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Help! My Boyfriend Wants Me To Have Anal Sex!

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Men and women tend to approach sex differently. This isn’t to say that women don’t enjoy or want sex just as much as men, but they don’t tend to go about it the same way. Women tend to prefer more foreplay and seduction.

Couples that are completely open and honest with each other can experience an amazing sex life playing together. This is because they listen to each other, and they discover each other’s fantasies and desires.

They also know that having a great sex life is about more than experiencing amazing orgasms in various positions. It’s about trying and experiencing new things together – truly playing together.

The problem comes in when one partner ups the ante and wants to try something more exotic than their lover is comfortable with.

This can be the woman maybe wanting to tie her lover up, the man wanting to try anal sex with his girlfriend, or hundreds of other exotic sexual permutations.

And since anal sex is such a popular fantasy for so many men, let’s talk about how this desire impacts all the women who are dealing with those men.

Of course, pushing boundaries is often just half the fun for sexual play, so it’s important to peel back those fears and figure out where they started.

So what’s a girl to do when her boyfriend REALLY wants to try anal sex, especially when he tries SO hard to please her?

Here’s a question from a lady in Florida facing this sexual dilemma with her boyfriend…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have recently started dating this very great guy. I introduced him to the family, and he got their approval. Usually this does not happen, so I got the green light from my family, and friends, and even random neighbors! Everyone says “you look great together!” Plus I feel very happy around him. He calls me all the time, pays me respect and attention and even has declared that he wants to marry me if I permit it.

Okay, so the problem is this. When we have sex, he is very focused and he puts all of his energy and stamina into it… which lasts a little too long for my taste! Also he is very experimental and wants to satisfy my every request! This is great right?

Well, now he pushed up the stakes and wants to try Anal sex! I don’t want to try it because I read that it is dangerous or bad, and I don’t want to break this taboo. However I have been extremely experimental in the past, but I never tried this. Am I being too prudish or what? How should I maintain a great sex life and relationship with him, but not make him feel rejected or limited in the bedroom?

— Cynthia, Florida

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrEnHTxyDQQ[/youtube]

Why Your Friends and Family Have No Business In Your Sex Life

In addition to taboos in our society, fear of what your friends and family might say is a big deterrent keeping some people from truly broadening out and enjoying a more varied and exotic sex life.

But really, this shouldn’t be an issue. Sex is something private between the two of you – you’re not going to be discussing your latest sexual adventures at you next family dinner – at least if you’re smart. Actually, be sure you don’t. Some people actually talk to their families about their sex lives, and this often results in arguments and fighting. Yes, we’ve very big on open and honest communication, but truly your family has no business knowing or discussing what specifically you do to each other in the bedroom. Nor does anyone else…

Even if at first you’re not comfortable talking openly with your partner about sex (and you’d rather talk with your buddies), this communication is crucial to a happy and fulfilling sex life. So figure out a way to actually talk to each other!

Why Our Culture Has So Many Sexual Taboos…

At the core of it, most of the sexual taboos in our culture originate from hundreds (thousands) of years where one church or another was the law of the land.

Even today there are plenty of people who’ll try to convince you that you can’t do this, shouldn’t do that, and should never do the other since it’s downright evil and immoral. But at the end of the day, what grown adults do in the privacy of their own bedroom is nobody else’s business.

Unless you happen to subscribe to whatever particular religious belief doesn’t tolerate your sexual practices, what they think isn’t really your concern.

Unfortunately, growing up in this environment of taboos, where people are afraid to even talk about the more involved areas of sexuality, results in mass ignorance. People grow up knowing little about sex, and less about safe sex, and even less about the right way to talk about sex.

As popular a fantasy as anal sex is in today’s society, it’s still hard to find someone that will talk about it. People tend to be shocked that you even brought it up. So we definitely have a way to go and evolve as a society, until we can speak openly to one another about topics that today tend to stay behind closed doors.

Should You Try Anal Sex Just to Keep Him From Feeling Rejected?

Well, that’s a tough question. If your man pays you amazing attention and bends over backwards to make sure you’re always “satisfied”, then it certainly wouldn’t hurt to try and reciprocate by at least trying to fulfill his fantasy.

Maybe more importantly though, consider if down deep you may actually want to try it, but haven’t because you were afraid of social stigmas or what others would say.

So, if you want to keep him from feeling rejected, maybe consider trying it.

As an alternative, you could maybe try a limited approach to this, like maybe just a finger, and see how that goes. Having said that, everyone has their limits. If it’s terrible, stop and don’t do it again. It’s that simple.

The only reason to do anything in life is because you want to – not out of obligation to anyone.

Safety and Anal Sex – Why Taking It Slow Is SO Important

If done right and taken slowly, anal sex can be safe, and many women actually like it – once they get over the taboo anyway…

But it’s important to realize that mother nature didn’t intend this to be an ‘in’ hole, so the body does not self lubricate this area. Which means you need to bring your own lubricant, and plenty of it. If you’re not careful, someone could really get hurt.

That area of the body is very sensitive, and it’s very easy to cause injury if you’re not really careful. Aside from not wanting to hurt your partner, do you really want to explain to your family why you guys were at the hospital the other day? So play it safe, and use lots of lubricant.

And most importantly, take it very slow!

He Said “I Need Space!” and Stormed Out! Are We Breaking Up?

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Isn’t it just amazing how a regular conversation on a happy day can turn into a vile, nasty argument? One minute you’re happy and in love, the next you’re screaming at the top of your lungs, and can’t think of enough hurtful things to throw at your partner! AAAhhhhh!

And then something snaps, and one of you yells “I need space!” and storms out!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

When an argument occurs, more times than not, a guy will say “I need space”.

Is there a deeper meaning to “I need space”? Is he going to break-up with me? He was really angry when he told me this.

— Cris, Pennsylvania

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCFqIcrjY28[/youtube]

“I Need Space!” – What it Really Means

It’s typically the man who needs space, but not always… Maybe it’s the pressure of the argument, maybe it’s something else. The fighting just gets to be too much… and he just can’t take it anymore. So he backs, or runs away to catch his breath and get some air.

“I Need Space” is avoidance, a cry for help from a wounded animal. The argument, the fighting, or life in general has gotten to be way too much and he needs a break from all of the stimulation.

When he says that, you should respect it as frustrating as it may be. Sure you want to understand what’s wrong, what triggered it, and at this point, how you can make it better. But that’s not always possible. Trying to approach someone who’s pulling back like this will often just push him farther away. In this emotional state, he is truly acting like a wounded animal and will likely bite if you try to approach.

So is this the first sign of a break up? Is the end in sight?

Probably not. People argue and fight, and that’s unfortunately just a normal part of any relationship. It doesn’t necessarily mean that he wants to break up, just that he needs a break at that point. It can be as simple as that.

However, if your relationship gets into a cycle of arguing and drama all the time, it very well may lead to break up! People spend time together to find happiness, companionship, and love. Not to fight and argue. No one likes to fight all the time and eventually, someone will leave.

Clash of the Personality Types

Some people thrive on conflict, and others avoid conflict. We are all different, which is really a great thing – wouldn’t it be boring if we were all the same? But here’s where problems can start…

Those who thrive on conflict, will debate a topic until they’re completely exhausted. Others simply hate fighting and arguing, and will do anything to avoid conflict.

So for obvious reasons, a relationship between a person who thrives on conflict and a person who always avoids conflict can quickly end in a bitter break up unless they learn to work together and respect one another’s boundaries.

3 Golden Rules to Keep Fights and Arguments from Destroying Your Relationship

Here are our 3 Golden Rules for resolving disagreements and avoiding fights:…

  1. Check your ego
    Fights and arguments are caused by the ego – your ego’s need to “win”, to “be right”. That’s how a simple disagreement or a regular conversation turns into a screaming match. He says something hurtful, she says something hurtful back, then you have to say something even more hurtful, and so on. It just gets dumber and dumber. Really. As an argument progresses, the collective IQ between the two people drops dramatically – at least is seems that way to an outside observer.
  2. Never use the word “You” to start a sentence in an argument
    Keep it about YOUR feelings, and never accuse the other person of what they did or should do. The moment you start saying “you did this” or “you said that”, the other person gets defensive, and all intelligent conversation ends on the spot. Game over.
  3. Agree to disagree
    This is one of the most important relationship secrets EVER. Here’s an amazing tip: you will NOT be able to convince everyone that you’re right on ANY topic. Fact is, we’re all individuals, and we see everything at least a little differently from each other. And that means, we’re occasionally going to disagree. The ego of course hates disagreement, so you end up fighting with people you disagree with and trying to ‘convince’ them why your perspective is obviously the right one. But how about this – respect others for their viewpoints and appreciate your differences, and move on. You don’t really have to change anyone’s mind about anything.

Relationship Advice for a Desperate Man: Do ALL Women Want Kids?

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Many men find themselves frustrated with dating and understanding women…

This is compounded if he doesn’t want to have children because many men assume that ALL women want to have children. It even seems that many women use the topic of ‘kids’ in the early stages of the relationship to test how serious a man is about their relationship.

So if you’re a man, who does not want children, how are you supposed to have any chance at a long term relationship? As soon as you say “I don’t want children”, the friction begins and the relationship ends soon there after.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I often find myself in the situation that I have eventually met a girl who is emotionally available for a long-term loving relationship, which is exactly what I’m looking for, when she brings up the topic “marriage and kids” in the early stages of the relationship.

What I want is someone to share my life with but know very clearly that I do NOT want to have children. I appreciate that most women have a natural calling to give birth sooner or later in life and can’t argue with that. As a friend once put it: “You can’t deprive a woman of having children”.

It often feels as if the topic “kids” is used by women to check if a guy is really interested in a serious relationship. As I do not lie about important things like that, the whole issue becomes an obstacle at a very early point and the relationship never really develops.

My question is: What is the best way for me to approach this problem? Do I just have to accept that it is not a good idea, at all, to start a LT relationship with a girl, because she might, at some point, want to have children?

Thanks for all your useful advice! Always good to visit your website.
Gert

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hQcI2qumOA[/youtube]

Should You Avoid Long Term Relationships All Together?

If you’re still young, say less than 30, you may actually change your mind as you get older. So saying very adamantly, that you never, ever, want kids is not only harsh, but possibly untrue. How can you possibly know how you’ll feel in the next 5-10 years? You can’t!

If you are however, absolutely certain that you never, ever, want kids, then what is the best way to approach this problem with your new girlfriend?

Absolutes are never a good idea, not in life, and especially not in relationships. Rather than telling her “Never ever, no way in hell!”, try a more subtle and less offensive approach, like “At this point in my life I don’t believe that I want children”. Don’t lead her to believe that you’ll change your mind, but there’s no need to be so FIRM either.

After all, the only thing you can possibly know for sure is that you don’t want kids NOW, and you don’t want kids in the near future.

Do ALL Women Really Want Children?

You see, it’s not that all women ‘want’ children, but society teaches them form day one that they ‘should’ want children and there must be something wrong with them if they don’t. Hopefully that’s changing as we mature and evolve as a society…

There is a very good chance that you will meet a woman who also does not want children. There are fewer women who feel this way, but they are definitely out there. A woman typically doesn’t make this decision until she’s a little older and these women tend to be the more driven and career minded. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with her decision, and she’d be thrilled to know that she’s not the only person in the world who doesn’t want children.

There are also many women who, for one reason or another, are unable to have children. I’m not talking about the adoption crazed mommy wanna-be’s, but the women who have come to terms with their situation and are actually OK with it.

One other point that is important to remember is…not to get so stuck on the ‘long term’. Enjoy what you have today. It’s OK to share a few years with someone and then go your separate ways. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed if you don’t spend the rest of your lives together. As long as you both enjoy it, the time will never be wasted.

Live your life for this moment. The past is already gone and the future is only a dream. This moment is really the only thing that is certain.

Will My Ex-Swinger Husband Cheat On Me?

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The swinger lifestyle is taking the nation by storm. People are suddenly realizing this isn’t just some obscure cult.

Rather, it’s regular people, many of whom are highly educated professionals, expanding their already happy, healthy, and often exotic sex lives to include what some are calling “swinging”.

The shock for most people comes when they realize their neighbor Joe and his wife occasionally get together for drinks and some kinky sex with their other neighbors Bob and Suzy from two doors down.

“Wow, that happens here?” Absolutely, and much more often than you think…

But here comes the culture shock… Eventually people “in the lifestyle” end up paired with people who are not really open to this type of sexual adventure.

For instance, a man who has previously enjoyed a very open sex life with his previous wife starts dating a woman who is not very open to swinging. She may try it once or twice for his sake, but then decide it’s not for her. Worse yet, she’s afraid he’ll cheat on her because he’s used to having more sexual freedom. So what can she do?

Time away from something you want does NOT make you want it less.

She can ask him to stop it and stay away from seeing his former swinger friends and playmates.

But just saying no to something you enjoy, whether it’s ice cream or swinging and other aspects of an exotic, adventurous sex life, will not make your desire for it fade. This is basic human psychology… take away something you like, and you want it that much more. This is why most diets fail.

Can you quit swinging and just go cold turkey?

Is the problem that he’s swinging, or is it more basic than that?

It’s not really about whether he’s been swinging in the past or not. It’s about the fact that he had a very liberated sex life and he may no longer be OK in the long term with a more tame sexual experience.

He may agree not to do it any longer, but that doesn’t mean he’ll be happy and content with his new sex life.

Sexual incompatibility is one of the biggest problems in many relationships.

The reality is that not all people are a match sexually, and that can cause all kinds of stress and relationship problems. And yes, it can lead to break ups and divorce.

It’s crucial to realize that you may simply not be sexually compatible with your partner. It’s not very common, but occasionally two people are just not going to be a sexual match.

Jealousy and insecurity is one of the few major issues facing couples in the swinging lifestyle.

Most couples who enjoy the swinger lifestyle do it BECAUSE they have a strong and happy relationship and a great sex life to begin with. And for these couples, jealousy is not usually much of an issue. After all, you’re either OK with your spouse having sex with another person (or multiple other persons), or you’re not.

But the jealousy monster can still strike. But just what is jealousy?

At the core of it, jealousy reflects a person’s inner insecurities that they are not good enough and their partner may find someone better. It also reflects the need to control their partner. If they control what their partner does, then they won’t leave or find someone else.

In reality, neither of these things is true. The best way to keep your partner from finding someone ‘better’ is to be truly confident in yourself and love yourself unconditionally – only then can you truly love another person.

So can you trust someone who’s been in the swinger lifestyle for years to go cold turkey and be completely monogamous and content with only his wife?

Here’s a question from a lady in Texas struggling with the dire possibility of losing her husband…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband has a rather extensive swinging history. When we first met, I tried it with him a few times but due to my own jealousy and insecurities, it was not enjoyable. I chose to not continue. We talked about it and he said that it was OK that he loved me and did not want to jeopardize our future. He said, “Then we won’t do it, it’s no big deal.”

Recently, I found out that he has been carrying on with a woman on the internet and recently tried to kiss a woman after he had had a few drinks. He said that he will always enjoy the lifestyle and that he misses it. Where do I go from here? I feel awful and very uncertain about my future with him.

I don’t need to have sex with other people to feel happy and fulfilled. I love my husband. Obviously he does not feel the same way.

Will time away from swinging help to get it off of his mind? I want him to be happy with me and our marriage. I don’t want to feel like he resents me or worry that he is going to cheat on me to get what he wants, needs and misses.

— Lynne, Texas

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvxyLshRlgw[/youtube]

Anal Sex – How to Make Her REALLY Want It

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Contrary to popular belief, a happy and fulfilling sex life is about more than just exotic sex games and incredible, earth shattering orgasms.

It’s about truly understanding the sexual as well as the emotional desires of your partner, and fulfilling those needs. This means paying attention to what they want, and doing your best to satisfy their needs.

The topic of anal sex is a real sore point for so many couples (truly, no pun intended)

Yet few are willing to talk about this issue, and fewer still are willing to answer their questions.

With all the bizarre taboos and social stigmas in our culture today, it’s no wonder that so many people have utterly dysfunctional and empty sex lives. In the true spirit of this advice column, we’ll cover this topic in an open and honest manner.

So at the end of the day, can you really entice your wife or girlfriend into trying anal sex, and what’s the best way to go about it?

Here’s a question from a man in New Mexico wondering how to conquer this sexual challenge with his girlfriend…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

How do I talk my girlfriend into having anal sex?

— Jay, New Mexico

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMJjXReFZUo[/youtube]

Why is it that so many men want their wife or girlfriend to have anal sex at some time or another?

Some guys can’t stand the idea, but for many it’s a serious turn-on. Maybe it’s just the forbidden aspect that draws them, the thought of doing something they’re not supposed to be doing, and getting away with it in secret. Or maybe not.

Regardless, for women, this is a whole different story. While some have tried it and actually even like it, most are unwilling to even talk about it… and they certainly don’t generally want to try it. Well, therein lies the problem.

So why don’t most women want to have anal sex?

1. Anal sex definitely falls into the hot list of choice sexual practices that’s viewed by many as taboo in our culture.

Basically there’s a lot of social stigma around most anything other than missionary position. So you just have to decide if you’re going to live your life and enjoy your sex life in a way that’s dictated by other people’s phobias and preconceived judgments – or are you going to follow your own path? What you and your partner share and experience in the bedroom is nobody’s business but your own, and nobody other than the two of you has a right to influence what you do and do not choose to do.

2. Many women are afraid it’ll hurt, and have heard it could even be dangerous.

Worse yet, they may have tried it before, and they KNOW it’ll hurt. Not exactly a good start to a sexually charged evening.

How do you approach the topic with your wife or girlfriend?

The first step is to actually TALK to her about it, openly and honestly. For some reason most men have great difficulty actually talking about sex with their partner. They’ll talk with their friends, but not with their lover. This goes back to completely open and honest communication – a MUST for a happy relationship and a fulfilling sex life.

Guess what – it doesn’t matter what your friends think about it, and what they would do in your place. Unless she’s up for it, you’re out of luck. Your best bet is to talk with HER.

But be ready to hear that she may not want ANYTHING to do with it. Period.

Can you seduce her into trying it?

Once you’ve talked with her, you should have a feeling for how receptive she is. If she’s apprehensive (or dead set against it), then your chances of success can be pretty slim.

Although trying to get someone to do something against their will is most always a bad idea, that doesn’t mean you have to give up on all your fantasies just because you didn’t initially get a yes.

Here are some ideas…

  • Bring it up when she’s already aroused. The more aroused the better.
  • Keep trying now and then, but without being too insistent or making her feel guilty. And whatever you do, don’t get into an argument about it. That’s a quick way to guarantee it won’t happen.
  • Put her fears at ease… let her know that you’ll be very gentle, and you’ll take good care of her. If she’s afraid it’ll hurt, then being reassured that you will take it easy should be a big help. Major tip here – be sure to stick to your promise and actually be nurturing, or your first time will be your last. Also, use lots of lubricant – that area of your body is not self lubricating, so this is a must.
  • A little “slippage” while in the heat of passion (read: while a certain lady is climaxing) may just do the trick. Again, this is delicate territory, so tread lightly. But sexual playfulness is tends to be a great stimulant in most situations.
  • Encourage her to be adventurous and experimental in your love making, so that your sex life is always getting more fun and exciting. But be prepared for what SHE may want YOU to try too. 🙂