Love & Sex Answers

Today's #1 Love & Sex Resource

You are here: Home / Archives for sex tips

Anal Sex – How to Make Her REALLY Want It

By

Contrary to popular belief, a happy and fulfilling sex life is about more than just exotic sex games and incredible, earth shattering orgasms.

It’s about truly understanding the sexual as well as the emotional desires of your partner, and fulfilling those needs. This means paying attention to what they want, and doing your best to satisfy their needs.

The topic of anal sex is a real sore point for so many couples (truly, no pun intended)

Yet few are willing to talk about this issue, and fewer still are willing to answer their questions.

With all the bizarre taboos and social stigmas in our culture today, it’s no wonder that so many people have utterly dysfunctional and empty sex lives. In the true spirit of this advice column, we’ll cover this topic in an open and honest manner.

So at the end of the day, can you really entice your wife or girlfriend into trying anal sex, and what’s the best way to go about it?

Here’s a question from a man in New Mexico wondering how to conquer this sexual challenge with his girlfriend…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

How do I talk my girlfriend into having anal sex?

— Jay, New Mexico

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMJjXReFZUo[/youtube]

Why is it that so many men want their wife or girlfriend to have anal sex at some time or another?

Some guys can’t stand the idea, but for many it’s a serious turn-on. Maybe it’s just the forbidden aspect that draws them, the thought of doing something they’re not supposed to be doing, and getting away with it in secret. Or maybe not.

Regardless, for women, this is a whole different story. While some have tried it and actually even like it, most are unwilling to even talk about it… and they certainly don’t generally want to try it. Well, therein lies the problem.

So why don’t most women want to have anal sex?

1. Anal sex definitely falls into the hot list of choice sexual practices that’s viewed by many as taboo in our culture.

Basically there’s a lot of social stigma around most anything other than missionary position. So you just have to decide if you’re going to live your life and enjoy your sex life in a way that’s dictated by other people’s phobias and preconceived judgments – or are you going to follow your own path? What you and your partner share and experience in the bedroom is nobody’s business but your own, and nobody other than the two of you has a right to influence what you do and do not choose to do.

2. Many women are afraid it’ll hurt, and have heard it could even be dangerous.

Worse yet, they may have tried it before, and they KNOW it’ll hurt. Not exactly a good start to a sexually charged evening.

How do you approach the topic with your wife or girlfriend?

The first step is to actually TALK to her about it, openly and honestly. For some reason most men have great difficulty actually talking about sex with their partner. They’ll talk with their friends, but not with their lover. This goes back to completely open and honest communication – a MUST for a happy relationship and a fulfilling sex life.

Guess what – it doesn’t matter what your friends think about it, and what they would do in your place. Unless she’s up for it, you’re out of luck. Your best bet is to talk with HER.

But be ready to hear that she may not want ANYTHING to do with it. Period.

Can you seduce her into trying it?

Once you’ve talked with her, you should have a feeling for how receptive she is. If she’s apprehensive (or dead set against it), then your chances of success can be pretty slim.

Although trying to get someone to do something against their will is most always a bad idea, that doesn’t mean you have to give up on all your fantasies just because you didn’t initially get a yes.

Here are some ideas…

  • Bring it up when she’s already aroused. The more aroused the better.
  • Keep trying now and then, but without being too insistent or making her feel guilty. And whatever you do, don’t get into an argument about it. That’s a quick way to guarantee it won’t happen.
  • Put her fears at ease… let her know that you’ll be very gentle, and you’ll take good care of her. If she’s afraid it’ll hurt, then being reassured that you will take it easy should be a big help. Major tip here – be sure to stick to your promise and actually be nurturing, or your first time will be your last. Also, use lots of lubricant – that area of your body is not self lubricating, so this is a must.
  • A little “slippage” while in the heat of passion (read: while a certain lady is climaxing) may just do the trick. Again, this is delicate territory, so tread lightly. But sexual playfulness is tends to be a great stimulant in most situations.
  • Encourage her to be adventurous and experimental in your love making, so that your sex life is always getting more fun and exciting. But be prepared for what SHE may want YOU to try too. 🙂

Turn Fantasies into Reality with Sexy Lingerie

By

The female body is a thing of beauty, and nudity can be very satisfying. But full nudity is rarely involved in true seduction. The fine art of teasing with what is just out of view is always a favorite technique employed by the most sought after sexy ladies.

Lingerie and sexy costumes are proven and effective tools used in the art of seduction. And as we all know, there are hundreds of online lingerie stores that all look pretty much the same…

But, occasionally we find a website that’s worth mentioning and Vicki’s Drawers is one of those… It’s a lingerie store, but not just a lingerie store. Vicki also provides her customers with great advice and a personal shopper service.

What is a personal shopper? It’s someone who knows the trend, styles, and more importantly someone who knows what will look good on your specific body type. Your personal shopper can save you hours of time and help you avoid the frustration of picking something out, only to find out that it looked really great on the rack but not on you. Just give Vicki a call or send her an email. She’ll shop for you and send you pictures of suggestions that you may like.

Vicki tells a tale of how she played dress-up in her grandmother’s closet as a child and dreamed of the woman she would become some far-away day and have all those feminine lace-and-satin things of her very own. It was these memories that planted the seed of owning her own lingerie shop. That dream has come true, online for now, but eventually Vicki hopes to own a physical lingerie shop.

Oh, and did we mention that she operates Vicki’s Drawers with her guy.

Together we searched for the perfect items to encourage women of all body types to fantasize about just how their own lovely, womanly curves will complete them, how the fabric will feel on their skin, and how their own lovers will react at the first sight of them, returning the gaze, expectant and blushing with desire.

So what do you dream and fantasize about? Really. When no one else is around… That you’re a goddess who is worshiped and adored by your lover? Or perhaps a wicked seductress claiming any lover she desires?

Stop living your fantasies only in your head. Regardless of your fantasy, Vicki will help you select the perfect lingerie to turn your fantasy into reality.

Rough Sex and BDSM – Going Beyond The Occasional Spanking

By

Rough sex is an extremely popular but largely underground sexual fantasy. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen much, it just means people are usually afraid to talk about it.

And like with most things that are driven underground (prostitution being a great example), it’s hard to find good, safe tips and information… so you’re left to experimentation.

Rough sex is largely about mind games, dominance, and control – not just the physical

While many people think of rough sex as having mainly to do with physical aggression, when you truly get into it you’ll realize the most important aspect is generally the mental one. The mind games, the dominant and submissive relationship that quickly develops into total trust and absolute control.

Is make up sex just an excuse to have rough sex?

As amazing as it sounds, some couples actually have arguments and fights just so they have a socially acceptable excuse for what’s commonly known as make up sex (read: rough, wild, and passionate sex).

Here’s a question from a couple in Wyoming hoping to spice up their sex lives by experimenting with rough sex.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My partner and I have started to get into rough sex, but as far as we have gone with it, it’s just him pulling my hair and spanking me. I have tried to find other stuff online that we could add in, but really can’t find much. Any suggestions?

— Ellie, Wyoming

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6ixQk3EZic[/youtube]

Explore your sexual fantasies together

One of the wonderful things about being a couple is that you have a friend, a partner in crime, someone to share your experiences and the joys of life with.

Talk with your partner and share your fantasies…

It’s very important to explore and discover your fantasies together with your partner… many people keep their fantasies to themselves, which is a recipe for a boring sex life.

Watch some erotic movies TOGETHER and talk about what turns each of you on

Pay attention to the feelings that surface early on, and what excites you. Even if it’s just a hint of an idea or a feeling, run with it. Hard core porn doesn’t usually do much for women, but there are plenty of erotic thrillers that should do the trick. Movies like 9 1/2 Weeks are a great example of a dominant / submissive relationship evolving. Here are some erotic movies to check out.

Safety is a very important in rough sex play

Rough sex is often about pushing and breaking through boundaries, which is why safety is so important to discuss UP FRONT.

Decide on a safe word

This is a word that actually means “stop right now, no matter what”. It can be any word you agree on, but it’s best for it to have nothing to do with “stop” or “don’t do that”. This is because in rough sex play, pushing these boundaries often includes the idea of forced sex, etc. Thus “stop” doesn’t necessarily mean much. Something like “flower”, “coffee”, or “butterfly” is much more effective. Be creative, and make sure you both remember it.

Set a few simple ground rules that will NOT be broken

Rough sex is often about pushing and breaking boundaries, so you really can’t make a lot of rules around it. But agree ahead of time if there are a few specific things you ABSOLUTELY do NOT want to do. Remember, this is all about pushing boundaries and head games, so don’t set too many rules. Just a few so that you can really let go and have fun without worrying about going to far and spoiling the moment.

Swinger Seduction – How Can I Tell If Our Friends Want to Play?

By

Ah, the magical dance of flirting and seduction. “Does she like me?” “Will he go out with me?”

And for the swinger crowd… “They’re hot! Do you think they like us that way? Let’s ask them out.”

The same age old question repeats itself over and over again. And the world round, young men, young ladies, and couples, repeat the same mistake – they walk up to this person or couple they’re infatuated with and ask their question. “Will you go out with me“?

STOP! Don’t do it! That question has ended more relationships (before they even started) than perhaps any other factor in the history of mankind. That question forces the other person (or couple) into a corner, and makes them pick a yes or no choice, without knowing much of anything about you. Your odds are bleak to none.

Instead, get to know this person or this couple in a casual and non-threatening way. Give them a chance to get to like you. Attraction is a very complex set of feelings, emotions, urges, desires.

But how do you escape the swamp lands of the “friend zone“?

This is where subtle flirting and seduction comes in. Make the other person or couple feel your interest and desire instead of telling them about it. And here’s a magical fun fact: if they feel the same way, you’ll just know. You’ll FEEL it in the sparks that are flying around you, in the highly charged atmosphere, in the frequent casual touching, the unusual proximity, etc.

Enjoy the dance.

The danger of course, is if you’re wrong, you risk losing your friends. They may get freaked out and run away. Or they may just think it was cute or even flattering. But you won’t know unless you try.

So HOW can you tell if they like you in that way and want to play?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband and I recently became friends with a couple our age and we have a really great time together. It’s just that lately there has seemed to be this unusual tension. Through comments here and there and an occasional look, we thing they want to swing. How should I go about finding out if this couple wants to swing with us? We really like them and don’t want to lose them as friends but they’re really hot too and it’s hard to resist.

Please help! I’m tormented thinking about it.

— Ellen in Mississippi

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Fr_O2wAwmI[/youtube]

    500 Sex Tips and Love Making Secrets That Everyone Ought to Know

    By

    Think back to your last date, or more specifically, to the last time you and your partner had sex …

    Do you remember the steam, the excitement, the sheer animal passion when you made love… how you couldn’t help from literally tearing each other’s clothes off in the heat of passion?

    No, not on your last date? Maybe the one before? Well, you get the point…

    That SHOULD be your sex life, but it isn’t. So let’s find out why and FIX IT.

    You’ll want to read all the way to end of this post so that you don’t miss a single great idea.

    The good news – it’s not your fault! Our culture has so demonized sex and love making, that most parents won’t even have a proper discussion about sex with their children or even show affection in public. The real irony here is that we are sexual beings – it’s hard wired into our DNA.

    It’s absolutely amazing how many people think sex is basically missionary position, and with the lights off. Can you say boring? Who wants to do that three times a week, really? Can you imagine having the exact same item for dinner the rest of your life?

    So are you destined for a boring sex life when you KNOW there are people out there having mind-numbingly amazing and enjoyable sex?

    Has this ever happened to you?

    You’ve just started dating a great guy or girl, and they’re wonderful. You’re really hitting it off. But a few weeks into your relationship, they start to get cold and distant, making excuses and getting too busy for you.

    You may catch a hushed mention of a previous lover, maybe when they’re chatting with a trusted friend, maybe on the phone, or worse – on the phone with their ex. Fact is, people often break up for reasons other than sex, but great sex will keep them ing back to their previous lover again, and again, and again… even when it’s against their better judgement.

    So how do you become one of these incredible lovers that no one can leave or resist?

    Here’s our review of, Oprah Love Expert, Michael Webb’s excellent guide 500 Love Making Tips & Secrets.

    I’m sure you’ll be as excited as we were when we started flipping through the pages. Michael Webb has one of the best collections of sex tips and lovemaking advice around.

    Here are just a few of the tips you’ll discover in 500 Love Making Tips & Secrets:

    • An item in the frozen food section that will send shivers up and down your mates body in a very surprising way
    • Something in your toiletry bag which doubles as an amazing lovemaking toy
    • 2 novel ways to use mirrors in lovemaking that you probably never heard of
    • Several natural ways to add length to your penis (two you can even test out tonight)
    • the one month a guy’s testosterone peaks
    • A great way to invirate someone who is too tired for sex
    • What colored light bulbs will intensify orgasms
    • How to get firmer erections and prevent premature ejaculation without medicines
    • The two things done in combination that will blow his mind
    • A sexy lubrication tip that will have him, well, enough said
    • What food and drink you should avoid the 24 hours before making love to avoid unpleasant odors
    • Food items to consume so your juices are sweeter (some might surprise you)
    • One simple trick to make your wife scream in delight like never before
    • Which smells can instantly increase penile blood flow by up to 40%
    • Where and how to touch your guy when he is about to orgasm that will have him explode like a firecracker (even he probably doesn’t know this trick)
    • Ways to use your mouth on her that will drive her absolutely wild
    • Something to do with your hands when you are entering her that will excite her even more

    Michael Webb also includes some really great dating tips to help you make your creative dates a success instead of a flop. And he also tells you how to avoid some potentially devastating dating disasters.

    500 Love Making Tips & Secrets also gives you a run down of the most common love making positions (and additional ones for the adventurous and athletic) along with explanations of the benefits of each one.

    There’s also a Lubrication Guide that gives you the pros and cons of the more popular products on the market, so you’ll know what’s fun and safe and what you should stay away from.

    500 Love Making Tips & Secrets includes many wild, exciting and juicy ideas, but Michael Webb stays true to his promise that none of them are immoral, degrading, perverted, or raunchy. Bummer… We like some of the kinky stuff.

    Summary:

    While we found some of the tips and ideas in 500 Lovemaking Tips & Secrets to be a little light, and we don’t necessarily agree with his viewpoints on pornography, there are definitely a lot of great lovemaking tips and ideas that are worth trying at least once, and many that you’ll probably keep using over and over again.

    Overall we highly recommend this book.

    Get your copy right now before you get busy and forget. Surprise your partner with the best lovemaking they’ve had in a long time.

    While you’re at it, you’ll definitely want to check out Michael’s other terrific resources below.

    One of our personal favorites is Lick by Lick – How to Go Down on a Woman and Have Her Begging for More.

    Don’t put it off.

    You’ll kick yourself if you don’t get 500 Love Making Tips & Secrets today.