’s a tough question. If your man pays you amazing attention and bends over backwards to make sure you’re always “satisfied”, then it certainly wouldn’t hurt to try and reciprocate by at least trying to fulfill his fantasy.

Maybe more importantly though, consider if down deep you may actually want to try it, but haven’t because you were afraid of social stigmas or what others would say.

So, if you want to keep him from feeling rejected, maybe consider trying it.

As an alternative, you could maybe try a limited approach to this, like maybe just a finger, and see how that goes. Having said that, everyone has their limits. If it’s terrible, stop and don’t do it again. It’s that simple.

The only reason to do anything in life is because you want to – not out of obligation to anyone.

Safety and Anal Sex – Why Taking It Slow Is SO Important

If done right and taken slowly, anal sex can be safe, and many women actually like it – once they get over the taboo anyway…

But it’s important to realize that mother nature didn’t intend this to be an ‘in’ hole, so the body does not self lubricate this area. Which means you need to bring your own lubricant, and plenty of it. If you’re not careful, someone could really get hurt.

That area of the body is very sensitive, and it’s very easy to cause injury if you’re not really careful. Aside from not wanting to hurt your partner, do you really want to explain to your family why you guys were at the hospital the other day? So play it safe, and use lots of lubricant.

And most importantly, take it very slow!

Want More Sex? Here’s how…

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Regardless of what you may think. Sex happens in the brain.  Our ability to feel desire, the things that turn us on, the things that make us reach climax all happen in the brain. So, if you want more sex, it’s reasonable to assume you should know more about the brain. I’ll give you the primer version.

Our brains are hard wired to respond to perceived threat in ways that will preserve our ability to survive.  These automatic reactions are called “Survival mechanisms”.  Our brain fires off chemicals that provoke us into feelings of fear for our survival.  Then we have biologically programmed ways to react to fear that aid us in surviving whatever it is that is threatening our survival.  You don’t really have a choice about what you are feeling when you perceive yourself to be in a threatening situation.  Your brain takes over.  Our brains are very powerful in affecting how we feel and how we respond.

You see our brains have been programmed through biology and culture to respond in ways that will insure our survival in primitive situations. Your brain doesn’t really get it that if you perceive your job is being threatened you will not die.  It really feels like you will.  Your brain doesn’t know that if your husband/wife/partner is angry with you and you think they might leave you that you won’t die.  Your brain doesn’t know that when a friend calls your character into question, that you won’t die.  Your brain doesn’t discriminate between actual threat for your survival and emotional threat.

Our brains are divided into sections.  As we evolved as a species we went from depending on simple functions to the very complex brain that we now have as human beings. Our reptilian ancestors brains comprised of three cleanly defined sections: the front part allows for smell, the middle for vision, and the rear allows us balance and coordination. And those basic survival instincts were cordoned off in a space between the smell and vision sections, a kind of command post with the scientific name of “diencephalon”.  This part of the brain holds our drives for food, our  “fight-or-flight” aggression reactions, and of course, sex.

Our brains further evolved into what is known as the “mammalian” brain when our left and right cerebral hemispheres developed.  More and more circuits had to be added to process the more complex functions of the life and culture of our mammalian ancestors and our brains grew in size.  But we still rely on that command post to assist us in our primary need: survival. This relic of the past fights our evolved brains more flexible reactions and tends to take over when we perceive that we need them.

This very powerful tiny walnut sized part of our brain, set inside our brain stem, is called our “hypothalamus”. It injects our system with electrical stimulus evoking anger, anxiety and acute fear.  Most of the time, we are able to maintain mastery over this part of our brain. But now and again our animal senses tell us that our survival or our well-being is being challenged and that package of survival programs, called “emotions” erupt.

It’s like you have two brains in one body. Your emotional states that evolved to help you survive; and the other which is ruled by reason.  The old brain; and the new brain in one package: your skull.

Okay, now, back to sex…

When we feel emotional threat, we respond with this primitive part of our brain.  We feel scared, and our defenses go on autopilot.  We feel angry and protective and either withdraw or go into attack mode to regain a sense of control.  While it is possible to feel a need to have sex from this place, it’s more of a desire for dominance than it is the kind of intimacy that we most need and want.

Women tend to be turned off by men who display the need for this type of sexual encounter, if they aren’t it’s because they have never experienced the other kind.   And even if they will put up with it for a while, eventually they will stop wanting to participate because it just doesn’t feel good.  It feels scary and unsafe.

Safety is what leads to continued, warm intimate and frequent sex. When we feel safe with our partner our brains kick into a mode that allows us to drop our boundaries and allow ourselves to feel the vulnerability we need to feel in order to experience deep sexual intimacy.  Being afraid triggers the old brain into survival mode and sets up firm boundaries that keep distance between us. ant More Sex

So, if you want more sex, work toward more emotional safety in your relationship.  Emotional safety is accomplished by awareness of and sensitivity to what our partner is feeling.  It means being aware that when our partner feels threatened and is yelling or acting angry toward us, we listen to what is underneath their angry behavior. We ask them for more information about what may have hurt them and own up to our part in whatever occurred.  This doesn’t mean passively letting them have their way, it means sharing about what we honestly feel and negotiating a result that works for both of you.

Our old brain is tricky.  It can make us think that something is threatening when it’s not. It can make us think we are being attacked when we are not.  Being sensitive to what may trigger our partner into feeling they are being attacked helps us be more aware of what might be standing in the way of more intimacy (i.e. more sex).