foreplay – Page 21

What You’re Doing Wrong In Bed (And How To Fix It)

Foreplay is an essential, but no-one is asking you for perfection, honey. This isn’t about being a Casanova or a foreplay aficionado – though neither hurts, that’s for sure! No, what we’re talking about right now is giving your wife what she really wants when she’s at her most vulnerable and receptive, open and honest.

Fear

According to husband and wife team Kim Catrall and Mark Levinson in their book “Satisfaction: The Art of Female Orgasm,” which addresses the many issues that face the modern couple working toward a female orgasm, fear is a primary source of recurring anxiety and emotional stress in a lover’s life. I was terrified to tell my husband that I wasn’t satisfied with our sex life, scared that I would hurt him or cause the kind of anger and resentment that ultimately. This kind of anxiety breeds resentment and serious stress, both of which are the opposite of sexy.

Discontent

Open, honest communication is the bedrock upon the foundation of a happy relationship. Your partner will have good reason to be afraid to talk to you about their sexual experiences. We don’t exactly have the best reputation for effective communication. Dr. DeAngelis identifies ten archetypes describing rote male reactions to talking about sex that make women cringe, especially when it comes to talking about sex.

1. Mystery Men are vague.
2. Slippery Men avoid discussion.
3. Invisible Men withdraw and hold back.
4. Secret Men can’t express their own needs and desires.
5. Volcanic Men bottle up their feelings until they explode.
6. Vanishing Men storm out in the middle of discussions.
7. Commando Men bark orders and make demands.
8. Sarcastic Men make jokes and poke fun at women’s feelings.
9. Chicken Men lie and tell stories to avoid the hard talks.
10. Reactive Men always expect the worse and react accordingly.

Each of these responses to our genuine concerns about desire and satisfaction can cause deep emotional wounds that will fester and poison relationships without help. When it comes to talking about what we want in bed, if you aren’t willing
to listen, you’ll never learn.

Judgment

During my many years of study and exploration, I learned that becoming orgasmic really was my responsibility. Every woman should take the opportunity to learn her own body – but you need to be open to listening to and learning from her discovery.

If you respond to your wife giving you suggestions or discussing her worries with an attitude of blame, how can you expect her to want to improve her sexual experience with you? The pressure to perform when I knew how hurt or angry my husband
would be if he didn’t feel like he had “done his job” is what led me to begin faking it in the first place.

If you really want to know what your wife is feeling in bed, you need to learn how to tell exactly how she’s doing, take the pressure off her, and give her the chance to be open and honest about her experience. Communication is the key to a healthy relationship and an embodied sexual experience.

Divorce

Sex is rarely cited as a woman’s reason for divorce – only about 5% of female divorcees reported this as the cause (compared to 17% of divorced men). But the emotional effects of fear, discontent and judgment from a sexless or orgasm-free
marriage certainly contribute to the 27% of divorced couples with “emotional problems” and 22% who had extramarital affairs.19

There was a time in my marriage where I was at the end of my rope. I considered cheating and even thought about how awful a divorce would be if things came to that. I realized that the hard work it would take to learn and teach my husband about sexual fulfillment was a better choice than the easy route of finding someone else to give me a hand with the sex education. Put simply, my husband got lucky!

How Foreplay Affects A Woman’s Sexual Arousal

By loveandsex

Foreplay is the very first step in sexual arousal. How do you do that? Tease your girl into an orgasmic oblivion! There are a whole host of things that happen during the “foreplay” phase, all of which propel her further towards explosion. Here are some things to look for during that process, as well as what to do to get her moving smoothly along the path to orgasm.

What Happens To A Woman’s Body During Sex

As soon as your partner starts thinking about sex, her body begins to change. The hormone oxytocin overloads the brain in a rushing flood. This same hormone makes women want to cuddle after sex, and motivates them to bond with their newborn babies after breastfeeding. She gets ’emotionally stoned’ on this hormone according to author Theresa Crenshaw, and she needs more and more of it to flow through her circulatory system in order to orgasm.

As the blood starts pumping harder and faster throughout the body, the skin around her face, chest, back and inner thighs will start to flush, turning a deep pink or red. Some folks call this the ‘glow’ of arousal, although really it is more of a glow signalling readiness for an increase in stimulation than an indication of her proximity to climax. More blood gets diverted to her pelvic region as well with similar effects. The labia will turn dark purple instead of a mere flush. The closer she gets to orgasm, the darker the hue.

Why Teasing Makes Her Body React Better

Wherever she gets flushed, she’ll also become more sensitive, as there’s more blood flow to the nerve endings around her body. Nibbling her ears when she’s excited for example has a different reaction than when her body is unprepared. Her breasts and nipples get larger as she moves through the foreplay phase of arousal, and may take on a defined pinkish color as well. Playing with her breasts and nipples during this state increases the amount of oxytocin in her blood as well. In some women this is so prominent that she’ll be able to orgasm from this stimulation alone.

Vaginal lubrication begins during this phase as well, from two tiny ducts that line the opening of her vagina called Bartholin’s Glands. The lubrication helps both moisturize and prepare the vagina for penetration, not to mention getting the clitoris ready for full-on play.

How To Tell When She’s Ready For Sex

The best ways to figure out if she’s moved from the foreplay stage to a point where she’s getting ready to work toward climaxing is to look at her clitoral head. Keep a close look when she is not aroused; her clitoral head won’t be visible to the naked eye, difficult to find during fingering, or downright impossible to locate.

When she’s aroused, the clitoral head peeks out from underneath the protective hood, essentially saying, “I’m here and ready to come out and play!” Before her clitoral head peeks out she’ll prefer light, indirect touches, like light circles around the head, but not directly on it. Pressure along the front commissure is also pleasurable to help arouse her more. Once the clitoris emerges from its hidden place, you’re free to press with firm pressure and venture right for the nub of pleasure.

Why Foreplay And Preparation Before Anal Sex Is Essential

By kendallashley

Anal sex can be one of the kinkiest experiences for any couple to take. However, it can also be one of the messiest if not handled properly. Preparing for this kind of sex is a key ingredient to having a great time. If you have ever had a bad experience with anal sex then you know just how wrong everything can go. Being prepared for every aspect of the action will leave little room for surprises. Here is a prep guide to help you out.

Change The Sheets Beforehand

Darker sheets are recommended for this kind of sex sex. Lighter sheets are more likely to show stains. When you change out the sheets for a darker set, you are less likely to see any stains that might occur during the act. Choose blue, black or a dark green for best results. Sex has a way of getting passionate quickly and the last thing that you want is for her to look down and see a stain while in mid thrust. Change the sheets before you get started to add to the spontaneity and the aesthetics of the occasion.

Consider Using An Enema First

Using an enema first is a necessity for most couples. There are a lot of couples that do not do this, but most will. Depending on your partner’s diet and regular bowel movements, she will need to use an enema herself beforehand in order to remove the majority of fecal matter from her anal cavity. Some women even think that this feels good. Make sure that she is not over-rinsing her anus. This can lead to dryness inside her and cause micro-abrasions during sex. These micro-abrasions can lead to the passing of STD’s or bacterial infections.

Engage In Plenty Of Foreplay

Foreplay is essential for anal sex. Make sure that you’re not just shoving your penis into her anus before she’s ready. Start out with normal foreplay. Kiss her, suck on her breasts and give her oral before you even think about doing anything to her anally. Use your own spit on your finger and then ease it into her anus. This will get her muscles prepared for your penis. Make sure that she is relaxed during foreplay. It’s best to use a sex toy on her anus before you use your penis. Using a small vibrator or a dildo on her will allow her to relax the muscles and get accustomed to the size.

Use Lots Of Lube

The anus does not produce it’s own lubricant. This is much different than the vagina. In order to make your anal sex more pleasurable and less painful, you need to use a lot of lube. Get a bottle specifically for anal sex and apply it to your anus. Using lube on a sex toy before you enter her with your penis is the best way to get her accommodated to the size that will be inside her. This will also apply the lube to her anal cavity.

Use Condoms, Even If You’re Monogamous

Always, always, always use a condom for anal. There are two reasons for this. First of all, a condom is going to have less resistance inside her. It will react with the lube to make the experience much more enjoyable for her. Secondly, a condom will cut down on the chance of spreading diseases and bacteria. Even if you are in a committed relationship, the spread of bacteria can easily be transferred from her anus to your penis. More than likely, you’re going to want to penetrate her vagina during your session. Instead of having to wipe off your penis with a disinfectant, you can simply take the condom off.

Clean Your Sex Toys Well

After you have had anal sex, it’s imperative that you clean all of the toys that were used anally. The toys can house diseases and bacteria, so keeping the toys clean is essential to keeping you and your partner safe during anal sex. A lot of porn stars recommend running your dildos and vibrators through the dishwasher to kill off any bacteria. This will not work on some materials like Cyberskin. Glass and silicone dildos and vibrators can go through a dishwasher without incident. You can also buy cleaner to disinfect your toys afterward, however, antibacterial soaps work just as well.

Anal sex is a great way to keep you and your partner on your toes sexually. But you must stay safe and comfortable throughout. Anal sex is fun, but it requires a little preparation. Don’t be caught off guard. Stains and smells can easily ruin the session and anal sex for life. Following these guidelines will help you get through the anal experience with grace and poise.

5 Most Common Kissing Mistakes

By loveandsex

Kissing tips aren’t rocket science but you’d be surprised at how many guys mess it up! Girls are always talking about how bad guys are at it and wishing they could give them kissing tips. Are you making these fatal kissing mistakes?

1. Bad Breath

It just really ruins both your game and the mood. Knights in shining armor don’t have halitosis – they smell minty. You may be no knight, but that does not give your mouth license to smell like sewer. Bad breath is a major turn-off and a deal breaker, she’ll kick you back to the Middle Ages.

The easiest, fastest way to mask smell is thru mouth wash, mouth spray or mints. But if you’ve got rotting teeth inside, who would want to suck on that? So march up to your dentist and have it fixed. Yes, it will probably hurt, so get over it.

Drink plenty of water and stay away from stuff like onions, cigarettes and alcohol when you know you’ll be making out. (Brushing 4 hours prior is useless.)

2. Immediately Slipping Her The Tongue

There’s time for that. Play the whole game and begin with lip-on-lip action without the tongue. Relax your lips, and don’t push on hers like you’re grating them back to her teeth. Get busy with her luscious reds first, both the upper and lower sets. Make use of head and neck motions to slide lips past each other.

When you do slip her Mr. Tongue, don’t give it all away. Reveal him bit by bit. And when you’re already frenching away, draw him back every once in a while and make her chase you. Pull back and tease!

3. Ramming Your Tongue Down Her Throat

That is not cool. Passionate kissing is good, but thrusting too deep is highly invasive, you’ll make her gag. (When that happens, kissing’s over.) If she badly wants your tongue, she’ll be sucking and swallowing it down herself, so don’t force feed her. Keep focus on the first 1-1.5 inches of her tongue.

4. Thinking That Kissing Only Happens During Foreplay

Don’t leave all the kissing (and caressing) outside the bedroom door during foreplay. If anything, you need to hand-out more of those during sex, throughout the sack session. A woman will always want to be kissed, and everytime she recounts a wonderful encounter, it always involved a lot of mouth action.

5. Thinking That Kissing Only Involves Mouth To Mouth Action

This is rarely so. Around 80% of the time, the lips are not the target of a kiss. You can kiss virtually anywhere there’s skin. Neck, shoulders, back. Take advantage of your lip’s & tongue’s softness and make her body quake.

6 Naughty Truths About Explosive Sex She Wants You to Know!

By lloydlester

Sex tips from your girl are the best, because they’re spot on! But she won’t always give them to you! Here are six sex tips she secretly wants you to know.

Do you really know what women want during sex? There are too many women who complain about having bad sex instead of experiencing the heavenly pleasures of lovemaking. If you don’t know what women really want in bed (or think you are clueless), here are things you should keep in mind if you want to give her an amazing time in between the sheets.

1. Smell Good

A foul-smelling body can be a real turn-off in bed. Even if you have a body-odor that you THINK is appealing, get a shower! You should be smelling fresh and clean in bed, not like a caveman waiting to devour his prey. Now, if you are expecting her to give you great fellatio, the last thing you want her to remember is smelling bad down there.

2. Erotic Massage

An erotic massage can work its magic on a woman like no other. Women love to be pampered by their men and massage is a great way to heighten her sexual senses. Put your hands to good use after a bath together and give her a good rub on her back and thighs. This will be a great prelude to a night of passionate fireworks.

3. Assume Dominance

Even the most sexually adventurous women would love their men to be bold, dominant and sexually confident. They want you to set the pace and intensity when you make love. Take charge and try new things together, with one thing in mind: giving her an awesome orgasm that she cannot refuse.

4. Cuddle With Her

Don’t head off to sleep straight after a lovemaking session! Women are emotional beings. They want to feel special not just during sex, but after sex as well. A good cuddle will make her feel wanted and appreciated for who she is. Believe me, this can work magic into a sexual relationship. Most guys don’t do this at all. Be different, and she will likely let you go for round number two.

5. Be Ready For The Next Round

Well, you may have seen this coming, don’t you? Most women don’t request for a second round. But if the first one was so good – especially if you have given her an exquisite orgasm – be prepared to have a go at it again. Grant her this wish. After all, it simply means she adores you and she loves the way you make her feel.

6. Keep It Up

Need I say more? A rock hard erection will get any woman going. It shows how turned on you are by her, and epitomizes your desire for her. So give her the most amazing night ever!